HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FANFICTION!

Welcome, welcome, welcome, one and all, to the SEASON FINALIE of the New Kid Stories! WE ACTUALLY MADE IT!

Before we get started with all the usual BS, I just wanted to thank everyone who has been reading, reviewing, engaging with the Tumblr, and have joined the NKS Discord. Y'all have made this project possible by helping keep my enthusiasm up and reminding me every day that I have readers who are here for this story and wanted to see where I was taking it. I want to thank all of you, whether you've been with us from the beginning, or just joined in a week ago. Hell! If you're reading this after the fact and this story is already done, your support is still dearly appreciated. My love of telling stories would wilt if I lacked an audience who loved to hear them.

WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY, let's get into the usual disclaimers.

The New Kid Stories [NKS] are my just-for-fun project I write when I have the time and drive. As such, I do not concern myself heavily with the editing process [most chapters get a skim in the doc manager before they're published], and typos do slip through the cracks. I welcome being notified of errors, provided you can do so in a respectful manner [I.E. don't cuss out the author for a story you're getting for free. Yes, it has happened, multiple times]. You can notify me of typos via reviews, PM, or sending an Ask to the JustCallMeButtlord Tumblr page.

NKS is canon Divergent due to the fact that I started writing the stories two years ago, back when the most I knew of the series was the games and a smattering of episodes I'd seen as a kid/teen. While I am current now, South Park is still very much making new episodes, and I will not be bending over backwards to make my work adhere to the canon because that's stressful and stupid. This is the just for funsies corner, not the 'I'm gonna kill myself over the canon material's new additions' corner. The narrative might occasionally poke fun at this, though... :3

NKS is written episodically, and this is usually where I'd reassure a new reader who clicked on a fic with a number in the title that they can still read it without consuming previous material but... well, this is the finale. While 1-5 could all arguably be read in a vacuum and still be satisfying, and 6 could probably be enjoyed by an outsider with only mild confusion as to what the fuck is going on... 7 and 8 here are ALL ABOUT paying off little details I've seeded into the previous stories, wrapping up the long game I've been playing in the background of the entire series so far. Reading this story first, on it's own, while I hope I'm competent enough as an author that it would be an enjoyable experience, may not be as satisfying without all the careful buildup that's come before. It's sorta like reading the last chapter first. You can do it, I can't stop you, and that's your choice, and I'll do my best to pen a story that still makes sense to an outsider, but... why do that when all the stories thus far are just a click over to my profile page away, eh? Eh?

Alright my friends. Are we buckled in and ready to get this roller-coaster ride going again?

ON
WITH
THE
FIC

OWTF!

::End Of The Line – Ringing In The Ears::

Wendy was home sick from school, but she wasn't resting... despite the fact that she very much wished she could just relax and go to sleep. Sleep, however, would be a waste of time and talent; the team needed her right now. More than ever, possibly, as Mysterion and Buttlord caught up with a predestination paradox that set the stage for today as a whole.

She'd known today was the day when she'd gotten a text from Kyle, requesting a way to get Kenny and Dee out of school and back to town just a little bit before 8:00 AM. It was something she'd been preparing since Saturday... when Buttlord, Dee's masked alter ego, had arrived in her room in the middle of the night and warned her that they'd need a very specific out in the future.

Life was interesting when one of your friends could fart hard enough to rip time and space.

Saturday night had contained a number of revelations, all of which took Wendy's near obsessive need to be prepared and gave her a thousand new scenarios to theorize about, attempting to furnish counter-strategies to them... while also consuming enough tea with honey and lemon to embarrass the entire nation of England. Even with her brain slagged down in congestive and lethargic hell, she was fairly certain she'd managed to cover a number of bases... just not all of them.

Was it even possible to cover all of them? Not in her current state, probably. Her parents had curtailed her movements multiple times; the one-two combo of being both grounded and sick being enough to confine her to the house and limit her to activities that could be preformed from a seated position. They, of course, expected her to sleep... and she feigned compliance by spending the majority of her time in her room; thus, she was limited to things that could only be done from her computer.

