" MUCH ADO ABOUT DESITNY "
01. CHAPTER ONE
"Check out Luke and Han."
"What?" Michael Guerin looked up from the grill and the burgers he'd been flipping to stare at his gilrfriend, caught off guard by her statement.
"Those two," Maria DeLuca said as she pointed towards two men clad in brown robes, sitting at one of the booths. "They are obviously confused. A, the crash festival was months ago, and B, the Star Wars convention is in LA."
Michael stared at her blankly. "Again, what?"
"Hello Michael, Star Wars!"
"How is this important?"
"Michael! Jump on the pop culture bandwagon and take a glimpse of the duo that will soon be sued by the god that is George Lucas if they don't ditch the retro Jedi look soon."
Michael sighed and flipped a neglected burger. "I'm guessing this is one of your sci-fi movie references."
"Not just any Sci-Fi movie," Maria said as she continued to eye the wannabe Jedi, "the Sci-Fi movie. It's one of the greatest movies of all time. Uhg, I can't believe you haven't seen it. I swear, sometimes I seriously wonder about you, Space Boy. Remind me to make you watch it sometime. All three of them - it's a trilogy."
He rolled his eyes. "Fun. I'll add it to my list of things to do as soon as my shift's over."
Maria gave him a look and shook her head, grabbing the pad that she took orders down on off the table. She placed the pad in the pocket of her apron and strolled over to the booth that housed 'Luke' and 'Han.' "So boys, can I get you anything, or do you need more time?"
The younger of the two men, sporting unkempt hair and piercing blue eyes, looked up at her. "Mi boska di Zan."
For a moment, the blonde waitress just stared. It may've taken her a few moments, but eventually it clicked. "Oh my God." She slammed both hands down on the table, causing both men to jump, and leaned closer to the blue-eyed wannabe Jedi. "You speak Huttese!"
The younger man leaned back some, putting a bit of distance between himself and Maria. He exchanged a puzzled look with his older companion, then nodded in Maria's direction.
Maria grinned goofily and laughed. "Oh my God, y'all are bigger dorks than I am." She leaned away from the table, shaking her head in amusement. "Never again will I feel bad about seeing that horrid Jonathan Taylor Thomas flick, just because Mark Hamill was in it."
The other man, donning a beard and calm gray eyes, folded his arms and arched a thin eyebrow at the waitress. "Excuse me?"
Maria leveled him with the same look she'd used on Michael. "Mark Hamill. Y'know, Luke?" She pulled her pen out from it's place behind her ear and held it between her hands, swinging it around as she did her best to immatate the sound of a lightsaber.
"Sorry, but I don't believe we know anyone by either of those names."
Her hands fell limply to her sides as she stared at him incredulously. "Alright, you're either completely clueless when it comes to the Star Wars universe, or totatlly in character. Who are you supposed to be, anyway? Ben Kenobi?"
He looked at her, confused for a moment, before responding: "Obi-Wan, actually."
Maria laughed. "Sure, sure." She turned to the younger man. "And I suppose you're Luke Skywalker, Ben--sorry, Obi-Wan's Jedi in training."
His blue eyes held confusion as well. Slowly, he said: "No. My name's not Luke. I'm Anakin Skywalker - and I'm Obi-Wan's former Padawan."
"Someone's been reading a little too much fan fiction!"
The supposed Anakin Skywalker shook his head, waving a hand as if to shoo away the confusion that Maria's words brought. "This is getting us nowhere. We're looking for an An--"
He was abruptly cut off, as a another young woman came up behind Maria, grasping the waitress by her shoulders and spinning her around. "Maria, you'll never believe what I just saw!"
"Whoa Liz," Maria remarked as she regained her balance. "Taking an order here, or at least trying to." She cast a glance over at the pair in the booth, then shook her head. "Forget it, these guys obviously aren't ready. So, spill - what'd you see?"
"Remember Vicky Delany, the one Kyle was all over after I broke up with him - after the whole initial Czechoslovakian thing?"
