Part 10
"Are you sure this is a good plan?"
"Yes, Daniel. For the millionth time, yes."
"But I thought it would be better if I was in control. That's... I need that."
Oh, Daniel. "You are in control," I tell him firmly. "You say stop, and it stops immediately. The second you don't feel comfortable, you let me know, and we change things until you are comfortable."
"Oh," he says. "But... but I'm not doing anything. I'm not taking the lead."
"Exactly. There's no pressure. All you have to do is relax and let me take care of things."
He's quiet for a moment, and then, "Jack, are you *sure* this is a good plan?"
"For crying out loud, it's only a backrub!"
"Sorry," he says and rolls over, laying on his side with his back to me. I can feel the bed shaking slightly in time with his hunched shoulders.
"Ah, crap, Daniel, I didn't mean... hey! You're laughing!"
He twists to look at me with wide, guileless blue eyes. "Am I?"
"You... you..."
"Genius? Linguist? Archeologist? Incredibly hot guy?"
"Bastard!" I sputter, already laughing with him. "You tricked me."
"Come on, Jack, did you really think I would fall apart that easily?" He's smiling merrily, his eyes sparkling, and it's easy to forget that yes, a few months ago, he *would* have fallen apart that easily.
"Guess not," I mumble, and he turns toward me again, running a palm over my cheek.
"It's okay, Jack," he says. "I know you're used to handling me with kid gloves, but it's okay now. I'm better."
"Mostly," I say, and his smile fades.
"I'm working on that."
Well, crap. "I know you are, Daniel, and you're doing great. Really. I know you're trying hard."
He nods and takes a deep breath, lifting his chin. "So. That's why we're here, right? To work on it? I believe somebody mentioned a backrub?"
"Ah, Doctor Jackson, not just a backrub." I wiggle my eyebrows suggestively, which doesn't have the desired effect, unless the desired effect was to make him roll his eyes and giggle.
Actually, I can live with that effect just fine.
"An O'Neill special, right?" He's indulging me. I can hear it.
"Don't knock it till you've tried it."
"Yes, sir, Colonel, sir," he says, still giggling. He's been like this all evening, bubbly and relaxed. He's got himself convinced that he's going back to full duty, and he's damn near euphoric over it. I knew being grounded was bothering him, but I think I'm just now finding out how much.
"All right, smartass," I growl unconvincingly. "Roll onto your belly and prepare to have your bones melted."
"Okeydokey," he says breathlessly, rolling and stretching out, arching his back and wriggling happily on the sheets. His arms go around his pillow and he hugs it to his face, making a low, damned-if-that-isn't-a-purr sound in his throat.
I straddle his lower back, keeping most of my weight on my knees but applying enough pressure on him to make him feel it. We learned early on that he liked the feel of my weight holding him down, keeping him contained and surrounded. He said it helped with that falling, flying away feeling that he'd get when nobody was touching him.
We're doing this with clothes for the time being, but I'm hoping to get him relaxed enough for me to get my hands on some skin. I can see the outline of his spine through the tee shirt, the curves of his shoulder blades and the smooth contours of his newly built muscles, and my palms itch. It's been so long.
"Jack?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you just going to look all day, or what?"
His voice is still happy and calm, but there was a slight edge. He doesn't like being stared at, especially not in the context of me and bed.
"Or what," I say, and put my hands on his shoulders. He sucks in a quick breath and then lets it out more slowly, deliberately relaxing into the mattress. I start with light pressure, my fingertips moving in little circular motions over his shoulders and the nape of his neck. When his hair grew back in, it came in a bit curlier and thicker, and there's this little curl right at the top of his spine that I can't resist threading through my fingers a few times.
"You're obsessed," he mutters.
"Am not," I say automatically. So I touch his hair a lot. So what.
I start pressing deeper into his muscles, the shirt sliding over his skin as I knead first one side and then the other. He keeps making these little 'mmm' sounds that are going straight to my... head... but I keep that firmly under control.
Well. Mostly.
Once I'm satisfied that his shoulders are completely loose, I start making my way down his back, rubbing with my thumbs close in on either side of his spine and smoothing my fingers over his ribs. He twitches a little when I get close to his sides and I can't resist lightening the pressure, my fingertips finding their way perilously close to his underarms.
"Jack! No tickling!"
"Am I?"
I can feel his smile all the way down his back.
"Jack..."
