-1Remus Is Gay…Part Deux!

A/N: The glorious day has finally come! Besides the fact that this is of questionable sanity (not to mention quality) it is quite the achievement. Even if the minimal length is regrettable. Muchas gracias to TheOriginalHufflepuff, whose review just gave me an extra push to write this, and TheElementalWitch, my beta beyond compare.

"Sirius," Remus began. "I hate you."

THUMP! Molly Weasley was on the floor, Tonks had a decidedly out-of-place grin on her face, and the rest of the Order looked as though they had been told that aliens had taken over the Ministry and life as they knew it was over.

Come to think of it, life as they knew it just might be over. Or at least heavily scarred.

"You're just bitter because I OUTED YOU, REMUS!!!!" Sirius cackled manically.

"Oh damn, you've got me, Sirius. I'm a flaming homosexual. I mean, there's nothing like good man-love." Remus could barely keep a straight face.

"Amen, brother." said an enthusiastically clapping Dumbledore.

Snape looked as though he had finally went completely ape-shit. "WHAT??"

Dumbledore ceased his clapping. "Um…I mean, love is the greatest weapon we have?"

Just as Molly began to regain consciousness, Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus' neck.

"So Remus, I'd say this meeting is ADJOURNED!" Sirius grabbed his hand and led him out of the room.

The second the door closed, Remus slapped Sirius' grip off.

"You're an asshole, you know that?"

"Oh yes, but it was quite funny."

"Are you sober?"

"God, I hope not."

"Bastard."

"Mate, you've got some serious damage control to get through."

All of a sudden, Tonks appeared out of nowhere.

"One, Sirius, you're a wanker. Two, Remus, that was hilarious. Three, this will be a tough spot for you, dear. Fortunately, I have an idea."

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For the next three days, Tonks stayed at Grimmauld Place as the rest of the Order came and went, plotting Remus' course of action.

The Order members came into the house at a steady pace, geared with parchment and emergency whiskey rations. Remus and Tonks stood at the top of the stairs awaiting their cue.

"This is the most brilliant idea you've ever had." Remus said.

"Better than my lawn competition caper?"

"Of course."

The door slammed. "OK, that's Snape. Let's go." Tonks nodded at Remus.

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They stood in the kitchen, staring at each other until they heard a voice from the next room.

"Does anyone know where Remus and Tonks are?" Molly said in an uneasy voice.

Remus winked. Tonks winked back.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, REMUS! GAY? SO I WAS JUST YOUR COVER UP?"

"Christ, Tonks. I was strung out on PCP when I said I was gay. Sirius gave it to me. Don't know where he got it. Anyway, I'm straight. Which is why I make out with out with you all the time."

"Really, Remus?"

"Really, Tonks."

"Oh, Remus!"

She made a garish smooch noise and rolled her eyes.

"WELL, I THINK WE CAN START THE MEETING WITHOUT THEM." Molly was practically screaming.

"That was a beautiful performance, Sir Laurence Olivier." whispered Tonks.

"Quite an award-winning moment for yourself, Katharine Hepburn."

"Oh, Remus," Tonks breathed as she kissed him on the cheek. "You're so gay."