Nine Volts short of an Electrocution
Summary: In the third episode Cavennaugh mentions he's sucked on a Nine Volt Battery. Because it's perfectly obvious that normal people suck on Nine Volt Batteries. Cavennaugh's normal, right?
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own Threshold, or there'd be a lot more cheesy situations involved, I promise you that. I do not support the use of Drugs. This story is M for Drug Use, Sexual Situations and Swearing.
Explanation 9: The SuperSpy Guy
Cav was on a top secret mission. He was dressed army fatigues for his mission, which happened to actually be fashionable at the moment. When he set out from his house, he'd been unfortunately held up by having to call ambulances for several girls; 3 had fainted, 1 had a heart attack, and the remaining three viciously fought like rabid dogs in an attempt to establish dominance over each other to win his heart. The ambulance people actually paid him to catch a taxi and get to base as fast as possible because they didn't want further casualties.
So our favourite mystery man was soon deep in the bowls of a plane with his faithful platoon. Lt Pascoe had indeed acquired a rugged scar to account for his broken nose and he was such a hit with the ladies that the men joked about calling him Lt Badass. They were waiting, somewhat bored, playing a casual game of poker, for the signal. If it had been any other platoon, they would have been nervous, but no, looking around, all Cavennaugh saw was mild concern, mild annoyance, and moderate amusement directed at poor Saunders, who had lost every game of poker so far.
The light flashed yellow, then white, then yellow, prompting the platoon to quickly pack up their game, and hoist on their backpacks. They wondered a minute about the light, but figured they were 'go' anyway.
"Ready?" Cavennaugh asked, looking to his troops.
"Ready Sir."
"Ready Sir."
"Ready Sir."
"I can't believe I los- oh. Ready Sir."
Cavennaugh rolled his eyes, straightened his pack, and hoped to hell the thing would work, before the light turned green. He pressed the button on the wall and the door opened into nothingness.
"Ready to jump on my command." Cavennaugh roared to be heard over the plane.
"Saunders, Go." Cavennaugh brought his hand down in combination with the yell and watched as Saunders, still whinging under his breath, leapt out of the plane.
"Rogers, Go." Roger's look of mild concern was quickly replaced with severe concern, but unlike the time he'd had to be pushed off the plane, he simply closed his eyes and determinedly stepped off. Cavennaugh was proud of him.
"Chambers, Go." Cavennaugh signalled again, as Chambers jumped off with moderate enjoyment, (which Cavennaugh combined under the category of moderate amusement).
"Lt Pascoe, GO!" Cavennaugh commanded, and the man jumped.
Finally, hitting the switch that would indicate he had jumped, Cavennaugh himself leapt out of the plane with the nimbleness of a young stag (Ok, he really just stepped out casually) and plummeted faster than light (Ok, at a normalish speed for jumping out of a plane) towards the ground with a fierce grin. About halfway down, Cav remembered he had a parachute, and decided now was a good time to open it. He distinctly hoped his troop had realised, he remembered good old Bensfourth, who'd had the unfortunate luck to fall to his doom. Unfortunately for Cavennaugh, his doom happened to be into a lake and Bensfourth had survived (albeit after breaking both arms and legs, and his ribs).
With more grace than batman, Cavennaugh landed on the ground, before looking around with a sinking feeling. Signalling with a torch, he waited for his comrades to make their way to him.
"Uh, Sarg, where are we?" Rogers asked, peering around him.
"Not on target." Chambers remarked stoically, looking around him for the missing landmarks they were supposed to see.
Cavennaugh cursed. What the hell had their stupid pilots been thinking!
In the pilot's cabin…
"And what does this button do?"
"Don't touch that!"
"What does it do?"
"Stop poking it! It signals the platoon that they can jump."
"Why is it going different colours?"
"WILL YOU STOP TOUCHING THAT!"
"Why is this light on?"
"That means the platoon has jumped… oh shit."
So yes, the platoon weren't supposed to have jumped. But it was too late now. Really, Cavennaugh was lucky they stumbled onto the operation by accident. They'd started moving west, in an estimated guess to try and make the point they were supposed to be at, when they found a group of men gathered around a truck delivering pineapples, of all things. The men were taking a smoke, and Cav and his men, snuck up to claim their prizes, delicious pineapples. (Hey, it beat their crappy military rations that's for sure). Investigating a terrorist ring took a backseat to decent food.
However, as they sat cautiously back in the bushes, eating their pineapples, Cavennaugh bit into something that was NOT pineapple. Nearly choking, he managed to spit out something that most definitely did not belong in his mouth. His troops were staring at him in shock, unused to seeing him choke, indeed unused to any expression that was not mild to severe concern or annoyance, or moderate amusement or enjoyment. Holding up a 9 volt battery, he stared at it in puzzlement. It was when Rogers also choked on something (he'd swallowed a piece of coated wire, and half of it was down his throat, the other end in his mouth, Rogers having to grasp said end and pull it out, to his comrades disgust) that Cav put the pieces together. He grabbed another pineapple, and with his machete (where he'd gotten it, his troops could but guess) quickly sliced it in half, to reveal a detonator.
"What the hell?" Saunders muttered, before halving his own half eaten pineapple. Inside lay a sachet of explosive powder.
"They are smuggling the explosives out in pineapples?" Pascoe exclaimed incredulously.
"Never underestimate the enemy." Chambers dutifully mentioned
"Alright, here's what we'll do…" Cav began.
So that was how, despite being dropped off course by more than 28 miles, they busted the terrorist ring, after posing as pineapple deliverers and single-handedly knocking out every terrorist by leaping on them from the trees with moderately amused war cries, tying them up, confiscating every pineapple within 30 miles of the operation and generally terrorising the community with their mere presence. To their moderate amusement, at the end of the whole fiasco, they all got promoted. He was proud of Rogers, Saunders, Chambers and Pascoe.
Cav never looked at pineapples the same way.
The End
Author's Note:
Thankyou for reading about Cavennaugh's crazy-wild 9 volt adventures. I hope you liked them!If you're reading this, review, or your house will burn to the ground in a mysterious accident. Don't ask how. Just review.
xoxo Lady11Occult