"Of course. That blonde bimbo was hanging all over Kyle." She wrinkled her nose, "It was rather disgusting. I'm lucky I didn't go blind. What does Vicky Delany have to do with anything?"
"Nothing to do with anything Czechoslovakian related, but it is highly amusing." Liz Parker laughed as Maria made gave her an impatient look. "She got busted. For possession."
Maria stared at her friend in mock suprise for moment, then burst out laughing. "Get out! That's just too perfect. I knew the girl always seemed a little..." She trailed off, trying to find the right description.
"Mellow?" Liz offered.
"Like she was one of those people that camped out at Woodstock," she finally said. "Mellow works, too. Always found it odd how she was all nice-nice to you, when she was fully aware of the fact that you were Kyle's ex-girlfriend."
"I know! Well, I'm just glad that she--"
"Milk."
Both girls slowly turned back to the booth, where the neglected supposed Jedi sat, the younger of the two looking pointedly at Maria.
"What?" She asked.
"Milk," he stated again. "You asked us what we wanted. We want milk."
"Just milk?"
"Yes. Just milk."
Maria arched a curious eyebrow and echanged glances with Liz. "Alright," she said, as she jotted the order down on her pad. "Two milks coming right up."
Liz followed Maria to the counter and drew out two glasses as the blonde waitress retreated to the kitchen to retrieve the carton of milk.
Maria filled both glasses and set the carton on the counter. "They'll have to live without the blue dye," she remarked quietly to Liz.
"What?"
"Blue milk...oh, nevermind." Shaking her head, Maria grabbed both glasses, strolled back over to the booth, and placed it before the supposed Jedi. "Enjoy your...milk." Giving them the best smile she could muster, she retreated to the back to gossip a bit more with Liz.
The supposed Anakin Skywalker wrinkled his nose in disgust. "This planet unnerves me, Master."
"Why do you say that?" The supposed Obi-Wan asked as he raised the glass and sniffed it, drawing it back so he could eye it curiously.
"For one thing, their vehicles still run on fossil fuels, which is contaminating their air. Half the things in this place are clearly designed to break within a few years and this milk is white."
"What's wrong with milk being white?"
"It's supposed to be blue."
"I'm not much of a milk drinker, so I wouldn't recall. But," he said with a laugh, "I'll take your word for it."
"Sitting here is getting us nowhere. We should be out, asking questions and gathering evidence, it would--"
"Get us nowhere." Obi-Wan gave him a pointed look and the young man calmed, leaning back casually against the back of the booth seat. "Look, the tracking device is of no use to us since it burned up upon re-entry into this planet's atmosphere. Her prescence is strong in this place...she's been here. There's a good chance she'll come back. Right now, we wait."
"With you, we always wait. I like taking action."
"I know you do, young one. Patience. She'll come to us in time. Besides, if you were out there asking questions...I don't think anyone would be able to help you. If an Antarian were walking about these parts, one of the locals would be bound to notice. Eva'd stick out like a sore thumb."
"Most Antarians do."
"And here I thought I was a fanatic," Maria remarked as she glanced out the small window on the door at their only remaining customers for the day, seated in the booth. "Those two are absolutely delusional."
Liz laughed and shook her head. "Maybe this is a sign that you need to find a new fandom, Maria. I hear Star Trek is looking for some new fans."
"Oh, God no! Trekkies are far worse! Unless...you'd rather I be fluent in and speak nothing but Klingon."
Michael leaned in from the kitchen, sighing heavily. "Can we stick to English here?"
Maria ignored him. "Then again, Klingon is too rough sounding. It's all throaty. Huttese is much prettier. Rolls off the tongue nice and smooth. Klingon is one of the many reasons why I could never be a Trekkie."
"Yo, Frick and Frack," Michael snapped impatiently at Liz and Maria. "Unless we want to turn the Crashdown into a bed and breakfast, I suggest you go inform those two out there that it's closing. 'Cause I ain't cooking anything else."
