The Importance of the Night and Being Blind
By Katsuya Kaiba
Part One of Five
AN: I hope that you're here for the right reasons…please don't get all freaky on me when you get to the naked crap…this story is based on naked crap. It's full of it. Please listen to me. Read this only if you want to read about naked boys doing naked things to each naked other. The end. Oh, and another thing. Since I am the official 'Prince of Anime Angst', this story will be much like everything else I've written, not as far as storyline is concerned, but the level of angst is soooo angsty.
No, really. I am the real Prince of Anime Angst. I won that title for writing The Urgency of Life. I kid you not.
"Kaiba…I fucking hate you so much!"
"The feeling is most definitely mutual…puppy dog."
The tension escalated. It always does. But now, here on the front lawn of the school just as the last of the students were clearing off the campus, I knew that today might just be a little different. For this time, I was angrier than I had ever been before, and I was intent to make him see what he'd done to me.
I reached out and grabbed his shoulder as he tried to walk past me without any regard to my stance, intended to block his path. However my hand on his shoulder did not so much as stop Kaiba as it did infuriate him. He ripped his shoulder from my grasp and turned to face me, waves of sudden rage billowing from his figure as he loomed over me. I found that I could only stare up at him, and I noticed that his eyes were a very strange shade, one that I had never seen before in anyone's eyes, let alone Kaiba's. Only once had I caught a sight that might be compared, once when I was a child, and I had looked up to the sky seconds before the onslaught of a terrible storm rained down upon me. His eyes brought the memory back, and my feet tried to take a step back, but I held my ground and waited. I wasn't afraid.
"Don't ever touch me again." It bothered him so, and I was nearly compelled to obey him. I was so angry, though, so irrationally angry, and I wasn't thinking in the least at that moment. Kaiba stepped back, and I opened my mouth again and yelled at him despite how close he still was.
"You can't tell me what to do! And don't you dare walk away from me! I'm not even close to being finished with you yet!"
His stormy gaze broke momentarily, and a small stream of bitter sunlight shone through the rainclouds.
"I will walk wherever and whenever I wish, and you would do well to remember that. You should also bear in mind that you are nothing, and you are no one. Learn some manners and learn your place, puppy dog."
He smiled and spoke quietly, stepping forward and slowly reaching out with one hand. I flinched as I watched his movement, and immediately cursed myself a second later when he saw it and chuckled softly.
Kaiba's hand reached out for the top of my head, and he ruffled his fingers through my hair, much the same way that one might pet a dog. I snarled vocally and stepped, set into motion suddenly, and Kaiba's hand fell nonchalantly to his side. His expression was sinfully amused, and the smile that curved his lips was absolutely infuriating. I clenched my fists, determined not to draw the first blood between us and quietly waited for him to try something else, anything that would give me the chance to lay out on him.
He surprised me then by forgetting that the entire thing had ever happened, and he turned away and proceeded to walk towards his car parked at the far end of the lawn, evidently finished with whatever he had meant to do with me. I saw that he was going to just leave me there in the middle of everything, and I swore under my breath and watched him go. My eyes followed him as he turned and walked off as though nothing at all had happened, and this was just some ordinary fight between ordinary schoolboys. Seeing just how little he cared struck a small chord inside of me, and my fury was incited even further. I took off at a run directly towards Kaiba and just when he was within an arms reach I let go and simply went for it, jumping into the air and wrapping my arms around his waist in a grip that was as strong as steel. If I was going down, that jackass was coming right along with me.
"Hey!" Kaiba's startled cry rang out sharply across the lawn as he realized that I tackled him, and he tried to turn and look but it was too late. The force of my jump sent the two of us flying forward onto the grass, and we hit the ground simultaneously. I still had my arms around Kaiba's waist and I now found myself unable to release him as we both tumbled across the lawn, finally rolling to a stop just a few feet from where his car was still waiting. As the spinning in my eyes slowed, I tried to focus and take in my surroundings. I was lying on the ground facing the sky, as was Kaiba not more than a foot away from me, and I tilted my head and watched him as he tried to come to terms with what I had just done.
I flipped my body over and stood up on my knees, regaining my sense of balance and keeping a close eye on Kaiba, to see what he might do once he was able to do it. He looked dizzy with something, but it was oddly transparent and I could see that there was much more of something else hidden underneath.