Not that was a particular disadvantage. Entrenched in a pile of blankets, cellphone within reach, she could do a great deal from her computer desk. The big question was... would it be enough for whatever was coming?

As if to respond to her stray thought, her phone buzzed against pillow currently across her lap as a platform for her to lean her elbows on while slouched forward in her computer chair. Picking it up, she saw she had a text- a message from Stan.

She smiled faintly. Stan had been a sweetheart on Sunday; finding the time after all the commotion and getting chewed out by his family to come over and beg her parents to see her. They didn't want to let him in, of course, what with her being grounded for staying out too late with him, but Stan was a pretty hard guy to say no to once he turned on the puppy dog eyes. Nearly losing a bunch of friends in a freak pizzeria fire also won some sympathy points, and eventually her parents had caved.

Perhaps conforming to the adage 'no good deed goes unpunished,' Stan was also too sick to go to school this morning. He'd caught whatever virus she was fighting... but she was thankful all the same. His coming by had helped her with a task she might not have been able to complete herself.

He'd also gotten her to unwind enough to get some rest last night, which had ended up being key this morning- if she'd stayed on all Sunday night, she might not have been awake to get Kyle's message.

[Received, 10:56] the bomb threats on the news, u made that legit huh?

Wendy felt her eyebrows arch slightly.

[Sent, 10:57] You're watching the news? Shouldn't you be... sleeping?

Hypocritical, but his usefulness to the group during crisis usually required him to be in good health. Not to mention she felt a touch guilty for him getting sick, even though he was the one who visited her.

[Received, 10:57] camped out on the couch
[Received, 10:58] mom left the tv on for me when she left for work
[Received, 10:58] figured id keep up
[Received, 10:58] plus ur one to talk :P

She snickered faintly, rolling her eyes and leaning back from her computer desk. It nearly felt like her spine was melting back into her chair as she took the stress off, and her eyes felt heavy. Maybe she could take a short break... as certain as she felt that the trouble was coming, that something big was about to happen, she had no proof towards that. Just a feeling.

She was about to text Stan back... when she got a message from someone else. The banner popped down from the top of her phone, notifying her she had a message... from Dee's phone. Not Dee's Facebook, through which she might have sent messages from a computer, but a multimedia text from Dee's phone number.

Not the weirdest thing on earth... only Wendy knew for a fact that Dee didn't have her phone anymore. She'd lost it- the device had gotten left behind in the chaos that had been Sunday afternoon, and probably destroyed by the fire. Even if it wasn't, that specific mobile phone was somewhere in the wreckage of that burned out building, and likely inaccessible as long as the police were still doing their arson investigation.

Swiping down on the notification, she tapped on it to hop over to that conversation thread in her message center, checking the message. It appeared to be a short video file, although the preview image was just black. Wendy's phone started downloading the file automatically, and by the time she tapped over it was ready to play. Above the video file, there was a short message:

[Received, 11:00] URGENT

Strange was a word for it... but that was par for the course between herself, Dee, and Kenny- and seeing Dee use all-caps was enough to get her heart pumping. Tapping up her volume a few clicks, she hit the play button, assuming an explanation would be forthcoming.

Instead, a piercing sound emitted from her phone's speaker that froze her in her chair.

"This is burlshit, they should just send us home already."

Kyle couldn't help but agree with Cartman, although he was fairly certain they were feeling that way for very different reasons.

Kyle was anxious after what had gone down this morning. At first he'd been thrilled to be part of whatever was going on with Dee and Kenny- two of his friends who were operating as legit superheroes with legit powers in South Park. Someone had stolen Dee's pills; medicine the kid had been taking since he was little that just so happened to supercharge his farts enough for him to rip time and space with them, allowing for honest to God time travel abilities. The dynamic duo had been trying to figure out a plan of action on the bus to school, but neither of them had a way of contacting their third regular team member, Wendy, who was out sick.