"I'll be good," I promise, and he laughs.
"You?" It's amazing how much skepticism he can pack into that one little word.
"Yes, me. I'll have you know I have excellent self-discipline."
"Uh-huh."
I stick meticulously to his back without tickling him just to prove my point, and he sighs and goes back to the little 'mmm' noises. Which, from a self-discipline perspective, is not so good.
When I reach the hem of his shirt, I push it up just enough to slip my hands in underneath it, and then I just rest them there, the skin of his lower back warm and silky against my palms.
"Jack?"
"It's okay."
"Skin," he says uncertainly.
"I know. It's okay. It's only me, Daniel."
He's quiet for a long time, considering, and I wait for him. My hands stay right where they are, and if my fingers are rubbing ever so slightly, I pretend I don't know about it.
"All right," he says.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. But... only under the shirt, Jack."
As in, not under the pants. Yeah, I figured.
"You got it." And now that I have permission, I waste no time familiarizing myself with how Daniel feels. I remember Fraiser saying that he lost several layers of skin, and it seems that they grew back smoother than before. It's not possible that he always felt this way. If he was like this before the capture, I would have remembered. I wouldn't have taken it for granted.
I can't take it for granted anymore. Daniel's skin under my hands is a privilege, one that has to be earned.
I push the shirt up further and lean down, letting my forehead rest in the little hollow between his shoulder blades. I press a kiss to each one and he shivers. I'm in a perfect position to see the fine hairs on the back of his neck rise.
Speaking of rising...
"Jack." He sounds strained, nervous. He has to be able to feel me against his hip. There's no way he didn't notice.
"It's okay," I say, because those are the magic words, aren't they?
"You're... um..."
"I know."
"I can't..."
"I don't expect you to do anything about it, Daniel. I'm just... appreciating you."
"Oh," he says. "Appreciating." He mulls over that for a while and I use the pause to kiss the bit of skin peeking out over his collar. I blow a thin stream of air over the damp spot I just made with my lips and he shivers again, his skin prickling into goose bumps.
"Lots to appreciate, Danny," I say.
"Um. I, ah..." He sounds surprised. "I think I'm appreciating, too," he says.
What? "What?"
He shifts his hips and makes a startled grunt, his mouth turning into the pillow and biting at it. "Oh, wow," he murmurs.
"Daniel?"
"Just, um... keep doing what you're doing."
Not a problem. I keep my hands stroking his back beneath his shirt, and I lean up a little more, placing a kiss on the side of his neck. He angles his head for more and bites the pillow again.
Interesting.
"Daniel?"
"Mmm..."
His head is turned so I can see his face now, his eyes tightly shut, his lips parted. He's breathing faster than I am, and that's saying something.
I can't resist that mouth. I should, I really should, but I can't.
It's awkward and sideways, him on his belly with his head turned to one side and me leaning over him trying to match my lips to his, but I manage to connect for a moment. His taste is just as I remembered it, and God, how I've missed this. The pleased little sounds he makes, the softness, the feel of his body under mine.
He's with me, he's kissing me back, and then he suddenly jerks away, wide- eyed, shocked.
"No! No, no... stop it... can't..."
"Okay, okay, easy, Daniel." I keep up the reassuring words and back off physically, swinging my leg off him and laying beside him in the bed, my hands firmly away from all that tempting skin.
He flips onto his side and stares at me, closes his eyes for a long moment, and then stares again. "Oh," he says.
"Oh?"
Daniel swallows and scrubs at his face. I see that his hand is trembling, but I catch myself before I reach out to take it. This is not touch-Daniel time. Touching time appears to be over for tonight.
"Yeah. Oh. That, uh... I actually..."
"You actually?"
He ducks his head, and unbelievably, he's blushing. "You know," he says.
"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"
"I was..." He gestures vaguely, trying to point to his groin without actually pointing.
"Hard?"
The blush deepens. "Yes. That."
"Oh," I say. Yes, smugly, I'll admit it.
"I haven't been able to... not since this happened."
Ahhh... now I get it. "You were worried that it was a permanent condition?"
He shrugs and tries to wave it off, but his eyes say yes, he was. "I still freaked out when you kissed me," he cautions. "I'm not completely there yet."
"Yet."
Daniel blinks and then smiles brilliantly, looking happier than I've seen him in a long time. "Yeah," he says. "Yet."
