A/N: Hey, well, another chapter. I hope you like it. Oh and I'd also like to apologize for the cliff hanger. I was so anxious to get the chapter out I hadn't even copped that I'd done it. Sorry. Thought, it was good as far as cliff hangers go. Typical, I write a really good cliff hanger and I'm not even aware of it. If I tried to do it! Oigh!

Warnings: - Descriptions of self-harm, may include suicide in later chapters. Eh language, Pre- Slash. Rating may change. Yea that's about it for now. I will change this though if there's anything else.

Disclaimer:- I do not now nor have I ever owned the rights to Stargate SG-1. That lovely privilege belongs to the people in Gekko Film Corp and Showtime. I'm just borrowing the characters. Promise I'll return them good as new.

***

Chapter 17:

I get out of my truck and head up to Daniel's apartment. I knock on the door and low and behold Teal'c answers. "Teal'c! Buddy! Long time no see. Don't suppose I could come in?" I had expected the Jaffa to let me in but instead he stepped out into the hall and closed the door over slightly.

"O'Neill, we must talk."

'Oh oh', I think to myself.

"Sure, Teal'c. What's on your mind?"

"Daniel Jackson is on my mind."

"Oh?"

"Yes, you said you were leaving for his benefit. Tell me again how you intended to do that from so far away." I try not to look scared.

"Well, eh…" Alright truth time. "…look Teal'c. I, what I did was wrong. I know that. I shouldn't have left Daniel the way I did, but I felt so overwhelmed. I needed to get away. Clear my head. As selfish as the act was, I know that I can help Daniel better now. Now that I have a clear mind, I'm sure of it."

"Daniel Jackson has benefited from your absence in some way."

'What!' I think to myself.

"What do you mean by that Teal'c?" Was Daniel really better off without me?

"What I mean, Colonel O'Neill is that since you left Daniel has been improving. He is now working with a new found determination. He is working hard. Major Carter and Dr. McNally believe that he is doing this for you. Do not hurt him again, O'Neill or you will answer to me." With that Teal'c stood to the side and pushed open the door indicating that I could go in. I starred for a moment before walking through confidently.

"Daniel Jackson is in the shower. I will leave for the mountain now. You can watch over him tonight."

Before I even get a chance to turn around to Teal'c, I hear the door close. I've been thrown in the deep end. Right now it was sink or swim. That's when I heard the water turn off.

Daniel walked out of his bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. His head was bent towards the floor and he was rubbing another towel on his hair, getting it dry.

"Teal'c, was someone at the door?" Daniel asks not paying attention to me. I cough slightly and he looks up in surprise. I gulp.

"Eh, hi, Danny. How are you?"

***

Jack's POV:

I try to swallow again but my mouth is suddenly very dry. I don't know what's worse. Tittering on the brink of this very awkward conversation or tittering on the brink of this very awkward conversation with a near naked Daniel! I'm screwed.

Daniel is still staring at me, clutching at his towel as if it were a life line.

"I'll just…" I point out the door and walk swiftly, (defiantly not running here), outside.

I close it behind me and lean on it for a moment. Crap. I'm breathing deeply, my heart rate rising at an alarming speed. I need to get myself back under control before we have this conversation. Regaining my composure, I walk back into Daniel's house and into his kitchen. I'm about to put the coffee on before I realize, I might not be here long enough to drink it. Heck, Daniel might not want me touching his stuff anymore even.

I go into the living room and sit on the couch . . . a moment before getting up again. This time I pick the chair. Sitting down, I've barely planted my behind before I'm standing again. I pace for a moment then sit on the edge of the coffee table. No, that's not right either. Getting up I go over and lean against the wall. Nope. I can't get comfortable anywhere. As a result I'm left standing awkwardly in the middle of the floor when Daniel comes out of his room.

"Hi." I say again.

He looks at me. I'm kind of surprised that his face shows no emotion. I knew he could do it. Before all of this started, Daniel held himself together very well. He rarely let himself go. He never completely lost control, alien addictions not withstanding. Still, it was a surprise none the less. A part of me, a part I really hated, began thinking maybe Daniel really was better off without me. He'd obviously come a long way since I'd left. I should be happy he's getting better and yet, I'm not. Not completely. I guess there's this selfish, prideful part of me that wanted to be the one to help put Daniel back together again. By looking at him now though, I can't help but think, maybe I just made things worse from the very beginning.

