A/N: I am such a bad influence!
Disclaimer: I do not own FF-VII or Waffle House. Or pot. Seriously...I don't. It's not mine.
"DAMN!" Reno said making a beeline for Elena's desk. He picked up the package wrapped in plastic and nearly drooled. "That is a SHITLOAD of hash!"
Elena snatched it back. "Hands off, Asswipe," she growled. "It was confiscated from a rival company and Tseng ordered me to take care of it."
"Give it to me!" he said with a grin. "I'll take care of it for ya, no problem."
"Right," she said sarcastically. "I don't think Tseng would be too happy if I let you have it, you fuckin' stoner."
"I'm hurt," he pouted. "So what? You gotta trash it or something? Seems a pity." He opened up the package and sniffed a bit of it. "Oh yeah. Premium stuff, that."
"Knock it off," she said. "I can't just throw it away...otherwise someone like YOU could get a hold of it. Or some little kid...oh wait, same difference."
"Ha fucking ha," he said. He then grinned wickedly but wiped it off before she could notice. "The best thing to do is burn the shit."
"Burn it?" she asked, looking at him expectantly.
"Yeah," he said. "Makes sense, right? You can't trash it, you can't drown it, you gotta burn it to get rid of it."
"Well," she said, clearing her throat. "You are the pot expert; I just didn't think you'd know how to get rid of it."
He smirked. "Yep, no problem," he said, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet. "C'mon. I'll help you out. Get rid of this shit wicked fast and make Tseng proud of you."
Elena beamed. "Thanks Reno!"
Later that night...
Elena rolled over and stared at the blazing fire she and Reno had started nearly two hours ago. "Hey Reno?" she slurred.
"Ya 'Laney?"
"Think it's all gone?"
Reno breathed in deeply and grinned. "Yep," he answered, crawling toward her, stoned off his ass. He flopped down beside her and grinned down at her. "Tseng'll be proud."
Elena giggled. "Your hair is, like, so fuzzy and has weird colors in it," she said, laughing at the bunnies coming out of his ears.
"Your face looks like a boob."
"Chinchilla!"
"What...the...fuck?" Reno asked then burst into laughter.
Elena laughed harder then grabbed her stomach. "I have to pee!" she shrieked and dashed off behind a tree, giggling as she did her business. "RENO! Why is my piss purple?"
"Your hallucinating!" he called back laughing at her. She came back around and flopped down in front of him. "I tricked you."
"Wha'? How?"
"You burn pot, you inhale it," he said giving her a lopsided grin. "You get high."
"I'm...high?" she asked, shocked. He nodded. She laughed. "DAMN! I never knew it was so...cool!"
Reno high fived her, but they missed really, really badly and laughed until the fell over onto each other. She reached for his hair and began chewing on it. "God, I'm starving!"
"Quit eating my hair!" he yelled, yanking it from her.
"But it looks like cherries!" she yelled back. "But it tastes like dirt! Reno, I want some FOOD!"
"Me too," he said, yanking her to her feet. "C'mon...let's get breakfast."
She looked at her watch. "But it's only, like, 9 p.m."
"S'ok, there's a ton of places that serve breakfast all day."
"'Kay."
After WALKING to town (don't toke and drive, kiddies)...
Elena stared at the sign of the restaurant. "I'm not eating at a prostitution house!" she yelled. "Affle Ho? They even advertise their sluts are terrible! And they can't spell worth a shit!"
Reno fell to the ground laughing. "It's...a Waffle House!" he told her in between laughs. "Their lights are burnt out on some of their letters."
"Oh," she said, pulling him to his feet. "'Kay! Let's eat!"
They sat in a booth and ordered, drinking the water they were given and sucking ketsup packages like ravenous beasts until their food arrived.
Reno got his first.
Elena grabbed a fist full of eggs off his plate and was about to shove them in her mouth when he grabbed her wrist.
"Leggo my eggs, yo!" he snarled as the server brought Elena's food quickly.
"God, you're such a bitch, Reno," she said, throwing his eggs back on his plate. She started sobbing. "You can't even share with me! Do you hate me so much?"
"Shut up and eat your damned breakfast," he said tossing a useless orange slice at her.
After they devoured their first plate of food and their second plate was ordered, Elena grew thoughtful. "You know, I think eggs are the best things on the Planet," she said.
"Why?" Reno asked, making a creamer pyramid.
"Well, you can eat them by themselves or you can put them in other foods and make them yummy," she said. "They are super sticky."
"Smell nasty when left out in the sun and smooshed!"
"Yeah!" she answered cheerfully. "Hey Reno?"
"Ya 'Laney?"
"Thanks for helping me tonight."
"No problem."
Elena's phone rang and she whipped it out. "'Lena here," she answered with a slur. "Yes Sir, Tseng, Sir! I already disposed of it, Sir, just like you asked!" Her face dropped and her eyes began to fill with tears. "But...it's gone. No, it was...incenerated." The tears fell. "Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir."
She hung up the phone and threw her head in her arms on the table and sobbed.
"Wha'?" Reno asked, patting her head. "Wha's wrong?"
"Tseng needs the package back for analysis!" she wailed. "I was to get rid of it after it was analyzied."
Reno leaned back in his chair and laughed. "Well, we analyzed it, didn't we?" he said. "Call him back and tell him our findings."
"Which is?"
"That was some seriously messed up shit!"
A/N: Oddly enough, this fic was spawned by ONE line! If you can guess that one line, I will reward you with a gift fic of your choice! Review to win!!! First one to guess it, wins!