A/N: Hey you guys, I totally get that it's been about more than a year since I updated. I lost the draft with ideas I had for this story, and I never quite got over it. Been busy too, being a teenager is no joke. However, severe boredom has forced me to return to my love. Not writing (lovely though it is.). Sirius Black! EEEE!
Brief recap of what happened. Andrea gets introduced, turns Sirius down. Sirius is scarred, but determined to succeed. He has brilliant plan and he hates strawberries. Ok. I never claimed to be good at writing summaries.
Disclaimer: I own naught.
3.32 p.m.
Am digging about 7th year boy's dormitory so that genius plan may proceed!
Searching for: All bits of parchment in which James scribbles of his love for Lily.
Rebel Sheep Say Moo will live!
I know I haven't quite specified my plan yet, but you're smart, Fleas. You'll figure it out.
Nothing will deter the great Sirius Black!
4.37 p.m.
Am deterred.
Have been rummaging through piles and piles of clothes, socks, boxers, pranks and various other memorabilia.
Have found just about everything but parchment I was looking for.
List Of Crap Found While Proceeding With Brill Plan
1) My transfiguration homework from 2nd year that I never passed up.
2) One side of James's old screaming socks.
3) The wheel of cheese Wormtail brought up once. He never ate it, but that's alright, because the fungi that's growing on it's benefiting.
4) 157 Chocolate Frog cards. The frogs themselves, sadly, weren't present
5) A bright pink bra. Either there is something very wrong with my mates or someone's been busy!
I've dug just about everywhere, but I can't find that blasted file where Prongs keeps his Lily junk! I mean, I've searched the bathroom, the closets, the linings of the curtains… The only place I haven't looked is underneath his mattress. Obviously he wouldn't hide it there. That's about the first place anyone would look. No one would be that stupid.
Then again, we are talking about the boy who is even now, looking for strawberries.
Right. That decides it.
4.39 p.m.
Amazingly, I have found the folder. Inside is… well… it's Lily.
Not to say that Lily is inside (that would be rather disturbing.), it's just that everything in it is Lily related.
There are loads of pictures of her. She's not smiling in any of them, so I' m guessing that it was taken while she was unawares. Yet, out of about 50 pictures of that girl, there's one photo of a treacle tart.
That's my Prongs.
There aren't just photos, there are drawings. Black and white sketches, water colours… all of Lily.
I never knew Prongs was such an artist.
Though an artist with a slightly skewed mind. I don't quite recall Hogwarts uniforms being quite so low cut. Nor Lily having such a large chest, for that matter.
Nevertheless! This shall all go into the plan!
Except for the photos of her. These shall be returned, because they're just too damn stalker-like.
The one of the treacle tart however, I'm keeping.
10. 27 a.m.
Now that I have advanced in my role as cupid (and not a better looking cupid you will find), my own love life is in need of attention.
Not that it is to say, ailing in anyway.
That, Fleas, would be blasphemy.
I quite like the word blasphemy.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand.
And that is, of course, Andrea Rose. (rubs hands together.)
I have obviously thought of amazing and inventive new ways to win her heart. Trust me, Fleas, she'll be in the palm of my hand by the end of today.
Note Passing Session During History Of Magic
Me: Mr. Padfoot has a brill scheme.
Moony: (Edges chair away.)
Prongs: Mr. Prongs fears the worst.
Wormtail: Mr. Wormtail would like to enquire as what this 'brill scheme' would entail to. If it involves a certain Slytherin's boxers again, then Mr. Wormtail will have a sudden and unavoidable need to go to the Hospital Wing.
Me: Mr. Padfoot is offended. (Gives adorable puppy-dog look. This is a deadly look, Fleas. Girls have swooned at my feet because of this look.)
Moony: Alright. Get it over with.
Me: Mr. Padfoot would like to applaud Mr. Moony's enthusiasm.
Prongs: Would this have something to do with a certain Andrea Rose?
Me: You guessed right, my lovesick friend! I have a plan.
Wormtail: What?
Prongs: I am NOT lovesick.
Me: Brace yourselves, lads. This is something only a true lurve professor would think of! But even with my vast knowledge of the subject, I'm going to need your contributions!
Moony: You do realize that there's no such word as 'lurve', right?
Me: (ignores Moony, the wet blanket he is.) Pick-up lines!
(For several minutes, there is no writing at all. Rest of the Marauders are staring at parchment blankly. Obviously stunned by my genius. Decided to prompt them by giving examples.)
Me: I could walk up to her and say something like, "Stand still so I can pick you up!"
