Chapter 3: Columbine

Summary: Such is the melancholy of life.

Author's Notes [Start]: Rating changed to E due to NSFW. Be warned for sex and emotions that author does not know how to combine together, featuring Shizuo and Izaya's horrible sex life. How nauseatingly heartwarming, it makes me sick.

This is, yeah. It is loooong, it seems that every chapter I write gets longer than the previous one, so, take solace that this is the last. Also, I've been spending a lot of my time watching Dear Girl Stories (DGS for short), which, in case you don't know, is a radio show thing that Shizuo (Ono Daisuke) and Izaya's (Kamiya Hiroshi) voice actors host. It's super adorable and a great way to pass the time and it gives me sooo many shipping ideas you have no idea. There's quite a fair bit of translations on YouTube, if anyone is interested.

He believes that they are at a position right now where they could confidently say that neither of them would ever regret their children, though Izaya himself often got scared of that very real possibility.

Not that he wouldn't have regrets in general, or that they would not have regrets growing up. It was a human part of life, after all. Well, he rather thought that life itself was intrinsically entangled with humans, but that was a discussion for another day.

Izaya was scared of something else, something worse.

He got scared in the way only a child who had been neglected by family got, as if they too could fall into those trappings of forgetting themselves and losing interest. (Not like he was extremely neglected, he had most things that he wanted growing up, he was aware of that. He held no real resentment for his parents, just apathy.) The fear of everyday growing more tired and resentful towards something one was supposed to love unconditionally. After all, if he could let go of his unconditional love for humans, something he once thought to be indisputably impossible, could he not do the same with his own flesh and blood? Izaya is no fool, he was not blind to who he was before, and who he is now.

It was a reason why he had been, more than hesitant at first. When hopeless, romantic, foolish Shizu-chan breached the topic of children. Such a word was so foreign to Izaya, so dangerous. Izaya had anticipated it at some point, that if he were to have a long-term relationship with a man as fond of innocence as Shizuo was, the subject of reproduction was bound to pop up. It was in their evolutionary genetics after all, and what man had ever gone against the forces of nature and won? Izaya had tried, and had subsequently failed miserably. He had, however, rehearsed the same few lines long ago, in preparation for the inevitable.

"Really? Us?" Izaya looked up sceptically and proceeded to laugh out loud.

What a joke! What a fool Shizuo was. But more's the pity to the fool.

"Putting aside all the legal troubles this would cause, we are quite literally the worst people for the job. If you want proof go, ask my sisters." He rested his head on his hands. "They'll spill you every juicy detail."

Social experiments, psychological damage, neglect.

"I did."

Izaya slammed his hands down on his desk. Too harshly to be played off as calm and unaffected. "You truly are out of your mind, Heiwajima Shizuo. Are you not aware of the fact that if you make the slightest mishap we could very much have a mangled baby in our hands?"

"Listen, Izaya. I'm tired." Izaya's breath hitched. "I'm tired of running away from myself. Of being too much of a coward that I can't bear to face myself every day." Shizuo paused, shuffling his hands into his pockets.

"I don't want to pressure you into this, I just wanted to bring it up. Please, consider it."

"What is there to 'consider'? I've made my choice and you're clearly refusing to acknowledge it."

"I'll give you some space."

And he walked out of the apartment, leaving Izaya fuming.

Honestly what did he expect? A fairy-tale? The American Dream of living with a trophy wife in a house with a white picket fence, a dog and two-point-five children? Well, unfortunately for Shizuo, Izaya was by no means female, rather favoured modern, black interior design and hated dogs.

The reason why they called it a dream was because you had to be asleep to have it, after all.

"…I've been practicing you know."

"Practicing what?"

"Not breaking stuff, not losing my temper. Simple things like that. Tom-san said it would help."

Izaya scoffed. "What? And you think that's enough? Did Tom also teach you to challenge yourself to sit through five minutes of the boring old news in preparation for your hypothetical parenthood?"

"'Our', and no, but I want to keep trying. Izaya, why are you so afraid?"

"Why are you so unafraid about this!" He hissed, gradually losing control over himself. "Do you think that this is supposed to be some easy job? Some side-project that you can do whatever you want with? Because if you do, then Heiwajima Shizuo, you are more insane and simply more selfish than I ever thought." Izaya feels his heart twist and churn at the thought. Sure, he has admitted to himself that Shizuo was human – oh, so human, so why did that upset him so much? Humans by their very nature were selfish, but perhaps a part of him had not believed that Shizuo could fall into certain trappings.

His throat felt dry. "I rather think myself above the concept of good and evil. Rather, humans are simply charming or tedious. But babies tend to fall into the latter category." He says, clenching his fists to prevent his fingers from being seen – they weren't trembling, no. "But, if there were to be a clear definition of good and bad, I would most certainly fall into the latter category."

"Maybe, but – I've seen you, you can be 'good'."

"Well them, some humans just make good people, not good parents."

"I'm never going to know what to do," He choked out before Shizuo could answer. "That'll be my final nail in the coffin, maybe." He chuckled, the sound coming out from his mouth sounded a bit different from his intention.

"When it comes to raising kids, or even being near them – god, they're disgusting." He hissed, venom dripping from his tongue, but his supply was running dry these days. "I don't have any experience. Positive ones, at least."

"Nobody has experience with kids until they do," Shizuo said, gently, like Izaya was some haggard wife, which was not appreciated. "And they'll be our kids."

"They'll be the most monstrous of all."

Izaya snapped out of his dream, or rather, memory, when the plane intercom alerted their landing. His arm felt sore from using it as a prop for his head, as well as being a substitute pillow for Shizuo to rest on.

He shook him awake and got a cup of water from one of the flight attendants – noticeably, the same one who had been sending him and Shizuo strange looks that Izaya did not appreciate. He set the cup down firmly, which sent her scurrying away.

He knew while on this trip they were bound to be in the presence of rather…more unsavoury human beings. Izaya had thought he was prepared for that, but the things that dead-beat salaryman said was a bit too much. Luckily, he was able to spot the business card in his shirt pocket, recognising the company as a relatively corrupt one (well, no company was really free from corruption, hence why Izaya could do his job so well) that he was sure he could dig up dirt on. And that man would have to pay, for Orihara Izaya never forgot the face of someone who had scorned him.

Gathering their items, they made their way to the next terminal, where they would be boarding the flight to Texas first, then switching planes to Florida. In all honesty, Izaya would have preferred New York but he doubts that the rest of them would appreciate it as much, seeing as they took after Shizu-chan in being more childish in their tastes.

The five of them were half-asleep during the check-in process and breakfast. That was, until Izaya pointed out those 'big scanny machines' that are part of the 'uptight airport security' he had been too immature to answer earlier.

"They were implemented after the 2001 terror attack in the United States." He proceeded to explain in further detail about the whole controversies those devices were involved in.

The more he talked, the more awake they got, firing questions left and right, oddly excited to experience it. Not wanting to be left out, Shizuo joined in with the only bit of knowledge he had overheard forever-ago from his dad about it. Thinking about it, it has been a while since they visited.

"Some people think they're an invasion of privacy."

"Why?"

Shizuo looked to Izaya for an answer but saw him shaking his head. Maybe another time, then. Maybe this topic would come up the next time they went to visit Shizuo's parents. His father had always kept up-to-date on current events, especially one that had been as shocking as that. Shizuo misses his parents.

"I don't know, but we're going to be late at this rate. If you don't want to finish the rest of your food you can give them to me."

They made it to their gate with fifteen minutes to spare, and Izaya whipped out his phone to look through the news while Shizuo followed Itsuki to stare out the floor-to-ceiling windows at the other planes taking off.

The American plane they boarded had four seats in a row, with a pretty big aisle situated between two seats. Unfortunately, one of their tickets had to be situated away from the rest. Haru had begged to be seated in her own row, and Shizuo only allowed it because the girl sitting beside her seemed to be roughly the same age as her and the mother seemed nice. She wasn't in a business suit, at least. (to which Izaya said it was ironic since they were in Business Class, and Shizuo kissed him to shut him up) It was probably for the best, since Shizuo would have crushed his armrest if he saw anything related to Businesses for a while. The rest of them sat one row in front of her, him taking the aisle seat with Izaya seated behind him whilst across for them was the very dangerous combination of Hana and Itsuki. Though now, Itsuki was focused on craning his neck to look out as the plane began to rise with a newfound excitement in his eyes. He liked the sea of clouds below him, and Shizuo hopes he will continue to.

