Place the Blame
RayZor
Disclaimer: I only own my computer- which actually belongs to me mum. The paper was stolen from a teacher and I borrowed a pen from a friend, so I didn't even write the story without help from someone.
Summary: An in-game side story right after Aerith's death. Partly first-person, partly third-person. Kinda depressing and angsty. Slight hints at Clouffie. He's drunk and she hides him. Just read.
"But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free ----
No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like I do, and I blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain woe
Can show through"
-"Behind Blue Eyes" Limp Bizkit
Gawd! Why does pain have to be so... painful? Why can't it tickle or itch or tingle? Why does it have to hurt so badly? I mean... This kind of pain hurts worse than a wound. It hurts the soul, the heart, the very essence of my being! I don't know if I'll ever be able to smile or laugh again. To act and/or be cheery again. Hyper seems so far away. Man, I'm really losin' it here...
Two days ago, we lost a friend. Aerith was always smiling; a gentle, graceful smile that is contrary to my goofy, dim-witted smile. She was so perfect, so nice, so wonderful. I respected her for smiling so much, for making our leader smile. I won't lie and say that we were best friends; she and I got along, nothing more. It hurts so badly because I miss her sticking up for me and keeping me out of trouble. I miss her smiles with an underlying sadness, like she knew that she was alone.
I envy her, even now.
She had the entire team's love and we're all grieving. Cloud's taking it the worst. Barret and Tifa, too, are taking it rather badly. Cid is quieter than usual and takes more time to light up another tar stick. Nanaki is solemn, not quite understanding the human emotions. Vincent is stoic, as usual. I fear that he'll never show emotions other than his impatience and aggravation with me. Cait Sith is turned off.
Cloud has locked himself in a room, away from the rest of us to think...
She paused from her writing upon hearing booted footsteps near her door. They were unsteady and staggering, almost drunken. Curiously, she opened her door to find Cloud. He looked at her for a moment before stumbling drunkenly toward her.
Blood pounded in her ears as her heart raced. He was getting closer, face drawing near her own. She could smell the alcohol on his breath and grimaced, leaning away from him. The excitement turned to fear as she realized that he was drunk.
"What have you been drinking?" she asked in disgust, fanning the air to rid herself of the odor.
Cloud furrowed his brow in contemplation. "I dunno what it wha called... Tasted good though."
She wrinkled her nose. "That's not healthy, y'know." Sighing, she knew that she could not let anyone else see him in such a state. "C'mon, Sunshine, let's get you to your room before Tifa comes out here and clobbers ya."
He frowned. "I think she likes me."
"Uh-huh," Yuffie replied absently, grabbing her shoes and lacing them quickly.
"Aerith did too... But they're both too clingy... I want someone independent." She nodded, not really hearing his drunken babbles. "I want someone who doesn't have all that fake happiness." She finished tying one shoe and moved to the other, not even half-listening to his ramblings. "I want someone who won't even think about lying to me... Ever." She stood and looked up at him with a smile.
"Let's get you to-" He interrupted her with an alcohol-induced kiss. Her eyes widened and she pulled away, her hand automatically connecting with his left cheek. He, too, stared at her, gloved hand covering the red mark.
"What the hell?" he demanded.
Her gray eyes glared up at him, fingers touching her lips. "You need to go to your room and sober up," she said quietly. She could still taste the alcohol on her lips and she hated the fact that she liked the taste. She hated every thought of letting Cloud into her room. She hated the smell of alcohol in the air.
Cloud's face went very pale and she saw beads of sweat forming on his forehead. For a fleeting moment, she debated on closing the door. His face became sheet-white and she panicked. "Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no!" she told him sternly, rushing him to the bathroom. She had been sure to nab the master bedroom before Tifa had the chance. He staggered into the doorframe and Yuffie winced for him. That would leave a nice-sized bruise. He doubled over, becoming ill in the toilet.
Yuffie let out a sigh of relief. At least it wasn't on her bedroom floor... Or on her bed, for that matter. Speaking of which... She was getting really tired. Looking at Cloud, who was slumped over the porcelain god, she suppressed a yawn. He would be fine right there, right?
"Oh, damn you," she cursed softly at Cloud. "C'mon, Spikes, let's get ya to bed."
