Arthur's Bad Day

Arthur woke up. He yawned, looked around, panicked slightly, and then remembered where he was. Yes, the Earth HAD blown up and he WAS on a spaceship in the middle of nowhere. The spaceship was, in fact, the Heart of Gold, and he was on it all alone, due to a number of interesting circumstances it would be best not to explain.

Arthur searched for answers from his recumbent position on the floor, and decided it would be a lot easier if he just stood up. He did so, straightening out his bathrobe, and was immensely pleased to find that he was holding a teabag. This was also due to the number of interesting circumstances that will be left to speculation.

Grinning, Arthur ran to the kitchen where he put a kettle on to boil. Even the annoying whistle of the robotic stove didn't phase his mood. He even began to sing along, which was a mistake, as he was tone-deaf. He placed the teabag in the cup, which he had taken out.

Finally, he removed the kettle from the stove and poured the water into the cup, humming tunelessly as he did so.

With a flash, Ford Prefect appeared in the kitchen. This was due to a second set of interesting circumstances that followed the number of interesting circumstances that were not explained. This second set will not be explained either.

"Hello Ford," said Arthur, blowing gently across the top of the tea.

"Hello Arthur," said Ford, "Aren't you going to ask me how I got here?"

"No."

"It was due to a second set of interesting circumstances," said Ford, ignoring Arthur entirely.

"Really?" said Arthur, "Were they as interesting as the number of interesting set of circumstances that came first?"

"Not quite," said Ford.

"Oh," said Arthur, "Those were definitely some interesting circumstances."

"I'd even go as far to say they were the most interesting circumstances ever."

"They WERE quite interesting," agreed Arthur.

"So," said Ford, "What are you drinking?"

"This? It's a cup of tea." With a wild scream, Ford dashed the cup from Arthur's hands. It smashed on the floor, and was quickly cleaned up by a happy little robot.

"Ggggggh," said Arthur.

"Have you drunk any yet?" Ford asked anxiously. Arthur, speechless, shook his head 'no'.

"Thank STAN," said Ford, "You're alright, then." Arthur suddenly regained his voice.

"All right!?" he screamed, "ALL RIGHT? You just smashed what was going to be the first cup of tea I've had for…for…for a very long time! And I'm NOT very happy about it! At all!" Ford calmly took out his towel from his satchel.

"Twist this. It'll make you feel better." Arthur did so, screaming about all the horrible things he was going to do to Ford although he wasn't certain what they were going to be yet. Eventually, he stopped screaming, and simply whimpered slightly.

"There, there," said Ford politely, patting Arthur on the head, "I had a perfectly good reason."

"Really," said Arthur miserably.

"Yes," said Ford, "Fold the towel and put it behind your head."

"What?"

"Just do it."

"All right, what now?"

"The reason," said Ford, "that I smashed the tea is a very good one. The new President of the Galaxy has just announced that tea is against the law."

There was a minute of silence as Arthur let Ford's statement sink in.

"Ngha…" said Arthur, and crumpled gently to the floor. After a while, he woke up.

"Oh good," he said, "It was just a horrible dream."

"No, it wasn't," said Ford.

"Oh," said Arthur, "I guess I'd better faint, then."

So he did.

I should point out something. Even though I think Douglas Adams is brilliant, I am not trying to write in his style. This is my own style. So, that said, comments about how it's 'not quite like DNA' don't really apply.

Because I know. That's on purpose.

Please review!