Moony: Oh dear lord.
Wormtail: Do these kind of things actually work on girls?
Prongs: Only if they have all the intellect of a rock.
Wormtail: Then there must be a lot of stupid girls in this school.
Prongs: But not MY Lily!
Me: Yes, not lovely Strawberry Queen Lily. Can we get back to me?
Moony: Let me get this straight. You want us to give you corny pick-up lines so that you can get a date with Rose?
Me: Spot on!
Moony: You honestly believe this will work?
Me: It's me. Now get on with it.
Wormtail: What about, "Your legs must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all night?"
Prongs: Do you have a band aid? 'Cause I scraped my knee falling for you.
Moony: I can't believe that I'm even participating in this, but what the heck. 'Your lips look lonely… would they like to meet mine?'
Me: Alright Moony! Try this one out. 'Stand back! I'm a Healer. You go get the equipment, I'll loosen her clothes!'
Moony: Bond. James Bond.
All three: Eh?
Prongs: My name is Potter. You'd think that after 7 years you'd know that.
Me: James's name is not a pick-up line.
Prongs: Why not? It's a sexy name!
Me: (Chokes on spit.)
Moony: It's a Muggle thing. It's this guy who's really attractive and women fall all over him when he says his name like that. I heard Andrea talking to Lily about him once.
Me: By 'falling all over him', do we mean on top of?
Moony: Er. In certain cases, yes, I suppose.
Prongs: (In urgent voice.) Does Lily like him?
Moony: I think so. (Watches as Prongs jots it down.)
Me: Here's a good one. 'Your daddy must've been a baker 'cause you got hot buns!' That came all the way from America!
Wormtail: She does have a nice butt.
Me: Oy. No staring. She's mine.
Prongs: Not at Lily either!
Moony: What is wrong with you two?
Me: Hush! Trust me, we've got great material here. I'll be in a broom closet with her by tonight!
Private Note Passing Session Between Moony And Wormtail. (As found on the floor the next day.)
Wormtail: 3 Sickles says they get slapped in the face when they try it.
Moony: You're on. I say there'll be mild violence from Rose, but an icy remark from Lily. I have faith in our Head Girl.
12.31 p.m. (Lunch)
Prongs is walking up to Lily. I do believe he's taken Remus's comment to heart.
This should be interesting.
Prongs: Bond. James Bond.
Lily: Lost. Get lost.
For some reason, Remus looks exceedingly happy. Peter on the other hand is muttering about money.
Ah well, my turn.
Broom closet, here I come!
4.53 p.m.
As Mr. Padfoot is currently in no condition to be writing in… -Fleas, was it?-, Mr. Prongs shall continue where he left off.
Mr. Padfoot approached the subject with what he calls, the Smile-
Mr. Wormtail would like to inquire as to why the 'S' has been capitalized.
That's just what he calls it, Wormtail.
Mr. Moony now knows why Mr. Padfoot is often found standing in front of the mirror grinning like a maniac for large periods of time.
Mr. Prongs would like to get back to his narrative. Now where was I?
At the Smile.
Ah, the Smile. The Smile no doubt has a large amount of power amongst the females of this noble institution –or so he claims-. However, it did not go quite so well this time. The exchange went something like this.
Padfoot: (the Smile –Smirking like a deranged monkey, more like-) Hello.
Andrea: (stares.)
Padfoot: (Puffs up chest, the Smile –deranged monkey- gets even wider.) Like what you see, Rose?
Andrea: You have spinach in your teeth.
Padfoot: (Looks off-footed. The Smile instantly disappears.) Err.
Andrea: (Turns to leave)
Padfoot: (Panics) You got nice legs, what time do they open?
(All three Marauders wince.)
Andrea: (Turns around slowly, dangerous –murderous, more like- glint in her eye. Drags Padfoot out of hall. Padfoot looks triumphant.)
Indeed, Mr. Padfoot was not seen for hours after that. Mr. Prongs would have been inclined to think that Mr. Padfoot had indeed succeeded, had it not been for the fact that Ms. Rose returned to the hall minutes later.
Mr. Moony believes he heard an oddly familiar shriek within that period of time.
Mr. Wormtail would like to say that Ms. Rose looked far too pleased with herself. She kept dusting her hands and petting her wand.
Ms. Rose then proceeded to read the latest issue of Witch's Weekly. Mr. Padfoot however, did not emerge.
With the tireless work –opening the Marauder's Map and squinting at the little dots is no mean feat!- of Mr. Padfoot's three valiant and noble friends, he was found.
