This is a story for Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords. Obviously there will be spoilers… you have been warned. It features a lightside female Exile and lightside female Revan (at least in flashbacks) and takes place during the game.

It also features a certain sexy Jedi Master from Onderon. ;) Constructive criticism and comments are always appreciated. Anyway, enjoy the show. "" means there's a flashback incase you didn't catch on right away.

Hindsight

Chapter 1

Sometimes the Ebon Hawk talks to its inhabitants. Sometimes the hum of the engine and the cool feel of the interior speaks of things that have happened and things to come. The quiet hum of the hyperdrive or the faint sound of repair work near the workbench always brings out conversations, and sometimes arguments. But more than anything the Ebon Hawk allows groups of people that would never have come together, speak. Truly speak, in an environment that is without the common distractions of gathered groups. The Ebon Hawk brings conversation to light, whether it be through boredom from a stir crazy Jedi, or calm for those who normally would not to really speak there mind.

That is why the Exile found herself speaking to the crew in the Ebon Hawk. She would play Pazaak with Atton, meditate with Kreia, and help Bao-Dur with some repairs. She found that she could come out of her shell on the Hawk. She supposed that a few years ago, she would have simply brushed him off. Or even a few hours ago on Dantooine she might have ignored the look he was currently employing on her. It was a look of quiet penance, one that younger Padawans would have waiting for one of the older 'cooler' Knights to notice them. She sighed and winced against the light above her. "Something on your mind?"

He smiled; it was such a quiet thing. The Disciple's smile was soft on his face and looked serene without the arrogance that some Jedi sometimes flaunted. It was not nearly as disarming as the way Atton smiled, but it made her relax more than she would have liked. He looked towards the seat next to her and she nodded to him to sit. "I actually had some questions if you wouldn't mind?"

She sighed. Of course she would mind… she hated questions. Questions only brought answers to things she did not want to focus on. But something about how eager he was, how calm his presence was to her, it caused her to say exactly the opposite of how she felt. "I'm always up for a few questions." He smiled warmly, thrilled with the news she was sure to regret. She stole a quick glance behind her to make sure Atton had not heard that, he would ask questions she truly could not answer.

Disciple straightened himself up and cleared his throat. His pose was disconcerting to her, it reminded her too much of times that she had long put behind her. He spoke like a Jedi, he walked like a Jedi, and he even sat up straight and inviting like a Jedi. Or to be more specific just like she used to. She tried not to focus on it as he began to speak. "I was just curious, you mentioned you trained on Dantooine, but I did not see you there until the last bit of my training," he looked at her expectantly, like she had to answer the question before it was asked. She hated that, it was done too often, so she said nothing, but made a slight gesture for him to continue. "Well I was wondering what your training was like on Coruscant?"

She blinked. "What?"

Disciple looked uncomfortable, he finally broke out of his stiff pose to squirm a bit. "Is that an uncomfortable subject?"

She stared at him for a moment; it was odd to her how someone could be so open and honest. He was so completely uncomplicated. She took no effort in deciphering him, but with her years of not trusting people, she expected even out of Disciple, something hurtful. If she remembered how, she would have laughed. He was just what he appeared to be; it had been so long since she had seen that, she had almost forgotten it existed. She realized that she had been silent for the past few minutes and shook her head. "No, it was just an unexpected question, is that really all you want to know?"

He looked around for a moment, almost nervously. As he turned back on her, his eyes reminded her of the younger Apprentices that used to try to hang around the older Knights. She supposed he would always have that in him, but sometimes with his steady, calm demeanor she forgot that. He smiled again, "Actually, I was wondering what it was like to train with… well the other Jedi in your age group?" he paused for a moment and added, "On Coruscant, I am actually curious. I never had the chance to study there."

She turned her head to the side and tried to gage his expression. "Well I've had a lot of training, what would you like to know?"

He seemed to tense for a moment and she could feel he was uncomfortable again, but this had a different feel to it. "Well, now I do not think I expressed myself correctly, what I would like to hear, is something about you… from your time on Coruscant," he looked up at her with all that earnest in his eyes again. "Just something that would be about you."

