Hi guys! This chapter was ready on Saturday, but thanks to work and my internet going on the fritz, I couldn't get it up. But, it's here, and this is the first chapter I'm rather proud of. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

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The intrepid group walked out of the airport, their arms full of bags and other belongings. The sun shown brightly in the tropical sky, and some seagulls cawed far off. Ino hailed some taxis, and soon they were heading to the hotel.

"This place is gorgeous!" Sakura wowed. "Lush jungles, clear water, a huge dormant volcano, it's just amazing!"

"I'm more interested in the beaches." Ino sighed. Even if, by some weird happenstance, Sasuke wasn't going to pay attention to her, she was sure that there were some hunks on the sands. All that Sasuke was thinking about was finding his brother and shoving a kunai in his throat.

In car two, Naruto, Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Choji, and Shikamaru squeezed together. Ino flatly refused to pay for three taxis, and she wasn't about to let these people ugly up her ride.

"Stingy jerk." Kiba mumbled, trying to push Choji out of his way. Then a thought hit him.

"Hey, did she rent rooms for us?"

"I've got a room." Shikamaru said, "since Ino and Sakura got rooms for two. Though, if anyone wants to share a room with Ino, I'll gladly give it up." No one raised their hands.

"We're here!" The taxi driver said, pulling up to the building. It was a fairly impressive hotel, standing 30 stories high and built out of marble. The others got out of the taxi in front of them, and after a minute everyone was in the lobby.

"Welcome to the Red Dawn hotel, yeah!" the cheery blonde receptionist smiled. "We'll cater to your every whim, or else!"

"Or else what?" interjected Kiba.

"We get fired! My name's Deidara, your friendly and androgynous receptionist! Now, you all have reservations, right, yeah?" Ino and Sakura proudly displayed their tickets, while most of the boys just looked at the ground.

"Are there any rooms left?" Naruto whined.

"Nope, yeah."

"DID SOMEONE SAY YOUTH?"

Everyone was bowled over by the exclamation, and the potted plants Deidara had on his counter fell over.

"My plants! Yeah!"

"That couldn't be..." Shikamaru moaned. They got up to see Gai sensei, in his full speedo glory, proudly standing in lobby. The sun reflected off his teeth like a thousand polished mirrors, and the coconut oil that had been generously applied over his body was dripping to the floor. He removed his sunglasses, throwing them behind him in an epic fashion.

"N-no one said youth..." Hinata stuttered, a bit frightened.

"Really? I guess my ears are so youthful sometimes they hear themselves. Now, you seem to be in a room quandary?"

"Yes. There are no rooms left." Shino explained.

"Then you may bunk with TEAM GAI!" he shouted, bowling everyone over again. Deidara sobbed as his plants toppled to the floor once more. "Tenten helped us get the presidential suites, so there is more than enough room! Even so, Tenten said she gets one all to herself, so you girls must use the rooms you already have."

"Tenten was useful?" Choji asked incredulously.

"I know! I was surprised too!" Gai smiled. "Now excuse me, for I must TAN!" Deidara just threw his hands in the air in frustration as the plants fell over again. Gai strutted out of the hotel, which wasn't the best thing due to the speedo.

"I..saw...everything..." Ino whined.

"All right, we've got rooms!" Naruto cheered.

"And suites at that!" Kiba yahooed. "That means we have the best rooms in the hotel! But now we have to get our bags upstairs..."

"No problem, yeah! I'll just call the bag boy." Deidara pressed the calling button and grinned. "It'll just be a minute." Sasuke fixed up his hair and walked away.

"Where are you going Sasuke?" Sakura asked.

"To find Itachi. Now I don't have to worry about rooms. Watch my bags." And with that he was gone. Just as he turned the corner, the other remaining Uchiha came from the other hallway with one of those golden trolley things. Itachi's little square hat sat lopsided on his head.

"Itachi! What are you doing here?" Naruto gasped. Deidara was offended that everyone was upset that Itachi was here, but everyone was fine about his presence.

"I'm working. This is my summer job." Itachi promulgated. He loaded the bags onto the cart and went over to the elevator.

"Hey, I'm going after Sasuke. Here Choji, I'll just share a room with Sakura and Hinata. You can have my room." Ino tossed Choji the card key and ran after Sasuke. Sakura twitched angrily, but knew there was nothing she could do until she was all unpacked.

At the elevator doors, Itachi pressed the button. There was some sickening crunching sounds, followed by groans and some screaming.

"Is that norma-" Kiba began, but was interrupted by the sudden torrent of blood that came out of the elevator when it opened. It just seemed to keep coming. Sakura tried to stand up against the onslaught, but an organ smacked her in the face and she was knocked down. Everyone just sat there, dripping gore and unpleasantness.

"Oh my god, the hotel is haunted!" Naruto yelled. Itachi sighed and looked up through the emergency exit in the elevator.

"Hidan, get out of there."

"Oh man, jamming my body into the elevator engine to please my god was an awesome idea. Call me genius Itachi."

Without warning, Kakuzu burst out from behind a chair and started using his powers to sew Hidan back up.

"Goddamn it, you stupid partner, always cutting your goddamn self up like a goddamn masochist. Where the hell is your liver?"

"On the blonde haired kids lap."

Kakuzu snatched the organ from Naruto, and many disgusting sound effects and adjectives later, Hidan was whole. Kakuzu grabbed him by his neck and kicked him out the door.

"STAY OUT THERE AND DO YOUR GODDAMNED JOB!" the Akatsuki yelled. He turned back to the disturbed looking teenagers.

"I do apologize. Some of our staff here at the Red Dawn hotel are a bit...loose in the head. But I assure you, your stay here will be a pleasant one."

Shino felt something rubbing against his leg, and looked down to see an orange masked man in a chef's outfit. The man looked up at the curious Shino, and proclaimed

"Tobi's a good kitty! Mew!"

"TOBI!" Kakuzu shrieked. He snatched the weird boy off the ground and threw him at Deidara.

"He's your responsibility! Make sure he stays in the kitchen!"

"Yeah yeah..." Deidara moaned, dragging Tobi to the kitchen.

"Was Tobi a good kitty Deidara senpai?"

"Sure Tobi."

One short elevator ride later, on the 27th floor, Sakura, Hinata, Shikamaru, and Choji got off. Itachi showed them their rooms, and put their bags down. Shikamaru and Choji had the room way at the end of the hallway, while the girl's were closer to the exit. The elevator doors almost closed when a hand shot in and dragged Naruto out.

"Wah! Hinata?"

Hinata, with a crazed look in her eye, took Naruto into the janitors closet and thrust him up against the wall.

"Being soaked in blood is such a turn on. Wouldn't you agree, Naruto-kun?"

"Erm, Hinata...what the heck are you doing?" Naruto asked, backing up as far as he could. Hinata snuggled closer and licked Naruto's cheek.

"That's for me to know, and for you to find out." she whispered maliciously. Naruto gulped.

At that instant, the door opened and a blue haired Akatsuki opened the door. She (or he) looked very surprised, and slowly picked up the mop before closing the door again. The appearance of another seemed to bring Hinata back to reality, and she blushed before running out of the closet. Naruto sweat dropped, and went back to the elevator.

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Gotta love the Akatsuki. And you guys didn't think I'd try to write a humor fic without Team Gai? They practically write the material themselves!

In closure, I hope you caught the Shining reference. And I was surprised that promulgated was actually a word. See you next chapter!