Happy Fourth of July, readers! WHOOT!!
Okay, so you're all probably pretty peeved at me for taking forever to update. I'm sowwies! -gives the cutest, saddest puppy-dog eyes she can muster- But the chapter's finally here, so you can all be happy and rejoice!
Unfortunately, I have some terrible news to report before we can get to the chapter. As many of you know, I am an OBSESSIVE Tucker fangirl. And until quite recently, he was living out his lovely vacation from filming Danny Phantom episodes in my closet.
TUCKER HAS ESCAPED.
It's a long story how, but I'll paraphrase it to 'I'm never letting Draiky the Great's characters in my hostage-closet ever, ever again.'
Now, I know you all love me, my devoted fan-base, so I plead for your help. I finally replied to your pleas for an update, so help me find my boo-boo bear! ;; A quicker update comes to the more people willing to help me on my quest!
Now that that important announcement is out of the way, ON TO THE CHAPTER!
"Okay, let's move on to a game called Let's Make A Date!" Drew exclaimed perkily to kick off the next round of games. "For Wayne, Brad, Colin, and Ryan - all of our beloved Whose Line boys!"
"Is this episode EVER going to end?" Colin asked, noting the uber-extensiveness of the show.
"Probably not, considering how the authoress never updates." Ryan told his partner-in-crime as the masters took their stools. Suddenly, he was viciously attacked by a massive load of coconuts raining down from the sky. "Ow!"
"Dude, don't mess with God." Wayne forewarned, cautiously looking up to watch for other falling fruits.
"In this game..." Drew jumped back in to try and prevent anyone else from angering the wrath of the Authoress, "Brad is going to be playing the part of a girl on one of those dating, hook-up-like shows, like you always see on MTV, in hopes of finding his dream-man. Unfortunately, the only guys we have for him to choose from is Wayne, Colin, and Ryan..."
"Sexy." Brad said with a playful growl, cutely pawing at the other improvers.
"Oh, Bradley, you little tease!" Wayne returned, including a cutesy paw of his own, while Ryan was in the back making suggestive faces towards our Mr. Sherwood.
"Hey, guys, family-owned network!" Drew scoldingly reminded him, earning a few quiet 'sorry, Daddy Drew's from the gang. "Thank you. The catch to this game is that Wayne, Colin, and Ryan all have strange quirks or identities, all written on their cards, and Brad is going to have to guess what's written on their--"
"Oh, COME ON!" Ryan whined when he finally read his little card. "You CANNOT be serious!"
"Brad, just start the game already!" Drew finally just snapped, wanting to go home sometime this century. Goodness, between the improvers goofing off and the guest-stars goofing off and the Authoress never updating...
"Okay, already!" Brad shot back before transforming into 'girl-mode' by flipping his non-existant long hair back and blinking repetitively. "Hiya, batchelors!" he said with an incredibly perky tone. No one responded, so he simply went on. "Okay, batchelor numero one!"
Batchelor number one was Wayne, blankly staring ahead and pretending to hold something in his hand and have a cloak over his head - an act the audience understood when the words 'Danny under Freakshow's control being commanded to perform evil deeds' flashed on the monitors.
"Okay, like, I'm SO into, like, malling - I LOVE to shop, shop, shop, till I drop, drop, drop!" Brad said with a creepy giggle. "What's your favorite thing to do at the mall?"
"I do not visit the mall. The mall has no place for a lonely sideshow freak like me." Wayne said monotonously, raising the object in his hand. He walked out into the audience, approached one of the fangirls sitting in the front row, and pretended to hack their head off with whatever object he was holding in his hand. Once said fangirl willingly flopped into her neighbor's lap (pretending to be dead), Wayne made sure to pick up her purse before walking back to his stool and resuming his emotionless pose.
"Okay, so you kill and shop-lift, that's cool!" Brad said once Wayne sat down. "Batchelor numero two!"
Batchelor number two was Colin, happily bouncing back and forth on his stool, pretending to sip at a drink. 'A devoted Danny Phantom fangirl after seeing a Danny Phantom cancellation notice' appeared on the moniters (the actual fangirls in the audience didn't know whether or not they should cheer getting yet another reference or boo the cancellation notice).
"Batchelor number two, I love those Friday night lights - I like going to football games. What's your favorite thing to do on a Friday night?" Brad asked.
"What's the only thing there IS to do on a Friday night?" Colin scoffed. "I'm putting my jumpsuited butt in my comfy chair, stealing the remote, grabbing some soda and candy, and watching a brand-new episode of--" Suddenly, a mortified look struck across Colin's face. "Spongebob took our time-slot again?!" Oh, THAT riled up the crowd. The entire audience was booing and hissing like a street-gang of angry cats. While they did that, Colin fell to his knees and screamed to the sky. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--!!!!!"