"…coffee…?"

"Huh?" I ask when I realize Daniel's been speaking to me this whole time.

"I asked you, did you want some coffee?" Daniel asks again.

He doesn't look at me directly, he looks past me. Over my shoulder. I resist the urge to glance behind me . . . I know there's only a wall there.

"Will I be here long enough for coffee?" I ask him.

It comes out harsher than I'd intended. For a second I think I see him flinch, but then his mask is back in place and I wonder if it wasn't just a trick of the light.

"I'm making some coffee. If you want a cup, get it yourself."

This time I flinch. Ouch that was cold. I guess I deserved that though. I walk back into Daniel's kitchen, following behind like a boy sent to the principal's office.

Daniel starts the coffee maker and soon the smell of coffee hits the air. There is silence in the room. So much so that it deafens me. The only noise that is clear is the coffee maker and our breathing. I want to say something, but I'm afraid it will sound too forced. I'm very aware of the fact that unlike our other conversations, Daniel controls this one completely. I don't know if I should push or back away. Should I make the first move or wait for him. Should I get down on my knees and beg or should I just hope he will forgive me. Do I even deserve that forgiveness? Am I worthy of even asking for it.

I watch Daniel pour out a single cup of coffee and he moves back into the living room. Oh yes, my knees will be worshiping the floor this evening. I grab a cup from the cupboard and pour myself a cup. I'm going to need something to do with my hands. I'll need to keep them from just grabbing Daniel's shoulders and holding him to me. Hugging him with all I'm worth, feeling him, knowing he's real.

I shake my head and get control of myself once more. Picking up my coffee I walk into the living room once more, knowing that one way or another, after this conversation, Daniel and I will never be the same.

Daniel's POV:

"Eh, hi Danny. How are you?"

I freeze when I see Jack standing in front of me. This can't be happening. I'm in a freaking towel for God's sake. Before I can think of a response, Jack has spoken again and is out of the room so fast you'd think there was a Goa'uld on his ass. I realize I'm clutching my towel to me and I let my grip loosen a little. I hear Jack moving around outside my room and I get changed quickly.

Now what? I mean, Jack's back. I got what I wanted. So then, why am I not happy to see him? Well, no that's not entirely true. I mean, I am happy he's back. That's the whole point of me going cold turkey right? To know Jack would come back to me. To prove to him that I was capable of being his strong friend again. Yet, I find that a part of me resents that Jack left. I mean logically I know that I drove him away but, somehow it hurts more now that he's back. Before, well before I guess I had a purpose. I had something to work towards. Now though, now that Jack's back I guess I can allow myself to feel anger over him abandoning me.

I leave my bedroom dressed and see Jack standing in the living room totally unsure of himself. He looks completely out of place which is unusual. He's normally so comfortable in any environment.

"Hi." He says.

"I suppose you'll want a beer or something. I'm sorry to disappoint but I don't have any. Coffee will have to do." I say, however I notice that Jack isn't even listening to me. This just makes me angrier. "Jack! Fine whatever . . . I want coffee…"

"Huh?" Jack finally says.

I roll my eyes, "I asked you, did you want some coffee?" I repeat magnanimously. I can't look at him. I'm afraid if I do I'll lose control. I'm afraid I won't be able to bite my tongue. I'm afraid I'll say something I won't regret.

"Will I be here long enough for coffee?" He asks me.

It's said so harsh that I flinch, but then I get control over myself. I can't let him break thought my shell. Not yet. I wrap my anger around me like a cloak. Protecting me from the very person I know I should be able to talk too.

"I'm making some coffee. If you want a cup, get it yourself." I say, turning my back on his flinch. I walk into the kitchen and hear his soft footsteps behind me. I turn on the coffee maker and go through the motions mechanically. I feel Jack's eyes on me the whole time. I say nothing. Gathering my thoughts, making him wait.

When the coffee is ready I pour myself a cup and walk back into my living room. Jack can do what he likes. I sit down on a chair. This way I can ensure Jack will keep his distance. He'll have to.

I don't know what to say to him. I don't know where to start, but I suppose finding out why he did what he did will be as good a place as any. I really care about Jack. I care about his opinion of me. He's done so much for me, I feel like I'm throwing it back in his face slightly by acting like this. However, I know we have to have this out. As much as Jack hurt me, he also taught me something. In the last few weeks and months I've allowed Jack to think I have become weak. I let him think I was broken and maybe I was. Fractured at the very least, but no, I can't help but think Jack has less faith in me than he did on that first mission to Abydos.