She felt heat on her neck. The tension and awkwardness had raised a few levels; she had not talked to someone this personably since, well for a long time. She looked at the ceiling of the Hawk and gained the urge to count the metal plates. She let out a puff of air, "A story about me…" she thought for a moment and the same one popped in her head, she pushed it aside, she did not need to retrace that. She had spent the last five years examining that. "Well… let's see," she could not get him out of her mind, it was why she hated thinking upon her training, and it was why she was carefully avoiding a certain planet. She sighed and thought of something that while having him in it was not the focus. Or at least, she did not have to tell the story that way.

She leaned back and looked at him. She brought her legs up under her. "Before I was an exile, I was just a regular Apprentice, nothing important. I think some of my memories from Coruscant revolve around how unimportant I felt, but of course that's what happens when you surround yourself with outstanding pupils."

He nodded, already baited by the story. "Like Revan?"

She nodded and eyed him shrewdly. "Good guess, yes, but even though Revan is the most famous, there were others that were bright and ahead. I didn't think of them as future great Jedi, or the… well the ghosts that pale in the power of the Force," she looked down for a moment and sighed, "But I don't wish to speak of that, I just thought of them, even Revan, as friends."

---

"So then I said, 'I don't even know HOW to work a G7 engine, why would I want to build one?'" Revan finished with a flourish and lifted the hair from her face. "And that's what happened."

Master Vrook looked like he was counting to ten in his head as he closed his eyes. "Apprentice, that was an," he snorted indignantly, "interesting story, but it fails to explain how the oil got all over your robes."

Revan thought for a moment, "Well… see that's the funny thing about it, I did try to build one anyway, and well…"

Vrook glared at her. "And what?"

Revan smiled sheepishly, "Did you know if you plug in the wrong wire the engine blows up?"

He closed his eyes again and rubbed his temple with his hand. "Revan, you-"

"Master Vrook!" one of the older Knights came running over and successfully distracted Vrook from his incoming tirade.

Revan leaned back upon the wall near her and breathed a sigh of relief, as the Knight shot her a secret wink and kept Vrook occupied. Revan grinned and turned towards the two apprentices near her, one with sandy blond hair named Talvon Esan, and one with long pale hair soon only to be known as 'the Exile,' but referred to as Jene Wynn for the time being.

Talvon laughed. "You have to be the luckiest girl I have ever met!"

Revan rolled her eyes and shook back the hair in her face again. "If that were true, the engine wouldn't have exploded in the first place!"

He grinned. "I can't believe you blew it up!"

Revan's eyes lighted up with all the amusement and vigor from youth. "It was SO cool!" she looked suspiciously around her and then back to the two Apprentices. "It did give me a great idea though!"

Jene frowned. "That can't be good."

Revan just waved her off, "Lighten up, Gi. I've got it down this time… I've been reading up on the structural integrity of engines manifolds and-"

Talvon cut her off. "Wait, shock of shocks, Revan's been reading up on something!"

Jene caught the urge to giggle as Revan glared at him. "I was just spending some extra time in the library."

He looked up thoughtfully and posed a question, "Yes. Question, would all this extra time be when you should be sleeping?"

"I sleep!" Revan protested.

Talvon laughed. "Yeah, during Master Vrook's lectures no doubt."

She smiled sheepishly. "I only did that once… can I get back to my point please?"

He groaned and waved her on. "Fine, but hurry up please… oh wait…" he looked across his shoulder with a frown, "We should get going, that new Apprentice from Dantooine is coming."

Revan blinked and looked at Talvon. "What's wrong with him?"

The boy shrugged, "Just weird I guess."

Jene and Revan both stared at him in disbelief. Jene was the first to speak up for once, "That's not a very Jedi like attitude, Talvon."

Talvon looked down at his feet, "Geez, you sure do have a way of making me feel bad Jene, taking lessons from Master Vrook?"

The Apprentice from Dantooine stepped over. He was taller than most of the other apprentices and gaited next to one of their friends. Talvon groaned. "Not another one," he glared at Revan, "Force, Revan, Malak is worse than you. Can't we just keep the group the way it is?"

Revan frowned at him. "Don't be elitist."

He shrugged. "If I knew what that meant, maybe I'd agree…"

Jene smiled and poked him in the shoulder. "Of course we could always stop hanging around you, that would significantly lower the idiot ratio."

