I'm sorry!!! I know I haven't updated for long time. I'll make it up to you by making this the FINAL chapter. I don't know if that's what you want but that's what you're getting! After this I'm going to work on the heartwarming tale of what Eric Cartman does when he receives a Green Lantern power ring. It will be a humor and rated R (naturally).
This fic is dedicated to all my Fanfic idols. Mikoto Zoku, Lady Dementia, Silvor Moon, Kuwarbara's pupil, Ratface, and many others!!
I hope you've enjoyed my take on Raziel and his Brethren as "Sarafan in Training." Here's the story but first... Review Response!!!
Mystery Reviewer: Pleasen update soon. I've had a very trying week and this fic is one of the few things that have cheered me up.
Long live the moogles.
Response: Sorry! I tried to get this up sooner but I've been having computer problems. Hope this chapter is just as fun for you!
Varewulf: This was a lot. I don't know if I'll remember to comment all, but I don't think I ever do that anyway.
1. Communism. Nice thought. Doesn't work. Conclusion: People aren't nice?
2. Haven't played MK in a long time... I think I preferred Scorpion, but I can't remember. Liked Killer Instinct better, anyway.
3. And you don't like fight scenes? Hm... can't say I've noticed earlier, but I never really notice things, so that's not exactly new.
4. I have no clue what Funkytown is, so that went over my head.
5. And putting yourself in the story is perfectly acceptable in this sort of fic. You even made it fun. :) But I thought Malek already was gay... Maybe not. :P
6. And Sebastian, a traitor? No! Never would have guessed!
7. And the Pikmin Mass sounds frighteningly a lot like one of the ideas of Pikmin use I already read in a whacked out article. "And with it, I shall crack this world in two like an egg."
8. General notes: Well written as always. Felt more serious this time round. Was that what you were aiming for? Cool chapter, anyway. :)
PS! If anything needs to whacked with a broomstick, just say the word.
Response: 1. Yeah... The communism was just a little thing I was working on. I hope no one took me seriously.
2. Killer Instinct, you say? Hmm... I wonder what would happen if KI fought MK.... Scorpion vs. Spinal! Riptor vs. Reptile! Sub-zero vs. Glacius! Jago vs. Kenshi! Sonya vs. Orchid! Cinder vs. Liu Kang! Cyrax vs. Fulgore! Combo vs. Jax! Nitara vs. Sabrewulf! Yesss... That would be exxxcellenct. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha-
Kain: Hey! Snap out of it!! You've got more reviews to answer!
Caboose2814: Huh? Oh. Right.
3. I feel I don't write fight scenes well. I can't mix action with dialogue. Oh well.
4. I really don't know either. All I know is it's a tune you can play on a keypad. Towlie did it on South Park.
5. Malek? Gay? Hmm... I never thought about it before...
6. Yeah... I guess it was a little predictable...
7. Before you accuse me of plagiarism yet me assure you that I have no idea what you're talking about. Darn it. I thought I had an original idea.
8. I wasn't really aiming for seriousness but I am kinda trying to wrap the whole thing up.
Yes there is someone you can whack. I need you to kill a guy by the name of "David Gonterman". Don't ask who he is 'cuz you really don't want to know. Suffice to say he writes and draws HORRIBLE web comics. He deserves a swift and terrible death.
Trelela: Hehe, good one. :D
Communism is BAD! but it has a few advantages ;)
What's a Pikmin?
Response: Ask Varewulf. He knows more about them than I do. I just make fun of them.
Smoke: I'm speechless. (Oh, well, happymeal.)
Response: Are you speechless because my story was so good or because you were horrified by it? Oh well. At least I got some emotion from you.
Shuldig Schwartz: The part where you entered yourself was possibly the funniest in the whole chapter. I especially loved the part: At that moment, Dumah's head was miraculously restored to him thanks to powers that cannot be explained without Jesus or magic. And Malek became straight again.
Lol! Goodie, update soon.
Response: Glad you enjoyed it. Sorry about the late update.
ChrisvsBear: bollocks i forgot to review again sorry still love this thing though. thought it was good to see you use ur mighty author powers.