Somehow they'd both lost their phones. Kyle hadn't asked questions on that one. Kenny possessing a cellphone during any given week was always a coin toss, and whether he had any minutes on the thing was a constant mystery. For Dee it was strange; the guy had another ability outside the time travel, and it was influencing people through social media. Having a phone was part of his deal, so him missing having his was really weird, and made Kyle suspect that something serious was going on.

Limited resources was a classic in comic books before a hero had to take on a difficult opponent; usually one that was smart enough to take away those resources and force the heroes into a corner.

Kyle figured they could probably handle whatever the heck was going on... but he'd also been eager to help- even if doing so made him the kinda lame non-powered buddy character. While Dee had beat feet into the school to check his hiding places for his medicine, Kyle had hung back with Kenny and helped him get in contact with Wendy, filling her in on the situation and finding out what their options were once they had their technological support member online.

When it was found out that Dee's hiding places at school had been raided, a direction was decided on; they needed to get back to town as fast as possible. Kenny had been ready to pull a fire alarm, but Wendy had another way ready to go; a bomb threat on the Middle School that would force the building to be cleared before any attendance numbers could be taken that day- allowing Kenny and Dee to disappear into their masked identities of Mysterion and Buttlord to go do the hero thing.

Kyle had to remind himself that his distinction was not simply having a phone and Wendy's contact info, but being someone they trusted enough to relay messages for them. It was the only thing that was really keeping his jealousy in check at this point. He'd been excited for them as kids were collected back onto the buses to be brought away from the middle school and back into town, let off at the community center as a holding area until the school was cleared by police. He'd even caused a distraction with one of the teachers so they'd have a chance to slip away... but all of that left him with an adrenaline high and no payoff.

Anxiety was a feeling that quickly gave way to frustration for him. He wanted to do something. Staying where he was expected to be, crowded in with other kids, under the watchful eye of teachers and other school staff... he would have paced, but there wasn't really any space to do so.

"Screw this, let's ditch."

Cartman did a double-take, standing next to Kyle. They'd stuck together out of habit- usually there'd be others from their group with them, but everyone was gone. Stan was out sick, having caught whatever yuk Wendy had gotten hit with, narrowing down a group that was usually five boys down to the two who most frequently butted heads.

"Well shit, okay." Cartman let out a faint laugh. "What's the plan? We gonna find Douchebag and Kenny before we blow this popsicle stand?"

"They got out when we got here." Kyle responded, not bothering to explain further as he sized up their possible exits. The community center had basketball courts next to the building; asking if they could go play would get them outside, but would probably come with some level of supervision... plus there was a fence out there. Could the crowd be used to their advantage? "Dee had some bullshit he needed to deal with."

"And he didn't take us with him? Fuckin' lame." Cartman groused. "He's been ditching us all over the place, man- and his boyfriend; he spends more time with Kenny than he does with Butters. That poor guy takes a chance and what does he get...?" The bigger boy let out a dramatic sigh. "Douchebag just doesn't understand the real value of relationships, Keyl. I feel like I gotta do something before he breaks the poor guy's heart."

"He turned Butters down." Kyle corrected tersely. "And you're the one giving them shit every day at lunch for being too gay around your food."

"The school has PDA rules for a reason." Cartman stated as if he were quoting something, closing his eyes and raising his chin like that conveyed authority. "I'd be just as mad if Stan started fucking fingering Wendy at our table; it's unsanitary."

"That's not even close to the same thing!" Kyle lost track of whatever scheme he might have been building, rounding on Cartman to glare at him as his voice raised a notch or two.

"I guess you're right, vaginas are way more unsanitary than dongs- do you think I need to remind Stan about that? Wendy's puss is gonna kill him if he's not careful. I should get him a tub of hand sanitizer for Christmas, or something."

"Fellas!"

Kyle had been on the edge of outright shouting at Cartman in the middle of the crowded main room of the community center... but was interrupted by none other than Butters himself. The blond boy was slipping his way through other students, ducking and weaving until he arrived with wide and excited eyes... which then dulled when he realized it was just Kyle and Cartman.