"Frick and Frack?" Maria leveled him again with that same, disappointed look. "You make a Battlestar Galactica reference, but have no clue as to what Star Wars is? Dear God, where have you been?"
"Stuck here in Roswell, that's the problem."
"I'm not going to even dignify that with a response."
Liz stood and moved for the door, but Maria stopped her.
"Today's your day off," she said to her friend. "Let me go take care of Vader and Ben, and you stay in here and help ET--" she gestured to Michael with her head, "--phone home."
Liz stepped aside and let Maria pass. "Wait. I thought she said they were Anakin and Obi-Wan." She looked over at Michael for an answer.
Michael held up his hands. "Don't ask me, I'm clueless when it comes to this Star Trek nonsense."
"Wars," Liz corrected.
"Whatever."
"...nothing compared to the six you've lost."
"Hey, now. Five. The fifth one didn't count. I didn't loose it...it, got cut off. And that wasn't exactly my fault. The Geo--"
"Am interrupting something?" Maria stepped up next to the booth, eyeing the two suspiciously. Her eyes fell upon the silver object that was held in Anakin's gloved hand. "Oh, I so hope that's one of those imitation lightsabers."
"Imitation?"
"Yes, imitation. Fake. Bandai, action satisfaction. ...wait, that just made my brain dive even farther off the badness cliff."
Anakin quickly returned his 'imitation' lightsaber to his belt and exchanged confused glances with Obi-Wan, before turning to Maria. "I beg your pardon?"
"Wait, George Lucas doesn't feed Star Wars toys through Bandai..." Maria trailed off and returned her attention back to the pair when Obi-Wan reached out and tapped her arm. "Oh, sorry. I was rambling. It's late...which, brings me to my point. We're closing. Time to leave." She held her hand out towards the exit. "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."
"I was afraid of that," Anakin muttered under his breath. Obi-Wan threw a look at him and he stiffened knowingly. "Shutting up."
"Yes," Obi-Wan said in Anakin's direction as they both stood. He turned to Maria, "How much do we owe you for the white milk?"
"White...okay. Uh, two dollars even."
He drew out a wad of bills and flipped through them, pulling out two and handing them to Maria. "There we are." He smiled in accomplishment and stepped out of the booth and began walking towards the door. "Come along, Pada--Anakin."
Maria watched as Anakin glowered and strolled away from the booth. When the two were finally at the door, she glanced down at the money in her hand. "Wait, did he just give me two tens?" She looked up to call out for them to wait, but they were already gone.
"That was useless."
Obi-Wan sighed. "You can't expect things to happen right away, Anakin. Be patient. You still have much to learn."
"Perhaps...but I am not your Padawan anymore." Anakin said in annoyance, recalling the slip that Obi-Wan almost made back at the Crashdown.
"It's only been a short while since you've been knighted. I've just barely gotten used to the fact that I can't order you around anymore." He meant for that last part to be a joke, but Anakin continued to glower. "Always so serious... You know, you've almost grown out enough hair to start another Padawan braid."
"As opposed to your hair, which is retreating into your skull."
Obi-Wan stopped, turning to face his former Padawan. "Why Anakin, was that a joke? I thought you were pouting."
Anakin's eyes narrowed. "No, a fact. And I am not pouting. Jedi do not pout."
"Then perhaps you should stop." Obi-Wan turned back around, continuing out down the highway, towards the desert. "Relax, we'll go back tomorrow. If she doesn't appear within a week, we'll try things...your way."
The younger Jedi was silent for a moment, holding himself back from snapping, 'We should've started out doing things my way.' Instead, he replied with: "Yes, Master."
"Rest assured, we will complete our mission. We will find Queen Ava."
"I agree." Anakin fell into step beside his former Master, his face now calm. "One thing's for sure, Master."
"What's that?"
"Earth, while it is a primitive world, is better than half the planets within the Outer Rim. Even if they do have odd colored milk."
TO BE CONTINUED...
"Roswell" is © Jason Katims; "Star Wars" is © George Lucas.
09.26.2005, edited 05.03.2007