My first outsiders fic ever! I know the plot has been done before (the Curtis' boys have a sister...shocker!) But I hope you enjoy the story nonetheless. I tried not to make Nell a Mary-Sue, but if I did I apologize greatly. There's nothing worse in fanfiction than a Mary Sue. Anyways, review and let me know how you liked it.

Disclaimer: I don't own a damn thing but the plot. Everything else belongs to the lovely S.E. Hinton. what what.

I remember the day I fell in love with Johnny Cade. It was a long time ago, before I even knew what love was. But from the moment I saw him—those dark, hurt, lost big eyes, his mysterious demeanor, gentle nature—I was a goner. That boy had me from the very beginning—ever since I was five years old and he had first befriended the gang. Being the Curtis' only sister, Ponyboy's senior by almost two years, Soda's younger by about ten months, and it only made it all the more easier for me to fall in love with him. He was older than me, but I didn't care. One year was nothing when you were five.

My love for him just grew even more as we got older. By the time I was sixteen I had fallen completely and one hundred percent in love with the boy. But I didn't let anyone know it—God no, my brothers and the rest of the gang would tease me until the day I died. So I kept it to myself, stealing glances at the dark and lanky boy any time I could. It wasn't very hard—he was at our house almost everyday, sleeping over almost every night. I talked to him, all the time, but it was hard to talk to someone you loved with all your heart.

And I loved him. Loved him with a passion strong enough to kill us both.

"You're like my little sister Nell," he told me one evening when he found me sitting on our front steps, not interested in the poker game going on inside.

I can't say that I was exactly happy to hear him tell me that. I sure as hell didn't think of him as a brother—he was so much more than that. He was the only boy I ever loved that way, the only boy I knew I could ever love.

Johnny Cade.

A Southern gentleman.

I wasn't exactly what you would call beautiful, which made things worse. And I wasn't real into rumbles and the greaser against Soc, so I kind of kept to myself. Mostly the gang just didn't bother with me—they grew so comfortable around me it was like I almost wasn't there. Unless, of course, the gang was hungry—then I suddenly turned into their favorite person on the whole wide planet. I sure could cook a mean meal. Sometimes I wonder if that's the only reason the boys were so nice to me.

But Johnny. He was such a sweet guy. Also thanking me, always saying hi to me. God, did I fall for that boy. I was young, sixteen, and now it seems so far behind. I'm nineteen now, and so different then I was three years ago. But I knew I was in love, I knew what love was. I may have been fifteen, but I was smart.

I remember the first time I ever kissed Johnny Cade.

It was unexpected, a surprise for both of us. I had been sitting on our front steps like I always did on summer nights, just sitting there, letting the dying sun caress my face, watching butterflies dance around, the honeydew smell made my head dizzy and the faint buzz of a summer night just carried me away. I could see Johnny's lanky figure walking down the street—his black T-shirt and faded jeans making him look so cute. Not to mention his dark hair falling into his eyes—my heart started beating faster like it always did around Johnny Cade.

"Hi Johnny," I said, hugging my knees to my chest, watching as the sky turned a beautiful shade of pink. It was warm out, and Johnny being so close just made it ten times warmer. I suddenly wished my dark curls were pulled off my shoulders.

"Hi Nelly," he said, sitting down beside me. "Whatcha lookin' at?"

I shrugged, trying to remain as calm as I could. "Nothin' really. The sun set. The boys are inside playin' poker if you wanna go in."

Johnny shrugged and gave me one of his rare but so beautiful grins. "I don't got any cash tonight. Mind if I sit out here with you?"

I could have died and been okay with it right then.

"Golly it's pretty," I heard him whisper next to me, his eyes watching the sun set. I smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, it's real nice," I whispered back. "Now I know why Ponyboy loves watchin' sunsets. They make everything…golden."

Johnny nodded and I glanced at him. Big mistake. Once I took a look at that boy I just could never look away. He noticed me looking at him and blushed, his eyes meeting mine.

