AN: Okay, I really don't have an excuse for this one. The punchline attacked as I was leaving work and the rest of the fic followed. Can I just say that the entire concept of an Ino-Shikamaru-Temari triangle irritates the deuce out of me? I'm sure it can be done well, I just haven't seen it yet. Anyway, this features a jealous Temari and a devious Shikamaru. Along with a slightly horny Ino.
WARNINGS: Het, femmslash/yuri, kissing, and mentioned gropeage. No dead people, yey!
The club is hot and noisy, the heavy bass of the music making the floor tremble under dancing couples' feet. The smell of cheap alcohol and sex makes Shikamaru want to wrinkle his nose, but he doesn't.
Ino's out there on the dance floor, working her way steadily towards the mark. A lot of people (like Hyuuga Neji) would probably be very surprised to know that yes, Ino can be subtle when she wants to be, and fairly seductive when she puts her mind to it. He's not too worried about this mission—it's pretty standard fare for him and Ino, and he knows her capabilities well enough to be reasonably confident of a smooth ride.
He's just backup, after all, a standby in case things go wrong. Might as well just kick his feet up and relax.
Of course, there's a kunai in his boot and he's been keeping careful track of the patterns of shifting shadows. Just in case. He's nothing if not practical.
But everything appears to be nicely on track for the time being, so he takes a sip of his untouched drink (and tries not to make a face—people drink this swill? Voluntarily?) and watches Ino dance.
"So, is it true that blondes have more fun?"
A lot of people would have been startled to discover Subaku no Temari sitting casually next to them at a nowhere bar in the middle of Stone Country when she was supposed to be approximately five hundred miles to the west and south, in Wind Country.
Shikamaru was not one of those people. So he just sighs and sets the cup back down on the bar. "Temari, it's not like that with me and Ino. We've been over this. She's like my—"
He's cut off as Temari kisses him. Aggressively.
He likes kissing Temari. It's always something of an adventure, wondering if he's going to come away with all of his teeth and his tongue intact. Breathing is prone to becoming a problem as well.
"—little sister," he manages, once she lets him go. "Aren't you supposed to be in Suna?"
She gives him a long look, ignoring his question.
He sighs again, feeling rather put-upon. "You do realize we're cousins, right?" he tries.
And it's true. His mother's maiden name is Yamanaka.
But Temari is undeterred and continues to give him that speculative look that makes him wonder just what, precisely, she's thinking. It always makes him think she's up to something.
He's usually right, too.
She swoops in for another lingering kiss, yanking him forward by his collar, then stands up abruptly. "I'll see you later," she says, in the sort of tone of voice that makes it something between a promise and a threat.
Later that night, and Ino is cheerfully stripping her mark and arranging him in an artistic sprawl across the rumpled bedclothes. Shikamaru has already found the scroll they were supposed to find and replace and is tossing it from hand to hand as Ino arranges the scene to her artistic tastes.
"Was that Temari, back at the bar?" she asks, straightening up.
He nods, rolling his eyes.
Ino steps back from the bed, examining her handiwork with a critical eye. Sometimes Shikamaru thinks she's pickier about arranging crime-scenes than she is about arranging flowers.
"She still think you're sleeping with me?" Ino asks, frowning and moving in to shift the position of the comatose man's leg approximately three-quarters of an inch to the left. Shikamaru can't tell the difference, but Ino's nothing if not a perfectionist.
He nods again.
"You haven't told her I'm queer? God, Shikamaru, why do you always make these things harder on yourself?"
He smirks. Shrugs.
"I could just feel her up, do you think that would help? Mmmrr, she's hot enough," Ino goes on lasciviously, tying her hair back up and straightening her own clothes.
"Hey, no feeling up my girlfriend," Shikamaru snaps. "Sakura would kick your ass if you did," he adds.
She taps her lips thoughtfully. "Yeah, too bad about that. Maybe I could grope Sakura in front of her? That'd get the point across rather efficiently, don't you think?"
"She'd still kick your ass," Shikamaru points out.
Ino's eyes go dreamy. "Yes, but then she'd do that thing with her—"
"Ino, too much information. Are we done here or what?"
She pouts at him, but nods. They're out the window and into the night, headed back to Konoha, another mission completed successfully.
"Seriously, though, why don't you just tell her I like girls?" Ino asks.
Shikamaru smirks. "She's cute when she's jealous," he says.
Endnotes: So yeah. Shikamaru/Temari is growing on me. Kinda like mold. And Ino/Sakura is already an OTP, so nyah.