DISCLAIMER! (I remembered! lol!)

I DON'T OWN FFVII OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS (but I do plan to work for SquareEnix someday! grins

WARNING!: This is an R-rated fic. Mostly because of Cid. Cid, all around, is generally an R-rated sort of guy. He can't help it, and we love him anyway. BUT! This is also rated because it is YAOI. if you don't know what yaoi is, you'd better just turn around slowly and then run away screaming. ( ) ) And, being yaoi, and R rated, there will probably be your fair share of Lemony Yaoi Goodness as well.
Finally, if you're not into the Cid X Vincent thing. Go away. Just do it. You'll hate the whole fic. You wouldn't want to read something you'd hate, now, would you?

A note to my past readers: Keep yer toes crossed, but this should probably have a far better plot than New Life did . Again, people, slap me for that fic, /please/

OK! ONWARD TO THE FIC! I'm not yacking anymore! Its all been said: you've been warned!

Finding the Spirit

1 - In the beginning there was... broken heaters and rain?

He shivered. Damn, why'd it have to be so cold in here? True, it was well into winter... Still, it was only cold in the barest millimeters past his skin, which was shining with sweat. He grunted, giving another firm push, gritting his teeth. Sometimes he had to be rough with his baby, but it was worth it. Something deep under his touch shifted, and there was a low whine, a burst of energy.

Something in The Highwind finally roared to life.

Cid sat back, wiping the sweat from his brow, heaving a sigh. Damn, that'd been tough work. Still, Cid looked around the cramped workspace he'd crawled into, the smell of metal and clean oil tickling his sinuses, it was all worth it.

Maybe now the heater would work again. He pulled the sleeves down on his jacket, frowning at the wrinkled forearms -he almost always had them rolled up. Still, it was cold. Cid was cold, and there were times when even the gruff, spitting, smoking, swearing pilot had to swallow his pride. Cid straightened up as he crawled out of the little work hole, brushed himself off, straightened his scarf and flight goggles, and lit a cigarette.

"Captain!" Cid turned quickly at the call of one of his crewmembers.

"Eh?" He grunted. He rarely need coherent speech with his men. They knew him too well already.

"Everything work out alright for you?" The younger man asked, a glimmer of worry in his pale eyes. Cid let a rather crooked smile curl up around his cigarette.

"Don't worry, pilot. We'll warm up soon enough." The younger smiled thankfully at Cid's reassurance.

"Thank the Planet, I was --"

"Freezin' yer fuckin' balls off?" Cid cut him off, finishing for him. The young man, a boy, really, smiled sheepishly.

"Something like that, Sir." He replied, allowing his smile to grow. Cid snorted out a small chuckle, and with a half-hearted wave, wandered off down the hallway.

Cid closed his eyes as he walked. He knew every square inch of this airship better than he knew himself -really- and knew he would not misstep if he wasn't looking. He took a deep breath, reveling in the smell of the clean, smooth machinery, letting his ears hone in on the language of the great plane, her soft, subtle humming speech telling him all her needs, desires, and concerns. Cid melted deeper in to the soft, steady sounds, and eventually frowned. One of the props needed work, outside... It wasn't a problem yet...but something sounded a little off. No worry. He shrugged it off. It'll be fine for now. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be warmer and have the backup I need to crawl out over the hull with a can of oil and a rope...

Cid paused. He'd nearly overshot his destination in his immersion in the Highwind. He turned, and reached out, only now opening his eyes, hand resting on a single doorknob. Bingo.He smiled wryly. Right where he'd expected it. Right room and everything. He knocked with his other hand, already turning the in." Cid swung the door open, grinning.

"Heya, Vin!" He chimed, puffing his chest out a little without even noticing it. Vincent Valentine, Ex-Turk and former hero as a member of AVALANCHE, looked up at Cid with blank eyes.

"Don't call me 'Vin', Highwind." He said softly. Cid sighed forlornly to himself. When was this spook going to thaw out a little?!

"Sure thing, Valentine." Cid said. For some reason, he had this insatiable urge to poke and prod at poor Vincent today. He didn't even know why, but he felt a distinct feeling of satisfaction as Vincent's eyes narrowed dangerously. Anyone else might have been terrified, but Cid was too busy with his own smug pride to even notice. "Anyway," He went on, not entirely oblivious, but intending to act so. "Fixed the heating system. Things should thaw out pretty soon." He boasted cheerfully.

"Very well." There was a long, stretching silence. Cid's smile froze where it was, then slowly melted off his face. Such a stiff...

