Hellsing Order Q: The Trek Adventure

Chapter Nineteen: Finale

Disclaimer: I own none of the registered trademark characters or creatures in this story. This story is purely for leisure and not for profit.

"Our business is concluded."

Alucard hardly had the energy to raise his eyebrow, "Until the next time you decide to poke your nose where it doesn't belong, am I right?"

Disguised as Alucard, Q smirked, "No, I mean we're done, forever. We'll never see each other again. It's the final episode and they're not making any more."

Seras opened her eyes. At first she was hesitant to open her pretty blues. After what she'd seen and experienced in the last twenty four hours, she wasn't sure she wanted to have to look at any more alien warriors and bizarre dimensions.

It was exactly as it had been at the start of this little adventure. The doors of the Hellsing conference room were open; she stood there with Pip at her side. Integra sat at one end of the massive conference table while the Queen sat opposite.

Enrico Maxwell looked around confused. Only a moment ago he'd been in his hotel bedroom, miraculously cured of that infernal plague of Q's creation and now he was back in the conference room. He checked his watch; it was even the exact same time as it had been when Alucard arrived!

Sir Islands was very shocked. The last thing he remembered was being fired into orbit on a rocket motor, damn thing nearly gave him a heart attack. As long as he lived, he was never going to be able to read or hear about space exploration again.

Sitting on the conference table was the television monitor that the Major had used to contact them. Of all the people in the room, only he seemed to be brisk and cheery instead of shocked beyond all measure. "That vas quite a ride, nein? That Q, he ist a vild character."

Off the screen there was the sound of sobbing, "Ach, Warrant Officer Schrodinger, cease your veeping. Your hoden are intact again, vhat haff you to complain?"

To everybody else in the room, the Major assured them, "He'll be fine."

Somebody was missing, other than Schrodinger. Alucard wasn't here. His absence was every bit as stunning as each of the wild stunts Q had pulled.

Seras heart jumped into her throat. Where was her master? Had he really taken up Q on his offer? She hoped not. Even though he was a mother grabbing bastard, he was her master and he had saved her on the eve of the slaughter at Cheddar Village.

Suddenly there was a flash of light and team Hellsing was greeted by their star player. There stood Alucard, arrogant as ever and holding a pet carrier that contained a three headed beaver. In no way did he reveal how he truly felt, "What are you all waiting for? Let's get back on track."

USG Ishimura

"So what happened next?"

"Hey, who's telling this story, you or me? Just keep your pants on, I'll get to it."

London, England, Vatican Hotel residence

Maxwell entered the room; Heinkel was downstairs, getting the car. At last, they could leave this city which had turned its back on God ages ago and was steadily getting worse. He'd seen worse than protestants here, he'd seen unwashed immigrants worshipping heathen gods. The most disgusting sight was of the construction of a mega Mosque. The city was choked with Muslims, Hindus, Jews and other heretics.

If only he were the mayor of this city, Maxwell would take all the non-Christians, herd them all into a stadium and bomb them all.

Maxwell turned as he heard footsteps, it was Yumie. Strange, that side of the berserker nun usually didn't show herself outside of combat.

The berserker nun was always respectful, except now. "Get down on the floor."

Maxwell raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me?"

"I said lie down on the floor, you wop!"

Yumie's anger forced Maxwell to take a step back. Since when did Yumie use such racist language against him? Reluctantly, Maxwell started to get down on the floor.

"On your back, grease ball!"

Startled, Maxwell did not dare argue with a berserker woman who was holding a long, sharp sword.

Several seconds passed when Maxwell hesitantly asked, "Yumie?"

Whatever he wanted to say was cut off as the samurai nun kicked Maxwell in the stones. Maxwell gave a strangled cry as he saw stars and stripes. He curled on himself fetal style, bawling like a baby.

To his great misfortune, Yumie kicked him again in the same spot. She kicked him so hard it was like she was trying to launch his testes into orbit.

She gave him one more kick for good measure and said, "That's for peeping on me, you bastard."

And she left Maxwell to try and comfort his traumatized gonads.

Millennium base of operations

"If I vere given the choice to exorcise you or recruit you, vhich option should I take?"

Beetlejuice stood before the Major and a cadre of his best. Zorin scowled at Beetlejuice with all the intensity of Superman's heat vision.

The unhygenic ghost was less than impressed by the Major's choice of words, "Hold onto that though, tubs. 'Cause if you think you're going to exercise me you got another thing coming to you!"