The tiny ninja, the smallest in the group when weight was considered - even Nanaki was heavier than her! - put their leader's arm around her shoulder and began to help him to her bed. He groaned, barely able to stand, even with Yuffie's help. She got him to the bed and he fell onto it, rolling over to face the opposite way. She pulled his boots off and managed his shoulder armor after much jostling of the out-of-it man of blonde porcupine heritage. She noticed his bangle, but was too tired to bother with it.
Looking at the queen-sized bed, she decided that it was worth sharing with their leader instead of sleeping on the floor and waking up with sore and stiff muscles. She collapsed onto the other side of the bed, kicking off her sneakers and ridding herself of her shirt and shorts. She wore white panties and a white under-shirt. She would just use a different blanket, she decided, but soon found that there was only one comforter. Yanking the top sheet away from Cloud, she curled up in it, letting her drunken friend have the blanket.
Friend...? She pondered on this in her half-asleep state. Yes, she told herself. He is my friend. I can trust the others, but Cloud actually talks to me like I'm an adult. Yes, Cloud is a friend.
She fell into a nice sleep after that thought; a thought that she would not remember thinking. She would not really remember any of her thoughts that night, but she would remember everything that had happened the next morning.
Grey eyes snapped open when something beside her shifted. Something was beneath her neck and something heavy was across her hip. She thought about this new weight before realization struck. It was Cloud.
She removed his arm, which was haphazardly flung across her, being the weight on her left hip. Then she got up, still covered with the bed sheets. Quickly and quietly, she dressed and fixed her head band so that the strips of green painted leather fell behind her.
Looking back at Cloud, she smiled to herself. He was kind of cute. And that kiss last night- She stopped that thought before it could fully develop. She had to find a way to get him out of her room before the others awoke. She was always first up, save for Aerith, who was no longer with them and did not matter right then. Nodding to herself, she knew what she had to do.
"Cloud," she said rather loudly. "Get up, you lazy bum!"
He cracked an eye open. "Yuffie? Ow, my head hurts... Quit talking so loudly."
She raised an eyebrow. "What kind of thanks is that?" the sixteen-year-old asked. "I should've let you stumble into Tifa's room last night, ya spiky-headed jerk!" With that, she began to pull her fishnets and accessories on.
Cloud looked over at the tiny ninja. "Wait... What?"
She looked up from fastening her leg brace. "You got drunk last night, Sunshine. You barfed in the toilet, and then you fell asleep on my bed. I kept you from bein' discovered by Tifa or someone who'd've clobbered ya." She finished what she was doing, put her sneakers on, then pulled on her fingerless gloves before looking back up. Cloud was sitting up, his face in his hands. "Cloud?"
He let out a small moan before the sobs overtook him. What could the ninja do? She stood there for a little while staring at their leader. "Cloud?" she asked in a weak voice. He continued to cry and instincts kicked in. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him to her as he cried and hushing him.
"I... I almost killed her, Yuffie," he said once he had calmed down. "I'm afraid I might do it again," he whispered into he crook of her neck - she was still holding him.
She stroked the hair on the back of his head, mildly surprised that it still stood in spikes after sleeping. "You won't," she whispered. "I know you won't."
He pulled away a little and looked into her eyes with his eerie blue orbs. "What if I hurt you, Yuffie?" His eyes were full of anguish, his voice too serious for her liking.
She smiled her well-known smile, the first real smile in three days from any of them, and gazed at him. "I don't think you could... And I think everyone's already forgiven you. I know that I didn't blame you at all."
He looked away, unable to meet her eyes anymore. "But I blame myself..."
Yuffie looked at him helplessly, slowly pulling away from him. He needed something that she could not give him. He needed self-forgiveness. Watching him with concerned gray eyes, the ninja put her armor on and grabbed her Shuriken.
"Yuffie?"
She looked at him through too-long chocolate bangs.
"Thank you... for everything..."
She got her cheery grin back seemingly automatically. "Hey, what're friends for, ya know?"
With that, Cloud watched her leave the room, probably going to get something to eat. He allowed himself a small smile at her never-ending smiles.
You have enough happiness for all of us, Yuffie. I was wrong about you in the beginning. Maybe you're the best thing that happened to this group. Maybe Aerith was right when she defended you all those times. One thing is for sure: You're a friend of mine. After we defeat Sephiroth... Maybe we can talk some more...
.fin.