Revan laughed and winked at Jene, who felt a tremor of pride ripple up her neck. She turned towards the two approaching boys. Malak led the new Apprentice ahead of him; he had dark skin and eyes and made Malak look paler than Jene's hair. Malak coughed in an official sort of way, causing Revan to giggle, and after a quick glare in her direction (which only caused her to giggle more), he introduced the new apprentice, "This is Xaset Terap, he's from Dantooine. He'll be studying with us at Coruscant for a while."

"Duh," Talvon rolled his eyes and stuck out his hand. "I'm Talvon."

Xaset eyed him carefully and looked at his hand. "Are you sure you don't want to wash that first?"

The group, sans Talvon who was turning red, started to laugh. Revan patted Xaset on the back. "You'll fit in just fine Xas, I'm Revan," she pointed to the future Exile, "That's 'Jean', but it's spelled J-E-N-E and you already know Malak."

He nodded and stuck out his hand to Talvon. "Sorry, Malak warned me about you."

Talvon shrugged and glared at his hand for a moment. After a quick glare from Revan he shook his hand and grinned. "No hard feelings, just don't make it habit."

Jene smiled quietly. "So what is Dantooine like?"

Revan's eyes lit up. "Yeah, I heard they have Master Polak there and that all the soon to be Padawans will have to go there to be assigned Masters. And I read that-" Revan's tirade was cut short, by Malak's hand over her mouth.

He arched an eyebrow and shook his head. "We know you've read up on everyone and everything Revan, but there's no need to overwhelm him." Malak, being Revan's friend since they were first in the order, should have pulled his hand away sooner, because soon there were teeth imbedded in it. He pulled back and growled. "Revan!"

The young apprentice wiped her mouth and shrugged. "Stop trying to look tough in front of the new kid," she stuck her tongue out in a mature fashion and turned to Xaset. "You can continue."

Xaset smiled, he looked well beyond his years. "Dantooine is more calm than this, but I think I'm going to like it here."

Jene smiled and looked around. "It's a little overwhelming, but you will get used to it."

Malak turned to face Revan, really looking at her for the first time since they had arrived. "Why in the Force are you covered in oil?"

She grinned sheepishly. "Oh yeah, I forgot about that, I'd better go change before my next lesson."

Malak rolled his eyes, it was a given that she would regale him with the tale of what happened later, but for the moment he seemed better off not knowing. He turned towards Xaset, "What are you scheduled to attend next?"

Xaset took out a datapad from his pocket and skimmed through it. "I have training with Master Zhar."

Revan scoffed and frowned. "Yeah, what a fun lesson. He makes you use wooden practice swords," she lifted her hands up in an expression of annoyance, "I mean why can't we use Vibroblades to practice?"

Malak rested his arm on top of his younger friend's head and smiled down at her. "Maybe because a vibroblade is larger than you."

She ducked from his arm, causing him to lose some balance and wobble a bit. She swatted at him. "You know what, Malak, just because you're taller than me now, doesn't mean that you can constantly rub it in!"

Malak blinked. "Yes it does."

Jene interrupted quickly and grasped Revan in mid protest. "You should really get changed, we have lessons with Master Dolan, on medicinal practices and I don't think he'd appreciate you dripping oil all over his clean floors."

Revan looked at Jene and the girls could feel one long strain of impatience flowing through each other. Revan sighed and relented. "Fine, I'll see you at the library, Malak. It was nice to meet you, Xas."

As the girls began to walk away they heard an undignified protest from Talvon. "What about me?"

Jene and Revan could not hear the boys' response to that, but they were sure it was something that would lead to friendly banter. Jene still had her arm loosely wrapped around Revan's as they walked the courtyard of the temple in silence. It was one of the few times Revan was silent. There was something peaceful about walking across the temple grounds, if you stepped outside of Coruscant, or even looked up a bit, speeders and noise was all that inhabited the area. But here in the temple there was quiet and tranquility. Revan looked at Jene and grinned conspiratorially. Jene blinked in confusion, but looked up towards where a tall younger Master was walking with one of their friends, Nisotsa.

