Nayuki's Sorrow

By Laura Schiller

Series: Kanon

Disclaimer: This fictional universe does not belong to me.

Here I am once again, waiting. Sitting on that wooden bench in front of the department store, where Yuichi promised to wait for me. Promised and then disappeared, just like he did before.

The worst part is, I can't even be angry with him. I'm frightened – what if something happened to him? What if he got mugged? And deep down inside, the same sorrowful, patient question keeps repeating itself: Why does he do that? Just forget about me, as if I didn't matter in the least, and go wandering off on his own?

I know the answer: it's because he knows I'll always forgive him. And that hurts.

Sooner or later, he'll come running up to me, out of breath, with tousled hair and sparkling green eyes. He'll bow to me and apologize, as if he truly means it, and then we'll go somewhere and have strawberry ice cream, as if we were a real couple. And I'll forgive him, like I always do.

I can't help it...I love him. Not as a cousin, but as a man. And the one thing I long for more than anything in the world is for him to see me as a woman – a woman to respect, and appreciate, not to take for granted. I dream that someday he'll look into my eyes and say, "Nayuki...I'm sorry. from now on, everything will be different. I'll never disappoint you like this again, because...because I love you."

Someday or other, I know I'll get tired of living on dreams. Then there will have to be a change – what kind of change, I don't know. Everything or nothing – no more half-measures and especially no more uncertain waiting like this.

From now on, when I wait for Yuichi, I want to know for sure that he will come.