-1 THEORETICAL BIOASTRONOMICAL AND TECHNOLOGICAL ANALYSIS OF THE IRKEN RACE

Synapses and disclaimers: As a scientist by trade, I feel that it is my duty to now present my theories and opinions on the anatomy and way of life of the Irken race. I have spent months watching my Invader Zim DVD's with a detached, scientific, objective scrutiny, and plying all of my education in the fields of zoology, cryptozoology, and theoretical astrobiology to create this work. Not for the bored-easy reader who doesn't like technical jargon. But to those in need of the science behind the IZ world, it's a good read! Again, this is a real, expert opinion on the biology, physiology, and technology of the Irken race. I am aware that there is a similar work out there, and to you, the writer, I did not intend any infringement on your ideas, nor did I intend to "rip you off" in any way. I am simply giving my scientific viewpoint on the world of Invader Zim. Also, I do not own Invader Zim or any characters thereof. They are the copyrighted work of Jhonen Vasquez.

PREFACE

First off, I'd like to thank some very important men in the fields of astronomy, astrophysics, and astrobiology (Or "bioastronomy", depending on which circle you like to run with.) without whom, this work would not be possible. Hal Clement, for his insights into what extraterrestrial beings might actually be like biologically, and his pioneering work in astrobiology, and demolecularizing the "little green men" mindset prevalent since the 1950's; Dr. D. Kent Cullers for his undying devotion to the SETI program; Bob Lazar, for his published work on an actual alien spacecraft at Nevada's infamous Area 51, a lot of us still believe you, Bob; Professor Stephen Hawking, a rockstar among physicists; and Isaac Asimov, for being one of the greatest minds in astronomy and physics since Galileo and Newton, and for inspiring me to keep watching the skies.

This work is for the rabid Invader Zim fan only. If you love the show so much that you have unanswered questions that eat at you like a cancer, this is the right text to read. If you want to know every science behind every technology used on the show, you'll more than likely finish this feeling very fulfilled. If in fact the questions of Irken biology are driving you bonkers, you are in the right place. If you don't care for the science, and the idea of biochemical reactions inside the digestive system of an extraterrestrial does not peak your interest, then stop reading now. Go enjoy a good Dib and Tak fanfic, there are lots of good ones out there.

"Why is Zim allergic to water?" "How does interstellar travel on the show take 6 months?" "What does a squeedledyspooch do, anyway?" These are some of the myriad of questions the show posed to many viewers, but few answers were given. Don't blame Mr. Vasquez. His job was to entertain, to create a great show. He excelled at both, creating a phenomenon. Sales of IZ merchandise is booming to this day, and the number of fanfictions, websites and blogs dedicated to the show are staggering. But yet, the questions persist. We watch an episode and say, "I wonder what powers that ship." And yet, the answers evade us. Until now...

Using profiles created by the top minds in chemistry and biology as to the chemicals necessary to sustain life, and their abundance on other worlds; analysis of data gathered by NASA probes sent to other planets and deep space; and exhaustive research on biology, astronomy, astrophysics, and theoretical extraterrestrial anatomy; careful scrutiny of the show; my own exhaustive works on astrobiology, and no small thanks to the works of Hal Clement and Bob Lazar, I have unlocked the mysteries surrounding the show. Indeed, by much study, four weeks of work, and some misappropriation of funds (when I should have been researching something else), I have developed a complete analysis of the Irken race including Irken biology, what planet Irk may actually be like, the technology at the disposal of the race, possible diets, mating, and other elements that have remained in the realm of speculation until now.

Though mostly theory, this work is not entirely uneducated guesswork and hypothesis, but has foundations in the most proven of life sciences and physics. Please, if you want to post a review, keep in mind that this is a work of scientific speculation, so be fairly civil. If I completely mess something up, tell me, and I'll correct it. If you think picking apart the show will ruin it for you, please don't read.