Jack needs to see that I am strong. He needs to realize that I won't break. I understand that this maybe difficult for him to realize, after all he's seen me though one of the worst times of my life. It's not surprising to think that he's forgotten just how strong I am. No, I'm getting better now. I can feel it. The next battle is convincing Jack of this.

Jack walks into the living room, a cup of coffee clutched in his hands. Showtime.

***

Jack sits down in the middle of the couch holding onto his coffee cup. He's looking at the floor. It would seem like I am the one to control this conversation. I take a deep breath and begin.

"Why?"

He looks up at me, but his eyes stay downcast.

"Huh?" He licks his lips and takes a sip of coffee. I feel generous so I help him out.

"Why did you leave?" I say to him. I can hear him gulp and he takes in a harsh breath, as though he can't get enough air.

"I thought it would be for the best." He says after a while.

I glare.

"Bull shit! If we're going to have this conversation you'd better sure as hell be honest. If not you can just get out right now." I tell Jack. I'm right. I don't think I could stay angry at whatever reason he gives me, just as long as he doesn't lie to me. I've been so exposed around him recently I deserve, no I demand the same from him.

"Okay. Okay. Honestly. I can do honest . . . only, Daniel you have to bare with me here. I'm, struggling. You know I'm not good at this stuff. I can't just…I need to…I just…bare with me. Please."

I nod as he begs. I'm kinda surprised. Jack's normally so kept together. It's odd for him not to know exactly what he wants to say.

"Right, well. At the time I genuinely thought that it was for the best. NO, don't interrupt."

I close my mouth before I even utter a sound.

"Like I said, I thought it was for the best. I was freaking out, Daniel. I felt…trapped. I was drowning. You were having such a horrible time and I couldn't help you. Not really. I couldn't do anything to help you. You know me, Daniel, I'm a doer. I can't just sit around and wait for things to happen. When you used that lighter…" I hear Jack's voice crack. I'm not sure how to react. Before I make up my mind he continues.

"…when you used it, I felt like I'd been stabbed. I couldn't breath. I think I forgot how to breath when you did it. I dealt with it though. I thought, this was it. You'll come to your senses now. You'll remember how much that hurts and how you don't need to do it. I thought that would be then end of it. But then, you lied to me. YOU LIED TO ME! You implied that your were…well the point is you made me think you were, doing that…and then you came down into the kitchen and told me that the fucking lighter hadn't been enough. You told me that you cut yourself. AGAIN! Jesus, Daniel. Do you know what that did to me? All I could think was when will enough be enough? When you cut to deep? When you burn yourself past recognition? When is enough, enough?" Jack looks at me directly now. Right into my eyes.

I'm frozen in place. I hadn't realized Jack was feeling all that. What's worse, I don't think he's finished. When he started speaking again his voice was low. Dangerously low.

"I left because I needed go to get my head around you hurting yourself. I needed to convince myself that I wasn't going to lose the best friend I'd ever had to suicide. I couldn't do that, watching you destroy yourself." He's not crying, but his eyes are suspiciously bright.

What do I say to that? I'd thought he left, well I didn't know why he'd left, but I never expected this. I mean I was so certain he'd loss sight of the person I was, of the person I am. But that's not it at all. This is different. Standing up I move over to the couch to sit beside him. I don't touch him, but I'm close. I think he needs the physical distance as much as I do. At least right now anyway.

"I'm sorry." It's not much. It's certainly not enough, but it's all I've got.

"I know." He says in this defeated kind of tone. It breaks something in me and I reach for him. For the first time in who knows how long, I'm the one holding him. He slumps onto my side and I gladly support him.

He still doesn't cry. He's just taking comfort. I try to give him everything he needs. He's done so much for me. I'm still hurt, I don't think that will just go away in a day but, I understand now. I can work with that. I guess I hadn't truly realized just how much Jack gave me. How much of himself he gave me. How much of his strength…I guess I just didn't see.

Jack pulls away from me and takes a deep breath before letting it out again.

"So, now what?" He says.

I guess I still have control of this conversation.