I prop my head up on one hand and grin at him. "You know," I say, "I was saving this for another time, but I think you deserve to hear it now. Kind of a prize for... you know."
"Oh?"
"You remember on the way home, you made me stop at that Starbucks and then wait in the car while you got your precious caffeine fix?"
He rolls his eyes. "Yes, Jack, I remember."
"You remember how I was just finishing a call on my cell phone when you came back out?"
Daniel hesitates, his smile growing guarded. "Ye-es..."
"I called Dave."
"Oh."
"Told him about today. About how you went all day and didn't even feel it."
"Uh-huh."
"He'd already heard from Hammond."
"What?" Daniel asks, his eyes widening. "General Hammond was talking to Dave? What about?"
"He wants you back in the field, Daniel."
"You mean he wants SG-1 back in the field, whether I'm on it or not."
"Daniel," I sigh. "He wants *you.* We all want you. And apparently the general fought for you with Dave. Told him that he better have some extremely good reasons for keeping you grounded, and since my little conversation with him, guess what?"
The guarded hope is back on Daniel's face. "What?"
"It looks like he doesn't have any more good reasons. He's going to tell you at tomorrow's session--he's signing off on your full active duty status."
Daniel's mouth drops open and he just blinks at me for a while, his lips moving soundlessly. "I... what? Really?"
"Yes, Daniel. Really."
"Off-world?"
"That's generally how it's done."
"With SG-1?"
"We wouldn't have it any other way."
He blinks again. "Really?"
"Dan-iellll..."
He laughs suddenly, a quick bark of sound, and lunges for me. His jaw connects with my ear with a bit more force than I'd normally care for, but I figure this is a special occasion. He's still laughing, high and breathy, and he keeps bunching my shirt in his hands and tugging at it fretfully.
"Jack," he says. "Oh, Jack."
I think my shirt is getting a little damp, but I can live with that. Daniel still has a long way to go before we can make love again, but he's getting there, and I can live with that, too.
He pulls back and looks at me, his eyes suspiciously bright, but stunningly happy. I kiss his forehead, just a light, brushing touch, and his smile cranks up another notch. My Daniel.
I've finally got him back.
~~~
Finis
March 22 – April 3, 2004
"Are you sure this is a good plan?"
"Yes, Daniel. For the millionth time, yes."
"But I thought it would be better if I was in control. That's... I need that."
Oh, Daniel. "You are in control," I tell him firmly. "You say stop, and it stops immediately. The second you don't feel comfortable, you let me know, and we change things until you are comfortable."
"Oh," he says. "But... but I'm not doing anything. I'm not taking the lead."
"Exactly. There's no pressure. All you have to do is relax and let me take care of things."
He's quiet for a moment, and then, "Jack, are you *sure* this is a good plan?"
"For crying out loud, it's only a backrub!"
"Sorry," he says and rolls over, laying on his side with his back to me. I can feel the bed shaking slightly in time with his hunched shoulders.
"Ah, crap, Daniel, I didn't mean... hey! You're laughing!"
He twists to look at me with wide, guileless blue eyes. "Am I?"
"You... you..."
"Genius? Linguist? Archeologist? Incredibly hot guy?"
"Bastard!" I sputter, already laughing with him. "You tricked me."
"Come on, Jack, did you really think I would fall apart that easily?" He's smiling merrily, his eyes sparkling, and it's easy to forget that yes, a few months ago, he *would* have fallen apart that easily.
"Guess not," I mumble, and he turns toward me again, running a palm over my cheek.
"It's okay, Jack," he says. "I know you're used to handling me with kid gloves, but it's okay now. I'm better."
"Mostly," I say, and his smile fades.
"I'm working on that."
Well, crap. "I know you are, Daniel, and you're doing great. Really. I know you're trying hard."
He nods and takes a deep breath, lifting his chin. "So. That's why we're here, right? To work on it? I believe somebody mentioned a backrub?"
"Ah, Doctor Jackson, not just a backrub." I wiggle my eyebrows suggestively, which doesn't have the desired effect, unless the desired effect was to make him roll his eyes and giggle.
Actually, I can live with that effect just fine.
"An O'Neill special, right?" He's indulging me. I can hear it.
"Don't knock it till you've tried it."
"Yes, sir, Colonel, sir," he says, still giggling. He's been like this all evening, bubbly and relaxed. He's got himself convinced that he's going back to full duty, and he's damn near euphoric over it. I knew being grounded was bothering him, but I think I'm just now finding out how much.