He was outlined in the dying sun and it almost made him look…unreal. Like a being from heaven, something so intangible and beautiful, so breathtaking, I actually think my breath was caught in my throat. I don't know what made me do it. Maybe it was just the fact that Johnny was so nice, and I wanted to take care of him so badly. I wanted to make all his pain go away. Maybe.

I felt my face burn and I couldn't help it anymore. It was like electricity or a gravitational force was pulling me towards him and it was terrifying and exciting all at the same time. I swear if I had opened my mouth at that moment, a hundred butterflies would have flown out of my mouth. But I didn't. Somehow…don't really know how…but somehow before I knew it Johnny's lips were on mine.

For a second time that night, I honestly thought I could have died and been okay with it.

It wasn't any earth-shattering, mind blowing, over the hills kind of kiss…but it sure as hell knocked the wind out of me. I pulled back slowly and then realization hit me. My eyes got big and I looked at Johnny, feeling so stupid.

"Oh geez—" I muttered, touching my lips. "I'm so sorry Johnny. Please forgive me. I didn't mean—"

Johnny's eyes were big too, and I couldn't really read his expression. I knew I wasn't the first girl Johnny had kissed. He may have been shy and mysterious, but he'd kissed other girls at some of the crazy parties my brothers and the gang threw.

Then, as if in a dream, Johnny grinned at me and my heart nearly dropped out my stomach. He didn't say anything but slowly leaned in again and once again his lips were on mine.

That was the night Johnny and I realized that kissing really wasn't half bad.

It was weird at first—if it was any other guy in the gang I know Darry or Sodapop or even Ponyboy would have beaten the living daylights out of them. But it was Johnny. And Johnny never hurt anyone, ever. We all loved him so much. So instead of Johnny getting the lecture, it was me.

"You better not hurt that boy!" Dally said to me, a few nights after we had kissed. I glared at Dally…who did he think he was lecturing me? Darry didn't even lecture me. "Johnny's been through too much, he sure as hell doesn't need a girl to come along and break his heart."

My eyes narrowed and I glared at Dally. "I'm not a…a…hussy, Dally! I'm not gonna hurt him!"

Dally just sighed and shook his head. Ponyboy actually didn't talk to me for a few days. ("He's my best friend, Nell!") But after a couple days I promised I wouldn't hurt him. How could I hurt Johnny? I loved him so much, I could never hurt him.

Surprisingly, being…with Johnny wasn't that much different from…not being with him. He still hung out with the guys and was in rumbles and still stayed over almost every night…but now we talked a lot more. We sat on the front steps a lot more too and watched the sunset together. We walked to the park together and to the Drive-In, but that was about it. But…I don't know. Every time I was with that boy—I felt like I was flying. Every time he kissed me, I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world. And every time we laid there in the vacant lot, looking up at the stars, his arms around me, I felt like I was in the arms of an angel—a delicate, hurt, lost angel, but an angel that would protect me and an angel I would take care of forever.

After five months of us being together, the guys were finally so used to the idea of Johnny having a girlfriend—not to mention the Curtis' sister—that it didn't even faze them anymore…they didn't even notice anymore. I started hanging out with the gang more and I become almost…one of the guys. I had never been uncomfortable around them, they were my family after all, but I usually just kept to myself all the time.

Things were wonderful. We had been going out for almost a year—it would have been a year in a few months anyways. But then…that night had to happen. Johnny, Ponyboy, and Dally were going to the movies. I decided not to go, since I was feeling sick and was running a fever a mile high.

"You sure?" Johnny had asked me, right before they were about to leave. I nodded and smiled at him.

"Wouldn't want you all gettin' sick," I said, giving him a gentle push out the door. He grinned at me and gave me a quick kiss before following Ponyboy and Dally out the door. I didn't know it then, but that would be the last kiss I would never get from my Johnnycake.