"I don't know…I…Jack, I really am sorry. I've been so selfish. I didn't think about what I was doing, how it was affecting you. I kinda forgot that, you're human too. I started seeing you as someone who was infallible. I know your not, but for a little while there, I think I forgot." Jack looks at me with surprise in his eyes. I don't think he was expecting that.

"Oh. Eh, well, you're right, I'm not infallible. Far from it. I guess you can blame me for that too, though. I hid what was going on. I didn't let you see how it was all affecting me. I guess I wanted to be infallible…for you. I needed to be someone strong. You needed someone to lean on…" Jack trails off and I want to claim bullshit, but I know it's true. I did need someone. However, not any more. Things were going to change. Starting right now.

"Okay, you're right. I did need someone. We're changing things though. From now on, you need to tell me when it's too much, and I'll try not to lean on you as much either. Dr. McNally's here for a reason, it's time I started using him properly."

"Daniel, you can still lean on me. Shit, I don't want you to stop, to pull away…"

"That's not what I'm talking about Jack…" I cut over him. "…all I'm saying is that I won't be putting so much pressure on you to…feel you have to be infallible, as it were."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh. Look, Jack, I'm still far away from total recovery, but I'm getting there. I'm getting my act together now. If anything, I need to stop leaning on you so heavily. I need to remember how to rely on myself again. I've forgotten how to do that. I've been relying on you and the blade. I've not used Dr. McNally. Not really. The majority of the times we've spoken it's been because I've either lost my temper and blurted stuff out or, I've completely broken down and blurted stuff out. I've never really had a completely calm conversation with him. It's time I start. I need to take control again. I need to get my life back on track."

Jack sits back a little further and just looks at me. I fight the urge to look away or move. It's like he's analyzing me. I allow it. I know I've made an about turn lately, but his leaving pretty much gave me the swift kick I needed to do it.

"Okay. You do know that you can still talk to me any time you need to though. I mean there are still things that you can only talk to your best friend about, right?"

I smile at that. "Best friend?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Stop Danny, you know you're my best friend."

My smile gets bigger.

"I know. You're my best friend too, Jack."

"So, we're okay then? No more fighting. I'm…f-forgiven?" Jack looks so hopeful, I can't ruin it.

"…Yes, we're okay. But, you're only forgiven, if you forgive me. I've put you through hell, and never even said thank you. So eh, thank you, by the way."

Jack's whole face lights up. "You're forgiven. Right. Who's up for pizza?"

I laugh slightly at Jack.

"No, thanks, Jack. I think I've eaten enough pizza lately to turn into pepperoni. I have food in my freezer. We can eat that."

I stand up and go into the kitchen. Before I get to the door though, Jack is standing in front of me and is hugging me. I'm really not used to Jack showing this much emotion but I don't comment on it, knowing it would embarrass him. That means he might stop! I hug him back and we stand there for a moment. We both need this. Each knowing that the other is still there. Knowing that they won't go away. When Jack lets me go he coughs and walks back to the couch. When he sits back down he calls out…

"Nothing too spicy, Daniel. I can't eat spicy."

I roll my eyes and know that now, everything is going to be okay. We'll be okay. I'll be okay.

***

One Year Later

Daniel's POV:

I'm in my office with a tablet SG-13 just brought back. It's fascinating. I've been translating it for the last three hours. I'm supposed to meet Jack for lunch soon, hopefully I'll have the tablet translated, I really don't want to leave before it's done. As I read further down I notice that some of the words have become obscured. They are covered with a layer of dirt which has settled into the groves the writing has provided. Searching through my desk drawer I take out a scalpel like instrument. I notice how the light glints of the metal, making it shimmer. I lift the blade…

Thwack!

What the hell?

"Jack? What was that for?"

Jack is standing beside me, I didn't even notice him come in. He bends down and picks up the blade off the ground and looks at it intently.

"You don't need to do this any more, Daniel. It's over now. It's been a year and you haven't done anything. Oh God! You haven't have you?"

He reaches for my arms and I back off. I can't believe him. Where does he get off? With a temper I yank my sleeves up to my elbows and show him my scared arms. There are no new cuts. Jack seems to sag with relief.

"Good, that's good. What were you doing with this though? Please don't start this again. I couldn't bare it. Please, Daniel, come talk to me. You don't have to do this! Go see Dr. McNally, I know you only book appointments when you want them now, but he'll start seeing you again, I'm sure off it."

I figure I'd better stop Jack now. It's not fair to him.

