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Sittin' and Thinkin' IIby Sheryl Martin
Dana Scully looked into her mug; staring into the swirls of cream slowly mixing with her coffee. She was cold and needed something to warm her up.
Putting the drink down, she reached over to stab the fire with a long iron poker; watching the sparks fly up the chimney and into the night. Her eyes drifted unbidden to the doorway, to the exact spot where her sister had died. It was a pilgrimage she made on a daily; almost hourly basis.
What had happened to her? What had she become in the last few months; in the last few weeks... sometimes she didn't recognise herself in the mirror in the morning and that scared her.
She could always go back to EAP; talk to them... but the hollow voice in the pit of her stomach reminded her that there was only one person who really understood what she had gone through; only one person who could relate to her horrific thoughts and nightmares.
But what was going on? Picking up the remote control; she flipped around the dial; settling on some mindless comedy channel. Great. The guy looked like Langly. Now she was seeing them everywhere...
Did she want to leave the Bureau? No, that wasn't an option. Not now.
Did she want to leave the X-Files? Not until she stood face-to-face with the bastards who had killed Missy; taken her and done these things to her...
Did she want to leave Mulder? Her breath caught in her throat at the thought. It had been so hard lately to deal with him; with his comments and wisecracks... it was like they had just met and she had to earn his respect and trust all over. And she didn't know if she had the strength to do it again.
Dana reached for the phone. Only one way to do this - ask if he was going to keep this up forever or if it was a version of male PMS.
"Mulder..."
"It's Scully." She paused, hearing the exhaustion in the man's voice. What the hell was she going to do; abandon him like everyone else had? Leave him alone and unguarded? God, what would she do if they killed him and she was responsible...
"Yah?"
"Did you find a glove in the front seat of your car? I think I lost it there on the way back from the airport..." The redhead scrambled quickly for words; hoping that he wouldn't catch the lie in her words. It just wasn't right; this wasn't the time for this.
"Ah... no. Not yet."
"Okay." The painful silence burnt through the wires and into her mind. "I'll see you at the office tomorrow."
"Right."
"Bye." She put the phone back down and stared at it for a second. Maybe things would get better; maybe they could keep working together. Maybe she'd finally get the answers she was looking for.
What did he keep saying?
The Truth is Out There.
No, Mulder... the truth is inside us. And right now I don't know if we want to deal with it.
Or if we can.
Picking up her mug again, she saw that the cream had dissolved totally into the darkness; turning it a light brown. And it was cold.
Dana Scully took a deep sip and stared into the fire; wishing she could get warm. And wondering if she ever would.
***************ÒYou are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.Ó Richard Bach -- ÒIllusionsÓ