Chapter 71 - Daybreak

In the lull of twilight, the glowing, ball of moon was a brilliant beacon in the ebony sky, illuminating everything beneath it.

Sarah had been staring at the moon, for the past half hour or so, as if it were the philosophers stone. But there was no enlightenment to be gleaned tonight. Just a heaviness in her chest, and a gnawing fear in her gut.

It wasn't as if she hadn't tried to sleep. Once the sun dropped slow behind the somber hills, she helped gather wood for the fire, and then later, sat watching the flickering fingers of flame jutting upwards as if grasping at the nothingness around them. And when Jack rose, admonishing them to get some rest, they all obeyed, each one settling himself in a handpicked spot somewhere close to the campfire. There she lay, eyes closed and heart thumping in her ears, until she could lay there no longer.

This is why Jack, Frank and Daniel quietly slumbered under the star filled sky, while twilight found Sarah wide awake, staring up, but facing the hills.

She'd sent Sayid off to the others with a smile and a nod, and a lingering grasp of her hand in his that broke slow, and hesitantly. Then she watched him disappear over the hill, flanked by Kat and Miles. She wouldn't follow him this time, because she couldn't. This time she would have to have faith. A difficult thing to do when she pictured Sayid confronting John with Ben standing next to him. While her confidence had never failed when it came to her Iraqi, John was bordering on lunacy and Ben could manipulate his way out of the mouth of the smoke monster if need be. There could be no doubt that Ben could have not only talked his way free by now, but have John doing his laundry as well.

And as she watched Sayid walk away from her, she remembered the rain pouring down his face when she told him she had to go after John.

There was clap of thunder. A sheet of cold, white rain fell down on them like a pathetically bad omen. Sayid flicked his eyes up and down, head tilted to the side. He wiped his hand across his face, drawing a deep breath. "Sarah … that man is not your father. Listen to me …"

She raised her head, fixing her eyes into his. "No … you listen to me. It doesn't matter what you think about it, or what Jack thinks about it. It's not about any of you this time. It's about me and it's about John. So, you can back me up … or you can abandon me. "

He raised his chin upwards and then let it fall a little. "Then you're not going alone."

"Sayid."

"You've chosen to believe the people you've told me have lied to you your entire life. The same people who stole you from your parents, held you captive and did things that you can't talk about. You believe them. Do not argue with me any longer. " He shook his head. "It's not safe for you to go to him alone."

It wouldn't have mattered if she was listening to him then, those words could not have rang with the same clarity as they did now. Nor could the hurt in his voice have been any louder.

"Are you staying with them?"

She couldn't see past the blind obsession of finding this man. Past what she thought she so desperately needed to see the people standing in front of her. They'd sheltered her, protected her. They'd given her a home with them. He was asking her if she was going to abandon him, but she wasn't listening.

Eyes glued to the globe of white set so intently above, she was not so oblivious as to dismiss the unnatural presence settling in beside her. Her eyes fluttered briefly when He - IT - spoke. The voice, effortlessly dripping with all the creepiness a person could possibly suffer to hear, floated in the air like a cold vapor.

"You can't leave the island. "

She nearly smiled as she turned her head, the corners of her mouth subtly curling upwards, and gazed, emotionless, on the ruddy face and scrap of mixed blonde and red tresses.

"Trying on a new outfit? "

"You didn't get to say goodbye." He answered promptly without blinking an eye.

"Oh?" She nodded, answering to his stare with a firm gaze back. Yes, this was his voice, and it was his clear blue eyes looking at her, but this was not Charlie Pace.

"Well … somehow I don't think this is the same ... But thanks."

She'd answered calmly, as opposed to trembling and gulping breaths of air .. which is what she normally did whenever the smoke monster made an appearance. She was almost apathetic, and that both surprised, but concerned her. Had she become so numb to this that she'd forgotten to be afraid ?

Yet, however frightful it might or might not have been, there was no denying the poetry in the moment. The two of them, one lost forgotten child who'd been fumbling, helplessly trying to find her way in the dark and this mix of monster in the closet and spirit guide, perched there, together alone, between the waning of night and the breaking of day.

He took note of her curtness and replied with a subtle smirk. "Well, I suppose that's better than screaming and running off into the jungle."

He tilted his head a little, settling his eyes softly into hers. A faint, but not so unfamiliar jolt went through her when he crooned. "I'm not out to hurt you, Sarah. In fact, I'm trying to save you."

What would have been words of comfort, had they been from Jack or Sayid, or even from the real Charlie, draped over her like a heavy cloak of doom. Her apprehensiveness was controlled, but detectable as she swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Save me? " She choked. "You killed Eko. And in front of my own eyes."

His response was swift and absolute. ""Eko was a bad man - and he wasn't sorry for it."

What do you want from me?! Was what she wanted to scream, but she blinked while holding her breath instead, perhaps not so completely immune to the fear as she thought.

"Who are you to judge who is good and bad?" She scoffed, grappling with the confidence she'd so briefly tapped.

Holding his unbreakable stare, he leaned over so close she thought she would puke, and then answered coolly. "Sayid is a bad man too. And he will be sorry for it."

Just like Ben, this thing knew what nerve to pinch. She bolted upwards, turning to the side and ready to explode, finding nothing more than a swatch of soft grass and a puff of warm air stirring over her face.

The next voice she heard was equally as soft as the monster's. "Sarah? Who are you talking to?"

Fingers curled into her palms, she flicked her head towards the voice as she gulped. "What?"

Jack tilted his head. "It's just me Sarah. It's Jack. It's ok. "

"Jack?" She repeated as he reached for her.