The short blond smiled sheepishly at the man leading her. "Thanks for saving me from that droid, Master Kavar." Many of the apprentices and Padawans had a certain way of saying 'Kavar' that just rolled off their tongue and curled into a loving hug. Nisotsa was the worst. She clung greedily on to the newer Master who looked more bemused than anything else. Master Kavar was either virtually unaware of all the attention, or preferred to ignore it, the latter was most likely.

"Just stay out of the older Padawans practice next time," he chided, but Nisotsa was too distracted by how his hair was curling from light brown to dark blond. He sighed, "Not even to watch, you can observe from the viewers in the back next time. Those practice droids are tough."

"You're telling me," Revan blurted out, without realizing it. Her eyes widened and she grinned nervously. "I mean, from what I've heard, Master Kavar."

Kavar raised an eyebrow to her and shook his head with a smile. "Do I want to know how you become covered in oil, apprentice?"

Revan grinned, "Well it all started when this Rodian with four fingers approached-"

Jene shook her head and covered Revan's mouth. "No, you don't. Trust me, Ka- Master Kavar you would be better off." Jene had known Kavar from when he was a Knight training at the academy and she had trouble remembering to call him with his 'Master' prefix.

He laughed. "I'm sure it'll be as interesting as the last time, maybe you should change before Master Vrook sees you, Revan."

Revan was about to say that Vrook had already seen her, but thought better of it. She looked at Jene with a wry grin, "I'll catch you at lessons, Jene." She ushered Nisotsa away from Kavar, earning a grateful glance from the Master that the younger girl did not seem to notice. "Come on, Nita, help me pick out what to wear… let's see, the apprentice robes… or the apprentice robes, or maybe the apprentice robes…"

Nisotsa giggled and forgot about her clinging on with the handsome Master. "How about the apprentice robes?"

Revan nodded and wagged her finger, "Good choice!"

Jene smiled and shook her head. "I don't know how she gets those stains out."

Kavar smiled amicably at her, "With Revan you never know, she might have discovered a new Force power for laundry." Jene smiled again and it lit up her eyes. Kavar looked back behind him, "Would you like an escort to class, apprentice… I have some things to speak with you about."

She was intrigued and nodded. They walked along one of the more beaten paths, around where all the trees (most likely the only trees in Coruscant) circled small meditation areas. "What is it?"

He sighed and all the premise of him being a Master melted away and he was just Kavar, her friend. "Well I really shouldn't be telling you this…"

Jene turned around and began to walk backwards she crossed her arms in front of her. "You can't start out a sentence like that, it's not fair!"

Kavar nodded. "True enough…" he smiled as she threw up her hands in exasperation, "Alright, calm down. And walk normally, please. I keep thinking you're going to trip over something…"

She shook her head. "I don't trip, that's Talvon's job."

"Fair enough…" he was quiet for a minute before Jene poked him in the side. "What was that for?"

She huffed and stopped them both by a pair of trees that were just beginning to blossom. "Stop teasing me! What were you going to say?"

Kavar smiled, with a wicked glint in his eye and sat down on a patch of grass. "Fine, but patience is a virtue, young one," she crossed her arms and sat next to him. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You might have noticed a sudden influx from the Academy on Dantooine…" She nodded and pulled her knees up under her, so she could rest her arms and head on them. He eyed her carefully and sighed. "Well, many of the Masters are moving down there to take on a more permanent position. So…" He left it in the air and Jene's eyes were searching for something.

"Sith spit!" she cursed suddenly and blushed at Kavar's chiding gaze. "Sorry, just once though I wish Revan wouldn't know everything."

Kavar blinked, "Revan knew about the transferring?"

Jene shook her head, "No, she," Jene raised her fingers in quotations, "heard," she nodded knowingly, "that all the soon to be Padawans would have to go to Dantooine to choose their path and be assigned a Master."

Kavar frowned and leaned back against the tree near him, one of the blossoms falling on his head. He picked it up and shook his head, handing it to Jene. "Well, so much for the big news…" he sighed, "But that's not all."

Jene blinked, "It's not?"

He shook his head. "Well have you considered what path you plan on taking? It is a very important decision and the time to choose is fast approaching."

Jene looked down at her feet. "I guess I hadn't really thought about it…"

Kavar stood up and dusted the grass from his robes, he offered his hand to Jene, who took it and was hauled up to her feet. He kept her hand in his, "Think about it carefully. There is something coming I fear… and these choices may make all the difference in the end."