"So, anyway... we'll all warm up soon." He said in some desperate form of goodbye, and turned, retreating out of the gloom that seemed to be emanating from Vincent. "And maybe you could take a lesson or two from the ambient air temperature..." He muttered darkly to himself as he stepped out.

Vincent sat quietly, watching Cid retreat. He waited until he could hear the latch click softly and the door shut completely.

"I heard that." He said in a soft whisper to the door.

"CLOUD!" Cid pounded on the blondes door, trying to shake the disappointment he felt after his 'conversation' with Vincent. It wasn't like he'd expected or even hoped for any better, and he didn't understand why it was bothering him. He waited, and pounded on the door again. "DAMNIT, STRIFE! OPEN UP!" He sensed someone walking down the hallway, but ignored them, and pounded roughly against the door, again. Whoever it was paused, and reached over his shoulder to open the door casually. Cid choked mentally, and turned around to see Cloud standing behind him, smiling wryly.

"Has it ever occurred to you, Captain, that some people like a little fresh air, even on a cold day?" Cid snorted.

"No. Whatzit to ya?" He responded. Cloud chuckled, stepping past him into his room.

"Let me guess, the heat's back on." Cloud went on coolly. Cid sighed, defeated.

"Yeah, just finished fixin' it. Will ya tell anyone else who might /care/ please?" Cid said halfheartedly. Cloud turned, eyebrow raised in surprise. Did he just say 'please'??!But Cid had turned away, closing Cloud's door in his face as he went. Cloud shrugged it off, turning back into his room.

Cid probably could have used the socialization, going to the other individual rooms of the other members of AVALANCHE, but somehow, his interaction with Vincent, and furthermore with Cloud, had dampened his spirits, leaving him feel rather rejected.

This was supposed to be fun...He thought bitterly. Merry fuckin' X-Mas. YeeshHe sighed heavily. They'd all gotten together and were flying to Wutai for a little holiday get-together after several years of minimal contact. Meteor had long been defeated, along with Sephiroth and ShinRa and all that other crap, and Cid, now nearly forty, found himself simply wishing he could go back home. Some holiday spirit I have...

He paused again, closing his eyes. It was a meditive habit, listening to his planes in motion, and he let the steady sounds calm him. Damn...there's that ping again... He tilted his head in several directions, honing in on the sound within the giant ship. ...There...He opened his eyes again, and sighed. Might as well...He went down to one of the several tool closets within the Highwind, and then changed direction, climbing up several flights of steps, crossing catwalks, and finally opened a small hatch, barely wide enough for him to squeeze through, head emerging into the cold December air, at high altitude.

"Shit!" He snapped his head back into the relative warmth of the interior, pulling his goggles down, and his scarf and collar up. Fucking cold... I hate the winter...Crawling out fully this time, Cid edged his way across the fragile metal shell, crawling towards one of the suspended propellers carefully, head and shoulders hunched to avoid some of the biting cold. He paused, reaching the cylindrical shell around the motor to the propeller, which was spinning dangerously overhead, and with a few careful taps in the right spots, a hidden compartment popped open. Cid smiled wryly, the cause of the ping instantly obvious. "You stupid fucks..." He muttered, chasing out a few small rodents -which fell to their deaths several miles below- of the motor compartment, and quickly pulled out the strange components of what had been a nest. He found several interesting things, including a small metal washer, two screws, a gold-tipped bullet that Cid could only guess once belonged to Vincent, two pink hair ties, a whole ball of thread, a faded rubber band, a half pound of lint, and one of his lost buttons to his favorite shirt. Cid pocketed the salvageable items and let the rest meet the same fate as the critters that had put them there in the first place. This isn't so bad...He thought, somewhat bemused by his findings. Cid began to think twice when several large droplets of water splashed against his goggles and nose. They were freezing cold, and he swore again. A few more spatters of rain sprinkled against Cid's face and the hull of the Highwind, then, as if a switch had been flipped, it began to pour. "FUCK!" Cid cried, instantly drenched. He hurried, applying a small coating of oil to soothe whatever rough spots might have been caused in the internal workings of his baby because of the critter nest, then turned, packing his unused tools away, and crawled unsteadily back to the still open hatch leading inside.

Cid slipped twice climbing back down the ladder, knocking his chin once firmly enough to make him see stars. Fortunately, he hadn't slipped clean off the top of his plane. For that, he was grateful. For the rest, he hated the world, god, and anything else that happened to cross his will.