Even with my full attention on Kaiba, I still wasn't able to act quickly enough to stop what he did next. He flew up from the ground in an instant and threw himself on me with such force that I fell backwards off of my knees and landed in the grass flat on my back underneath him. Somewhere along the way his hands had found their way to my arms, and as my head hit the lawn I felt his thin fingers closing around my wrists, holding them down on the ground above my head. I looked up and met his gaze, unsure of what he meant to do but hoping that I would be able to read it in his eyes. He was angry, that much was clear, and I began to find that my own anger was slipping fast at this new turn of events. I wasn't nearly as in control as I thought that I'd been, and even though I had snatched it from Kaiba, he now held it over my face and I began to regret ever wishing for it in the first place. Now I was trapped, I was caught, and there wasn't any way out. I watched his eyes as they fell a bit closer to my own and I waited.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Kaiba's voice came out whisper soft and in a surprisingly unthreatening manner, but his eyes held a much different and much more frightening tale. I didn't answer him at first, hoping that maybe the question had been a rhetorical one, and I would be absolved of the need to speak, which I wasn't entirely sure that I could do right then. It made me angry just to think it, but I knew that I was terrified. I didn't know what Kaiba was capable of, but I didn't want to find out. Kaiba shook my arms roughly using the grip he had on my wrists and leaned in even closer, and I tried to draw back some but my head immediately hit the dirt.
"Answer me. What the hell were you trying to accomplish with that?" With each word that Kaiba spoke his voice grew both louder and more frightening, and the storm behind his eyes looked as though it were preparing to rain destruction down upon me right then if I didn't give him what he wanted. I had no idea what to tell him because I hadn't even known what I was doing until I'd already done it, so I just opened my mouth and spoke blindly.
"You…you're such a jerk! And then you think that you can just walk away from me! You don't pay any attention to the things that I feel…"
Nothing happened for a moment. I watched his eyes as they widened a bit at first, and then after he had soaked in everything that I had blurted out they narrowed slightly and he sat up on his knees, keeping his solid grip around my wrists and pulling me up with him. He stood on his feet and dragged me up to mine as well, and he did it with such a fluid ease that I was struck in that moment by just how strong he really was. His fingers never gave way and now we were standing face to face on the grass, and I gave my arms an experimental tug in the direction away from Kaiba. Whatever Kaiba had seen or felt because of what I had said had shut him up, and I wanted nothing more than to run away and forget that I had ever followed him out here at all. I hadn't meant to say anything like that, but I hadn't thought that I would, either. It wasn't strange, but it didn't make much sense, and I think that he was as confused as I was.
Or was it calm that I sensed in him just then? He regarded me with a quiet stare, and pulled back as I tugged away from him.
"Hey…let me go!" His fingers were holding on so tightly that I felt the circulation closing off in my hands, and my fingertips tingled in a strange way. Seto laughed quietly and shook his head.
"No…you're sick."
Without sparing a single second to allow me to consider what that might have meant, Kaiba's grip on my arms tightened painfully and he pulled my forward with all of his strength. It was more than enough force to close the distance between us, and I crashed into him clumsily. He had my arms over his head, holding them high in the air, making it significantly harder for me to escape, which was no doubt his intention. I found myself pressed against him in a very strange manner, and I had to turn my head away from him and stare off to the side, silently wishing that I were still inside the school that I now could see beside us. Wishing that I had never followed him out here. The situation had taken a very odd turn, and it was far beyond uncomfortable.
I continued to struggle, regardless of whether or not it was futile. I knew that it was. But what I did not know, and desperately wished I did, was what the hell Kaiba meant to do now. Why was I sick? My desperate attempts at escape elicited a strange laugh from Kaiba, soft and made of more breath than voice. I felt it far more than I heard it, and his breath fell on my ear as he leaned in closer. I was still facing as far away from him as I was able, but the skin underneath his breath began to tingle sharply and it alerted me as to just how close Kaiba really was. He whispered, and I felt a slight brushing of lips to my ear that I recognized and was instantly horrified. What…
"Kaiba…?"
"You're looking for attention in all the wrong places, puppy dog…just how badly did you want me to pet you?"
His teeth grazed the skin just below his lips, and my eyes began to slide shut despite my best efforts as I felt him bite down quietly on my ear. A violent and trembling shiver shot rapidly up my spine as I realized that I had lost any and all control over both the situation, and my reaction to it as well, shaking under the spell he somehow cast. I willed myself to fight back, begging my body to kick and claw it's way out, but nothing came. Nothing, save the unsettling nature of my shockingly responsive body. This wasn't happening. This was Seto Kaiba. This wasn't happening.