"All right, smartass," I growl unconvincingly. "Roll onto your belly and prepare to have your bones melted."
"Okeydokey," he says breathlessly, rolling and stretching out, arching his back and wriggling happily on the sheets. His arms go around his pillow and he hugs it to his face, making a low, damned-if-that-isn't-a-purr sound in his throat.
I straddle his lower back, keeping most of my weight on my knees but applying enough pressure on him to make him feel it. We learned early on that he liked the feel of my weight holding him down, keeping him contained and surrounded. He said it helped with that falling, flying away feeling that he'd get when nobody was touching him.
We're doing this with clothes for the time being, but I'm hoping to get him relaxed enough for me to get my hands on some skin. I can see the outline of his spine through the tee shirt, the curves of his shoulder blades and the smooth contours of his newly built muscles, and my palms itch. It's been so long.
"Jack?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you just going to look all day, or what?"
His voice is still happy and calm, but there was a slight edge. He doesn't like being stared at, especially not in the context of me and bed.
"Or what," I say, and put my hands on his shoulders. He sucks in a quick breath and then lets it out more slowly, deliberately relaxing into the mattress. I start with light pressure, my fingertips moving in little circular motions over his shoulders and the nape of his neck. When his hair grew back in, it came in a bit curlier and thicker, and there's this little curl right at the top of his spine that I can't resist threading through my fingers a few times.
"You're obsessed," he mutters.
"Am not," I say automatically. So I touch his hair a lot. So what.
I start pressing deeper into his muscles, the shirt sliding over his skin as I knead first one side and then the other. He keeps making these little 'mmm' sounds that are going straight to my... head... but I keep that firmly under control.
Well. Mostly.
Once I'm satisfied that his shoulders are completely loose, I start making my way down his back, rubbing with my thumbs close in on either side of his spine and smoothing my fingers over his ribs. He twitches a little when I get close to his sides and I can't resist lightening the pressure, my fingertips finding their way perilously close to his underarms.
"Jack! No tickling!"
"Am I?"
I can feel his smile all the way down his back.
"Jack..."
"I'll be good," I promise, and he laughs.
"You?" It's amazing how much skepticism he can pack into that one little word.
"Yes, me. I'll have you know I have excellent self-discipline."
"Uh-huh."
I stick meticulously to his back without tickling him just to prove my point, and he sighs and goes back to the little 'mmm' noises. Which, from a self-discipline perspective, is not so good.
When I reach the hem of his shirt, I push it up just enough to slip my hands in underneath it, and then I just rest them there, the skin of his lower back warm and silky against my palms.
"Jack?"
"It's okay."
"Skin," he says uncertainly.
"I know. It's okay. It's only me, Daniel."
He's quiet for a long time, considering, and I wait for him. My hands stay right where they are, and if my fingers are rubbing ever so slightly, I pretend I don't know about it.
"All right," he says.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. But... only under the shirt, Jack."
As in, not under the pants. Yeah, I figured.
"You got it." And now that I have permission, I waste no time familiarizing myself with how Daniel feels. I remember Fraiser saying that he lost several layers of skin, and it seems that they grew back smoother than before. It's not possible that he always felt this way. If he was like this before the capture, I would have remembered. I wouldn't have taken it for granted.
I can't take it for granted anymore. Daniel's skin under my hands is a privilege, one that has to be earned.
I push the shirt up further and lean down, letting my forehead rest in the little hollow between his shoulder blades. I press a kiss to each one and he shivers. I'm in a perfect position to see the fine hairs on the back of his neck rise.
Speaking of rising...
"Jack." He sounds strained, nervous. He has to be able to feel me against his hip. There's no way he didn't notice.
"It's okay," I say, because those are the magic words, aren't they?
"You're... um..."
"I know."
"I can't..."
"I don't expect you to do anything about it, Daniel. I'm just... appreciating you."
"Oh," he says. "Appreciating." He mulls over that for a while and I use the pause to kiss the bit of skin peeking out over his collar. I blow a thin stream of air over the damp spot I just made with my lips and he shivers again, his skin prickling into goose bumps.
"Lots to appreciate, Danny," I say.
"Um. I, ah..." He sounds surprised. "I think I'm appreciating, too," he says.
What? "What?"
