I was reading Thud! and thought the conversation Lady Sybil said she was going to have with Havelock about Sam's hours would be funny and since Terry Prachett hasn't written a scene with the two yet, I thought I might. And hope he does soon. And I tried to use spell check on here, but the dictionary on this thing stinks...
Disclaimer: (Pokes Librarian.) Ook ook, ook ook. Eek! Ook. (Translation: She owns nothing. Stop poking me! But wishes she owned Vetinari and ruled Ank-Morphork.)
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"Lord Vetinari?" Drumknott said, tapping on the Patrician's door. Looking up, Vetinari set his paperwork aside.
"Yes, Drumknott?" he asked, though he spotted Sybil Ramkin-Vimes behind him.
"Lady, er," a moment of whispering. "Vimes, wishes to speak with you." he said, understandably nervous. Lady Sybil was an impressive woman and when she walked in, she was nothing less than impressive, but the little boy with her was unmistakably Samuel Vimes son. He had Vimes brown hair, Lady Sybil's blue eyes, but the face was undoubtly Vimes.
"Can I help you, Sybil?" Vetinari asked leaning back in his chair.
"I wish to talk to you about the hours you keep Sam on. He's getting positively no sleep and he almost assaulted one of Sam Jr.'s toys last night." she said, her tone accusing. Havelock winced at her tone. He hated being accused. Not that he'd admit it of course.
"Now, Sybil. I have nothing to do with-" he was cut off by a raised hand and wail from Sam Jr.
"I apologize, Havelock, he's at the grabbing stage." Sybil said, who had taken a pen from Sam Jr., hence the wail of protest.
"It's quite all right, Sybil. I believe he can have this." he said, handing over a piece of paper. Giving to her son, Sybil raised an eyebrow as she caught the title.
"A petition for a pay raise for the Merchant Prince's?" she asked, amusement coloring her voice as her son chewed on the paper and tore it up.
"Now I can honestly say I lost it to a shredder. I do so hate to lie." he said, with a satisfied smile as small showers of shredded paper came flying down.
"I'm sure. Now about the hours..." Sybil said and Vetinari realized he wouldn't be able to steer the conversation away from her original destination.
"I have positively no say in what hours your Husband works. I certainly wish I did then I could keep him out of trouble. But as long as he gets home at Six to read to your son, I assume he sets his own hours around that. But you'll have to take it up with him." Vetinari said as he passed the bill of rights for the Assassin's over to Sam Jr.
"Havelock, you can't keep using my son for a Shredder." Sybil said, a smile lurking at the corners of her mouth.
"Why waste perfectly good magic when a two-year-old who likes to grab things will do the job much more effeciently and with greater enthusiasm?" Vetinari smiled at the shriek of delight from the two-year-old.
"Then have one of your own. Good day, Havelock." Sybil said, picking her son up and taking him away, paper and all.
"That's a terrifying thought." Vetinari murmured as Drumknott preceeded to clean up the mess.
---------------------Counciler's Meeting---------------
"What about our pay raise?" the Merchant princes cried.
"And our bill of rights!" the assassin's cried. Havelock Vetinari smiled.
"I believe I accidently gave them to the shredder." he said and smiled wider as their cries increased in volume and anguish.
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fin.
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Please R&R!