When Ponyboy didn't come home right away, we all knew something was wrong. And when he did come back, I was sound asleep on the sofa with Soda laying the other way. Darry was the only one up. But both Soda and I were wide awake the second Darry yelled at Pony. And when he yelled at Soda…I knew something bad was going to happen.

"Don't yell Darry," I said in a hushed voice. Darry whirled on me and I winced.

"Stay out of this Nell," he growled.

And then he had hit Ponyboy. My heart had stopped. The whole entire room was quiet. Soda's eyes were big and round and I put my hands to my mouth. Darry looked horrified. Ponyboy just got up off the floor slowly, and looked at Darry with such a quiet passion of hate that I almost cried out. Then he had taken off into the night.

"Pony—I didn't mean it!" Darry had shouted after him. His shouts were in vain.

I don't think I slept a wink those five days Johnny and Pony were gone. And then when the article came out that Johnny had killed someone—I felt so sick. I tried and tried to get Dally to tell me where they were, but he wouldn't say a word. I cried many nights, wishing I knew where my brother and Johnny were. And then the fire. That damn fatal fire.

When Darry, Soda, and I had found out that Pony was at the hospital and so was Johnny and Dally, we were there in a flash. I was never so happy to see my brother before. I hugged him to death and couldn't stop the tears. I begged and begged to see Johnny but the doctor wouldn't let me—wouldn't let any of us. The doctor told us he was in critical condition, and that was that. I wanted to shoot that doctor.

I visited Johnny while he was in the hospital. Every time I choked back my sobs and tried to act strong.

"Johnny," I breathed, the first time I was allowed to see him, after everybody else in the gang had already saw him. My voice was unsteady and shaky. "It's me Nell."

Johnny opened his eyes and grinned at me. "Hey Nelly."

That was the last time he ever called me Nelly.

The rumble happened. I think you know how that went…I rushed to the hospital the minute the boys left to go to the rumble. I sat with Johnny while he slept, praying to God he'd wake up. He did, the minute Dally and Ponyboy came rushing into the room. I sat up in alarm at the state they were in.

"What—Dally…Pony?" I was at a loss for words.

Johnny looked in so much pain. I watched on as he struggled to talk but Dally told him to stop.

"Nell," Johnny rasped out. I was trying so hard not to lose it. I walked over to him and knelt by his bed. "I…just wanted to say I really liked watchin' all those sunsets with you. I love you Nell."

"Johnny…I love you too, Johnny," I managed to choke out as the tears fell down my face. "Please Johnny, don't go. We can't make it with out you…don't go."

I didn't want to let go of his hand, but I knew he wanted to talk to Ponyboy. I didn't know what he said to him, but whatever he said to Ponyboy were his last words. Dally, Ponyboy and I stood there, looking down at our friend, praying to God we'd wake up from that nightmare.

After that night—after Dally died, and Pony got real sick—nothing ever was the same. We all loved Dally and Johnny so much…they could never be replaced. They were watching down on us from above. I knew that.

Pony's grades slipped and he never ate. He was a real mess; I could see it in his eyes. Soda grinned less, and Darry and Pony stopped bickering so much. As for me…I stopped talking to everyone and usually just stayed in my room, trying to make it through each day.

It's been three years since we lost Dally and Johnny, but everyday I think of them. I think of Dally and I think of Johnny, and how much I wish they could be back here with us. I miss Dally, and I miss Johnny so, so much. They were too young to die…too much to live for.

I've tried moving on, but it's so hard. I've had boyfriends since Johnny died…but it'd never be the same. I will never love anyone the way I loved Johnny Cade. The way I still love Johnny Cade.

Johnny Cade.

A lost, scared, hurt boy. A Southern gentleman.

The only boy I ever loved. I'll love Johnny Cade my whole life, until the day I die.

So how did you like it? I don't know, it didn't turn out how I wanted it but what can you do. Review please. :) Love & Strawberries, The Good Girl.