After a while, Izaya noticed that the girl beside Haru had tried to strike up a conversation, but it faded into awkwardness after the first few questions. Haru was lively, but also more socially awkward and tended to be considered abnormal – they received a few comments from teachers calling her a 'deviation from the norm'. Izaya wondered if she was being ostracised at school, for kids were cruel. She was always prone to being alone, but then again, so was he.

The kids, and surprisingly, Izaya fell asleep within the first three hours of the flight. Shizuo was holding Izaya's hand while he continued to keep an eye on Haru. He'd heard that Americans were more open about physical affection so it probably would not be a problem if he was just holding Izaya's hand – right. Haru was staring intently at the movie played out in front of her. He hoped it wasn't violent. He really wasn't that tired, the playthrough of their earlier trip still fresh in his mind. He can't exactly place what he felt throughout the whole thing. There was happiness, fucking relief, annoyance, but…there was also something else. Rage, an anger that had built up inside him from all the worry and all the stress. He was terrified of what that meant. Deciding not to think about it too much, he put on the earphones from the plane. All the movies featured in the catalogue were American, but luckily it had Japanese subtitles. Shizuo spent a while aimlessly flicking through their selection until one caught his eye so he decided to roll with it. Considering its innocuous name, Shizuo was thinking that it was some kind of cute, rom-com – a guilty pleasure of his but he just wanted a light-hearted movie.

He soon found that it was, in fact, not. He really should start reading those movie description tags but how was he supposed to know that a movie called Mom & Dad would be…this? It was deeper than he had expected it to be – to him, at least. He spent the remaining hour and a half transfixed as to what was happening on screen, simultaneously horrified and enraptured by its contents. He squeezed Izaya's hand tighter and Izaya's face scrunched up in his sleep.

And, really, the movie wasn't that great. Actually, it was pretty dumb, some virus going around causing parents to fight want to kill their children with over-the-top acting, whatever. What Shizuo hated was that he could relate to the ugly-looking American father, yelling and absolutely wrecking his neat pool table – and he had worked so hard to put it together, too. It was clear that the man was absolutely consumed by a single-minded anger, and he was directing it all back towards his family, even if it was unintentional. Shizuo flinched when he slammed into the wall and fell while chasing his kids, who were running away in fear. He hastily turned off the movie without finishing.

When he looked around him, he had not even realised that the plane had dimmed its lights already. Haru had fallen asleep halfway through the movie she was watching earlier. Shizuo tried, but failed to do the same, thoughts of murderous, violent fathers filling his mind.

By the time everyone else woke up, he felt like buying a pool table just so he could wreck it to pieces.

The drink cart made another round after lunch, the stewardesses attending to passengers being courteous and obliging in every manner. Shizuo felt like getting something alcoholic, but decided against it. The American stewardess made a big show of pouring out his milk, though, batting her eyelashes and trying to strike up conversation with him. Shizuo felt very uncomfortable since Izaya had fallen asleep next to him again, their clasped hands obscured by the blanket. He wasn't used to flirting (besides with the man beside him – could it even be called flirting back then? Whatever, he had the wedding rings to prove it.) She was incessant, though, and after she learnt that he was Japanese and badgered his name out of him, she made the situation more distressing by calling him Shizuo-sama, which made Shizuo cringe the first time he heard it. What was with people and adding the worst suffixes to the end of his name?

"So, are ya headin' off to Florida for anyone special, Shizuo-samah?" She asked coyly, looking briefly over Izaya. She had a distinct accent that would be indicative of what part of the States she came from.

Shizuo had a limited understanding of English, though, and he was embarrassed to admit that even Suki was more well-spoken in that area than he was. He could vaguely make out the words 'going to' and 'anyone special'. He assumed she meant of he was going to Florida for a special occasion.

"Holiday. Family." He said, pointing across the aisle and at Haru behind him.

"Oh." Her eyes widened for a moment and she smiled in a patronising manner while handing him his drink. "How cute, have fun!" And she moved on, leaving Shizuo feeling self-conscious. He didn't have a problem with what other people thought of him, but the whole uneasiness of their previous exchange left him reeling. And it was not like it was illegal in America, according to Izaya, they were more open about it! What was her problem? Shizuo spent the rest of the plane ride sulking and glaring at any stewardess who came too close, even after Hana told him to knock it off so she could get a drink.

As soon as they had landed in Dallas, Itsuki wanted to be carried, still feeling tired. He wasn't even complaining when Shizuo picked him up.

"You are getting too old for this." Izaya nagged, though he helped pull along Suki's luggage, ignoring the occasional stares from people. Shizuo thinks that Izaya relishes in a bit of the attention, sometimes.

They explored the new airport for a bit more before they were back on a new plane. The Economic Class in this plane allowed for all of them to sit in a row as a family, albeit, a bit cramped. Shizuo sat between Haru and Hana this time, the latter sitting in the aisle seat. Izaya was across the aisle, with Itsuki by his side. Shizuo gave him a few longing looks which Izaya caught, and returned them with kissy faces and a wink. Itsuki gagged loudly at the sight. The seat next to them was empty, so Izaya used it to place his carrier and then proceeded to retrieve his laptop and leaned over it while Itsuki slept some more with his head on Izaya's thigh.

"Who's still hungry?" Izaya asked out of curtesy once they landed in Orlando International, though they had quite a heavy meal on the plane, the food portions being quite big.

"Not me." Hana said, Haru nodded in agreement.

"I'm hungry." Itsuki grinned impishly, which always meant that he was lying. Regardless, Shizuo gave him some Cheesecake Factory biscuits from before, to which he accepted but did not eat a single one of them. Afterwards ensued one of the loudest family wide shouting match in the taxi as they decided where it was they should go next, because frankly Shizuo felt exhausted from not getting enough sleep but Haru and Hana wanted to look at the tourist attractions. They were stuck at the side of the road, with a very nervous, sweating taxi driver not knowing where to go.

The stalemate was broken with Izaya, who opted to visit the home rental first to get a look around the area – and also because all the shouting was giving him a migraine. The girls sulked moodily the rest of the way there until they pulled up in front of the house.

It was a single level settlement, and possessed a mix of American Craftsman and Italianate style architecture to it, adding a lot to its character. Best of all, it looked tidy. The clear sliding doors leading out to a grassy patch and the distant view of the beach and sea, which was quite empty at this time of the day. It certainly gave the settlement a fresh feel. Shizuo feels all forty-four years of his age when he thinks of how he described the house as 'fresh'.

They were greeted warmly at the drive in, and once they got all their baggage the taxi all but booked it out of the neighbourhood. Shizuo can't even blame him.

"Hello! Welcome to our humble abode!" It was clear that this was their first time speaking Japanese, but Shizuo feels honoured that they would try, nonetheless.

As they made their way inside, Izaya took note of the décor. The home itself was open-plan, and had a very lived-in vibe to it, scattered papers and magazines hastily piled onto the coffee table to appear neat. The house made use of a lot of natural lighting, it seems, which wasn't unwelcome.

Since it had an open-plan layout, the kitchen area connected to the living room. There was a big space leading to the west side of the house, where there was a queen-sized bed, which had a lot of light blue stripes reminiscent of sailor aesthetics. Beside it was a closet, which when opened revealed a smaller bed. The kids were amazed by this and played around with it for a bit before they were called for dinner.

Dinner was a feast of home-cooked meals. Sausage stuffed zucchinis for appetizers. That was a first, but it didn't taste bad, just different. There was a pot roast (well, Izaya has always liked hot pot, this is close enough) and Caprese Chicken for the main course, and a wonderfully aromatic Apple Pie for desert. The whole thing left Shizuo feeling quite bloated, but it was delicious.

"I'm surprised you guys do not have salads." Haru practices in pretty decent English.

"Oh, everyone's had a bleeding Caesar salad before! You're in America, right? Try something new!"

Weird mix, Shizuo thought.

They inform them that they're leaving afterwards to visit their kids in the next town over, and will likely arrive by morning the next day.