"Yea." He reaffirmed, glancing down at her open palm and noting the nailmarks. "That must've been some dream."

She looked at her palms, Jack's voice echoing in her head. Who was she talking to? Jack wouldn't believe her even if she told him. Out rightly admitting that she'd spoken to a shape - shifting spirit, creature or monster that fancied taking the form of recently deceased people, Jack's father for instance, just wasn't something to be disclosed to a "strictly the facts Ma'am " guy like Jack Sheppard. He was a man of science, one who refused to believe unless he could touch, see, smell and taste it. And even then he might have his doubts.

So she blinked and then answered. "Charlie. It was .. I was talking to Charlie."

"Oh?" He moved in nearer. "I didn't know you two were close."

She smiled, familiar with Jack's style of jesting. "He was gonna teach me how to play the guitar."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She echoed, and then felt a pang of loss as if it were fresh. If only that were the real Charlie she'd spoken to.

He watched her plop back down to the sparse patch of grass, and then he joined her, there beside her, crossing his legs and resting his arms on his knees. Amber eyes narrowed as he turned his head. "So, what are you really doin out here?"

The aching pause seemed longer than it really was, as she shuffled her thoughts in her head and then she looked at him. Obviously, while he might have suggested that she'd had a bad dream and either woken up and walked to where she was now, or she'd literally been sleepwalking, he really didn't believe it. If only she could just zap everything she knew, everything she'd seen straight into his head … Maybe then he would understand. Maybe then .. He would believe.

"Have you ever …" And then her sentence broke.

"What?" He answered, holding his gaze steady into hers.

It was strange, how the world was such a big place, but yet small enough for her foster brother, father and maybe even her birth father to just happen to be on the same plane as she and then they all crash landed on the very island she had fought so hard to escape. Now, they were all there with Ben and all the crazy unexplainable happenings. Was it to end simply with them flying off the island together in a helicopter ?

There was Jack, eying her in the way only he could. A mix of keen sincerity and subtle intrusion. She drew a breath and then listened to the words float softly into the warm night air. " Do you think this is all coincidence Jack? Or have you wondered if there is something bigger than all of us? Something more than us trying to get off this island? "

She waited.

His response was numbing in that it inadvertently expressed an offense he'd tried to keep to himself. "So, is that why you went after him? After Locke? "

Sayid slammed his eyes shut and then cutting a glance to the side. "Jack!"

Jack shifted his head towards them. He'd heard, but was trying hard not to. Finally, he put his hands on his hips. "What?! What do you want me to do Sayid?!"

He then locked eyes with Sarah, seemingly having an argument inside his head. He ran a palm over his short blades of hair. "Let her do what she wants. She's goin to anyways."

It had been in in his eyes the moment they'd met up at the bottom of the hill after she'd caught up with him and the freighter people. He was her brother … At least the closest thing to it. But when he went head to toe with John, she chose John - She defended John. She'd hurt Jack too.

Her smile was sincere, but it reflected a poignant sadness within her soft-spoken reply. " I didn't choose Locke over you Jack. "

"I didn't say you did." He denied.

"Didn't have to." She sighed, and then she met his curious gaze with her own. "It wasn't about who I thought was right. You or John. Or about who is evil or good. It was about me. "

Jack nodded, lips parted slightly as he tilted his head to the side. "What does that mean?"

"John is my father."

"What?" He blurted, wide-eyed and face threatening to turn red. "Who told you that? "

She nodded. "That's what Sayid said."

She really didn't have it in her to fight with him, so she merely shook her head. "It doesn't matter now ... Whether he is or not."

"Really?"

She sighed at the sarcasm, understanding the true feeling behind it. "I wanted to know. It had nothing to do with who I think is right or wrong. I just wanted to know if it was true, and if he … If he already knew. If he'd known it all along."

"And?"

"He denied it. He said he knew my mother, that he knew me when I was a baby. But they never … Their relationship was not that way. "

"Well, there you go." He leaned forward assertively. " Look That man is not your father, it's crazy to even think it!"

She sighed again. He was so hot-headed and yet so sensitive, so easily affronted. She would have to say it multiple times before he truly understood. " I don't care. If he is, he is … If he isn't, he isn't. It just doesn't matter anymore Jack. I'm here. I'm here sitting beside you. I'm right here and not there. And I'm here because it's where I want to be. This is where I belong."

It was so urgent in the beginning. This push inside to run after her father. Maybe she'd hoped that if she found him he could undo all the horror that was Benjamin Linus. But, she'd been chasing nothing more than a shadow. Something hinted, but never fully seen. In the process, she'd wounded the two men who were there. Had she not completely grasped it until now? They genuinely cared for her. They loved her, and she'd hurt them.

She did know where she belonged, and it was nowhere near Ben, or this shape-shifting monster that taunted her, nor was it with anything or anyone else on this god-forsaken island. Alex made her choice. She'd helped Sarah, but she loved Ben. Alex would never truly leave him.

And as she was slowly determining not to look back anymore, Sarah's old life was fading.

Her eyes flicked upwards. The moon was melting into a dark purple glow that would soon turn pink and then blue as the sun rose up from behind them.

It was daybreak.

A/N : OMG I am back! I may or may not have any readers left, and I don't blame you all if you're gone. I've had all kinds of stuff get in the way between rl and computer issues. I started on this chapter and had it in mind to make it long like my other chapters, but it ended here and it seemed fitting so I left it that way. Plus it helps with where to start the next chapter. It will not be a long break this time as it has been. Thank you for reading and please review if you like what you see!