The shackles of our Free Will

Ok, what you need to know about this fanfiction is that I have written about 90'000 words worth of text already. That being said, most of it needs fine tuning and that takes time. Also the text is filled with holes where inspiration on how to get from point A to point B is missing. I started this before the Black Lord was even a concept in my mind and until I've written part of the epilogue a few weeks ago I didn't want to release it. Yet somehow the epilogue made me want to see your opinion of it.

I am partial to the Sirius Harry parent relationship so this fiction will be about that, again. Taking place after Book 4 but will deviate from canon quickly. There are still Horcruxes around, and I'll try to keep the characters in character (that sounded better in my mind). As usual, not a fan of Dumbledore, and this one has a not so nice Molly in it too. I am not sure if the rating will stay T all the way through the end since I have written some slightly mature scenes in it, but I will give fair warning or I might just extract those chapters as one shots.

That being said, I do not own Harry Potter or the wonderful world of magic in its pages, those belong to JK Rowling. I do like to think that the plot is slightly mine, as are the mini OCs littered here and there, though some of them were…inspired (personality wise) from another book, I'll tell you which when they come up.

Enjoy, review and sorry for the rambling

Chapter one: Postcards from everywhere

At the end of Harry's fourth year Voldemort came back and the Ministry of magic refused to believe the boy who had seen the Dark Lord return purely out of convenience and a belief that if they didn't see anything wrong it simply meant there was nothing wrong with the world around them. Harry left the Hogwarts express and into his 4th summer holiday at the Dursleys with a feeling of unease and nightmares plaguing him from that horrible night at the end of June. He hoped that his summer stay at his relatives would be short and that he could re-join his friends at the Weasleys as soon as possible.

It wasn't meant to be so.

While Harry was stuck in Privet Drive on the hottest summer in years Dumbledore was calling back the Order of the Phoenix and telling everyone who cared to listen that Voldemort was back. Unfortunately many people refused to believe that idea the same way the Minister of Magic did and with the reassurance of the Daily Prophet that Dumbledore was going senile and Harry Potter was a deranged attention seeking teen their doubts about the falsehoods the Headmaster was spreading were evaporated.

After all Voldemort was dead.

Barely two days passed of the summer holiday when Sirius Black had offered his parents' house no. 12 Grimmauld Place as Headquarters for the Order. And it was within the first two days there that Sirius realized the error of doing so simply because he would be stuck in the one place that was for him, perhaps just as bad if not worse than Azkaban. It was at the first meeting at Grimmauld place that the once handsome ex-Auror understood he was as good as useless in the war if things continued the way they were. What was worse, whatever recovery his mind managed in the two years on the run, Grimmauld Place was chipping away at it. He felt his thoughts disconnecting, his mind drifting, he felt angry, restless, caged, it was as if the house was pushing him to the brink of his sanity. And so Dumbledore's reassurances and words preaching caution soon fell on indifferent ears after the second week there.

'Sirius, are you here?' Remus knocked on the door which led to his friend's bedroom.

'Come in.' Sirius was at his desk sorting through old paper.

'You didn't come to the meeting.'

'Did I miss anything important?'

'No, not really. Snape made a report but it was mostly the same as two days ago. What are you doing?'

'Cleaning my desk. Found some old postcards from my early holidays.'

'Postcards? I thought your family had a holiday house in France.'

'Yeah, but when I was little we used to pick a different location each year for a week or two anyway.' He flipped through the postcards 'Italy, Spain, Germany, Belgium, Island, Russia, ha Israel, forgot about that one, Egypt, Switzerland, Japan-' Sirius stopped.

'That's quite a collection.' Remus said.

But Sirius wasn't listening to his friend anymore. He got up abruptly startling Remus.

'What is it?' the werewolf asked concerned.

'Could it be possible?' Sirius started pacing. 'It's been 14 years, 15 almost.' The Animagus continued pacing thinking hard.

'Padfoot, you're making me feel uneasy.'

Sirius turned on Remus abruptly. 'I think I might have found us a good ally against Voldemort. But I'll have to take a little trip to be sure.'

