Disclaimer: Jean threw the disclaimer at Scott. Make up your own.

"You have to be the most selfish, inconsiderate, sexist pig I have ever met!"

Scott ducked as the iron he'd bought for Jean's Christmas present and wrapped up lovingly, thinking about how her eyes would light up when she saw the thoughtful gift, whizzed past his head. For a moment he thought he'd avoided it, then it curved around and hit him from behind, knocking him to the floor.

"An iron? You bought me an iron?" Jean brandished the wrapping paper at him, possibly the only person he knew who could make that look threatening.

"I-I thought you needed one…"

Not the right thing to say. Jean bent down and shoved the paper down his throat. "Are you saying I look rumpled?"

"No!"

"All I wanted was a nice gift! Jewellery maybe, chocolates, some expensive trinket. And you buy me an iron?"

The Christmas tree levitated in the air and flew at him with deadly force. Scott dived away and decided it might be prudent to get the hell away from the mansion until the holiday season was over. He ran for the door, dodging the various things flying at his head, and fled. There wasn't even time for him to stop for his car and besides, the keys were in the same room as his temporarily psycho girlfriend.

About a mile from the Institute he slowed, trying to catch his breath. He couldn't go back to the mansion without being dismembered. Where could he hide until New Years?

The Brotherhood house? No, he didn't want to be ridiculed even if they did let him through the door.

Danielle Moonstar? No, he didn't know her that well.

Forge? Now that was an idea. He could hide out with Forge until Jean calmed down and then the boy could keep in touch with the X-Men and see if his girlfriend was still pissed.

Tramping through the crisp winter snow, he made his way to Forge's place. The house was illuminated by fairy lights and a deceptively jolly Santa was climbing the roof. With a sigh, he knocked on the door.

"Scott!" Forge threw the door open, the sweater with a reindeer on making Cyclops shudder. "Come on in!"

"I need a place to hide," said Scott as he made his way inside.

"You came to the right place," replied Forge. "My parents went to visit my Aunt this morning and I decided not to go in case I freaked her out. I thought I'd be all alone with the liquor collection!"

Half an hour later, the boys were deep in a bottle of Jack Daniels and Scott was staring morosely into his glass. "I thought she'd like an iron. I'd like an iron. Who wouldn't?"

"Girls are strange," said Forge, topping up his glass. "You buy them an iron, they think it's an affront to their femimim – their femininin – their rights."

"It was a good iron too." Scott frowned as he considered all the expensive extras. "Not your run-of-the-mill crap iron. A good one. Wasn't even on sale."

"Thass the risk you run when you date." Forge glanced down at his sweater. "Maybe you should have bought her one of these."

"I juss wonder, it's not like she's the only girl in the world," slurred Scott. "Plenty of girls would give their, their…"

"Teeth?"

"Yeah, their teeth to date me, and those other things, you know, pink…"

"Hairdryers?"

"Yeah hairdryers. Just to date me. Rogue was interested once y'know. Warm for my form. Bet she'd like a hairdryer. I mean, iron. Bet Gambit bought her something cheap like, uh, flowers. Or stole something. That's not romantic like an iron."

"Hmm." Forge was getting an idea that would have seemed stupid had he not been so drunk. "I've got an idea. I've been working on an invention that takes you into alternate worlds. I bet we could set it to girlfriend."

"What are you saying?"

"I might be able to send you into an alternate dimension where you're dating Rogue."

"Really?" Had he been sober, Scott wouldn't have considered it, but Jean had really hurt his feelings, not to mention his head, by throwing his present at him. "Let's do it then!"

Forge vanished upstairs and came back with a gun that looked surprisingly like a pink hairdryer with add-ons. "I've set it to girlfriends – just one thing. You're taking over the body of some one else, some other Scott Summers, so you have to pretend you've always been there, no matter what, or else you might destroy the universe. Got it?"

"Yeah yeah. Don't destroy the universe." Scott waited for Forge to fire the hairdryer/gun at him, enveloped in a blue light, feeling his molecules tingle…

"Ready?"

"What?" Scott decided that the tingly molecules had to be down to the whisky and nodded. "Yeah, ready. See what life would be like if I was appreciated."

Forge fired the gun and Scott vanished.

00000000000000000000000000

"Oh crap." Scott opened one eye blearily as the early morning sunlight filtered onto his face. His mouth felt like an elderly baboon had urinated in it and his head pounded.

"Poor baby." He felt a soothing hand on his forehead. "You want me to get you some coffee?"

"Yeah," croaked Scott, remembering the weird dream he'd had the night before. How far fetched had that been? As if Jean wouldn't appreciate his iron.

"Ah told you not to drink it all at once."

Something about the voice wasn't quite right. Scott rolled over on the bed and found himself looking not at Jean but…

"ROGUE!?"