"O-Oh... hey fellas. Have either of ya seen Dee? O-or Kenny?"

"Oh jeez, here we go." Cartman muttered, rolling his eyes. "What did I fucking tell you, Keyl?" He reproached before going to Butters, putting a hand on the guy's shoulder like he was a crisis counselor. "It's okay Butters; I understand what you're going through, and I just want you to know that I'm here for you, okay?"

Butters blinked, confusion making his expression even wider as his shoulders nearly shot up to his ears. "Y-ya do?!"

"Of course I do... I know what it's like to give someone your heart to someone, only to have someone else try to steal them away- but don't worry. Together, we can show Douchebag just what he's throwing away if he doesn't straighten up and do right by you."

"Oh- uh... w-well that's nice, but..."

"Say no more!" Eric put a finger to Butters's lips, hushing him mid-sentence. "It must be so hard for you right now... you're so brave, speaking up and asking for help. We've got your back... right Keyl?"

Oh for the love of...

"They're not dating, dumbass!" Kyle broke, shouting loud enough that it overcame the din of the room.. enough so that he noticed several students near them going quiet, giving him some serious side-eye before returning to their own groups and conversations.

"Oh my God, Keyl, how can you be such a HOMOPHOBE?! Can't you see that love is love? Next you're gonna tell me that Craig and Tweek aren't together just because it makes you uncomfortable! Butters is our friend, and he needs our help, and you're just gonna stand there and say there isn't a problem because he's going out with another guy? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

Kyle felt his jaw going slack as Cartman turned things up to eleven, shouting misinformation to all surrounding ears, and drawing back the attention of the people around them. Those who had been giving side-eye started staring, and a space was forming around himself, Cartman, and Butters as other people near the noise of Eric's braying backed off.

"A-actually, you guys, if you'd just listen to me-"

"Everyone knows that Dee turned him down!" Kyle barked back, turning up his own volume and refusing to let false statements go unchallenged. Maybe, on a different day, he could have tried to be the bigger person and just let it go... but not when Cartman was making a point of shouting at the top of his lungs. "Everyone knows they're not going out- but you keep harping on about it! You're almost the only one who doesn't know what's actually going on!"

It was something he shouldn't have said. A heat of the moment sort of thing, and one that seemed to strike surprise on Eric's face.

Oh shit.

"Alright, boys, what seems to be the problem here?"

Before Cartman could react to the revelation Kyle had accidentally touched upon, a new voice joined the group. Specifically that of an adult; the middle school counselor: Ms. Misty. She was a small woman of Asian decent; one with whom the group had dealings with before... and, it was doubtless, knew a great deal about the kind of trouble they and their friends had gotten up to in elementary school. Her arrival among them instantly made Kyle take a step back, trying to open up distance between himself and Cartman so it looked less like he'd been about the punch the fucker straight in the mouth.

"Keyl's being a homophobic jerk!"

Then again...

"You take that back right now or I'll break your fucking face, Cartman!"

"Boys!" Ms. Misty barked, producing a surprising amount of power despite her small frame and arresting both of them on the spot. The pocket of empty space within which they existed had expanded, as if expecting the two of them to fight. Tension was gearing up around the edges, and Butters was shrinking in on himself as he picked up on it.

"You guys, that's not even what I came to talk to you about... can't we just forget about it?" He quested in a small voice.

Ms. Misty took a second to observe the room as neither Kyle nor Cartman spoke, and then let out a sigh. "Alright, the three of you, with me."

"What?" Butters nearly yelped. "Me too?"

"Yes, Mister Stotch." Ms Misty confirmed, making a sharp motion with her hand that demanded they follow. "All three of you, come with me."

Around them, onlooking students let out a customary 'oooooooooooooooo' that accompanied all walks of shame to the principal's office... only they weren't at school, and Principal Victoria was probably elsewhere to be the point of contact for police. Instead, Ms. Misty was leading them to the side doors that led out to the basketball courts, pushing said door open and leading the trio of adolescent boys outside with a poker face that belonged in Vegas.

