Author's Memo: Don't forget to finish those CPS Reports by Friday. Have a good week-end

Buffy the Cliché Slayer

Chapter 16

"Serenity"

PREVIOUSLY ON BUFFY THE CLICHÉ SLAYER:

"Have you seen Spike?" Buffy asked. Just then the portal opened and Spike landed on top of Giles.

"Bloody hell, I'm glad that's over with." Spike groaned.

"Get off of me! You rubbish oaf." Giles cursed pushing Spike aside.

"Spike, you're alive!" Buffy squeaked and jumped into his arms. "I was worried about you."

"As you should have been, pet. That back there was probably the toughest fight I ever fought." Spike said.

"Why? What happened?" Willow asked, because she hasn't had a line in a while.

"Well…"

TO BE CONTINUED.

Next time on Buffy the Cliché Slayer: Steve-0 will procrastinate, and work on other projects and school until he gets a ran--

"Hey!" Lindsey shouted.

HEH HEH HEH…LINDSEY…UM WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

"You wrote me out of the story, remember?"

NOT REALLY, I NEVER REREAD A CHAPTER AFTER I'VE WRITTEN IT. I CAN'T BE BOTHERED WITH FANCY THINGS LIKE CANON AND CONTINUITY.

"But didn't I just catching you copying and pasting the ending of your last chapter into this one?"

SAY LINDS, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO SIGNING A CONTRACT FOR MORE AIRTIME IN MY NEXT FIC?

"I'd say, 'Why are we just standing around chatting it up in the omnipresent void of narrative, when we could be finishing up this fic!"

EXACTLY

THE MAGIC BOX

Spike leaned up against the cabinet, and lit a cigarette.

"As I was saying, I just got finished fighting the toughest opponent I ever faced."

"Tougher than the demon you fought in order to get your soul back?" Anya asked.

"Yeah."

"Tougher than your fight against The First and the demons of the Hellmouth?" Buffy asked.

"Ten times tougher." Spike bragged.

"Tougher that the time you 'Rocked the Cradle of Love' just in time to go into a 'White Wedding?'" Xander asked.

"Even tougher than…Hey! Wait a minute, that wasn't me! That was Billy Idol, you bloody git!"

"Sorry, I have a hard time telling you two a part." Xander shrugged.

"Why don't you just start from the beginning, Spike?" Giles suggested trying to progress the plot.

"Very well..."

Round Seven

"Spike vs. Bob the Universal Janitor."

FLASHBACK! Doodly doo Doodly doo Doodly doo.

A hole opened up in the middle of night sky above the Sunnydale Cemetery and Spike fell out.

"Ow, Bloody Hell, this fic is going to kill me." Spike said as he painfully picked himself back up.

"I thought you were already dead." A voice said. Spike turned to see Bob the Universal Janitor leaning against a mausoleum eating an apple.

"Who the hell are you are you suppose to be?"

"Bob. I'm a janitor who was granted omnipotence in order to clean up continuity glitches found in fanfiction. Unfortunately, Steve-0 keeps me so busy I don't have any time to fix anyone else's stories. But you never answered my question. Aren't you supposed to be dead?" Bob said in between bites.

"I was for a bit. Sacrificed my life at the end of Season 7, turned into Casper the friendly ghost in the last season of Angel in order to draw in Buffy viewers, and then finally I was turned back to normal." Spike explained. Bob just looked at Spike in silence for a long time until finally said…

"Really?"

Spike nodded.

"That's fcking stupid."

"Hey, I didn't write it."

"No, that's like when they shot JR on Dallas and then brought him back the next season claiming that the whole thing was just a dream. I mean, yikes. Hahaha!" Bob bent over with laughter.

"Look, are we going to fight or what?"

"Hehehe! Sure, or I could you know just sacrifice myself to you, and come back as a ghost in a Star Gate fanfic!" Bob continued to laugh hysterically.

"That does it. I've had enough of this bloody—"Spike vamped out and swung with all his might at Bob's face, but Bob blocked the blow with one hand.

"Spikey, Spikey, Spikey, what part of omnipotent did you not understand?" Bob smiled as he launched the vampire across the cemetery and through three tombstones. Spike pulled himself to his feet and staggered forward.

"Is that all you got? Hmmph, I've fought tougher blokes than you." Spike scoffed as he wiped a bit of blood from his chin. Bob just smiled and broke his mop in half.

"Very well, then." He said, and then leapt twenty feet in the air and lunged the sharp edge of his mop at Spike. Spike jumped out of the way as the mop shattered through the tombstone behind him. Spike lands a blow to Bob's back before he can turn around which forces him to the ground. Bob returns the blow with a sweeping kick that knocks Spike to the ground too.

"You fight well, vampire. But it's futile. I'm the mascot for these cliché stories, you don't honestly think Steve-0 would let you kill me. Do you?" Bob said getting to his feet and preparing to deliver a final blow to the fallen vampire. Spike clutched to the loose dirt in preparation of his impending doom.

"Yeah, actually I do." Spike said as he threw the dirt in Bob's eyes.

"Ahh! My eyes!" Spike knocked Bob to the ground and grabbed the mop from the janitor's grip.

"You see, I'm a fan favorite. If Steve-0 kills me off it would tick off his reviewers, and like it's been stated in this fic many times before." Spike drove the sharpened end through Bob's chest which exploded with white light as the janitor imploded on himself until there was nothing left but the burnt grass beneath him. "Steve-0 is a total review whore."

"TEAM BUFFY vs. TEAM STEVE-0: 6-1!"