"So we'll be leaving our house in your care, please feel at home."

Shizuo doesn't know how they can put so much trust in a bunch of strangers, but he appreciates it – the house was lovely, but tiny too, and Shizuo liked privacy.

Generally, they're nice about the whole family, just a bit social. He supposes it's just a culture shock. Izaya acted as their main communicator between them. The kids were shy around new people, but they warmed up to them quickly.

"Oh, oh, actually, Harold here has visited Japan before. He was part of the troops, during the Second World War, he was there for the surrender." Giorgia, recalls.

Shizuo's a bit confused by the direction of conversation, and by the looks of it so are the girls. Itsuki, though, speaks up.

"In Japan we actually call it the Greater East Asia War." He says, and Izaya translates.

"Mm, so don't mind if the rest of them are a bit confused. Actually, our schools like to hide a lot of facts about World War Two, to cast Japan in a more sympathetic light."

"Ah, propaganda eh. Well, the States are no foreigner to this, quite the opposite, actually. We're fighting wars all over the place!" Harold says in his booming voice, hand in chin.

"Ha! I bet you do!" Izaya says in English.

This atmosphere carries on for the rest of the night, everyone chipping in and adding some weird fact or another. As they're waving goodbye, Shizuo turns around to look at the place again.

"This place is amazing." Shizuo says, awed.

"'Amazing' is perhaps too strong a word but it is nice. It has a musky old people smell though." Izaya nit-picks.

"We are old people." Shizuo likes the smell, it makes him wonder if maybe their house would have that sort of smell too, sometime down the line. He doubts it though – Izaya has always had a unique smell that extended to the rest of their environment.

Back indoors, Haru has already arranged herself on the bed, preparing to sleep. She has her earphones on to shut out the rest of the world with whatever alternative rock she's into this week while Hana's sitting right in front of the open sliding doors, watching the scenic view as the breeze sweeps in.

After they've showered and brushed their teeth, they collapse onto bed too. Itsuki squeezes in between them as usual, turning towards Izaya in his sleep, who is still awake on his phone. Shizuo stares at them for a while, until he feels a light tug on his hand over the edge of the bed. He rolls around to find Hana grabbing his hand in her sleep. He swells a bit inside.

He falls asleep thinking that these are such stuff his dreams are made of.

Shizuo woke up in the middle of the night when he felt Izaya get out of the bed, but he laid there until he heard Haru clambering out, her departure was followed with a toilet flush that made Itsuki groan and turn in his sleep. Shizuo heard them whispering in the kitchen, fully awake. He sat up gently, detaching Hana's arm from his side, simultaneously alarmed and comforted by how tightly she clung. He saw from the glass sliding doors that it was a mix between dark and pale blue outside. Very early, a muted peacefulness. He slid out of bed and went to the bathroom to wash up and brush his teeth.

Once he was done, he pulled Itsuki's covers back and he whined, drilling his little fists into his eyes.

It took a bit more coaxing to get him out, and by then Hana was awake too, standing in front of the toilet vanity. As soon as she caught sight of Shizuo, she ripped a clip with a red plastic bow on it out of her hair. She went bright red as she turned towards him, as if he'd caught her smoking – Shizuo shudders at the thought. She donned a simply but cute sleeveless blue dress that was a little short. Shizuo walked over and kissed the top of her head.

"Sorry, I should have knocked. Ready to go?"

"Yeah, yeah – you don't need to do that!" Shizuo liked being affectionate with his kids, but apparently that was something that was looked down upon back in Japan, and it often made them all embarrassed. Didn't really stop him though.

Shizuo reached for her day bag and she rushed over to stop him.

"I can carry that myself!" She huffed, straightening her posture before walking away.

"I know, sorry." Shizuo said, disheartened.

…

After they lathered the kids with sunscreen and extra towels and drinks, they headed out just as the elderly duo arrived, and bid goodbye to them. Shizuo feels a tightening in his chest, they reminded him of his grandparents, who had passed away years ago. They loaded the rest of their stuff into the rented car – thank god for that, he feels like none of them wanted to traumatise any more taxi drivers – they were in smelled of musk and a strange perfume. Izaya definitely had the impression that someone had sex here before. He sprayed it down before anyone went in, he's always been a weird neat freak. As they drove by, the early hours cast a soft glow through the sleepy neighbourhood, which looked so unglamorous and normal that Izaya decided it was not. There was something he could not quite name, something quite charming. Their general shabbiness and uniformity unlike that of the high-rise apartments of Tokyo, though perhaps their owners were out and about, and their reason for unkemptness was joyful rather than the lack of time.

They arrived at the beach early, so they managed to find a spot before it got too crowded during the midday. At least in the crowd, it was easier for a group of people to blend in, so they didn't draw much attention.

At some point, Haru and Hana had gone off to build, and he quotes, 'the biggest sandcastle ever' or something like that while Itsuki waddled a bit in the waters.

Shizuo made some laps around the short while Izaya was watching over the kids. He had passed the same set of rocks around five or six times when he felt a mild, throbbing tweak in his shoulder. By the time he stumbled his way back onto the sand, he knew it was his old crane injury.

The one time they had fully committed to killing each other a few years ago, Shizuo had a large crane dropped onto him while shielding Varona. His shoulder hadn't quite been the same since, and he occasionally had to pop it back into its socket even though Shinra told him not to, which was probably why he could still aggravate it despite being an abnormally fast healer. Shizuo would always catch Izaya wincing when he did it unthinkingly in front of him, a permanent reminder of what they both tried to do. Then again, Izaya still had trouble walking, despite how much he tried it brush it off as old age (the only time he would admit to ageing). Usually it only throbbed mildly, when he was doing something as simple as reaching up for a box of cereal, or lifting one of his kids, or completely supporting Izaya up against a wall during sex.

Izaya noticed his struggling and immediately knew that he had activated an old wound. Itsuki trailed behind nervously as Izaya rushed over to support him back onto the mat.

"Otouchan…?" Itsuki said. He was gripping the soaked ends of his hair tightly.

"I pulled a muscle, I think." Shizuo said.

"You managed to hurt yourself already?" Izaya asked, incredulous.

"It's not like I can help it." He grumbled, not prepared for a nagging. "It's an old injury," he said. "From – you know."

"Do you need to get help?" Izaya sighed.

"No," Shizuo said though he felt like he had a knife lodged between his shoulder blade. "I'm okay, I'll just lie down."

"Are you sure?" Itsuki asked, worried. He was generally less prone to being a worry rat than his sisters but when he did worry he did it tenfold, and was often a bit overbearing. Shizuo put his hand on Itsuki's head.

"Yeah, I just pulled something while you were playing. What were you doing just now anyway? Was it fun?"

Once he made sure there wasn't any apparent threat, Itsuki jumped straight back into his laid-back attitude, trying to appear unexcited whilst bragging about how fast he swam. After a while, Izaya distracted him by asking him to check up on the sandcastle Haru and Hana were building, which by now reached around half the height of the umbrella stands and was gathering a bit of a crowd. Itsuki immediately obliged.

"How bad is it?" Izaya asked, dropping all cheer once Itsuki was away. He began touching Shizuo's shoulder looking for any sore spots.

"S'not too bad. Just hurts like a fucking bitch and all."

Izaya sighs exasperatedly, too irked to complain about 'language'. "Of course you had to pull that old injury. I am quite sure that Shinra and I have told you multiple times not to pop your own arm back into place, now look at it. I don't think it'll ever be the same again."

"Sorry?" Shizuo tried, a smile tempted to break across his lips. Izaya was flustered when he was worried, and Shizuo found a while ago that he liked being worried after, despite injuries not having much of an impact on him.

"I'm starting to think you're more manipulative than me." He commented.

"Oh fuck off."

Izaya's skin had turned a light shade of pink from being out on the beach for too long, being as it was already an hour past noon so the sunscreen would have probably worn off, and Izaya had always been pale. He was hissing every time he moved, though it wasn't too bad. He was just very dramatic, and basked in all the worry Shizuo could not help but feel. Eventually, Izaya went back to the car to wait, Hana tagging along when she overheard that people peed in the ocean, looking very grossed out. Haru was talking to some boy that looked her age, using grand hand gestures to make up for her lack of English. Shizuo narrowed his eyes at the scene, but it didn't look harmful.