"Okay, then!" Brad said, cutting off Colin's dramatic 'NOOOO' moment. "Batchelor numero three?"
Ryan grimaced slightly before putting on a nervously-happy face. Of course, everyone realized what Ryan was so peeved at earlier when 'A long line of celebrity impersonators performing as Vlad Masters' popped up on the screens. "Hi there, how are you?"
"I'm awesome with an aw, batchelor number three!" Brad said bouncily. "Okay, if I were a food, I'd be a candy-bar, 'cause they're sweet and it's easy to take off the wrapping paper and enjoy. If you were a food, what would you be?"
Ryan stood up and took a second to straighten his imaginary tie before continuing, speaking in a really bad British accent like only Ryan Stiles can do really bad accents when they're not really called for. "Well, I'd be cheese, my fair lady. You see, cheese is the holy food of the gods! It's creamy, it's good for the bones AND the soul, and quite frankly, I own about fifty factories that produce the stuff! I am a cheese-man." He motioned for a bit of applause and recieved a generous amount of it before sitting back down.
"Ew, you're creepy." Brad said with another creepy laugh. "That's hot right there. Okay, back to batchelor number one!" Of course, Wayne didn't respond, so Brad went right ahead with his question. "Batchelor number one, I like a guy to really impress on the first date - where would you take me on our first date?"
"I would take you to unleash your dark side at Circus Gothika, my dear." Wayne responded. While the fangirls cheered, he looked around for more trouble to cause. Of course, his eyes fell upon the infamous desk of Drew Carey. Drew ran for his life when Wayne got up and slowly started for his desk, so Wayne did the next best thing - take a sip out of Drew's coffee-mug and drop it on the ground shortly after.
"Oh, my God, you're a bad-ass, I love you." Brad drooled as Wayne walked back to his seat. He quickly shook himself out of it, however, to continue with the game. "Batchelor number two?"
Colin didn't even give him time to ask the question. As soon as his name was said, he gave a quick trumpet-call, then went into the audience, pulling a few random members. Once he had a good mob of girls, he called out, "Tonight we dine in the Ghost-Zone!" to perfectly spoof the movie 300, even shaking a sword-holding hand-motion. The girls gave a rowdy cheer, and all of them ran outside.
"...That guy had issues." Brad said, happy he didn't have to think of a question. "Batchelor number three?"
Oh, Ryan's turn yet again. "Hello, miss." he said nervously, trying to personify a much-different person than last time he was spoken to. "How are you, how are you?"
"I'm doing great!" Brad said. "Batchelor number three, I won't deny it, but I'm a smores junkie. What do you like to do at campfires?"
Ryan took a few moments to clear his throat and shake himself loose, then flipped into evil-trying-to-be-demonic mode, keeping with yet another really bad accent that he really didn't need. "I, personally, would ADORE taking that scoundrel rival of mine, little Daniel, grabbing him by that mop of black hair, and whipping him into the fire, and watching him BURN! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA--!!!"
Drew, thankfully, cut that maniacal laugh short with his magic buzzer. "Hey, Brad, it's your turn to guess what they are!"
"Oh, fun, fun, fun." Brad said sarcastically. "Okay, batchelor number one..." He carefully looked over Wayne, who was carefully holding his pose to help Brad. "...Was some kind of...kid who goes to Circus Gothika too much?"
"Dude, you suck!" Wayne snapped, throwing his invisible cloak and weapon at Brad. At that moment, he got a brilliant idea to help him out. "Wait...Where...Am I? It...feels like I've been hypnotized by a freak with a big nose and a crystal ball!"
"Is Ryan Freakshow?" Brad asked confusedly, mis-interpreting the hint.
"No, two strikes!" Drew said. "Quick, who's Wayne?"
"Oh, no, did I accidently almost kill someone again? I hate it when that happens!" Wayne moped, giving yet another poorly-constructed hint.
"Oh, Wayne's Danny possessed by Freakshow!" Brad figured through some twist of time and space. "Batchelor number two..." Then everyone noticed Colin and the girls were still outside. "...Is a Circus Gothika runaway?"
"Sure, let's go with that!" Drew exclaimed with a cheesy smile while a member of stage-crew ran out to find Colin and the audience members.
"Cool." Brad said with a thumbs-up. "And batchelor number three's gonna get his butt seriously whupped by Vlad after the show!"
"BINGO!" Drew cheered, ringing the buzzer and bringing the improvers back to their seats. "One-thousand points to everyone for that game!"