Evil Badger Kain: Fear THE TUBE and the BADGER who weilds it.
Evil tube wielding badgers? Oh my God! It's just like my nightmare! Head for the hills!! AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Kain: Uh? Caboose? Bloody hell. Ah... Thanks for all your reviews and... enjoy the story? Good fight! Good night!
At the Sarafan Keep...
The Sarafan Lord is sitting in his throne thinking deep, deep thoughts. Just then, Faustus walks through the room.
Faustus: Can't believe how long it took them to get that pike out of me... grumble grumble...
Sarafan Lord: Faustus, did you move my chair?
Faustus; Wha...?
Sarafan Lord: My chair, Faustus. Someone has disturbed it. Was it you?
Faustus: I don't know what you're talking about.
Sarafan Lord: I'm not sure if I trust you. You cheat at cards all the time!
Faustus: No I don't.
Sarafan Lord: Yes you do cheat!
Faustus: THE HELL I DO!!
Sarafan Lord: Cheating vampire...
Elsewhere in the Keep...
Sebastian: Yesss... Phase one is complete...
Meanwhile, at the Device...
The Sarafan stared up at the Mass of Pikmin. They were horrified by the-
Malek: What the hell are you talking about?! We are not horrified by freakin' PIKMIN!!!
Caboose: Silence your noise-tube. Do as your told or you will be smote.
Malek: Yeah, yeah...
Pikmin Mass: WHO DARES TO DISTURB ME IN MY SANCTUM? YOU WILL KNEEL BEFORE OF FACE THE WRATH OF MY NEW WHITE AND PURPLE COLORS!!
Dumah: I'm scared. Hold me.
Raziel: Stop being such a baby. It can't do anything to us.
Pikmin Mass: OH YEAH? THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK! EAT THIS!!
The Pikmin Mass fires a steam of Pikmin at the Sarafan. Almost everyone was able to move out of the way. But Melchiah took the brunt of the attack.
Melchiah: (Falls down and begins writhing in agony.) Aaahhh! It burns! It burns!! It—
He stands up.
Melchiah: Hey... It doesn't burn. It tickles!
Rahab: You're kidding me.
Zephon: Go figure.
Dumah: They're so cute!
Pikmin Mass: YOU DARE MOCK MY POWER?!?
Turel: Of course we do!! You're made of tiny, multi-colored freaks. How can we not make fun of you?!
Malek: This has gotten ridiculous. Let's just get the Nexus Stone and get out of this God forsaken hellhole.
Raziel: I'll second that!
Pikmin Mass; HA HA HA!! YOU FOOLS! YOU SHALL NEVER OBTAIN THE NEXUS STONE! FOR IT IS NESTLED IN THE VERY CORE OF MY BEING!
Rahab: Crap.
Malek: Looks like we'll have to send someone in to get it. But who to chose...?
Raziel: I say we send the most expendable.
Turel: Yeah. Let' do that. Zephon, go get the Nexus Stone.
Zephon: What?!? Why me?!
Malek: Because you're the only person on our team with no real purpose except being the token pervert.
Zephon: That's bullplop! Bullplop!!
Raziel: Dumah. Secure Zephon.
Dumah: Yes my lord!
Dumah grabs Zephon and curls him into the fetal position.
Zephon: Hey! Let me go!!
Malek: Fire at will!!
Dumah: Wha...? There's no one here named Will.
Melchiah; Just throw him you dumb piece of-
Dumah winds up then pitches him into the heart of the Mass!
Zephon: (As he's flying towards the Mass.) I'm gonna kill you guys!!!!
SPLUSH!!
Zephon: (Thinking.) #$&!! I'll kill every last one of them!! (Looks aound.) Holy crap it's weird in here. But all the little plant people massaging every part of my body feels good... Mmmm.... Pikmin...
It's then that he sees the Nexus Stone floating several feet in front of him.
Zephon: Hey! That must be it! If I can just get it, I can harness its power to become Lord and Master of the Earth!!!
He reaches out and just barely touches it. Then there's a flash of light and suddenly Zephon is standing back outside with his Brethren. Standing in front of them is the Sarafan Lord
Zephon: The hell...?