"Who else?" Rogue climbed out of bed stark naked and in spite of the weirdness of the situation, he couldn't help checking her out. "OK Dorian, you can stop it now."

Scott sat bolt upright, ignoring the bolt of pain in his temples. "DORIAN? What the hell is that kid doing in here?"

Rogue gave him an exasperated look. "How else would we get it on? Dorian stays in here and keeps mah powers turned off."

"He watches?"

"He sells videotapes to the kids at school. Ah have to admit, ah never imagined losing mah virginity wearing a demon mask and a pink Afro wig."

"That's disgusting!"

"That's what ah said, but you said no one would know it was us. I dunno about that actually, the New Recruits have been giving me some funny looks lately."

"This was my idea?"

"You're the pervert." Rogue paused as she was putting on her robe. "You're acting like you never heard of this before."

"I…" Scott suddenly remembered Forge's warning, he wasn't allowed to change things or let on that anything was strange or else the universe would explode. "I'm just hung over."

"Ah'll say." Rogue shooed a sniggering Dorian out of the door. "Ah was a bit nervous about getting Dorian in the backseat of the convertible and doing it on Lookout point, but you were right about the stain-resistant seats."

"Oh my…" Scott ducked under the covers and cringed. After Rogue had left the room, he cringed some more. Then when she came back with the coffee, he drank it in a hurry and decided to get dressed. Surely he wouldn't be in this crazy dimension for long.

He pulled back the blankets and screamed.

"What? What's wrong?" Rogue gave him a look of concern.

"What the hell is that thing in my cock?"

"It's the piercing ah got you for Christmas. You said you wanted one. Ah know it's a bit swollen, but ah told you to go easy and would you listen? Three times is too many on a new piercing."

Scott jumped out of bed and looked in the mirror, taking in the long dyed hair and various facial piercings. "I'm a Goth!?"

"Are you sire you're feeling OK?"

"Gotta go see Forge!" Scott bolted from the room, leaving Rogue staring after him. He fled down the stairs and almost crashed into Jean at the bottom.

"Scott," she said sternly. "How many times have you been told about running around naked?"

"Uh…" Scot suddenly realised he'd forgotten to put on pants. "Never?"

"Never, yeah right." Jean crossed her arms and frowned at him. "I don't mind what you and Rogue and Dorian do in the privacy of your own room, though I can't say I approve of a little boy watching your depraved shenanigans, but I really don't want to see you waving that thing in my face – is that a piercing?"

"No! Well, uh, yeah. But…" Scott trailed off as Sam wandered over and put his arm around Jean.

"You do know it's snowing outside?" Sam attempted to look concerned but Scott knew he was secretly sniggering. "You might want to protect the family jewels."

"Thanks for the concern, Cannonball." Scott glared as Sam kissed Jean on the cheek. It was OK for him to see what life would be like with a different girlfriend, but he certainly hadn't wanted Jean to be dating some one else. He'd rather expected her to be pining over him.

Rogue stormed down the stairs, carrying a pair of PVC pants. She threw them at him angrily. "Put those on. Ah don't want the whole mansion seeing what they're missing. Ah don't know what's gotten in to you today Scott, but after the whole 'iron for Christmas' thing, you're on thin ice!"

Scott looked doubtfully at the pants as the other three walked off without him and began trying to pull them on. It took him a while, but he finally managed it. Feeling a little ridiculous, he hurried out of the door and ran to Forge's house.

"Scott?" Forge looked confused when he saw who was at the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I gotta tell you something." Scott pushed him into the house. "You used your stupid alternate dimension gun on me and now I'm a Goth!"

"You mean you're from another dimension?" Forge looked pleased. "I knew that thing would work!"

"And now you've got to send me back!"

"I dunno Scott. I mean, I don't know what alternate-me was thinking when he tested it – was he drunk?"

"Very."

"Figures. I might screw up."

"Look, you set it to girlfriend. Couldn't you just do that again?"

"Perhaps. But don't blame me if it goes wrong." Forge went off and got the gun, still resembling a pink hairdryer with add-ons, from his room.

"Before I go," said Scott hesitantly. "What am I like here?"

"Probably the same as you are in your own world. You like goofing off and racing your motorbike, getting into fights, wearing make-up…"

"Enough already!" Scott wondered what the hell he'd been thinking. "Just send me home. Back to a world where I'm dating Jean."

"Jean? You?" Forge laughed. "Cannonball's the leader of the X-Men, smart, funny, clean cut – why the hell would she date you?"

"Shut up Forge."

"OK." Forge noted the ingratitude and made a minor adjustment to the guns setting. "Ready to go?"

He fired the gun at Scott and in a flash of blue light Cyclops vanished.