Too Sexy For His Shirt.

Crewman Kelly, from engineering, had come up with this great idea to relieve the monotony of spending weeks travelling through empty, endless space - a competition to find the sexiest person on board Enterprise.

It all started when she decided to take photos of the senior staff, out of uniform, for the next issue of the ship's newsletter. Captain Archer was all for it, and as good as ordered the rest of them to agree. Naturally there were some dissenters - well just one, actually. Lt. Malcolm Reed thought it was completely unnecessary and made his feelings plain.

"Aw, c'm on, Mal. Where's the harm?" Commander Charles Tucker III tried talking his lover into changing his mind, but Malcolm Reed was adamant.

"No, Trip," he said, "I have no intention of posing for what are essentially pin-up pictures."

"The rest of us are doing it. You'll be the odd one out if you don't." Trip was doing his best, but Malcolm wouldn't be moved.

"Then I shall be the odd one out," he retorted. "It won't be the first time."

When Tucker told Kelly that Lt. Reed would not co-operate, she wasn't worried. She thought she would probably get him one way or another.

Kelly had great fun photographing the senior staff. Each one was posed with something connected with his or her job and Kelly took several different shots of each one, including a head-and-shoulders shot.

The Captain was pictured sitting in the command chair wearing a green, short-sleeved, knit shirt and jeans.

T'pol was persuaded to wear one of her Vulcan dresses, a flowing peacock blue gown, and she held a tricorder.

Trip ,of course, had to wear his most outrageously patterned Hawaiian shirt, with cream-coloured lightweight trousers. He held a microspanner. He would have preferred the warp engine but it was just a bit too big.

Hoshi Sato was happy to dress in one of her beautiful kimonos and to carry her universal translator.

Travis Mayweather was pictured in the gym wearing rather brief shorts and singlet,

and he was holding an old-fashioned sextant that was one of his most prized possessions.

Dr. Phlox posed with a hypospray whilst wearing his most daring outfit - a long-sleeved pink and purple shirt with his favourite 'mandarin' style collar.

Having captured six of the seven senior staff, Kelly started wondering how to get Lt Reed.

Her chance came on movie night!

Malcolm had agreed to go after Trip had told him there would be lots of explosions in it, - "and you know you love a good explosion, Mal." - that was the convincing line.

Trip rang the chime on Malcolm's door, all eager to take his lover to the movie, but when he saw Malcolm wearing faded jeans and tee-shirt, Trip was disappointed.

"Hey! I went to a lot of trouble to dress up for you tonight," he complained indicating his button up blue shirt and navy trousers, "and you've just thrown on any old thing."

"Oh. Sorry, Trip." Malcolm sighed. "You really look great. I do like that shirt on you." He kissed Trip on the lips in apology. "I didn't mean to show you up. Here, give me a few minutes and I'll change."

He turned to rummage in his wardrobe and brought out a black shirt and his leather trousers.

Trip sat down on Malcolm's bunk while Malcolm stripped off. The two had been a couple for over a year now and were quite comfortable with each other, although Malcolm was completely unaware of how delectable he looked wearing nothing but a thong. As he eased himself into his leather trousers, Trip felt himself getting rather horny.

"Gee, Mal," he thought. "you've just no idea what you do to me." He tried not to look too hard, (should I rephrase that?) but - well, he didn't think Malcolm would mind or he would have gone into the bathroom to change. So he sat and admired the play of his lover's muscles under his skin as he moved. Malcolm put on his shirt and after doing up just the lower buttons, which meant a good portion of his chest was visible, tucked it neatly into his trousers.

Trip gulped, and said, "I think it's time we went. We don't want to be late"

Together they made their way to the mess hall, joining the crowd of people already trying to get through the door.

"Hi, Malcolm, Trip." Hoshi Sato waved furiously at them. "We've saved you some seats."

"Thanks, Hoshi.", Trip said as they sat down. Travis Mayweather was sitting the far side of Hoshi, with two tubs of popcorn.

"Are you sure you've got enough, Travis?" Malcolm asked.

"Oh. yeah. Like I'm gonna eat all this lot." Travis grinned. "I got some for you two before it all went."

"Why thanks, Travis." Trip took the proffered bowl, "That was real thoughtful of you."

"What are friends for?" Travis sat back and put his arm around Hoshi, who happily snuggled up to him.