But no matter how many times I repeated that phrase, endlessly spiraling throughout my mind, my body screamed back at me that this was indeed happening, and very loudly at that. A mere second had barely passed before he released his hold on my ear, scraping the skin between his teeth as he pulled his head away. Still, the swirls of air that passed over my neck did not dissipate, and I knew that he was just as close as he had been, breathing down my neck and trying to accomplish something…something I felt that I was better of not knowing about.
"Kaiba…stop…" My voice wavered under the building pressure, and when I heard myself speak I opened my eyes, surprised at the pathetic tone that I held. It almost sounded as though I did not mean what I had said. As though I did not want him to stop. I felt him smile against my skin, and the sensation it caused within my stomach was nauseating. I felt sick, I felt dizzy, and I was becoming more and more afraid of finding out why it was that I had suddenly failed to fight back. Suddenly a sharp and nearly tearing pain shot through my neck and I felt Kaiba's teeth come down hard, so forcefully and violently pressing that I thought he might have broken the skin. I cried out and found my will to escape once again, struggling and pulling on my arms but Kaiba had caught the skin of my neck between his teeth and he pulled aggressively at the same moment that he released my arms. Without warning I found myself on the ground before him, sitting on my knees and clutching the soreness on my neck with my fingers. I looked up with fire in my eyes, not from rage but from insistent confusion and an aching desire to know just what might have possessed Kaiba to do that, and me to not stop him.
"Why?" I asked him aloud, and my voice was angry and hurt.
"Because you wanted it." It was simple and direct, and although it must have made perfect sense to him, the statement left me even more confused than I had been in the first place. Sparing not a second further, he calmly turned and walked away. His voice hadn't conveyed any sense of superiority, and his face had momentarily lost all of it's haughty undertones, revealing the blank and simple stare that he had regarded me with seconds before deciding that it was his time to leave. I watched him as he went, although I knew that he would not turn to look back. He wasn't that sort of boy.
Twirling a lock of hair that hung over my nose with my fingers, I sat silently and stared straight ahead, desperately trying to keep my eyes away from Seto Kaiba, and failing miserably. The events of yesterday were still hanging directly over my head like a strange stormcloud, and I had been able to think of nothing else since the moment that Kaiba walked away. The teacher droned on unintelligibly at the front of the classroom and I tried to stare at her for awhile, but my vision blurred before long and I felt my eyes dart to the corner of the room, taking in the sight of Kaiba avidly paying attention. I shut my eyes and tried to clear my head, but as soon as my vision went dark I felt the memories of yesterday descending, as fresh and real as they were when they had been happening.
"You're looking for attention in all the wrong places, puppy dog…just how badly did you want me to pet you?"
What had he meant…what could he have meant by that? There wasn't any sense in it. I didn't ant Kaiba's attention. I wanted him to…to notice that I…no.
I refused to allow the remainder of the phrase work itself out in my mind. I had seen where the resolution was headed and I brought the entire train of thought to a full and abrupt halt. I opened my eyes and glanced over to where I knew Kaiba sat. Just once more and then I'll forget it, I thought.
I met his eyes, which were pointedly directed at my own, and I immediately felt all of the blood in my veins slow to a frozen and complete halt. He had been looking at me. The amusement in his gaze was plain to see, and the beginnings of a smile twisted the corner of his lips before he broke the contact between us and redirected his eyes to the front of the classroom. My brows furrowed in a response that he never saw, for the opportunity to return had passed and he had already lost interest.
Just what exactly had changed yesterday? The air between the two of us was so different; it was thicker and less transparent and ridden with a feeling of desperate confusion. Kaiba had never so much as looked at me in the middle of a class before. It seemed as though I might not be the only one who had been affected by the sudden twist in our relationship. What had he been after, though? What could he have meant by all of that? I was so lost, but I felt that Kaiba had all of the answers that I sought, even if he was acting a bit differently. Was that why he smiled at me, was laughing at me? Was he purposely trying to confuse me? The thought made me far sadder than I had wanted to be over something so trivial. If yesterday meant absolutely nothing to him and was just a sick plan to get back at me, then there wasn't anything for me to be bothered over…right? So then, everything was as it always had been. But what if it wasn't just that, and Kaiba himself had some unseen or even unknown ambitions?