The stage grew silent as everyone finally realized that the Danny Phantom guest-stars were no longer in their stools.
"Hey, I'm safe! Vlad didn't see that one!" Ryan rejoiced.
Suddenly, Vlad appeared from behind his chair. "COME HERE, YOU DEATH-WISHING LITTLE--"
- WE ARE NOW EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE DO NOT CHANGE THE CHANNEL; YOU WILL BE RETURNED TO YOUR PROGRAM MOMENTARILY. -
"Uh...welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway, the Danny Phantom edition." Drew finally said when the annoying 'technical difficulties' screen went away. His cup had been replaced, as he was sipping from it, but that was the only good thing. All of the improvers (with the returned Colin, as well as the missing Danny Phantom guest-stars) were covered in scrapes and bruises, namely Ryan, who was recieving most of the beatings.
"Can I quit?" Ryan asked, holding an ice-pack on his bandaged head. "Or not get any more cards with Vlad on them?"
"No, because we have to move on to Song Titles!" Drew said with a smile, trying to get the show back up to speed after the horribly-violent fight-scene cleverly censored with the 'technical difficulties' screen. "And this game is for EVERYBODY!" Slowly, the performers made their way center-stage, which was a bit difficult, as they were all sore and beaten, Ryan was waddling like he got injured in a rather sensitive area, and poor Danny had earned himself a nasty limp. "In this game, our boys and girl will perform a scene, but they can only speak in song titles. SONG TITLES ONLY." he re-emphasized, like he had to every time. "Your scene is a swinging beach-bash, so off you go."
Brad and Tucker were the first to step out, both of them dancing their worst, stupidest-looking dance-steps.
"Saturday night fever?" Brad asked.
"Funky-town!" Tucker replied.
"Shake it like a salt-shaker!" Brad said, dancing a bit closer to his current improv-opponent.
"Hips don't lie!" Tucker said cockily, ridicuously shaking his hips in a way that made the Tucker fangirls swoon.
"...No, they don't." Brad said, restraining a fit of laughter at the sight until he managed his way off-center while Drew was buzzing him out.
Wayne quickly took his place, jumping in and doing the famous Akon dance. "Smack Dat!"
Tucker, scared for his little nerd life, quickly threw himself off-center. Sam took his place shortly after, pretending to rock out on a surfboard.
"Surftown, USA?" Wayne called to her.
"Hawaiian roller-coaster ride!" Sam hollered back.
With a pleased look on his face, Wayne began surfing right next to her. "Itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini!" he said, pointing at her clothing.
"...Red swim-trunks." Sam said, pulling a complete blank and defeatedly walking off, leaving everyone else to laugh hysterically at her pathetic attempt at salvation, choruses of 'Me and my red swim-trunks!' echoing back to her.
To save their team, Danny took her place, going out and joining the still-surfing Wayne. He quickly fell down, however, and used the easiest line in the book: "Oops, I did it again!"
"Ain't nothin' but a hound-dog!" Wayne said, picking Danny up and showing him how to properly hold the surfer-stance.
"I believe I can fly!" Danny said once he felt sturdy.
"...Good for you!" Wayne said, pumping his fist before walking off in shame.
With an evil idea for sucess, Colin stepped out next, dancing right behind the no-longer-surfing Danny. "Carry on dancing!"
"Stop in the name of love!" Danny commanded to him.
Colin looked about nervously. "Runaway!" he shouted, pretending to make a break for it.
Danny quickly caught up to him, holding him in a way you usually don't see teenagers holding balding Canadians. "Take me away." he said with a slight beg in his tone.
"To the moon and back?" Colin asked, looking to the sky.
"As long as you're mine." Danny replied, looking up as well.
They stood and swayed for a few moments, before Drew hit the buzzer, sending a blank and slightly-afraid Colin back to the side-lines. Danny enthusiastically pumped his fist in the air, with all of the fangirls cheering him on.
"Savin' me!!" Ryan cried, collapsing at the halfa-hero's feet, almost in tears.
With a moment of stuttering, Danny defeatedly stepped back. Then came the fun part!
"March of the witch-hunters!" Vlad announced, marching out into center-stage proudly.
"The plagues! The plagues!!!" Ryan shrieked, crawling his way out of center-stage. To preserve the sanity of the game, Drew ended it there with a small pepper of buzzers.
"Wow. 500 points to Vlad for putting the fear of God into Ryan." Drew awarded. Vlad replied by giving Ryan an evil glare, somehow flashing his ghostly fangs.
"Seriously, can I quit?" Ryan pleaded.
Again, happy holidays, my readers! Hope you enjoyed the chapter!
§ - Tucker's Mayflower, signing out! - §