Jene looked down at the hand he was holding and felt her neck heat up. She nodded softly. "I will."

He let go of her hand and smiled down at her for a moment, he shook his head and grinned. "Well you best be off to class, before you're late and Master Dolan makes you clean out the Kolto tanks."

Jene nodded and smiled brightly at him, feeling just a bit lighter in her steps. She turned around and took a fast walk towards her destination. "Don't look back," she told herself under her breath, but found herself turning around for a moment anyway. Kavar was still standing by the tree looking after her. He smiled at her and waved. She smiled back and… ran straight into a wall.

"Ow," she groaned nursing her head. She sighed and blew a strand of hair out of her head, getting to her feet quickly, this time refusing to look back. "I don't know what hurts more, my head or my pride," she muttered as she picked up the pace to her lesson.

---

"So Talvon was clumsy?" Disciple asked, carefully dissecting the story and every detail.

She leaned back and nodded. "Extremely, there was not a place in the entire Academy where he had not tripped, fallen, or both," she sighed and looked up, glassy-eyed, at the ceiling.

Disciple was quiet as she lost herself in thought and places where she wished she were, as much as she wished to forget they ever happened. He placed his hand on her shoulder and with a squeeze he stood up. She leaned back into her shoulders and rubbed her temples. There were so many memories she wished she could forget, wished that she could remember, wished that she could grasp, and wished that she did not want.

"How did you decide?" he asked before leaving.

She blinked and looked in his direction, apparently completely forgetting his presence. "What?"

He frowned thoughtfully, "Your choice of Sentinel, how did you decide?"

She looked at him for a moment. "It just came to me, I suppose. I've always preferred the middle ground."

He nodded and walked out into the hallway. She supposed he would head to the medbay, or to one of the empty spaces to meditate. She leaned back in the chair and sighed. She remembered exactly when she had chosen. And she remembered how close she had come to choosing… what she wanted to choose. Her mentality had always been pragmatic and practical; she had worked things out, not with her heart, but with her mind. She wondered how long she would keep doing that. She glanced in the direction where the Disciple had gone. She could tell he admired her, it was a bit disconcerting at times, but sometimes it just felt comfortable. She always felt more comfortable teaching, than... well being the General. Leading had come naturally to her, it might have something to do with being friends with Revan, but she was just able to do it. She enjoyed teaching; she could be as soft spoken, as she wanted to be. She thought she had put leading behind her years ago.

Maybe that was why things turned out the way they did. She was always turning away from things, instead of embracing them. But, she never had much luck embracing them either.

She groaned and leaned her head against her lap. She tried to think of when she chose her path and found a small smile curving her lips, it was too small to notice, but she could tell from the pain it brought the muscles in her face. She could not remember the last time she truly smiled. Just a simple thing, and if she could go back she never would have taken it for granted. There were many things she would not have taken for granted, if she could go back. But hindsight is a curse and a blessing.

She closed her eyes and tried to remember.

---

She sighed and ran a hand through her longer pale hair. Her bottom lip was becoming quite sore as she kept puncturing it with her teeth. It would happen every time she looked in the direction of all the Masters discussing matters. They had been discussing things constantly, just out of her reach, ever since they had arrived on Dantooine. The thought of Dantooine alone was enough to frighten her, she might stay here, or she might be whisked away to another location completely like Nisotsa. All of these things rested on her decision. She would be paired up soon... she shot a sideways look towards Master Kavar and felt her face become pink. She looked down... did she want to be a Jedi Guardian just for the chance of Kavar being her Master? She shook her head fiercely and winced as a stray strand of hair smacked her in the eye.

There was no way he would even considering choosing her anyway.

"Deciding on what path to take?" Malak sat next to her. His voice was smooth and calmed her nerves a bit. She let out a soft nod. "It's a hard decision, but it will come to you..." he arched an eyebrow and scoffed. "Just don't choose based on the color of your lightsaber."

An annoyed huff came from nearby as the ever-vibrant Revan stepped over a few bushes and rocks, looking deeply offended. "Don't listen to him, I did NOT choose to be a Jedi Consular just because I like green."

Malak turned to face her with an amused grin. "Really, Revan... out of curiosity what is your favorite color?"