'What? Have you gone mad?' Remus felt the alarms go off in his head. Sirius couldn't leave. The Death Eaters and Voldemort surely knew by now that Sirius was an Animagus. His dog form was a no go and his human form even more so.

'No, it's a long shot, but if I can convince. Oh, but it would be perfect. But can I? Still, no one else can. No one else knows.'

'Sirius!' Remus stepped in Sirius's way and grabbed his shoulders shaking him a bit. 'You're not making any sense and you're starting to freak me out!'

'Remus,' Sirius stopped the man with a gesture 'Listen. This little getup we have here won't work. Not with Fudge and the Ministry acting like pricks. We need help.'

'And you think you, YOU, can find it out there?'

'I'm the only one who can. As far as I know.'

'Why? Because of some postcards?'

'No, because I was on an undercover mission in Europe when I was an Auror. I can contact the people I worked with back then.'

'And they'll capture you and send you to Fudge with a note, Kiss on sight!' Remus said hysterically.

'Not this person. No if anyone will believe me…I have to try.'

'Sirius you've been cooped up here for far too long, your brain isn't working properly. Maybe if you could take a walk around the town square…'

Sirius waved his hand in dismissal. 'I'll be stuck here for a lot longer if I don't do this. And I'll be less than useless in the long run. This way…maybe…'

'I won't let you leave! You're bound to do some stupid mistake and get caught!'

'I'll be careful Remy. But if I stay here now when I can do this and find us some allies, I won't be able to cope.'

'Talk to Dumbledore about it at least.'

'Dumbledore has no say in the matter.'

'He's the leader-'

'Yes, the leader of the Order I fought for and who let me rot in Azkaban without even speaking to me first.'

'You're upset. I know. I understand.'

'Do you? Do you really?'

'OK, now you really need to speak with the guy. You can't leave it like this.'

'I don't need to do anything. And I can leave whenever the damn I please. This is my house damn it. I won't be kept prisoner on my own property!' Sirius was angry.

'And if you get caught? What then?'

'I won't get caught. I haven't thus far and I won't now. Not when Kingsley is leading the search for me and I'm supposed to be in Tibet.'

'At least let me come with you.'

Sirius shook his head 'No. I'll have to go at it alone. The people I'll contact…neither you nor anyone else is supposed to know about them.'

'You can't just go off on your own to meet with someone none of us know, in a country half way around the world! Sirius, think of Harry! Think of him, what will happen to the kid if something happens to you?'

'It's for Harry that I have to try Remus! I'm no good for him the way I am now! Don't you see? If I stay here I'll lose myself worse than I did in Azkaban! I hate this place worse than I hate Azkaban! I can't-'

'Sirius, please, if you're captured and you die Harry would be devastated. I would lose the only friend I have left. Think about it. You've acted rashly once and it led to 12 years in Azkaban. Don't do this. Just…discuss it with Dumbledore, take me with you. Plan, prepare, please!'

Sirius smiled a sad smile. 'All right, I'll think about it. It's late anyway.'

Remus sighed in relief but kept a watchful eye on his friend. 'I have to feed Buckbeak and then I'll get some sleep, maybe figure something out with a fresh mind.' The ex-convict added.

Remus retired for the night when he saw Sirius wasn't coming down from Buckbeak's room. He decided to give his friend some space. He couldn't understand Sirius and his aversion for his childhood home, well he understood that his family was dark and that they were probably not very friendly or fun, and he understood Sirius had left home at around 16 because of a big fight. But he always knew Sirius was a bit of a loose cannon that he could exaggerate and quarrel out of the silliest things. Surely this house was a lot better than Azkaban. Surely going out on that crazy adventure he concocted to find allies was not worth the risk of him being caught and kissed. Surely.

Remus went to sleep determined to force Sirius to stay at home and talk his issues with Dumbledore through. Maybe talk to the headmaster first and make him understand that Sirius couldn't stay in the house day and night. But the next day couldn't have gone worse.