Finally, he sank to the floor, grateful, for a few moments, for somewhat stable ground. He ran a hand through his soaking hair, an shivered. Stupid winter...crap weather...He thought balefully. He stood again, shakily, though he didn't notice it yet. Shivering, he wandered back down to normal levels, leaving puddles of rainwater behind him.

By the time Cid was walking down the hallway back to his own room, he was shaking so badly he could barely walk, his teeth chattering badly, his nose running from the cold. At least it's warming up a little, right?

Cid was so busy trying to put one foot in front of the other, still oblivious to his condition, at least on any conscious level, that he didn't notice Vincent stepping out of his own room.

"Highwind, are you--?" Vincent asked in surprise at the sight of Cid, blue -tinted and shivering, and soaked to the bone. "Cid! What happened to your face?!" He cut himself off and changed questions as Cid came into view more clearly, the lower side of his jaw a royal shade of purplish blue, and heading towards the greenish side. It was one hell of a shiner, and Vincent knew it must have hurt.

Cid frowned. "My face is fine, thank you." He said hoarsely. Vincent shook his head in negation.

"No, your jaw's completely bruised up, what happened?" Vincent corrected. Cid's eyes narrowed.

"'Th' hell did you become so damned talkative?" Cid growled irritably. Vincent was caught taken aback. His jaw worked in silence, too stunned at the moment to talk. Cid leaned against the wall, his head spinning slightly. Fucking hell... I didn't mean that...He thought sadly. He looked up at the gunman. "Look, I just slipped 'n a ladder. 'll be fine..." He said, his voice slurring slightly under the chills racking him. Cid closed his eyes, still leaning.

"Highwind, you need to get into some dry clothes." Vincent pointed out. Cid peeled one eye open. It was incredibly hard work.

"'M fine." He said firmly. He lurched away from the wall, and started his way back down the hallway, staggering slightly. Vincent watched him go in concern, still too taken aback by Cid's appearance and words to do anything. It was Vincent's greatest weakness: his silence, but it was one that he couldn't quite overcome.

Cid tripped and fell just as he was opening the door to his room, falling face first onto thankfully carpeted floor. He crawled up, groaning, off the plush surface, and turned enough to kick the door shut. Shit...He shivered again, coughing. He staggered back to his feet, just making it to his closet. He found a sweater and sweat pants, tossed them on the bed, managed to strip down out of his sopping clothes, kicking them all off into one corner-he didn't exactly care right now what the water did to his carpet - and struggled through the simple motions of dressing himself again. He broke into another coughing fit, and collapsed into bed, barely managing to actually pull one of the heavy comforters over his shaking body before gladly letting himself lapse into unconsciousness

"Hey, Cloud, aren't we supposed to be landing soon?" Tifa asked anxiously, glancing over at the slightly shorter man. Cloud nodded, looking around.

"Yeah. We're almost there." He agreed.

"Shouldn't Cid be up here? Where is he?" Tifa pressed. Overhearing, Nanaki, once known as Red XIII padded up to rest on his haunches at Tifa's feet.

"I haven't seen him all morning." Nanaki observed. Cloud frowned, looking around at the crew surrounding them. They'd all come up to the bridge for a view of Wutai from the sky.

"Have any of you seen the Captain?" Cloud asked loudly to the crew. The all looked up, shaking their heads, and exchanging nonchalant expressions.

Vincent stood in a shadowy corner, listening to the conversation focused around Cloud, wondering if he should speak up. He sighed stepping foreword, still not drawing the attentions of the others. He cleared his throat, and Tifa and Nanaki's heads snapped around. Cloud turned more slowly.

"I saw him last night. He didn't look entirely healthy." Vincent informed.

"What? Why not?" Tifa pressed.

"I do not know, but he was soaked to the bone, which may have a lot to do with it."

Cloud frowned.

"The hell was he doing soaking wet?"

"I can hardly imagine. Perhaps someone should check on him."

Cid trembled, breathing rough, body burning. He coughed violently, rolling over in his sleep. His world spun in black incoherency, fever-high nightmares wracking his nerves, increasing the agony digging into every fiber of his being. He was conscious- though from the outside one wouldn't be able to tell. His lungs burned, his eyes ached, and he was freezing. His teeth hurt from clenching them against the discomfort. His brow was sore from clamping his eyes shut so hard. He had the distinct urge to cry. But, somehow, past his delirium, he knew that he could not, /would/ not cry when he couldn't even consciously recall his name. He spun through the night, not sure if a minute or a year would pass at any given time.