"Am I from both of you?" Itsuki suddenly blurted from his side.

"What?" Shizuo turned away from Haru, who had already been invited to join a small group of teens for some beach volleyball.

"You and Otousan? Was I conceived from both of you? And Haru from Oba-sans?"

"Who told you that?" Shizuo asked, distressed.

"Hana." Itsuki said, he was staring at the sand he picked up, and watched them slowly fall from between his tiny fingers.

"Oh." Shizuo glanced at the direction of their car, nervous. "Well, um, yeah. I mean, biologically – yes – but you're all ours. Equally. We love you all the same."

"I don't care." Itsuki said, and Shizuo believed that he did not – about the, genetics and stuff, but his palms were sweaty and he was feeling disturbed, because Hana certainly did. He'd always hoped that she wouldn't let something like that bother her, but he knew he was being stupid and wishful.

"She'll get over it," Izaya said when he brought this up when they checked into the Resort, which was very blaringly Disney-themed. He didn't know why he was surprised, they were at Disney World Resort. "She's terribly resistant to these sorts of petty things."

"Yeah but I'm not." Shizuo said. "And I don't think it's petty."

"It's not." Izaya agrees. "But she thinks too much for her own good sometimes. Unlike the other two who seem content living in their own world."

"Are you talking about us?" Itsuki shouted, his voice coming from their bedroom where he was changing.

"Stop eavesdropping!" Izaya said, and closed the door to the bathroom. He turned on the faucet for good measure and squeezed Shizuo's arm reassuringly, tiptoeing up to give him a kiss which Shizuo gladly leaned into.

"It's normal for adopted kids to go through something like this, we just have to show that it doesn't make a difference to us. Which it doesn't."

"I just thought she wouldn't feel this way. It makes me sad."

"A lot of things they feel are going to make you sad," Izaya said. "That's just the way it works." And he turned off the faucet and chased Itsuki to the other room. They got joint rooms, separated only by a thin door.

"So where did Kasuka-Ojisan come from?" Hana asked suspiciously from beside Shizuo. They had ordered room service, being too tired to follow through with their itinerary.

"Uh, what do you mean? He's my brother, we've told you this before."

"Yeah - but! He looks so young. And he looks like both of you too, sometimes, it's scary!" Oh, it was scary alright. Shizuo didn't really know what to say to the fact that she was trying to convince him that his brother was either adopted or his and Izaya's love child - this was so weird, he was sure she was just projecting.

"It's just all so complicated," Hana said, livid and pained. "Even Haru-nee, at least she came from Mairu and Kururi - and you! She's still strong."

"Wait, wait, is that what this is about? Hana - "

"No!" She had risen from where she sat, a small depression in the pillow was all that was left to indicate her presence.

"It's just, Suki and Ha-chi, they're so obviously…yours. And Otousan's. It's unfair."

Shizuo reached out for her again, placing a hand on her shoulder. This time, she let him. He eventually wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in for a hug that felt long overdue. "It might seem unfair, yeah, but we love you so much, you're just as important to all of us. It doesn't matter, okay?" She stiffened under his touch when he said this, and suddenly he wasn't so sure what he did was the right approach. He really needed to talk about this with Izaya.

"It matters to me."

"Why, sweetie?"

"It just does." She mumbled, and slipped out from his grasp. She walked outside, to where Izaya sat on the porch, and sat beside him. They were murmuring about some things or the other, and Shizuo couldn't help but take it personally when she leaned into Izaya's hug. Izaya was the one who found her, first. He had all the details and Shizuo followed, because he couldn't stand the idea of a child being hurt, trapped and pained. The fact had never bothered him before, but now it seemed awfully unfair. Everything did.

Shizuo was always fearful about his children inheriting his strength though, he never expected he had to be concerned for the opposite. Hana was too self-conscious of the fact that she was physically weaker than the rest of the family, and slightly more so than the average eleven-year-old. She felt singled out from the family, in her eyes. Izaya always suspected it stemmed from the fact that she was adopted. They told her early, because it was the best choice. Izaya was always amused that humans preferred to keep this sort of information until a child was older, when it was more damaging to them. Besides, Hana was an observant child and not stupid, she would have been able to put two and two together at some point. However, no matter how much he and Shizuo tried to comfort her about it, tell her all the stories of Shizuo's hospital visits and struggles, she viewed it as too much of a weakness. Shizuo got depressed about that fact a lot, blaming himself for her placing as much emphasis on it as she did.

Shizuo didn't think he was prepared for that. He kissed Hana's forehead before bed, surprised but glad that she let him, tucking her in tighter than usual. She used to like it when the blankets were tightly wound around her shoulders, saying it felt safer, like being wrapped in strong arms.

"They're asleep." Shizuo reported as he shut the door softly. He was about to turn around until he felt a pair of bony arms wrap around his waist, Izaya's chest pressing into his lower back.

"I know, what should we do now, I wonder?" When Shizuo looked over his shoulder, Izaya was sporting a coquettish grin.

Shizuo wasn't good with words, so he picked Izaya up and placed him on the counter, Izaya's back facing the open glass door that leads to the balcony, overlooking the rest of the resort and city area. There were lovely purple flowers there, that looked a bit like those small garden windmills he saw on the drive here in some people's homes. Tokyo was too dense to really have flowers. It reminds him of that time at Shinra's place, but the view is much more stunning. He still thinks it's pretty ridiculous for their suite to be so big it had a mini bar, but, as he kisses up Izaya's arm, he's finding it to be very useful right now.

"Ah, ah" Izaya tutted, blocking Shizuo's kiss with his hands. He picked up a bottle of some kind of alcohol – the label was in French. "Let's pretend we have something worth celebrating for a bit first, shall we?"

"Yeah." Shizuo says, he wants to see if his bartending skills have gotten any better. Likely, they've gotten worse.

He checked the fridge and whistled.

"Wow, they really go all out, huh?" He said, shuffling the items around to look for some vermouth and lemons. He started preparing his mixture then, slow but with some level of skill. "Who needs all this shit for just two nights?"

"Maybe they were banking on people getting so drunk they use everything in the fridge. It's not a bad tactic." Izaya mused.

"Why?"

Izaya stared at him blankly. "Shizu-chan, you really didn't think those were free, right?"

He looked up, flushing. "You mean they're not?"

And Izaya laughs out loud until Shizuo shushes him by pointing to the door.

Shizuo tries to be impressive, shifting the shaker around and even managing to spin it in the air twice. He finished the martini by plopping a cherry and adding a twist of lemon into it. He liked the cherries more than the olives. Izaya whistled when he took a sip.

"You made this so strong, what's the ratio?"

"Three to one, it's not that bad."

"Maybe for you!" Izaya swirled the glass towards him, giving Shizuo a sultry look before sipping it again, he shrinks a bit from the taste. "Are you trying to get me tipsy so you can ravage me later?"

"Yep. You saw right through my plan." Shizuo deadpanned, putting away the shaker.

Izaya pouts, then his eyes light. He pulls Shizuo by the collar to face him, and smashes their lips together, mouth full of the drink. Shizuo is taken aback for a bit, but brings one hands up to rub circles into Izaya's waist, the other reaching down to fondle his bottom while he plunges his tongue deeper to get more of the sweet drink. He doesn't think he did that bad a job.

They keep this cycle going, only breaking apart for one of them to take a mouthful of the intoxicating drink before repeating their mix of tongue and saliva. Izaya has his hands wound tight around Shizuo's neck, his feet digging hard into his back. They're both deep red and completely wasted by now, and Shizuo is kissing roughly at the expanse of Izaya's neck, lips making loud and weirdly arousing smack sounds.

Shizuo often got more affectionate when he was drunk. He's just trying to be cuddly, Izaya preferred to use the term 'possessive', always somehow managing to drag Izaya into his lap, no matter the place, and glaring at anyone that so much as looked in their direction.

"Hey, Izaya?" Shizuo asks gruffly, he looks down at his work on Izaya's neck. It was full of bright red marks, and Shizuo feels proud. Izaya would complain about having to cover up tomorrow, but that could wait.

Izaya was panting heavily, trying to tug down harder on Shizuo's neck even in his wanton state, craving more. "What? Why did you stop? Don't be a tease now." He mewled.