The heavy door closed behind them, and Ms. Misty turned to look at her charges. Kyle had to hope that things were tilted in his favor; the last time they'd dealt with Ms. Misty, Cartman had the distinction of kidnapping the woman's dog to blackmail her into one of his bullshit schemes.

The small woman was still for a few seconds, shoulders drawn back and staring the trio of boys down for several seconds. Then, she let out a loud sigh, and her posture deflated.

"That room was a pressure cooker, huh?" She said, sounding much more casual now that they were out of the building.

Kyle blinked. He'd not been expecting that.

"I know you boys are upset; things have been pretty crazy lately- and then that fire; some of your friends were in there, and here you are back at school, without any time to process. That's gotta be pretty tough." Ms. Misty spoke empathetically, completely departing from the tone Kyle remembered her using the last time he'd encountered her... then again, the last time he'd encountered her, her dog had been kidnapped and threatened with death unless she acted like a maximum bitch. He guessed this is what she was like when she wasn't under duress. "Now a bomb threat? That's pretty scary."

Kyle was silent for a moment, dumbfounded... but what the lady was saying was true. Shit had been crazy and scary lately; everyone in their regular friend group was exhausted- so much so that Dee even apologized to Cartman for some of the stuff that had gone down lately. If he hadn't sent the message that caused the bomb threat to be called in, he might have been losing his shit right now.

Eric didn't hesitate to jump on a supplied explanation for bad behavior. When he spoke, it was with the warble of practiced crocodile tears. "I... I just wanna go hooooome." He whined. "Everything is confusing and crazy and I just wanna spend time with my friends and make sure everyone's okaaaaaaaaay..."

Kyle looked. Was Ms. Misty buying it? It was hard to tell... she was pretty tough to read. He wasn't to throw in with Eric and join in just yet- besides, he hadn't fake-cried to get his way for years.

"It's okay to feel that way Eric, but I can't let you go home without releasing you to a parent or guardian, or if everyone is dismissed. We're waiting on the word from Principal Victoria right now on whether we're using the late-start schedule today or just sending kids home... but if you boys want to cool off out here, I can send one of the teachers out here to supervise you. Would you boys like that?"

"Yes please." Kyle piled on, but not as theatrically as Eric. "It's just... really hard for us to be in the crowd right now."

"Y-yeah." Butters got with the program, having been silent up to this point.

"I'll go get one of the teachers- I'll see if we can find a basketball, too."

"Thank you Ms. Misty!" Cartman cried out gratefully- laying it on thick while he and Kyle were probably thinking the same thing; that they could make a break for it the second the woman's back was turned... Butters could either come with them or be left holding the bag; his choice.

"Don't mention it- hm?"

The counselor paused, interrupted by something as she was nearly to the door. Kyle remained still, despite the excitement of being on the cusp of getting away with something making his heart thud away in his chest. The moment she was through that door, he was ready to run and get the hell out of here... but the petite woman stopped and pulled out her cellphone, checking it with curiosity. She blinked at the screen, confused by whatever information it was relaying to her, and then shrugged it off, proceeding through the heavy door to return inside.

Just as the door was falling closed, Kyle heard something that hurt his ears- a choir of high-pitched, electronic noises that stabbed into his brain and made him feel like he was arrested to the spot. Sounds that seemed to be coming from multiple sources, all screaming at similar pitch and making a horrible, painful cacophony felt like it was causing paralysis and possibly making his ears bleed at the same time.

The door thumped shut.

::The Author's Corner::

I WONDER WHAT THAT'S ALL ABOUT

:3

As said at the top of this chapter, I thank y'all so much for supporting this story all the way to its current installment. I am SUPER PSYCHED to be wrapping up the story that's been slowly building up through the other NKS stories, and this project has been one of the most satisfying and fun things I've done in a looooooooooong time.

ONWARDS!

-Buttlord