A million years later, past the heat and the cold and the pain, Cid sensed a change around him. It seemed distant, as if viewed or heard from a long distance. A bar of light into his dark, humid room, the presence of others, voices, softly whispered, but so clear they might as well screamed their words. God, his head hurt.

"Ssh, oh good, he's still asleep." Tifa whispered, glancing back to Vincent and Nanaki. The great cat lifted his nose in the air, sniffing.

"He's really sick."

"You can tell just from the smell?" Tifa asked, surprised.

"I'm sure if you paid attention even you could pick up the smell of sickness in this room, Tifa." Nanaki pointed out. Vincent agreed, though he didn't say anything. There was that thick, sickly sweet smell to the air, though it wasn't strong, more a subconscious sense than actual notable scent. He knew Tifa would notice it too. Tifa strode into the room bravely, Nanaki padding quietly behind. Vincent hung back in the doorway, feeling uncomfortable. Tifa rested the back of her wrist against Cid's forehead, snatching her hand away again as if she'd been burned.

"My god..." She murmured, alarmed. "Someone needs to keep a close watch on him... he's burning up." She announced.

"You're probably the best person for the job, Tifa." Nanaki observed. Tifa made a face.

"Ugh... I don't' want to put up with the profanity when he wakes up. Not to mention his mood." Tifa said, backing away from the crumpled form in the bed.

"Oh, Tifa..." Nanaki chided.

Cid felt a moment's bliss as something soft and cool pressed against his forehead. There was nothing like the gentle touch of a woman to make you feel better when in fact, you felt like living crap.

"My god... Someone needs to keep a close watch on him..." Cid vaguely realized that he was 'him' and that something was horribly wrong.

"You're probably the person for the job, Tifa." Who was that?

"Ugh..." What? "I don't want to put up with the profanity when he wakes up. Not to mention his mood." Cid felt a pang of defiant anger, but didn't have the energy to even clue off to his visitors that he was coherent enough to follow their conversation.

"Oh, Tifa..." Atta boy!

"No, really. He's /awful/! He's never grateful, never pleasant, and god, he can be such a /jerk/!" Cid felt his anger turn to another sharp pain within him. I'm.../awful/...?Somehow, he'd never realized that he was /that/ offensive. "Tell me, Nanaki, would /you/ want to do something like take care of someone hand and foot for god knows how long, when all the thanks you're gunna get is a stream of profanity and lewd comments?!" Cid choked, the emotional pain unbearable. He'd never realized... He burst into a coughing fit, the tremors fueled by his upset.

Tifa's head spun around as Cid sat up, coughing violently, eyes wide open, but horribly unfocused.

"Cid!" She cried, turning back to him. "Are you alright...?" She trailed off at the empty look he gave her.

"'m fine. Just need to sleep 't off..." He muttered coldly, sinking back into bed, rolling over, away from them all. Tifa glared at his back, and turned and left swiftly, Nanaki bounding out after her.

Outside, Tifa shut the door to Cid's room quickly, and turned back to her two companions.

"See what I mean?!" Nanaki and Vincent both rolled their eyes. Unfortunately, Tifa caught Vincent, who was right in front of her, in the act. "Okay, fine. You take care of him if you don't believe me!" She cried, storming off without another word. Vincent and Nanaki exchanged glances.

"PMS." Nanaki muttered, and bounded off after her, leaving Vincent, again, to his lonesome. Vincent stood, just, standing there, for a very long moment. He stared absently at Cid's shut door. Finally, he looked up at the ceiling in exasperation.

"Why me?!" With that, he opened the door and crept back into the dark room, feeling unusually anxious.

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Authors Notes:

I'm back! grins I'm going to warn you all right now this kinda involves my own search for the Chrismas Spirit. Expect it to grow sappy, smutty, and self-gratifying.

Another thing I want to mention is there are all kinds of religions out there, some that concern Christmas, some that dont. I myself am a Christmas pseron. Still, I don't mean to exclude anyone, or insult or anything else.

I jsut dont know better. . That said, I hope you enjoy this! :) :)

One more!: I threw this out at the beloved CidxVin yahoo group i'm a member of, and someone seemed a little insulted by the PMS comment. Ok. I'm a girl, and I know Pms.(it sucks!) Most likely, all the readers are women as well(don't be mad if I'm wrong, please!), as I have yet to meet a guy who's interested in yaoi. (laughs) Please don't be insulted by this. Its just a boyish offhanded comment that would mostl likely be made, especially given Tifa's mood. . :)

MRE