Revan's face was flushing. She stuttered. "That, th, that's besides the point!"

Malak shook his head. "Green, I believe..." Revan glowered at him, "And what color does a Consular start off as?"

Revan smacked him on the arm. "Shut it! I chose that path, because it fits me, it's the path of the wise, intelligent problem solvers," she smirked, "Unlike you, 'Mr. Let's Plow Through Everything With My Extreme Might Guardian!'" she made the motions to impersonate a body builder and Malak began to redden as well.

Jene smiled lightly as the two began to fling insults at each other. She blinked in the sunlight as Kavar's face was alighted with shadows accentuating his chiseled features. She never had these thoughts before, she had sure heard some of the other girls go on about it, but it did not seem the same. Was she old enough to feel this way? Or more to the point, did she really know how she felt? All she knew is that she wanted to be near him, but that was dangerous for a Jedi to form such an attachment… or at least that is what they had always told her. She looked to the side of her where Revan and Malak were still bickering, they had been friends since they first came to Coruscant and their names were synonymous with trouble. They had been together and were obviously attached, but that seemed to make them stronger.

But she was not Malak or Revan. And as that phrase dawned on her, she took one more glance in the directions of the Masters, catching the corner of Kavar's eye. He winked at her and made a gesture with his hand, that he was not enjoying the conversation. She smiled and looked back towards Revan and Malak. "I think you just helped me make my decision..."

Revan and Malak turned to face her, Revan's arms were still in a wing position, obviously calling Malak some sort of bird, while he still had a finger raised in a nonthreatening manner. Revan blinked. "We did?"

Jene nodded. "I think I'm not enough of an extreme to go towards either path, the Sentinel seems perfect for me."

Malak and Revan seemed to forget their argument and patted her on the back. "That is a good choice," Malak nodded his approval.

Revan smiled and nodded excitedly. "Yeah, yellow lightsabers look awesome too..." she turned towards Malak who was eyeing her and cut him off before he could speak. "Shut up!"

Malak put his hands on his hips, "I didn't even say anything, but if I had of..."

Jene smiled to herself as the friendly banter got further away from her. She supposed Kavar was out of the question now. She turned her vision towards him. But… she smiled lightly to herself. That didn't mean she couldn't go in for some extra lessons.

"Are you sleeping?" a voice and a hand shaking her gently roused her out of her memory and nap.

She blinked and looked up to see Bao-Dur, the ever-faithful Zabrak looking at her with concern. As she realized what the question was she raised an eyebrow, sleepily. "How am I supposed to answer that?"

Bao-Dur shrugged, and her vision blurred in and out as his remote flew by, "I suppose you couldn't, General. Atton says we should be all set to leave in a minute, he wanted to suggest Nar Shaddaa again."

She sat up and groaned as she realized her feet were still under her and currently asleep. "He won't give that up, will he?" She cocked her eyes toward Bao-Dur, "Where's T3-M4?"

He gestured to the left of him and she sat up, rubbing her legs trying to get some life back into them. "T3, give me that list of Masters again?"

The droid beeped in the affirmative and one by one the council that had sealed her fate looked at her, as she recognized the face and expression of the one that she had thought of day in and out, she came to a decision. "Tell Atton, he can set in a course for Nar Shaddaa."

Bao-Dur looked slightly confused. "General?"

She shrugged. "It'll be nice to give him something he wants for once, maybe he'll go easier on me at Pazaak," she winked at him, her eyes devoid of humor.

Bao-Dur nodded, "I understand why you are avoiding Korriban, but I have to ask, why you would not rather head to Onderon?"

She stared at him for a moment. "I suppose I'm not ready to face old war wounds yet," she half-lied.

Bao-Dur nodded slowly, understanding in his eyes. "Say no more, General. I shall inform Atton of our destination," he started to walk away but stopped and turned towards her, "General?"

She looked up, not even realizing that she had drifted off again. "Yes?"

"You might want some rest in one of the bunks… those chairs can't be good for your neck."

She waved him off and tried to straighten the wrinkles in her robes. Atton had more than once mentioned that Nar Shaddaa was the best place to get lost. She sighed. "It might be nice to get lost for a while."

That's all she really had ever done, was lose herself. But she really was not ready for Onderon right now, she did not know if she would ever be.