Beetlejuice's teeth gnashed, they were like piano keys, black and white, "You'd better brace yourself for an endless parade of house spray painting, fire bombing, tire slashing, pissing in your meals and dead animals where you sleep! You're going to exorcise me, bring it on!"

Major had to admit, this strange specter had potential. He was disappointing in his rebelliousness and his appalling lack of hygiene but he compensated for it with his unrelenting spirit and blatant disregard for others.

Major wasn't put off by Beetlejuice's threats; the chaotic apparation was firmly locked within a spiritual barrier and wouldn't get out any time soon. "Regardless of how much you rage, it ist my vill alone vhich keeps you from being obliterated, but I see you have potential. You may join me or be cast into the abyss."

The captive ghost laughed, "I don't need your crap, whatever you got, bring it." He turned around and started searching his clothes for a smoke.

The officers of millennium watched as Beetlejuice pulled random objects from his pockets and dropped them, a dead rat, a live snake, a bottle opener, pre-chewed gum and a pair of false teeth stolen from a world leader.

It was lucky that the Major decided to speak when he did, because Beetlejuice was planning to drop his pants and moon his audience. "If you join us, you vill be party to murder and mayhem."

Beetlejuice froze as he finished unbuckling his belt, oh boy. Murder and mayhem were his favorite things in the whole world! He panicked and started arguing with himself. On the one hand, he hated taking orders from anybody, but could he say no to murder and mayhem? God, he hated hard decisions like this.

Finally, Beetlejuice spun around and demanded, "Alright, what's the catch?"

The Major smiled, fiery as this ghost was, he could be manipulated like the rest of the battalion, "First I need to know your qualifications."

What? Qualifications? That was one question that always pissed Beetlejuice off. He began to speak in a cultured voice, "Well, I'm a graduate of the University of British Columbia. I am the author of the Twilight Series. In the middle ages I took a job at the local church where I was assigned the task of castrating twelve year old boys to make castratos and I had a lot of fun doing that. I assassinated two popes and a janitor! When somebody pissed me off once, I killed their family and ate their dog, not to mention that fact that you're talking to a ghost!"

Beetlejuice then shouted, "NOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK? Do you think I'm qualified?"

The major brushed aside Beetlejuice's achievements, "I don't care about any of that. Vhat I vant to know, ist can you scare people to death? I vould prefer it if you could scare large numbers of people to death."

Beetlejuice scoffed, could he scare people to death? Could Ted Bundy act like a murderous freak?

"What do you think of this?"

Beetlejuice suddenly turned into something so frightening that even the Captain screamed. Then he changed back, "You like it?"

The Major grinned and intook breath, he'd love to see something like that roving the street of London. "I love it!"

USG Ishimura

"Hey, we want to hear about Alucard! What happened to him?"

Ash leaned back in his chair and explained to his audience, "What happened to Alucard? That's a good question. I have no idea what happened to the big red banana."

The one handed hero was currently aboard the USG Ishimura, a deep space mining vessel in the distant future. By his count, Ash had to at least be somewhere in the twenty-sixth century. Upon waking up here, Ash had thought himself to be in some sort of bunker.

First contact with the ship's crew had been rough; a lady with blue hair hit him with some kind of tazer. After initial violence with the crew and a good twenty four hours in the ship's brig, the ship's chief medical officer came to see Ash.

Ash did what any time traveler would have done, he'd told Dr. Keynes the whole story and been branded a lunatic. Specifically, Dr. Keyes had diagnosed Ash as "insane, but harmless."

So, here he was. Since they were God knows how far from anywhere, they had no choice but to keep Ash on their ship. After a period of good behavior, Ash had been allowed to act as clerk for one of the Ishimura's multiple shops, selling and buying all manner of futuristic tools and parts. Really, if you ignored the holograms, it was just like working in a supermarket.

With plenty of free time on his hands, Ash had told his story to anybody that would listen. This group of miners had been listening to Ash's amazing story telling skills for the past half hour.

One of the men, a Native American type fellow named Sam Irons asked Ash, "If you weren't there for all of that stuff, how come you know what happened?"

"Well, as it were, I just happen to be so important that the guy, Q, told me everything from the start and how it happened. Imagine that."

Another crewman, a drop dead gorgeous blond named Nicole Brennan inquired, "But Q didn't tell you what happened to Alucard?"

Ash nodded, "Yeah, he was a bastard, I'd complain but who'd listen? Besides, I'm surrounded by friends now."