"What's the craziest thing we've ever done?" Shizuo asked. "I mean, besides dating."

"Having kids." Izaya says hurriedly, leaning up for a kiss, but Shizuo turns away. He makes a sympathetic noise at Shizuo's expression.

"Objectively, I mean – why are you asking this now?"

"I just want to know what you think." And he makes such an innocent and puppy-eyed look that Izaya can't resist him. He doesn't even like puppies. He sighs, trying to calm himself down – he's still very much hot and bothered but it seems like Shizuo was in a sentimental mood again.

"Well, we were – or is it still are? The two most dangerous men in Ikebukuro. But obviously this had a great outcome that is about to lead to some very good, very steamy sex. Don't be so down, you look just like Eeyore."

"Who?" Shizuo felt a small spike of irrational jealousy that Izaya would know someone he didn't – even if that was what he made a living off on.

"It's a character. From a cartoon show, you know? Winnie the – never mind." He leaned forward to kiss Shizuo's exposed collar. "Why don't we move this conversation to the bed? The table is too hard and my ass hurts."

Shizuo's dick twitches slightly at hearing the words 'hard' and 'ass' in the same sentence from Izaya's mouth, and he carries him to the overly fluffy bed, returning the favour by planting a firm kiss on Izaya's mouth as he clambers onto the bed, knees sinking into the covers, affecting his balance and causing him to waver slightly, it feels a bit like he's drowning.

"I guess – I was thinking, about, how weird everything has turned out. In a good way, of course." He murmurs against Izaya's neck, kissing it hungrily again and pulling him closer.

"Mrm…hhng" Izaya made a sound from the back of his throat, eyes fluttering on occasion. "What about you? What do you think is the most insane thing we've ever done?"

"For me?" Shizuo tries to think, which is pretty difficult now, since his dick is straining against his pants and his mind is only really full of surreal thoughts of fucking Izaya on the balcony, with the city backdrop framing Izaya's face as he begs for more.

He's done a lot of crazy shit, most of them unintentional. "I guess it would be that time I bruised you so hard we had to get your arm in a cast. I was terrified, you know, after you told me."

"Ah! We were crazy, we were!"

"I was really terrified."

"Yes! But I begged you to keep going, it was a weird turn-on."

"Fuck," Shizuo groaned, stripping his clothes off, then does the same with Izaya's, more gently. "I don't want to hurt you like that again. The kids were scared too, you know."

"Sorry, sorry." Izaya said, though he didn't sound that apologetic. In fact, he was grinning impishly.

"You're such an ass. Don't you ever think of anyone other than yourself?" Shizuo bit down harshly on an exposed nipple, then rolls his tongue across it, dragging a high-pitched whimper from him. It makes Shizuo think of that time he tried spanking Izaya but got a knife in his chest back, despite having agreed. Izaya said that he had panicked. That was fifteen years ago, and Shizuo wonders if he should try asking Izaya again.

He continues licking and sucking on Izaya's nipples, which are pink and swollen from his abuse. He gives them one final pinch before moving his hands down to wrap a hand around his pre-cum slicked cock, other hand teasing his hole gently.

"Nnggghhh…Ah! Shizu-chan, ahh!"

Izaya uses his foot to push against Shizuo's dick, rubbing it up and down slowly, stroking it to full hardness.

"Put – put me on top of you and turn me around."

Shizuo obliges immediately, groaning as they assume the position. He pinches Izaya's light-toned cheeks apart, revealing his pink hole. He licks tentatively first, starting slow then delving his tongue in to taste him.

Izaya yelps with his mouth full, his tongue expertly swirling around Shizuo's tip, his small mouth only halfway down as he uses his hands to wrap around the base. He proudly thinks of the time Izaya called his penis one of 'the prettiest he's ever seen', praising its size and proportionality, and said that he was too spoiled by the miracle of Shizuo's cock to be able to be satisfied by anyone else's anymore. Which was, well, he was drunk.

As it was, they were a groaning, rutting mess. Shizuo stilled his ministrations to ask, "D – do you think they have any lube in here?"

"Just do something, hurry." Izaya urges, moans coming out in clipped bits while his hips undulated against the air.

Shizuo lowers Izaya again and moves him to his hands and knees. He lubes his fingers with some pre-cum and spit and starts pounding into Izaya with reckless abandon until they're both senseless. He always fits in him like a glove.

Izaya buries his face into the pillows to muffle his voice when Shizuo slams in a particularly hard thrust, cumming inside him and filling his up with hot cum. Izaya tightens at that and shudders, spilling his load against the sheets.

"Wow." Izaya breathes after everything, basking in the afterglow. He's lying with his head in his arms, face half obscured by the cool, fluffy-beige comforters that's been slightly soiled – must suck working for room service. Shizuo's worked as a janitor one point in his life, and remembers how annoying it was to always clean up after other people's messes. Well, there was a reason why it didn't last long.

"You must have fucked me about three times just now, you truly have a monstrous refractory period. I hope it lasts well into – our older age." Izaya said, looking briefly over his shoulder to check on whether there was any sound coming from the room over. "And it's only been what? An hour? Oh – crap, what time do we have to wake up tomorrow."

Izaya stretches up to check the alarm, and Shizuo follows the curve of his spine to his ass, which was still dripping with Shizuo's cum. He feels his face getting warmer, he can never quite get over how embarrassing sex is when he's out of the moment.

He knows he has been caught staring when Izaya wiggles it a bit before chuckling.

"Heh, like what you see? We may be forty but we can still fuck like we're twenty, it seems."

"I was just so happy." Shizuo said, reaching out towards him to cuddle.

"You're happy now, right?" Izaya asked, pulling away from his touch slightly.

"What – yeah – why do you keep thinking that I'm not?"

"I suppose I just." Izaya touched Shizuo's cheeks, looking away from him. He was still surprised to feel small bits of stubble poking his palms. Shizu-chan doesn't quite suit a beard. "I feel like I blackmailed you into this or something." He winced, pulling his hand back, though Shizuo stopped it from leaving. "I really didn't want to get into this today – "

"What? You can't just bring this up after having sex with me and pretend it's nothing, Izaya. What do you mean?"

Shizuo lets Izaya release his hand from his grip, he dons Shizuo's white t-shirt and turns around, facing his back towards him.

"Tomorrow, we can talk about it then."

"Oi. Flea."

But Izaya was already pretending to breathe deeply, and Shizuo very intentionally flops against the bed angrily, and curses when his head bumps against the headboard. Izaya twitches slightly when he hears it but doesn't rise up to check and it only makes the pain worse.

…

"What?" Is what Izaya is greeted with the next morning, when Haru sulks and takes a seat at the bar area – which had been cleared of all traces of the alcohol. She's sitting there with her early-morning expression of loathing. It reminds Izaya of Mairu's facial expressions in the rare occasions they would meet from the ages of fourteen to seventeen, and he suddenly could see where Shizuo's worries were stemming from.

Speaking of Shizuo, he was very obviously ignoring Izaya the next morning, he doubts he was even paying attention when he reminded him to clear up the mess, or charge his phone, or – anything, really. Izaya bets that if he told Shizuo that he was planning to elope to Europe he would barely register what he said.

He supposes it is warranted, after last night. Izaya rather thinks most of last night went rather well, that is, until he had done what he did best and ruin the mood by running his mouth. They slept facing away from each other, and a very small part of Izaya felt pathetic. Though, if Shizuo was really adamant on keeping this cold shoulder game up – and he could be very stubborn – then Itsuki was likely to pick up on something soon, which would spread to the rest of his siblings just as quickly. And, the last thing he needed right now was more complications.

This attitude continued while they were driving, too. By then, everyone had caught on that something was up, but at least they had the tact to stay quiet. Or, perhaps too quiet. Their arrival at the closest restaurant had consisted of a full minute of awkward silence as they walked towards the place for an early lunch.

It was really making Izaya annoyed, and he hardly got riled up.

"Haru, Hana, Suki!" Izaya chirped. The sudden mood shift jostled all of them to attention.

"So, what would you all like to eat? Me, personally, I think I would have the ootoro. Isn't it quite weird that they serve it here? Ah, well it's probably not as good as the one back home but, oh well." Izaya tapped the table as the kids and Shizuo said their orders to Izaya. "Hmm, waiter-san! We'll have these."

