Unpredicted

DISCLAIMER: I didn't, obviously, create Sherlock Holmes or any of the affiliated characters or ideas. I would have to be quite old, indeed. XD

KS: This…is a one-shot. I've seen a lot of fics around here dealing with the issue of how Watson must have felt after Holmes returned in EMPT. This is something I never even thought of…I have to be perfectly honest, the things that Holmes does (in DYIN and EMPT for example) never really struck me as cruel. This is because I have somewhat of a Holmesian turn to my thoughts. (I suppose that's the best way to put it.) So, I'm going to write this…it will go on with the "Watson being hurt" theme. I think people treat Holmes unfairly too often...I think he's heavily misunderstood.

Enjoy.

Sherlock Holmes sat curled up in his chair, his black clay pipe between his lips, the blue smoke curling up to the ceiling. His grey, brilliant eyes were unfocused, and his lids hung heavily over them.

He...hadn't meant to...

When Holmes had arrived in Watson's consulting-room, everything had went exactly as he thought it would. Watson was overjoyed to see him—indeed, he could not remember ever seeing him so happy. Watson had been ready and eager to help him on the night's mission. He was thoroughly interested as Holmes told him the few details of his absence.

But here, a week later, Watson had told him that he was a bit hurt. He was hurt because Holmes had not trusted him. He had explained that he knew that it was necessary for the false account to be written as true, so he understood not telling him then. Watson knew he couldn't lie well. He had said that he understood perhaps not telling him when Mary was alive—at least, not for the earlier months of the absence. Watson knew, again, that he would not have been able to hide his joy, which would have stood out even more against the greif he had been going through.

But Watson had been upset. He fully understood the essential reasons, and knew that it was the way it had to be, but human nature was still bitterly wounded.

Watson had come to him and told him… He had said he wasn't going to tell him how it hurt him, but that it was too much to keep inside.

Holmes drew up further into his chair, wrapping his arms around his long, thin legs.

He was finding it difficult to understand. He…did understand…but he couldn't entirely feel the understanding……all he knew is that he had hurt Watson. And that had driven a sword through the fortress he had so carefully constructed around his heart.

He had not predicted this. If he had, he would have come up with some way to let Watson know without Watson's revealing his living…

But there was no way that he could have predicted this. The scenario was one of the heart, and his heart just did not feel that way.

He found it difficult to understand how other people were feeling, and how they would feel. He could read emotions on someone's face as easily as he could read letters on a page of the newspaper—but most of them were…well...

He took a long draught from his pipe. These thoughts were unpleasant, and difficult, but he must sort through them. He must make them make sense.

Watson was hurt. By him.

Holmes bit down on his pipe.

He did not allow himself to make friends—indeed, even if he did, everyone either could not tolerate him, could not understand him, or just annoyed him outright. But Watson was different. He was forgiving, understanding...he listened, he knew when to talk, when to keep silent, and was always looking out for others. Truly, there could not be a better friend than he. Holmes needed no other friend.

Holmes knew his own nature, deep down. He was a very loyal….even…loving person, if you could go as far to use the word, but those loyalties, those emotions…the people you placed them in would always let you down, and it would damage your judgement in the most vital of times. It had been proven to him, time and time again, by efforts of his own as a young man and other people's. But not Watson. He was what a friend should be. Serving, kind, forgiving, humble. Everything he couldn't seem to be.

But Holmes did love Watson as his dearest friend. He would lay down his life for him, and did it not say in the Bible that there was no greater love than that? That was as much of closeness and love he had ever felt, and ever would feel. And he…

He had allowed himself to hurt the only friend he would ever have.

Why?

The thought kept repeating itself in his head.

He knew why…he did not, nay, could not predict it. If he could have…he most certainly would have. On the return trip he had visualised a hundred ways that Watson would react. And, Watson had reacted at first exactly as he thought he would—exuberant joy at his return to life.

Watson wasn't angry. Watson had told him that. And besides, Holmes knew what anger was well enough. Watson wasn't sad. Watson was just wounded—hurt.

Human nature was like that. It didn't always, it seemed, need the most solid reasons for feeling anything. It did not always look at everything coldly, as he did.

But…Holmes supposed he shouldn't worry about it anymore. The most important essential had been given to him.

Watson had forgiven him.

Holmes's head raised slowly, his grey eyes excessively watery as they looked up at the ceiling, as if they could see through.

He still didn't fully understand…perhaps he did, but it wasn't quite the understanding he was seeking.

But the trespass had been forgiven. It was no more, and was no more to be thought of or brought up. All that was left now was for Sherlock Holmes to never hurt his friend again.

KS: Okay, that was hard. Putting feelings into writing is harder than speaking them, which is hard enough…XD So, I'm very sorry if it was a very vague, quick-fire sort of thing. Forgive me for the scatteredness.

And, of course, when I speak of LOVE here, I do NOT mean the slashy kind.

I wrote this, essentially, as myself—how I see it. All I did was put Holmes's name in there. It should, I think, be close, but really…review, and tell me what you think. I might edit it more later...but it's getting late right now...xD

Review!