Sarafan Lord: You fools! You set off the security system around the Nexus Stone, which summons me here as soon as it's tripped. Now my chair is unguarded from Faustus's treachery! Why?!
Malek: Uh... We need the Nexus Stone to return home?
Sarafan Lord: Idiots. The Nexus Stone can't send people through time!
Raziel: But we thought...
Sarafan Lord; You thought wrong!! Now I'm going to smite you like you've never been smote before!
Turel: We've never been smote before.
Sarafan Lord: Then my claim is tautology! I am philosophically invincible!!
Rahab: No you're not. If you don't smote us, then your statement will be false.
Sarafan Lord: Huh?
Rahab: Yeah. The definition of tautology is a proposition or statement that, in itself, is logically true.
Sarafan Lord: ...You will be the first one smote.
Rahab: Aw, nerts.
Malek: Not if we can help it! Sarafan! Attack!!
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Will they defeat the Sarafan Lord? Will they make it back to their own time? Has Dumah stopped saying "Hoo-ha"? Find out on the next chapter on "Saraf- Acccck!!
Kain:(Has Caboose in a headlock.) Oh hell no!! You're gonna finish this fic whether you like it of not!
Caboose: Gaak. Fine. Just let go. You're choking me!!
Kain: That was the general idea.
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The Sarafan rush the Sarafan Lord. Dumah goes for a full frontal assault and distracts him while Zephon strikes his back, Melchiah attacks his legs, Raziel inflicts damage to his mid-section, and Malek and Rahab focus on his arms. Turel just watches.
Turel: Yeah!! Go for it guys! Sock it to him!
Sarafan Lord: You guys are really annoying! Hey! Stop that! Don't put that there! Alright!! I've had enough!
The Sarafan Lord unsheathes the Soul Reaver and swings it in a wide arc. Thus, throwing all the Sarafan from his body.
Sarafan Lord: That's it! You guys want to go back home so much? Then that's where you're going! TIME-TRAVEL NO JUTSU!!
The room begins to warp (which, really, it should've been doing anyway because of the two Raziel souls in the room). Suddenly, there's a flash of light and several arcs of lightning. Then they're standing, once again, in the Time-Streamers retrieval unit.
Melchiah: Are we... home?
Malek: Only one way to find out.
Malek walks to the door, which slides open as he approaches. Outside we can see Moebius leaning over his cauldron.
Malek: Lord Moebius?
Moebius: Where the Hylden have you seven been?!
Rahab; Well... we went to go clean your Time-Streamer but then Dumah-
Moebius: Silence your noise-tube!
Melchiah: You've been talking to Caboose for too long, haven't you?
Moebius: Maybe... But that's not the point! Now's our chance to strike back at the fiend Janos Audron!! At this moment, one of his followers, a blue demon, is clearing a way to his keep. If you go now you might be able to make it!
Raziel: Yes... And I shall rip out the creature's black heart for forcing me to see his ass... Sarafan! Let's move out!
Moebius: Malek, you stay here and guard the Stronghold. Rahab, finish cleaning my Time-Streamer.
Rahab: (Crestfallen.) Yes Lord Moebius.
The Sarafan, without Malek or Rahab, start to head out for Ushenstein. (I know that's not how it's spelled but I don't care!!) And... to their enevitable deaths.
Rahab: So... Isn't this the part where you put in the grand finale?
Caboose: Huh? I thought I already did that.
Rahab: Come on... just something a little extra for your fans.
Caboose: Fine. Let me think. Um... You're all really annoying and... you should be shot.
Malek: Oh bravo.
Caboose: Shut it! Fade out!!
The scene fades out.
THE END!!
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There it is!! The end to "Sarafan In training"! I hope everyone enjoyed it because I had a hell of a good time writing it! Remember, REVIEW, REVIEW, and REVIEW!!!!
Kain: But what if they don't want to review?
Caboose Then I will hunt them down and kill them in their sleep. And blame Black Mage.
Kain: Are you insane?
Caboose: Nooo. I've just read too many 8-bit theaters. Bwahahahahaahaha! And now... I'm dancin' like a monkey!! Doo dooo doo dooo dooo!!