Wait a minute…why did I even care if he did?
I shouldn't. But I did. If he had been trying to throw me off, it had worked brilliantly. But then, I wasn't so sure that I wanted that to be his reason for doing…whatever it was that he had done to me. It had been so infuriating, so unexpected, but in the deepest reaches of my mind there was a thought there that suggested that although it may have been those things, it still hadn't been so terribly awful, either. It was not as repulsive as I might have been in theory, and that was the small and silent thought that nearly drove me over the edge every time I encountered it. This was just another one of Kaiba's stupid mind games, and I was foolish to allow it to affect me do deeply.
It was too late now, though, I was thinking about it and I had been thinking about for awhile, and the remembrance of Kaiba's touch brought something awful along with it, an unexplained and uninvited arousal that mortified me beyond reason. Screaming denial tore through my soul but it didn't help. This had to stop. I refused, refused, to think about Kaiba with anything other than complete and utter hatred in my heart. And most certainly not with this awful burning sensation that coursed through my veins and spread the inexplicable heat to every unwilling inch of my body. This was sick, it was sick, to think of a boy in such a way and to have that boy be Kaiba…insult to injury.
"No…you're sick."
Was I? Maybe… No, I just couldn't believe it, it was just so odd. I was fine, nothing was wrong with me. Kaiba was just messing with my head and I had fallen for it again. It didn't mean a thing about me. I was perfectly fine. Fine. I'm fine. I closed my eyes again and continued to plead with myself, with my body, to forget about the entire episode. However, the moment that my eyelids slid shut the memories of yesterday came crawling back for more, replaying themselves in my mind for quite possibly the millionth time.
His teeth grazed the skin just below his lips, and my eyes began to slide shut despite my best efforts as I felt him bite down quietly on my ear… A mere second had barely passed before he released his hold on my ear, scraping the skin between his teeth as he pulled his head away…
"Kaiba…stop…" My voice wavered under the building pressure, and when I heard myself speak I opened my eyes, surprised at the pathetic tone that I held. It almost sounded as though I did not mean what I had said. As though I did not want him to stop. I felt him smile against my skin, and the sensation it caused within…
My eyes shot open and I leaned forward towards my desk and slammed my head against the wooden surface in agony. Stop…stop thinking about it. It doesn't matter…
A few of the surrounding students jumped when the heard the noise but I didn't move, too far gone in my private hell to give a damn. But then, a moment later, I felt particularly unsettling sensation wash over me, a feeling that itched and burned in the far corners of my mind. Someone was watching me and I had a pretty accurate guess as to who it might be. There aren't many people able to stare at anything that damn loudly.
I turned and met the eyes of Seto Kaiba, frowning in my direction disapprovingly. I narrowed my own eyes and frowned right back, probably looking angrier than I should have. I was angry, thought, angry and lost and affected and I didn't want to be. I hadn't known just how angry until he glared at me right then.
How dare he…disrupt my life so easily, and then just as casually saunter away? And now, the things that he was doing when he thought I couldn't see, watching me in classes and in the crowded hallways as I made my way across the school in between periods. I had caught his wandering eyes on me more than twice today, memorizing each and every footstep I took, watching and waiting for…something. I couldn't say what, but I knew that it must be there. Kaiba had no time to spare for the pursuit of a simple passing interest. It was like he might be lying in wait, meticulously calculating the appropriate moment to swoop down upon me and…
I didn't much care for it, whatever he was after. It was terrifying, to say the very least and nothing more. I t had always been me who chased after him, running him down for an argument or a fight. But now, beginning on this very day, the tables had been turned completely and just the idea of what the outcome of this new arrangement might entail made me shiver with a feeling of claustrophobia. A living nightmare that was a perfect cross between absolute terror and nervous anticipation, and I couldn't shake it no matter how hard I tried.
I looked away from Kaiba and stared straight ahead, seeing nothing that was before me but staring still, intent to show him that I did not care what he was up to. Perhaps he had been right, and perhaps not, but if one of us was sick, I was going to make absolutely sure that it wasn't me.
These days are growing steadily more uncomfortable.
I knew the answer, although I hadn't heard him ask me the question. And although I knew the answer, I wasn't sure how it would sound when it was spoken. I was so afraid of what I might say that I remained silent and watched him, worried at the idea.
"Tell me."