Two rows behind them, Kelly sat with Liz Cutler, looking at Lt. Reed.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Kelly asked, mysteriously.

"Yup!" was Cutler's brief reply.

"I'm going to slip out and get my camera." Kelly stood up to leave, but was stopped by Cutler's hand on her sleeve.

"Don't forget the pistol." she whispered.

"Good thing you reminded me." Kelly disappeared from the room.

Five minutes later she was back with both items in a small holdall.

"We've just got to catch him before he leaves tonight." Cutler said quietly.

"Perhaps we can get Commander Tucker to keep him here for a bit." Kelly said, hopefully.

"Mmm. It's not often we see the lieutenant out of uniform , and this is as good as it gets. Have you looked at him?"

"Yes, and there's one word that comes to mind Wow!"

"My feelings exactly."

"Shhhh." Their whispered conversation had started to annoy their neighbours. So they subsided to watch the feature.

Completely oblivious of the plotting going on behind them, Trip and Malcolm were getting involved with the film. Trip put his arm around Malcolm's shoulders and pulled him close. Malcolm was quite content to stay that way.

Malcolm was happy! He had actually leapt out of his seat and punched the air with delight at the explosions that occurred during the final moments of the film

"Wow," he said, "Now that really was well done. I'm glad you talked me into this, Trip."

"So are you in a good mood now?"

"Certainly."

"So we can go back to your quarters for a beer then, can we?"

"Not so fast." Kelly spoke up from just behind them. "If the lieutenant is in such a good mood, perhaps he would consider posing for some photos now?"

"What? No."

"Yes, Mal" Trip held his arm to stop him escaping and turned to Kelly, "Where do you want him?"

"Over against that wall. It makes a good background."

"Right. Stand over there, Malcolm, and do whatever Kelly asks of you."

"No. I'm not doing this, Trip."

"Yes you are, and if necessary, as your superior officer, I will make it an order."

"In that case, I would like it noted that I do so under duress."

"Do it under whatever you like, Malcolm, as long as you do it."

The next ten minutes were purgatory for Malcolm. He stood in the poses Kelly wanted, but he flatly refused to smile. He scowled, he smirked, he put on his most serious expression - but he would not smile. To start with he decided to button his shirt up to the neck, but Kelly told him not to, in fact she got him to undo another button. Then she gave him a phase pistol to hold. He looked at it with some surprise, wondering how she had got it from the armoury, then realised that it was a replica.

"Oh, great. Now I'm playing with toy guns."

"Just hold it James Bond fashion, Sir." Kelly asked.

He did, giving her his best scowl, not realising that in fact he was smouldering.

Looking through her viewfinder, Kelly caught her breath.

"Oh boy! This is going to be fantastic!"

Next she had Malcolm standing with his feet slightly apart, holding the pistol in both hands and pointing it straight downwards.

"I strongly object to this," Malcolm cried. "It is definitely not the way to hold a phase pistol. Someone might think I was demonstrating the correct hold."

"No they won't Mal. Just shut up and do as you're told." Trip was getting a bit cranky. He wanted to get Malcolm back to his cabin, and from the comments of people round about, Kelly wasn't the only one noticing how hot Malcolm was looking.

Kelly asked Malcolm to sit on a table, with his right foot on the table top, his left foot on the floor and his right arm resting on his knee. He automatically put his left hand down on the table behind to balance himself. With the phase pistol dangling from his right hand he looked - ah - well - Kelly was finding it rather difficult to take the pictures, the viewfinder kept misting up!

Finally Kelly closed up her camera and said, " That's it. Thank you, Lieutenant. I really appreciate your co-operation."

"I just hope it was worth it, that's all."

"Oh, I think we've got some rather nice pictures here."

Cutler sidled up to Kelly and said quietly, " I think those pics are going to be a bit better than 'rather nice'. Don't you?"

"Of course. But I wouldn't tell the lieutenant that. I think these pics will need a public health warning, they're so hot!"

"Here, Kelly, take your toy back." Malcolm tossed the pistol towards her.

She caught it deftly. "Thanks. It's a present for my nephew." She put it in the holdall with the camera and left the mess hall with Cutler.

"How about that beer, then, Mal?" Trip was waiting impatiently by the door for him.

"I don't know that you deserve it but..."

"You know I do really." Trip gave him that engaging grin of his, and Malcolm conceded defeat. They headed for the turbolift and B deck.