Author's Notes: Hey, everyone, I'm back from the dead! This is what consumed my life for a month back in November. Now I'm trying to edit it with the help of a great beta, choosetodeam from livejournal. All remaining mistakes are completely mine, I'm such a lazy editor.

So please enjoy, and leave me a review! Thanks!

Disclaimer – characters are from the wonderful mind of Stephenie Meyer, I'm just borrowing them for a bit.

It was the proper thing to be here, so here I was. Not that I really had a choice. For I was the rich cousin of the acclaimed Dr. Carlisle Cullen, visiting from out of town. How could I be anything but proper, polite, and the epitome of gentlemanly behavior?

It's not as though it's against my nature to act as a gentleman. I've been groomed to live the part, that much is undeniable, it's just…tiresome at times.

Now, for instance.

"Now" being tonight's ball, held especially in the newest family's honor. It's a big deal when a new family moves into the small, posh neighborhood, and they must be treated with the utmost decorum. Or, in other words, a big party with lots of wine.

But, even that didn't particularly bother me, seeing as I detested wine and didn't mind decorum. The problem was, as often is, the girls. Ah, the fairer sex, always driving themselves half mad vying for attention. It didn't matter if the gentleman they sought did not return their favors, which somehow translated to them to try harder. And unfortunately for me, anything I ever said meant, "Try harder."

And to be even more specific, "now" there was a flirty brunette fanning herself rapidly, trying to catch my eye. She had never succeeded to really catch it before, and I didn't know what drove her to try again when she was doomed to fail. Just like every other lady here, she was entertaining thoughts on how to best catch a man – and most importantly, a rich man. If he had good looks and charm, it wouldn't hurt either - and I'm told I have all three. Why hadn't I made Carlisle say I was a ruined man, coming to him for aid in a desperate time of need?

"Edward," the girl cooed my name and dropped a polite curtsy. "Always a pleasure to see you at these functions."

I returned with a brief bow and answered the only way a gentleman could, "The pleasure is mine. Though I can't seem to recall seeing you before." A lie. I knew exactly who she was. My perfect memory wouldn't let me forget her if I wanted to. And I very much did want to forget her.

She cried out in mock pain, "Oh, you wound me! We were introduced just last month, at the Mason's ball. I am Miss Jessica Stanley."

"Of course, Miss Jessica." How quickly could I escape before seeming too rude? Luckily, a tall blonde man caught my eye at that moment and winked conspiratorially . That was as good an excuse as any. "I'm sorry, but it looks like Dr. Cullen needs me at the moment, if you'll excuse me." I bowed stiffly and escaped across the room. The room was not so large that I couldn't hear her huff at her friend in disappointment.

"Carlisle, save me," I muttered as I neared him. Carlisle Cullen was the top doctor in the community and I hear that nurses have a difficult time keeping their wits about them with the handsome doctor in the vicinity. And even though I have reddish brown hair to his blonde, we have the same gold eyes that attract so much unwanted attention.

"And what would a handsome man like you need saving from?" he asked, though he knew exactly what I meant. I wasn't always a gentleman at home, and he had been at the end of some of my…less flattering moments, shall we say. I rolled my eyes at him. "Come now, Edward, just because you can't court them doesn't mean you can't befriend them."

"I don't want to befriend them. There isn't an original thought among the lot of them." I gestured over to a flock of giggling girls. They were exceedingly amused by some poor girl's less-than-fashionable state of dress. While I was groomed to be a gentleman, they were groomed to be ladies. Pretty ladies for others to admire for their beauty, not for their minds.

And it was true what Carlisle mentioned: I couldn't court any of them even if I wanted to because I don't think any of them would take too kindly to finding out that their beau was a vampire.

That's right, vampire. Carlisle was one, too, along with his wife, Esme. It's a rather long, involved story, so, for now, it suffices to say that vampires aren't exactly what you might think. You can forget the fangs you've seen in the latest production of Dracula, and the silly notions about crosses and garlic. Those odd myths are simply one poor man's little lie that has undergone centuries of word-of-mouth. Gossip gone bad, to be honest. It's impossible for one community to keep a simple fact true for more than a few days as it gets passed from gossiping mouth to gossiping ear. How could all the right information about vampires survive centuries, countries, and tongues? It's no surprise, really.

But there is one vital fact that has stayed intact all these years, and that is the issue of blood. There is that part of me that craves it, and that part of me I must control. That part of me is the better part of the reason I bother to come to these inane parties. Aside from the gentlemanly front, it is good for perfecting my self-control. For while it is true that vampires are sustained by blood, I am not one of those monsters existing off of human blood. I manage to subsist using animal blood.

I don't want to be a monster. And no matter whose blood I drink, it is some person's blood, some person's life I'm stealing. No matter how evil that person may be, some part of myself dies with each life I take. Even with my gift, even with knowing exactly how malicious a man is, I lose a part of the humanity I'm desperately clinging to. And it's not worth it.

My gift, to be specific, is mind-reading. It is a gift as well as a curse. At first, it seems like it would be wonderful to know what someone else was thinking, so there would be no guesswork, and I know exactly what to do and how it will be perceived as quickly as a thought is formed. But every so often there is a time where you don't want to know what is going on in someone else's head. To be honest, that happens far more often than I would have expected.

So I have to endure moments like this ball, always knowing what others are thinking of me and always working on my control, always pushing it one step further. It wasn't all that long ago that I had tried a different route, and I needed this, needed to see what I was doing.