A third crewman, Pendleton something or other, told Ash, "I don't make friends with mental patients. Are you taking those meds Doc Keynes gave you?"

Ash was a terrible liar, "Sure, I take them, basically."

Everybody had to leave, all of them had duty in one area of the ship or another. Ash was once more left alone with his clerical duties. It looked like it was going to be a quiet day today, since arriving on planet side for the next job, this part of the ship had been mostly devoid of people.

Shifting aside various boxes of tools, one of the holographic screens flickered on. Dead center of the screen was Q's face. Admittedly, Q and Ash hadn't known each other for long, but Ash was learning to hate the omnipotent being. "Hello, Ash."

Ash set down the box of plasma cutter clips, "Hey, did anybody ever tell you that you're like a dark cloud on a sunny day?"

Q responded with his trademark wit, "Oh, they think it, they think it, they just rarely vocalize it. And speaking of vocalizations, it's almost time."

"Time for what?" Ash honestly didn't want to know. He'd banished the deadites for good this time, he'd actually said the words right for once.

"Time for the screaming to begin," the holoscreen flickered shut along with the ship's main lights. Sure enough, Ash could hear it, the sound of screaming. He hated that noise, it mean that somewhere people were dying, quickly but not painlessly.

Old and painful memories started to rear their ugly heads and Ash began to sweat as the ship's red emergency lights went on.

Whatever was attacking the ship was getting close. Having no choice, Ash forced himself out of his state of panic. Fumbling, Ash popped open the box of plasma charges. Great, he had the charges, now all he needed was the plasma cutter. Of all the times to forgett where the plasma cutter was.

One scream in particular made Ash stiffen with fear. It was right outside the door at the end of the hallway.

The hallway door burst open and a female crewmember ran through screaming. Hot on her heels was something that used to be a fellow crewman.

Since becoming infected, the former crewman had gained a foot in height as well as an extra pair of arms coming from his stomach. The two pairs of the creature's arms ended in long bone blades. The lower jaw had rotted off but the tongue continued to wave and taste the air.

Out of a skull like visage, dead eyes targeted the women. This creature, brought forth from the dead body of a crewman and infected by something from planet side, had only one mission.

One of the necromorph's smaller arms groped outwards and slashed the women's Achilles tendon. Screaming in both fright and agony, the woman fell forward and hit the unyielding deck plates.

From behind her, she screamed louder as the necromorph's arm blade come down like a blur.

That was when there was a low, thudding-

-BUMPH!

A thin, wide beam of plasma temporarily ignited the air and severed the necromorph's limb, preventing a killing blow. On the deck, the severed limb twitched and then lay still.

The necromorph looked at the cauterized stump of its left limb and looked confused before turning towards the source of attack.

Ash held the plasma cutter as if it were actually meant to be used as a weapon. The wide barrel of the tool turned ninety degrees, allowing it to cut horizontally instead of vertically. A horizontal cut would be much better for removing heads.

Ash's fear was gone, in its place was cold confidence and hot plasma, "Yo, flood wanna-be, let's go."

Epilogue

Alucard sat in his throne, Millennium's attack was imminent, and of that he had no doubts. War would come and nobody knew who was going to come out of that alive.

Ridiculous, he was going to come out of the conflict alive, in a sense. Only he had the will to carry on and forth. It was his will and his tremendous ego which even now would never permit him to die. He'd never die. As long as there was someone or something to kill, he would never die.

He ate pain for breakfast and death for dinner; he was the monster of monsters, the very unstoppable evil.

He was not Q, he was not omniscient and he didn't know exactly how events would play out. Of one thing though he was certain, only the dead had seen the end of what Alucard/Dracula/Vlad could do. And when he was genuinely done, the afterlife would be a lot more crowded.

Alucard drank of the blood bag and toasted. A toast to uncertainty. This is not the end of days, God is not so merciful. The end is not here, not by a long shot.

The end.

Author's note:

I'd like to take this time to thank all of my repeat reviewers. You have been my meat and potatoes. Stay healthy. I'd like to emphasize that this list is in no particular order.

EZB

Lion in the Land

Shallowswan

Blacksand1

The Shadow Syndicate

Haissan

Lunatic Pandora1

Lady Nightlord

Shadow's Nightmare

To everybody that favorite, thanks for doing so. There will be a sequel to this story called Hellsing Trek: The Last Vampire. I won't say when I start on it but I will get around to it eventually. While you're on this sight, check out some of my other works, my oneshots or my epic story The Big Hellsing: The Forks Affair.

Ta

Master of the Boot