"Now who the bloody hell said that?"

"I DID"

"And who are you?"

"I'M THE GHOST OF ROD RODDIE." Look it up on the IMDB.

Just then a giant, floating, glowing magic 8 broke through the dark clouds above, and Spike was immediately sucked up inside it.

END FLASHBACK Doodly do! Doodly do! Doodly do!

"And so here I am." Spike recounted as he snuffed out his cigarette.

"So that's it then. We won." Buffy said almost amazed that the whole ordeal was over.

"Well, all of us except Angel." Xander noted.

"Like Buffy said, we won. We're back home, and everything's back to normal." Giles noted.

"Well, not exactly, I mean, the Magic Box shouldn't even exist since Sunnydale is supposed to pretty much be a hole in the ground." Willow noted.

"Yes, and I know we've used this plotline before, but I appear to be back from the dead again." Anya noted.

"So maybe this isn't over…" Giles said a slight trace of terror in his voice.

"NO, NO, IT'S OVER. I DON'T WANT TO WRITE ANYMORE. THIS STORY IS DEFINITELY OVER." Steve-0 said as he suddenly materialized in front of the door. "YOU BEAT ME. FAIR AND SQUARE. SO I WROTE YOU ALL IN A SUNNYDALE WHERE YOU CAN ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. EVERYONE YOU CARE ABOUT IS STILL ALIVE. THERE'S NO LIFE-THREATENING EVIL LURKING IN THE SHADOWS. AND YOU ALL CAN LIVE THE REST OF YOUR LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER HERE."

"Happily ever after? What is that?" Giles asked.

"He's blaspheming in Joss Whedon's name! The first commandment in a Whedon series is that nobody gets to be happy for longer than a few episodes!" Xander shouted.

"RELAX THIS IS A FANFIC. IF THIS LITTLE MISADVENTER TAUGHT YOU GUYS ANYTHING I WOULD HOPE THAT IT WAS THAT POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS HERE, AND THAT FANFIC AUTHORS GOOD AND BAD HAVE THE POWER TO GO BEYOND WHAT THE SERIES CREATOR INTENDED. THIS IS A REALM THAT TOES THE LINE OF CREATION AND PLAGERISM. CREATING NEW WORLDS WITH IN EXISTING WORLDS. AND THIS IS THE WORLD I CREATED FOR YOU. SO ENJOY."

Everyone just looked at each other, confused by this gesture of kindness suddenly granted to them.

"Um…thank-you?" Willow offered.

"DON'T MENTION IT. NOW IF YOU'LL FORGIVE ME. I MUST TAKE MY LEAVE."

"So this is it then. No final fight. No bizarre twist. No shock ending. You just leave us here to live happily ever after?" Buffy asked

"I TOLD YOU. I'M TIRED. THIS FIC HAS GONE ON LONGER THAN I EXPECTED AND I JUST DON'T WANT TO WRITE IT ANYMORE. NOW IT'S BEEN FUN, BUT IT'S TIME TO GO."

"No." Spike said

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'NO?'"

"This is a lousy ending, and we did not just go through all that crap to have you just phone the conclusion in."

"PHONE THE CONCLUSION IN? I'M LEAVING OU ALL IN PARADISE AND YOU ACCUSE ME OF PHONING--. OKAY, SMART GUY, HOW WOULD YOU END IT?"

"Not like this." Xander said. "Where's the character death? Where's the final apocalyptic battle between good and evil?"

"THERE ISN'T GOING TO BE ONE. YOU GUYS ARE EXASPERATING! I GAVE UP! YOU GUYS WON! STOP BEING SO MASOCHISTIC! DO WANT ME TO SEND YOU THROUGH MORE FANFICTION PLOTLINES FILLED WITH CORNY JOKES AND BAD SIGHT GAGS? WE COULD MAKE THIS BUFFY THE CLICHÉ SLAYER BOOK ONE OF A EIGHTEEN PART SERIES IF YOU WANT."

"No, no. That's cool this ending's fine." Everyone said.

"GOOD. THEN IT'S SETTLED THEN."

"Not so fast!" Bob the Universal Janitor shouted as he burst through the door. He had a mop impaled through his chest and he was breathing heavily. He held a magic 8-ball in his hand.

"How you going to kill me off my own cliché story?" He pointed the 8-ball at Steve-0 and shot a blast of 8-ball magic at him. Steve-0 jumped just in time to avoid it. Steve-0 quickly opened a portal.

"WELL ANYWAY, IT WAS NICE MEETING ALL OF YOU. PERHAPS WE CAN DO A SEQUEL SOMETIME OR X-OVER FIC." He said quickly as he escaped through the portal with Bob hot on his heels. Buffy collapsed in a nearby chair.

"Whew, I think I'd rather destroy ten hellmouths then do that again."

"Well the important thing is that it's all over." Giles said.

"Or is it?" Xander said as he noticed a small black orb lying next to the cabinet. He picked it up to reveal a magic 8-ball. He nervously shook it and then held it away from him in fear of unlocking it's powerful magicks. But all it did was make a shaky noise.

"No, I think it's pretty much over" Anya stated.

"Well, I guess the only thing we can do now is live happily ever after." Willow said.

"And pray there's not a sequel." Spike said.

THE END…

OR IS IT?

NO, NO, I'M PRETTY MUCH SURE IT'S THE END THIS TIME

ALTHOUGH I HAVE SAID THAT BEFORE….

NO! THAT'S IT! IT'S OVER

FOR NOW….

STOP DOING THAT!