He shifts his hips and makes a startled grunt, his mouth turning into the pillow and biting at it. "Oh, wow," he murmurs.
"Daniel?"
"Just, um... keep doing what you're doing."
Not a problem. I keep my hands stroking his back beneath his shirt, and I lean up a little more, placing a kiss on the side of his neck. He angles his head for more and bites the pillow again.
Interesting.
"Daniel?"
"Mmm..."
His head is turned so I can see his face now, his eyes tightly shut, his lips parted. He's breathing faster than I am, and that's saying something.
I can't resist that mouth. I should, I really should, but I can't.
It's awkward and sideways, him on his belly with his head turned to one side and me leaning over him trying to match my lips to his, but I manage to connect for a moment. His taste is just as I remembered it, and God, how I've missed this. The pleased little sounds he makes, the softness, the feel of his body under mine.
He's with me, he's kissing me back, and then he suddenly jerks away, wide- eyed, shocked.
"No! No, no... stop it... can't..."
"Okay, okay, easy, Daniel." I keep up the reassuring words and back off physically, swinging my leg off him and laying beside him in the bed, my hands firmly away from all that tempting skin.
He flips onto his side and stares at me, closes his eyes for a long moment, and then stares again. "Oh," he says.
"Oh?"
Daniel swallows and scrubs at his face. I see that his hand is trembling, but I catch myself before I reach out to take it. This is not touch-Daniel time. Touching time appears to be over for tonight.
"Yeah. Oh. That, uh... I actually..."
"You actually?"
He ducks his head, and unbelievably, he's blushing. "You know," he says.
"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"
"I was..." He gestures vaguely, trying to point to his groin without actually pointing.
"Hard?"
The blush deepens. "Yes. That."
"Oh," I say. Yes, smugly, I'll admit it.
"I haven't been able to... not since this happened."
Ahhh... now I get it. "You were worried that it was a permanent condition?"
He shrugs and tries to wave it off, but his eyes say yes, he was. "I still freaked out when you kissed me," he cautions. "I'm not completely there yet."
"Yet."
Daniel blinks and then smiles brilliantly, looking happier than I've seen him in a long time. "Yeah," he says. "Yet."
I prop my head up on one hand and grin at him. "You know," I say, "I was saving this for another time, but I think you deserve to hear it now. Kind of a prize for... you know."
"Oh?"
"You remember on the way home, you made me stop at that Starbucks and then wait in the car while you got your precious caffeine fix?"
He rolls his eyes. "Yes, Jack, I remember."
"You remember how I was just finishing a call on my cell phone when you came back out?"
Daniel hesitates, his smile growing guarded. "Ye-es..."
"I called Dave."
"Oh."
"Told him about today. About how you went all day and didn't even feel it."
"Uh-huh."
"He'd already heard from Hammond."
"What?" Daniel asks, his eyes widening. "General Hammond was talking to Dave? What about?"
"He wants you back in the field, Daniel."
"You mean he wants SG-1 back in the field, whether I'm on it or not."
"Daniel," I sigh. "He wants *you.* We all want you. And apparently the general fought for you with Dave. Told him that he better have some extremely good reasons for keeping you grounded, and since my little conversation with him, guess what?"
The guarded hope is back on Daniel's face. "What?"
"It looks like he doesn't have any more good reasons. He's going to tell you at tomorrow's session--he's signing off on your full active duty status."
Daniel's mouth drops open and he just blinks at me for a while, his lips moving soundlessly. "I... what? Really?"
"Yes, Daniel. Really."
"Off-world?"
"That's generally how it's done."
"With SG-1?"
"We wouldn't have it any other way."
He blinks again. "Really?"
"Dan-iellll..."
He laughs suddenly, a quick bark of sound, and lunges for me. His jaw connects with my ear with a bit more force than I'd normally care for, but I figure this is a special occasion. He's still laughing, high and breathy, and he keeps bunching my shirt in his hands and tugging at it fretfully.
"Jack," he says. "Oh, Jack."
I think my shirt is getting a little damp, but I can live with that. Daniel still has a long way to go before we can make love again, but he's getting there, and I can live with that, too.
He pulls back and looks at me, his eyes suspiciously bright, but stunningly happy. I kiss his forehead, just a light, brushing touch, and his smile cranks up another notch. My Daniel.
I've finally got him back.
~~~
Finis
March 22 – April 3, 2004