The words were so low they were far closer to a growl than a voice, yet I knew they were his words because he was so close, so close that I could feel his breath as it left his body. I had nowhere to run and the wall against my back was cold and unyielding against my skin. My skin…where were my clothes? I looked down and saw that I wore none. Seto, however, was fully dressed and had me pinned solidly to his bedroom wall. I knew that it was his bedroom, but I wasn't entirely sure how I knew that. I had never been there, and I was willing to bet that no one in the history of man had ever been there, save Seto himself.
My arms were held against the wood with his hands, and the dull ache of his thin fingers circled around my wrists was the only recognizable sensation in this desperately unfamiliar scenario. I had felt that pain before. At my lack of response Seto began to grow angry and his grip tightened to the breaking point. I could feel the bones in my wrists began to move against one another and I panicked under the painful pressure. I clumsily tried to throw him off of me, wrenching around underneath him and shifting my body every which way in a blind struggle. In a strange and far off sort of way I heard him laughing, and the very sound of it stilled me with a fear that took rot in the echoing tones of his voice. I was frozen motionless by the sound, and I looked up to see into his eyes. The distance within them had shortened greatly, and the stunning blue inside had taken a dark approach, sinking into a shade that reflected the deepest and most dangerous moments of the coming storm. I wasn't able to look away, and he seized the opportunity to try and overcome my silence.
"Tell me what it is."
I had no idea what it might be, but I knew that somewhere inside of me I did know, and if I spoke it would come out of my mouth in words and be realized. I was so afraid…I didn't want to know what I knew. I didn't want it.
"Tell me what you want."
Never before had I heard a voice as threatening or as insistent. I almost did tell him right then, and the fear inside of me was gripping and thrilling all at once. A small part of me enjoyed this, but I cast it aside and refused to look twice. Still unable to break our gaze, I finally spoke, and my voice was full of the fever that I felt, naked and defenseless.
"Never."
The blue grew even deeper, resulting in a shade that might easily have been mistaken for black, especially in the darkness that enshrouded Seto's bedroom. I watched as his face stilled momentarily in the shadows, evidently thinking his next thought through to the end. My blood felt as though it had stopped pumping long ago, and the fear that swept my mind spread to my body in anticipation, sending a wave of goosebumps that traveled throughout every inch of my skin. I was so cold.
Seto's face betrayed nothing of his next course of action, and without warning it was upon me before I could even think of a way to defend myself. I felt movement below my waist, and I recognized it after a moment as Seto shifting all of his weight to one leg. At first I thought nothing of it, but a second later my eyes widened farther than I had ever though possible as he launched his next assault. Slowly and with great delicacy he brought one of his hands away from my wrist and trailed his fingers lightly down the skin of my chest, following a path that led past my waist and settling finally between my legs, grasping the flesh there and slowly stroking me twice, increasing the pressure with each moment that passed. All of my muscles grew taut with shock and I immediately stopped struggling underneath him as his action spawned my reaction, and both my body and my voice betrayed me and cried out for more. I clenched my eyes shut and before long I felt his lips on my neck, harshly tasting the skin beneath.
My breathing changed it's pace and I felt my lungs burning, forcing in the air quickly and begging me to gasp. I did, and Seto's lips curved against my neck in victory. He never brought them away from my skin and when he whispered to me just then I felt the words much more than I heard them, and the vibrations they sent inside of me seemed to strike a match within, building a fire that I never wanted to harbor. All of my blood was rushing around in a panic, and most of it seemed to settle just underneath Seto's stray hand. I felt like I might cry, or scream, but none of these things happened. I never tried to stop him. I wasn't sure why.
"I see the mark that I gave to you before, it's still here. And even then you never tried to push me away, Now, tell me…what is it you're here for?"
The fire inside of me took hold right then, and the strength of the blaze controlled my every thought and breath. I couldn't hold it back any longer, and the Truth inside of me was released. I leaned into him and brought my face to the side of his own, pressing my cheek to his opposite one. My lips found his ear and then I told him what it was that I did not want to tell him. The words fell out of my mouth and I gasped as soon as I had heard them. I knew right at that moment why I had wanted to keep them a secret, both from myself and from Seto.
"Fuck me."
Seto paused briefly, and then bit down with a forceful pressure on my already bruised neck.
"Anything for you, puppy dog."
AN: Oh, boy...that's really the first half of the first chapter...more coming very soon...wouldn't it be awful if I made you wait?