Eventually. (Sorry Padfoot. We got hungry on the way there. Had to drop by the kitchens.)
Growing boys have to eat. Lunch clearly isn't enough.
Mr. Moony would like to express his surprise that Mr. Padfoot was indeed in a broom closet, as he predicted.
Mr. Wormtail believes that Mr. Padfoot might not have wanted it that way.
8.02 p.m.
Ouch.
Andrea Rose is evil.
Am in the Hospital Wing.
She bloody Stunned me right through the doors of a broom cupboard! And it was ages before those prats I call friends found me unconscious amongst the mops and buckets!
Twats.
Have they no respect for my privacy?
I will however be willing to forgive them if they bring candy with them when they visit me.
Until they do, I'm bored.
Every time I get up, Ms. Pomfrey yells at me to rest.
She doesn't understand. I can't rest! Every time I rest I think about 'Drea!
How can she resist my charm? My utter smoothness? The Smile!
I had the Smile on at all its Smiley power! Granted there was a bit of green on it, but still!
Ms. Pomfrey has dropped a load of magazines in front of me to get me to stop fidgeting. Nothing in there but crappy girlie stuff. Nothing cool like Which Broomstick? or Playwizard-
Wait a minute.
Isn't that a copy of Witch Weekly? The magazine she's so crazy about?
I'm thinking of reaching out for it, but the consequences are too great. If someone comes in and sees Sirius Black reading a girlie thing like that, I'd be ruined.
I'm sure I can find loads of better things to do without moving. So there.
8. 11 p.m.
Have counted cracks on ceiling. There are exactly 37.
One is in the shape of a rabbit.
I'm totally fine and interested in cracks.
See?
8.12 p.m.
I've just realized something!
I can read the crappy girlie magazine!
In fact, I have a perfectly legitimate reason to!
There is after all that saying of "Know thine girl" or was it enemy? No matter. The point is, I'm not being gay or sissy-ish when I read it. I'm being tactical.
8.36 p.m.
Dammit, I was just getting to the good part when the three of them burst in.
It was about how to find the right bra.
There were pictures and everything.
Instead of perusing that exceedingly enlightening topic, this is what happened.
Prongs: What are you doing?
Me: It's not what it looks like!
Moony: It looks like you're reading a girlie fashion magazine.
Me: I'm not! I'm being a strategist!
Wormtail: Are those bras?
Prongs: Such great strategy.
Me: To understand girls, we have to know what they think like. And what better way to find out than reading this sort of thing?
Wormtail: Reading about bras will help you understand them?
Moony: Can't you just ask?
Me: It wasn't only bras. There was an article about tampons as well. I now know what sort to use if I have a 'heavy flow'.
Prongs: You can't just ask these sort of things, Moony! It's Not Done. And Padfoot, just stop reading it. You're getting a bit… odd.
Me: I bet Lily reads these.
Prongs: Give me that.
Wormtail: There's a bit about the most romantic thing a guy's ever done for a girl. Says that they'd fall for a him instantly if he did it.
(All three of us wrestled for magazine.)
9.10 p.m.
I emerge victorious!
Mainly because Ms. Pomfrey had the lot of them kicked out. But I am victorious nevertheless!
(I am also quite fond of the word 'nevertheless'. It sounds so… dramatic, doesn't it?)
Anyway, the number one thing a girls thinks is most romantic is when a guy writes a poem about her.
Well, Lily should be pleased with Prongs then.
My poem however, will be far, far better! It will bring the world to its knees! (If the world had knees, that is. Honestly, I've always found that expression a little strange.)
Stand back, Fleas, and watch the poetic beauty that shall flow from my quill!
Err.
(Doodle of a broom.)
(Doodle of a stick figure. Stick figure is presumably a girl. Her hair is in a French plait.)
Andrea, Andrea,
You are like a… (What on earth rhymes with 'Andrea'?)
Damn. This is hard.
Alright. No holding back.
Andrea, Andrea,
You smell like a banana.
Your eyes are blue,
You have pointy shoes.
You always use the loo.
And I know what I'd like to do
To you.
Just brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?
A/N: Well, that's about it. I can't believe I actually wrote a chapter just like that. I mean, I really had zero idea what to write about, and suddenly, it jut came. I did have help though. Thank you, goth hamster for giving me that rocking idea about Witch Weekly magazines! I'm not sure about the other ones, but I really like that one! I might change it a bit, though.
Anyway, I can't reply to reviews anymore, though I might do it on my blog. It's dreamersutopia, at Blogspot.
I hope the chapter wasn't crap. I'm very tired. It's one in the morning.
Good morning.
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