"Jack…calm down. I wasn't going to cut myself. You're right I don't need to do that anymore. I don't need to talk. I don't need to contact Dr. McNally."

"Then what are you doing with this?" He asks me holding it out of my reach. I stretch over and take it from his hand. He's obviously still worried but he lets me take the implement all the same.

I walk back over to my desk and the tablet making sure Jack can see every move I'm making. I start to remove the dirk from the grooves of the tablet. After a moment I look back at Jack and see a blush coloring his features. I should probably feel angry at him but I don't. He's obviously still worried, but I can handle that, it means he cares. I want him to care. When Jack still hasn't said anything I lay the blade down and face him raising an eyebrow. I'm waiting.

"Eh…erm…sorry." Jack is about two minuets away from shuffling his feet.

"I don't do it anymore, Jack. I'm better. You know as well as I do that I have good days and bad days, but I've never gone back to the blade…or lighter before you even think of it."

"I know that Daniel…really I do. It's just well, this last week hasn't exactly been easy on you…I thought…"

"…You thought seeing Martin would bring everything back again." I finish for him.

"Yeah" Jack nods.

I sigh.

"Jack, sit down please."

We sit on the couch in my office and I take Jack's hand in mine. This is important.

"You're right, this last week has been difficult. Very difficult, but I've managed quiet well. Don't you think so?" I ask him.

"Of course, Danny. You know I do. Look, I'm sorry, I guess just seeing you with that damn blade brought everything back. You're really okay?"

"Yes, I am, Jack. Seeing Martin like that wasn't easy, but I coped. Besides, he's in jail now. He's been charged with battery and child abuse. We couldn't prove Linda's murder but, he's away now. He can't hurt anyone else. It's over, Jack. It's finally over. I'm not going to go back. Not now."

"I know, I'm sorry. I just get worried…"

I smile at that. Jack doesn't like anyone else to see his sensitive side. But it comes out when I'm around.

"I know. It's alright. Just don't do it again. I'm better, Jack. Honestly."

He nods.

"Now, why did you come into my office in the first place?" I ask him. There must be some reason.

"Oh yeah…" Jack smiles fully now, "…remember that restaurant you've been talking about non- stop? The one you say you can NEVER get reservations for?"

I nod. It's been so annoying. I've been trying for months to get a table and I just can't.

"I got us reservations!" Jack says smugly.

I smile.

"Serious?" I ask.

"As a heart attack."

"Team night?" I ask him.

"Eh…no. Actually, I was kinda thinking the two of us…" Jack trails off looking distinctly uncomfortable.

"Eh…you mean…eh…that is…Jack, are you asking me out? On a date?" I try to keep the hope out of my voice.

"If you don't want to that's fine. I understand completely. I know we're friends, but I was kinda hoping we could…ya' know…"

Poor Jack, he's really not good at this.

"I'd love to." I say with a soft smile.

"That's great. Really, really great. The reservation's tonight, 20:00. I'll pick you up at 19:30."

Jack get's up and leaves my office quickly. As though he's afraid I'll change my mind. He does look back however to smile again. A thousand watt smile. I can't help but grin back. Then he's gone.

We'll be okay. I know we will. It's all working out now. The alliance with the Metsoins has never been stronger. King Lamenkesh is even expecting a second child this year. Martin Larkin is behind bars and I've never felt stronger. Now, to top it all off Jack has asked me out. Things are going well.

"OFF-WORLD ACTIVATION!"

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A/N: Hey, well that's it. The last chapter! I know…how sad. It's been an amazing year and I'd like to thanks everyone for their reviews and of course my Beta reader SG-1 Mouse. I don't know what I'd have done without her.

Now, one or two points to clear up. In the beginning I had every intention of making it a slash story. It was pointed out to me that their were just not enough Jack/Daniel friendship fics. As it is, I happen to agree with that. Despite this, I've left hints of pre-slash between the two men throughout the story. I figured I might as well end on a slash tone. If anyone has a problem with that I'm sorry, but I want my story to be read by both slash readers and J/D friendship readers. I figured this was the closest I would get to a happy medium.

Finally, I doubt there will be a sequel, I won't say never though. There just isn't one planed right this minuet. Thanks again to everyone for reading my story. I enjoyed writing it. Perhaps you'll have a look at some of my other stories? Well, thanks any way. Bye. Martha x.