"Oi, flea, you forgot mine." Shizuo said, trying to keep his voice level.

"Well of course I would when you didn't speak up at all!"

The familiar round of bickering continued until the food arrived, to which Shizuo finally managed to place his order, (without Izaya's help, mind you).

Haru ordered a BBQ Chicken, chicken was something she got whenever they went to weird places and didn't know anything else. Hana had insisted on trying out some Fried Alligator Chunks, saying that Kanna had tried it before, and that it would be exotic and she wanted to try something new if she was in a foreign place, but after a few mouthfuls Shizuo could tell she was forcing it. Izaya eventually switched foods with her when he noticed her eyeing his ootoro longingly. He'd always order Fatty Tuna if it was available, and strangely enough this place had it. Shizuo thought of this country as a bit of a Fusion Confusion itself.

Izaya choked in a few bites before he ended up ordering another plate of ootoro. Izaya probably loved that goddamned food more than he loved Shizuo, which he got jealous about sometimes. Izaya likes to poke fun at him about it until Shizuo brings up milk.

"Sit with your legs closed." Izaya scolds.

Haru sticks out her tongue and defiantly spreads her legs further apart.

After brunch, they head towards Millenia Plaza to do a bit of shopping. Itsuki all but hauls Izaya to the nearest Toy Zone. Well, that leaves Shizuo with the girls, who naturally gravitated to one of the clothing stores, but not before Shizuo stopped off at one of the bookstores, looking for some interesting detective covers for fun.

As he's scanning through the aisles, his eyes land on a familiar cover.

A while ago, Shizuo caught Hana reading some book. Well, that was normal, he thought, and would have thought nothing more of it if that fleeting idea didn't make him catch his breath.

Normal.

'A Tale For The Time Being', was its name. And Shizuo resolved to pick it up sometime and read it, if only because he wanted to be closer to that inexplicable rush of feeling he felt that time. And here, he saw it again, in some dusty old bookstore in Orlando.

He bought it immediately.

Which was pretty stupid on his part. Firstly, since he already had a copy at home, and secondly, because his English was about as good as his French, which was to say, non-existent. But it just felt right for him to do so, as if a lonely voice was calling from the book itself to speak to him, screaming for his name.

As they're heading towards one of those clothing stores, he opens his recently bought book but, expectedly, does not understand anything. Frustrated, he wanted to tear something apart but figured it would be counterproductive. He would just have to ask Izaya to read it to him later.

Hana gave Shizuo the same look he'd been getting ever since she turned eleven last year: half-lidded eyes that reminded him of how he used to look like. She was looking at him like he was tedious, with hints of new shyness, as if puberty had transformed Shizuo into an obstacle rather than a confidant. When she was the one who felt like a mystery, one of those confusing puzzle boxes Shizuo tried to solve but always ended up breaking. He's talked about it to Izaya before, and he responded with the same look.

"Put those shorts back, you're not getting them." Shizuo was determined not to lose this one. What was with stores and selling these criminally short clothing anyway?!

"Why not, hah? S'not like I won't get it in a few years anyway!" She sassed, crossing her arms across her chest. When she got upset her speech would change, shifting to one that was far too close to his own, in a way that seemed menacing instead of endearing. "And anyway, it's not exactly difficult to sneak things past you."

At this point, one of the store clerks had noticed the commotion and walked over. She said something in English that Shizuo vaguely made out as a sort of greeting until she realised that Shizuo didn't speak the language. Hana scoffed something in response, and then looked sheepish, probably since she was acting out in front of someone else. She had no problem dolling it out to Shizuo on a one-on-one basis lately.

"Whatever. Fine. I don't care." She said brusquely, and forcefully shoved the offending garment to the shopkeeper, who looked thoroughly confused and concerned at Shizuo, or at least, he hoped.

"Sorry." Shizuo nodded to the clerk and walked away, hiding his eyes behind his hair.

They left their shopping items in the car. Shizuo, feeling slightly guilty about earlier discreetly bought an orangish-pink cotton hoodie that he caught her staring at.

At noon, they bought their tickets and entered the theme park.

Itsuki bounded towards the rides, expertly swerving away from the oncoming sea of people and dodging random objects in his path before leaping towards the centre line. For someone who called the place 'lame' he certainly seemed to be the most excited about it. He kept bouncing up and down, urging the rest of them to hurry up. Izaya groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Someone get him before he kills himself."

The queue was long, lasting for at least thirty minutes. During that time, Hana was refusing to talk to him, Haru was caught up in her own things, and he still didn't want to talk to Izaya. He noticed that Itsuki had taken out his phone and started playing one of those mobile games to pass the time. It appeared that there was some kind of…fish? Except it was wearing a crown and looking quite smug. Itsuki tapped the screen to get it to eat objects and avoid other creatures to get bigger. So that it can eat the bigger creatures.

Shizuo decided to try his hand at it.

"What's that?"

"Game." He clipped.

"Yeah, I see that." Shizuo responded tersely. He got fed up with his "screw-it-all" attitude sometimes, especially when it was directed at him. He tries godammit, why did he always have to be so apathetic to him?

"What's it called?" He tried, again.

Itsuki taps out of the game and shows him. Shizuo has it downloaded into his own phone within the next two minutes. He keeps playing, just for the heck of it, but loses more often than not. Itsuki tiptoes up to see the screen until Shizuo carries him in his free arm, he giggles whenever Shizuo messes up.

"What are you doing?" Izaya asks, half-incredulous, half-exasperated.

"Game." Shizuo and Itsuki say at the same time.

Izaya looks at Shizuo like he's grown a second head.

"It's called 'Mola, Get Bigger'? I think."

"No, no! You got it wrong it's 'Get Bigger! Mola' otouchan." Itsuki corrects.

"Ah, you're right! Well, it's cute, isn't it?" Shizuo says distractedly.

One of Izaya's eyebrows move upwards. "Is this also a coping mechanism for your mid-life crisis?" He asks hesitantly.

Shizuo taps out of the screen then, annoyed, pressing the home button a bit too hard. It reverts back to his lacklustre home screen that now included a new, bright blue game icon. He hasn't downloaded much else. He likes keeping his screen devoid of clutter so that he can see his wallpaper.

He was not in tune with technology since he never bothered when the internet started becoming an actual thing. So, when he found out that there could be different wallpapers for his home and lock screens, he'd immediately asked Izaya to help him set them.

His lock screen was his own family portrait, from a time before Shizuo had lifted the fridge that spiralled his life into a semi-horror. The image had a weird quality to it because Shizuo asked his mom to send him the picture, and if there was anyone worse than navigating technology than him it would be her. But she was such a determined sweetheart that she went out of her way to take a picture, of the picture, and he was too touched to change it. His home wallpaper was of a collage he made while experimenting a bit with some preinstalled default software. It contained a candid picture of Izaya flipping through some paperwork, pictures of Haru and Itsuki when they were babies, and one more of Hana when they first officially brought her out and she'd won a cat charm at a gacha store..

Izaya himself had those default ones, since it probably wouldn't be wise to have potential blackmail on full display. He keeps all of his personal things on a separate device.

With nothing else to do – since he really doesn't want to talk to Izaya right now – Shizuo looks around. Itsuki's still in his arms, head buried against the crook of his shoulder and neck.

The queue seems to stretch on forever, but at least the place they were in was interesting. He forgets what this cartoon show is called, but the walls are decorated with lots of honey, and a yellow bear with a red shirt, as well as his friends. It was a kid-friendly ride that Itsuki chose - which was rare of him to do so - so he was surprised that neither Haru nor Hana were complaining about it. Most of the people here were, expectedly, parents with young toddlers.

Haru seemed to be on some sort of chatroom. It looked like the same one Shizuo would see Izaya occasionally log onto. He had tried getting into it himself but he found not knowing the other person's identity to be generally annoying and untrustworthy.

Haru is certainly the most self-reliant of his kids, Izaya says she probably was more so than Shizuo when he was her age, which Shizuo thinks is an unfair comparison. Comparing her to how he was is setting much too low a standard. It bothered Shizuo, however, how much she put on herself. Izaya thinks it's a path to independence, that allowing her to make her own choices should be encouraged more, but Shizuo isn't really sure.

