I have been told that my previous Max's have been out of character, some of the obviously and others not so obviously. Anyways, I am going to write this anyways because I'm trying to write him IN character, so… if he isn't, just point it out and give me some bloody pointers, because I don't know where I am going and how I am going to get there.
Kay?
"Listen! Listen!" Gerard says, holding his tiny radio. "Drive my car… Man, I love this song."
"Well turn it up for us, will you Gerry?" John says back laughing a bit.
"Yeah, yeah."
"I think I know this song..." Andy says, trying to hear over the jeep flying over bumps.
We're all sitting in the jeep, bobbing our heads to the fuzz that comes out of Gerard's radio. It's barely music. Every other note is drowned in white noise.
"Max, you got anymore of those cigarettes?"
I shrug. "I'm on my last box, man."
"What are you doing, waiting for Christmas? Pass 'em around!"
I hesitate slightly as the jeep jumps in the air and comes back on the ground with a thump.
"What was that?" John says, alert, looking at the driver.
"Pothole." He says back, annoyed at us already for the radio.
"Well pass the cigarettes, then, Max." Andy says, reaching for his lighter.
I look around and then reach into my pocket. A box of cigarettes comes out on my hand, and I open the lid and shake some out.
"Ah, sticks of utter glory." Gerard jokes, taking one and Andy's lighter.
There was another large bump, and Andy's cigarette falls to the bottom of the jeep.
We're all laughing, our own cigarettes hanging out of the corner of our mouths, when the crash comes.
We didn't even know what it was. It was just… a crash. It came splitting through the roof, making a sickening splintering sound, like Popsicle sticks and tinfoil.
Then we weren't moving in the jeep anymore. Gerard's radio wasn't playing. The blast was so loud, we could hear nothing.
I'm lying on the ground, my legs killing me. I scream but I can't hear myself. I see John; he's running up to me, grabbing my shoulders and pulling me away from the jeep.
My leg has another stinging pain, and I scream again. I feel the sound of ripping flesh.
"Sorry, man." John whispers. For some reason, I can hear his voice, but nothing else.
He lays me down again, and hands me a gun. He looks at me. "Shoot the others. Don't shoot us. And don't get shot." He nods for a second, and then says, "Thanks for the cigarette, man." And then runs the other way.
And then, suddenly, I'm not lying on the ground anymore. I'm flying above me, watching myself breathe on the battle field, blood all around me, and the bottom of my leg underneath a jeep.
I wake up, panting. My face is hot. I look around me. I see my dresser, and my clothes scattered on the floor. I close my eyes when I realize it was just a dream, but I don't go back to sleep.
I push the blankets off and step on the cold floor. My face is still burning, so I walk into the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. I look in the mirror and lightly touch my reflection.
I close my eyes and breathe. I sigh loudly and open my eyes again.
I open the cupboard under the sink and wrap my hands around the bottle of liquor that is hidden. I undo the top quickly and drink a mouthful down.
My eyes shut again and I listen to the drink slither down my throat. I look at the mirror and see my face covered in sleep and fear. I drink more.
I'm looking in the mirror. The liquor is finally starting to kick in. The corners of my vision get fuzzy, and everything in the room seems sharper. I reach out to touch my reflection again, and the mirror breaks when I touch it.
I pull my hand back, and then look at the mirror, horrified. I look at my hand and see blood.
Did the mirror really break? Or is this just a hallucination?
The sink is rattling under the cupboard. The bottle I was drinking from drops and shatters on the ground.
I'm getting more and more scared... I don't know what to do.
The light bulb pulls itself out of its socket and flies into the wall, leaving me in the dark.
In the dark…
So yeah, I know it's short, and the plot is weak. HOWEVER, I am trying to get his character just right, so if you could comment on that, please. I'm good at twisting and turning plots around, so hopefully I will get somewhere by the end of this… So…
What did you think? Is he in character enough for you? :)