It also didn't hurt to build connections. Fifty years is a long time to spend alone. And that's almost exactly how long I've been condemned to this life as a vampire.

I sighed at the thought and turned my attention back to Carlisle. He was pointing out the people of note that hadn't been at the last ball I'd forced myself to attend. I was only half-way paying attention, but I could count on my memory – and the ever present propriety of introductions – to aid me when needed. "So where's the family this party is honoring anyway?" I asked, not really caring.

"It's not really a whole family, per se," he answered. "But there is another girl to add to your adoring fans." He smiled, teasing.

"Wonderful."

"The police chief's daughter has come to join him in town for a while. Her mother - his ex-wife - is on her honeymoon with her new husband. The young lady didn't think her presence would be…appreciated," he said thoughtfully. "Or so that's the report."

"Oh, so she thinks? That's something new," I said dryly.

"Do behave yourself, Edward," he said, a light reprove in his voice. "She supposedly quite the lady. Very well off. I haven't met her myself yet, but I hear the richest family in town has already paid her a visit. Well, the richest family in town's eldest boy has."

"Well, good for him. I hope they're happy together. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'd like to get some fresh air." I left him and headed for the balcony. More people had arrived, and so many warm bodies in one spot was getting a little overwhelming.

Out on the balcony, I leaned against the railing and closed my eyes, feeling the cool night air blow against my skin. It was blowing in toward the party, meaning it was fresh with the smells of the outdoors. If I focused on the scent of the pine trees, I could almost forget about the sweet smell of blood calling to that monster inside of me, and I could drown out the sounds of the voices swirling in and around me.

I could hear the inane thoughts of those gaggles of girls, whether I want to or not. Often not, as you can imagine. But it really is a gift sometimes, hearing others' thoughts. It was how I tracked my blood-victims before; I could hear their cruel minds at work in a dark alley, and it was all too easily justified.

But that is a past world.

It is sometimes convenient, like when Carlisle or someone needs to speak to me inconspicuously, but it's annoying more often than not. Especially in this kind of company. I suppose I am useful in finding those who might suspect something is not quite right with the doctor and his family, but that happens so rarely that I'm usually forced to listen to mundane things instead. Like those insolent girls - would they never stop cackling? I could hear them all the way out here!

I cast a dirty look in their general direction before turning back toward the smell and stillness of the pine trees. I must have been standing there for a very long time, because a voice cut into my solitude. "Are you alright?"

I have to admit, I jumped a little. I really must have been there a long time, lost in my own thoughts, if I didn't even notice someone come up to me. I turned to answer, "Fine, thank you," and excuse myself, but all I got out was the "fine." There was one of the girls standing beside me. No, that's not right. She wasn't one of those clucking hens, she was a new one, and she looked genuinely concerned for me. The chief's daughter?

I stared for a moment, trying to collect myself, but wasn't able to do so quite fast enough. Before I could apologize for my rudeness, another young man approached us.

"Ah, Miss Bella, there you are!" He held out his arm to escort her back in. "I've been looking all over for you. Your father wants to show you off to a few more friends of his."

She didn't look especially pleased at this news. I listened to her thoughts, curious at the idea of a girl who didn't enjoy showing off at every possible moment. Or at least, I tried to listen. But for some reason I couldn't quite pin her down. Frustrating. Maybe it was because there were too many girls scheming, and their nonsensical plotting was jumbling all together into a heap of nothingness.

At any rate, she flashed me an apologetic smile and a quick curtsy, and allowed herself to be ushered back inside.

Then the wind shifted.

Suddenly it was blowing away from the party, carrying the smells of the guests along with it. And one in particular – the girl who had just left me.

And she smelled unbelievable.

It was if all the goodness in the world, all the deliciousness was wrapped into one single scent. Every scent I had smelled before now was a memory of stale, rank, odors in comparison. Like I had never experienced the sensation of smell before. It was divinity straight from hell as the monster inside of me perversely agreed.

My whole body tensed the moment the scent hit me, and the sane part of my mind was indescribably grateful that she had just been whisked away from me and that I hadn't had the chance to smell her before that moment. Thankfully, she quickly blended into the crowd and disappeared far inside, leaving only a faint echo of essence. I turned to face the pine trees again, trying to clear my mind. The monster wanted to seize her right then and there, but that was unthinkable! I needed to get out of there. I held my breath. Even the echo of a scent was making my mouth water with venom. I gripped the railing so hard it cracked, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

I needed to leave, that much was obvious. I couldn't risk running into her again so unprepared. But did I risk getting too near her again in order to find Carlisle or Esme? No, they would understand. It wasn't as though anything could happen to me. I almost laughed at the thought of a mugger trying to win something from me as I would flee the scene. I could explain later, when they got home. And there were enough people that the host would not miss me leaving without giving my regards, or at least I hoped so.

I glanced at my surroundings. There were a few random groupings of guests on the balcony, so I couldn't just run off. I couldn't risk being seen. Or not being seen when I should be seen. If I ran fast enough, it would look as if I had simply disappeared into thin air. As much as I wanted to disappear, that was probably not the best idea. I did not need to sully Carlisle's good reputation.

But luck decided to show her face for a brief instant as someone from inside called for a toast. The couple nearest to me turned to look to the speaker and I grabbed my chance, slipping into the shadows. Once I was sure no one was looking my way – and could be pretty sure when I could read that everyone's thoughts were directed elsewhere – I leaped over the balcony and ran home without a backward glance.