With the advent of having two younger siblings, it made sense that she had grown up the fastest – something they can both relate to. It seemed like she floated by, but not aimlessly, though it felt like she was very much alone. Shizuo felt like Haru and Izaya spoke each other's language, while he was kept at a distance, they were both a bit too mature too young, but still childish. In a lot of ways, Haru had become Izaya's best friend, and sometimes he feared that Izaya was hers too. Shizuo somehow felt like it was his fault, maybe he was too carefree, and she saw that and wanted to be different.

Shizuo's eyes light with recognition at one of the names in the chatroom.

"Oh, that's your friend, Shiori right?"

"Mhm, apparently she's in the states too."

"Really? That's cool."

"Yeah, but she's in a different part. California."

"Oh, that's all the way on the other side, I think. America's big, huh."

"Yeah." Haru says. She looks away from the neon screen and leans back against the railings. "You know, Shiori's parents call her every night if she's away from home."

"Oh, really?" Shizuo vaguely remembers them as too kindly, if plain-looking individuals.

"Yeah, it seems nice. I guess I'm a bit jealous." She said, and that broke Shizuo's heart in a completely different way. She was getting good at doing that without meaning to, like Izaya.

"Oh, honey." Shizuo started, then swallowed, he wasn't sure of what to say.

"But it's really annoying sometimes. They check up on her every hour when we hang out, or when she's at school. it gets kind of grating. They're always looking her shoulder, I don't know how the poor girl lives."

"Ah, yeah." He didn't really get what she was trying to tell him here.

"Do you, want us to check up on you, at school?"

"Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't." She says simply.

"Well, then, when you do, we will." And Shizuo wants to keep this promise.

They finally near the end of the line and the kids are visibly psyched by the whole thing, Izaya too, has a childish spring to his movements as he straps in. All in all it was pretty cute, the ride had full animatronics of the characters on the wall, which was charming.

Itsuki and Hana were too short to go on the scarier rides, so they're usually sulking at the base or in one of those trinket shops while Izaya accompanies Haru on them. Shizuo decides that they really shouldn't be too glum in a place that was supposed to incite joy and mysticism in children. So, to cheer them up, Shizuo resolves to be their own ride. He does something he hasn't done in years and has them hang on from his arm as he swings them around, mildly, of course. And they're chortling and screeching, the people around them, too, have noticed and are laughing, a few of them whisking out their phones likely to share it online. He does not even notice when Izaya and Haru are back, ready to move on. Izaya takes out his phone to subtly snap a picture of them like that, smiling softly to himself.

"Hey, I found something I think you'd like."

They were at a World Showcase shop and Shizuo bumped one of the alpaca plushies against Itsuki's cheeks.

"Wha – why that?!" He gasped, looking around to make sure no one had noticed.

"Cause, you like them, right?"

"That's not even an alpaca, that's a llama!" He pointed out, sounding very affronted. "And, no, it's girly." He spoke that last part in an undertone.

"Seriously?" Shizuo tried to scale back his shock, grinning. "Sorry, but I know you like them. Alpacas. Remember Aiko?"

"God, that was so embarrassing. Why'd you guys let me do that?"

"You'd cry if it wasn't with you, and it was sweet." Shizuo realised he'd picked the wrong adjective when Itsuki grunted.

Izaya postulates that Aiko-the-unsuspecting-Alpaca is one of the factors that contributed to Itsuki's extremely clingy nature. It was a well-treasured gift from Kasuka from when he was filming in Sweden and was given to them when they had Itsuki. He used to bring it with him everywhere, to school, out shopping, and even to the shower. Though that only happened one time when he realised wet alpacas took a while to dry. However, he stopped when he entered Elementary because he got teased for it and realised it was childish. He threw it into an empty drawer in a fit of rage one day, after which the drawer never quite closed as smoothly again, but Izaya notes that Aiko never stayed in the same position for long.

"Well, I'm not getting the thing." He huffed, like someone had forced him too. He didn't like it when someone did things that were 'girly', as if it would implicate him too. He liked seeing Shizuo lift heavy items and being stronger than most of his peers, and he lavished in the rare instances Izaya would talk about his experiences with that Yakuza and how people cowered in fear at his influence. He didn't like it when they were openly affectionate with each other, even though he was a rather soft and cuddly boy himself.

Shizuo does keep trying to get him to buy some of the softer toys anyway, to which he finally relents and puts the new Aiko, who's still a llama, on the cashier.

Izaya doesn't really permit them to eat junk food often, so while he's away lining up to buy their food at one of the less crowded food courts (of which there were very few) Shizuo has to adopt the role of 'bad cop'. It appears that Hana has spotted an ice cream snack stand, and they were now unfairly attacking Shizuo from all sides.

"No, guys, Izaya said no. If you want some then go ask him to change his mind." Good luck with that. He thought, Izaya could be as stubborn as he was smart.

Itsuki grumbled before an idea popped into his head. He exhaled and said loudly.

"You're always doing what he says…It's not like he's the boss of you or anything."

And, Shizuo had to admit, he himself was prone to many bouts of childishness. Izaya once jokingly described him as a child in a man's body (when he was the one skipping around in public), being that he threw 'tantrums' and was generally very moody when things didn't go his way. But, well he was upset! He would show it if he wanted, hiding your emotions was cowardly. His taste in food too, would be considered childish by many, but he doesn't care. Food was food, why the need to slap some stupid label on it and criticise people for their taste? Screw those assholes.

Another reason why Izaya was so ready to coin him as childish would probably also be because, well, he was.

"You know what? We're on vacation right, so it should be okay to indulge a bit! Each of you can get one ice-cream, whatever flavour, but we need to hurry before Otousan gets back."

And the three cheers of joy he got made him feel victorious.

"…"

"You let them bait you?"

"It's, c'mon let them have some fun."

Izaya rolls his eyes and starts eating so he can ignore Shizuo. He very intensely turns away from Shizuo as he does, looking pointedly at those purple flowers he sees here often, which he asked about earlier. Izaya says they're called columbines. Apparently, it means really different things depending on where you're from. Celtics believed that the flowers were a portal to the world of dreams and visions – he'd have to ask Celty later. Some thought it referred to 'the fool', since it looked like the hat of a court jesters – he can kinda see it. And Austrians just thought it symbolised five doves in a circle. It's funny what you can see in a flower.

As the rest of them are stuffed full and relaxing, Izaya clears up the empty wrappers and cups to the tray return areas.

"Hey, Otouchan, who 'wears the pants' in your relationship?"

Shizuo's purple coloured drink sloshes in his hand as he starts. He whips around to face Itsuki. "What?"

Itsuki shrugs. "Some of the guys at school were talking about it. Um, you guys."

"What did they say? What did you say?" He was probably coming on a bit too strong with this but it worried him that Itsuki was talking about these things at school. He was young, and so were his friends for that matter, Shizuo wasn't in the vein of forcing other parents to explain sexuality to their kids.

"Don't get mad at me?" He seemed hesitant as he asked, head down.

"Of course I won't." Shizuo said, incredulous.

"I, uh, well most people know about you guys in one way or another I guess. And I just let slip that I called you 'Otouchan' and I guess some people took that to mean you were the 'girl'." He sees Hana blush in the corner of his eye – clearly, she's heard and has wisely decided to stay out of it.

"I don't know what that means, I just got angry and, I – we got into a fight. I didn't tell you guys at the time." He finishes, wearing a hangdog look.

Oh.

"Oh."

Shizuo didn't know how to explain this – they haven't even explained it to Haru yet, damn it. And while it was true that Shizuo topped, it was mostly because Izaya enjoyed bottoming too much. He didn't have a problem with that though, he preferred topping, it was nice to be able to protect someone in that manner instead of breaking them. But to say that he metaphorically 'wore the pants' sounded a bit wrong.

"Um, we'll talk about this later."

Itsuki looked annoyed at the response, as though he had expected it but was still disappointed. "Whatever." He said, instead. "Where's Otousan, I'll ask him instead."

"Wait – what? Why?"

"Because," He says, frustratingly running his empty hand through his hair. "at least he tells me things! You never say anything, it's like, you're just – argh!" He turns tail and runs towards Izaya.

Shizuo is left feeling forlorn, his only company being those lonely, purple columbines.

He complains about this to Izaya while they're waiting for the kids to get back from one of the rides. The one with the teacups.

"Why is he always like this to me?"

"He's just embarrassed."

"Embarrassed? He seemed brazen to me, and remorseless."

"He's just putting up a front for you."

"For me? I'm his fucking father!"

"Jar. And, well, sons like to impress their fathers, right? He always tries to impress us, he just does it differently for each of us."

"Yeah? Like how? Fuck, he doesn't speak to you like that."

"J – "

"I've sworn more times than this on this trip. And you actually brought that with you?"

"Well, it is an essential packing item, with you, it's in the hotel. And anyway, now I'm asking you to compensate for it. You're the one who was a debt collector here."

Shizuo is so fed up at the events that transpired he chucks his whole wallet onto the table at Izaya before screaming out a stream of curses. People stare at his table weirdly while those walking by do so at a distance, knowing instinctively to not look at the blonde-haired foreigner the wrong way. Izaya may or may not be amused as he checks the contents of Shizuo's wallet.

"You know he just wants to be, strong, in front of you."

Shizuo clenches his fist and gets up. "I just, don't get why. I'm gonna go take a piss, be back soon."

He wasn't serious about the piss at first, just wanting to get away from things. But now he actually needed to go, and it seems like the restroom was evading him. He spent another ten minutes wandering around, in search for the most elusive fucking restroom that has ever been built ever before he somehow found himself in Epcot. He was supposed to still be in the fucking Magic Kingdom.

He pulled out his phone until he remembered he had forgotten to charge it this morning in the midst of everything. Izaya had asked him about it too, and whether he wanted to take one of his extra phones though he said it was fine, too pissed off at the time to really think about the situation.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, not again." Shizuo paced around the same Disney princess themed store for a few moments, their sly and elegant smiles looking mocking and sinister. He could always try shouting out Izaya's name – that had worked many times before. But that was too ridiculous, and he wasn't sure that once he did he would be able to control himself any longer, and destroying a ride and endangering others would certainly get him arrested here.

This place was so big – it felt bigger than Ikebukuro. Which it wasn't, but his family felt the farthest away from him than they'd ever been. And he's mad, mad at Izaya yesterday for being cold, mad at this too-big place, mad at having no self-control to refuse buying ice-cream for his kids, mad at not being able to answer them, mad at himself. He's so mad at himself, he's such a – such a failure. He has the urge to rip out something – anything, tear down this place and destroy everything just so he can be reunited back with how family.

But he doesn't.

After who knows how long of confusing and dizzying stumbling around, it feels as if the crowd around him disperses and he happens to catch a glimpse of a black, furry coat. On their owner's finger, two bands of silver around their fingers.

"Where the hell were you and what were you doing? Seriously you couldn't even follow basic directions – ugh, I knew you should have taken one of my extra – " He stopped talking when Shizuo collapsed into him hard, overwhelmed with disproportionate relief, like he had been lost for days instead of minutes. He reached around to pull Haru, Hana and Itsuki into the hug, too.

Izaya coughs, cheeks tinted red at the attention they're getting.

"We, we should get back soon. It's already five, anyway, and otouchan seems a bit dizzy."

They're a bit crestfallen that they don't get to see the night shows, but they're all more worried about Shizuo, who looks on the verge of tears as he latches onto Izaya all the way to the car and doesn't let go until they are safe behind the confines of a closed door.

"Is this yours?" Izaya asks when they're back at the hotel. He asked Haru to watch over Hana and Itsuki while they're at the pool while he's sorting through their haul of items they bought, which included a fair amount of clothes, some toys, and few Disney themed collectibles and bottles. He's holding a colourful book in his hands, the cover a lovely mix of yellows, blues and reds.

"Ah, yeah. I wanted to ask you to read it to me."

Izaya flips to the end of the book.

"Woah, wait stop!"

"Hm?"

"Oi, you shouldn't treat books like that."

He raised his eyebrow dubiously. "I didn't peg you for a bookworm, Shizu-chan."

"M'not, just, you should read how the author intended you know?"

Izaya considers him for a moment, then shuts the book and gets up, stretching a bit before walking over.

"Ok. We have time."

He leans his head on Shizuo's bicep with the book over their heads. Shizuo is surprised that there are the bits of kanji at the footnotes of the pages. After half an hour, they've already gone through more than a hundred pages, Izaya making sure that the translations are clear for Shizuo, even phrasing some of the slang to fit the tone.

"'If you ask me, Japan is not so peaceful, and most people don't really like peace anyway. I believe that in the deepest places in their hearts, people are violent and take pleasure in hurting one each other.'"

Hearing Izaya speak these lines in place of Nao was weirdly appropriate, like two people in tune with each other, yet separated by ruthless time.

"She sounds like you." He says, midway through his reading. This gets him to stop. "The way she talks. Nao, that is."

"Really? Well, she is unique. Usually young girls who want to commit suicide like to whine and moan, she seems more resigned."

"Don't – she's not actually going to though, right?"

"It sounds like she is. Or maybe she never really existed, Ruth seems to have a hard time finding anything."

"But she found that blog by her father though."

"If the man can make up a world where he's working for a successful start-up, he can make up a world with a fake daughter too. Besides, I don't mean 'existed' in the traditional sense, I mean in the more modern sense. She's so lonely, and oh, her classmates are so cruel. Without connection with others, she may as well have never lived, I think Nao would agree."

Shizuo feels offended on Nao's behalf, he feels protective of her, and feels like arguing more, but Izaya's already sitting up, twisting around to look down at Shizuo, a spark in his eyes.

"The funeral was beyond cruel, though I have to say it's unique – I doubt even I could pull off something that harsh. Do you think anyone in Raijin would have gone through the trouble of doing all that?"

Shizuo tries to think of anyone besides Izaya who would go that far. Maybe Shinra. This makes him think about the Raijin in general, and finds the only other person he can remember being Kadota. He can't recall any meaningful faces.

"No. Actually, I can't think of anyone besides you, Shinra and Kadota, and – holy shit, I spent every day in high school chasing you, didn't I?" He says with a sudden realisation.

"You did! You did! It was so easy to rile you up back then, but can you really not recall anyone else? Sato, Kumiko, Hiroshi – oi, oi, they were in your class, you know?"

"Yeah, but I mean you're the only thing I can really remember from high school and beyond that. And, I kind of like that?"

"Shizu-chan! Stop trying to seduce me, it's not your forte," He says, but he's looking away and the tips of his ears are red. He's so weirdly embarrassed when Shizuo says things like these. "No matter what you say we can't exactly have the same kind of sex we did when we consummated our marriage."

"I'm not trying to – relive it."

"I never said you were." The mood had been ruined and Izaya rolled away, reaching for something on the desk. "We can continue this another time, be a dear and get me the items on the list, will you? We need to bring some souvenirs home, you can get them all at the lobby area."

Shizuo grunted, his half-hard boner deflating, and snatched away the paper, crushing it between the weight of his palms.

As he is checking out the items, he just wants to yell at the droopy-eyed guy across the counter that no, he was not having a mid-life crisis. Fuck Izaya. And that he should stop looking so goddamn terrified before Shizuo broke his nose in and gave him something real to be scared of. The guy rang the cashier and nervously handed him his change, rushing to pack the items.

What was so difficult to fucking believe that Shizuo was just annoyed at the moment, he wasn't having some shitty identity issues or anything.

As he jammed the button waiting for the lift to arrive, he just felt old and weary, reaching into his pocket for cigarettes as he often did at times like these, but of course came up empty-handed. He noticed the foreign men in the lobby area, who were conversing with their own cigarette nubs between their lips acting like they owned the place and Shizuo suddenly felt like punching them for annoying him, feeling a sense of déjà vu. But not before he explained for the last time that he was not going through anything.

"This place isn't quite as lovely as Four Seasons though. Maril is there right now, pity I can't accompany her." One of the guys in a white polo t-shirt and khakis said to his friend, he had more hair, though they were greyer, and the way he carried himself more sophisticated. His buddy clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Ah yeah speaking of which how's little Jacob doing? I heard you got him a new console? What a spoilt little brat!"

"Oh, he's at the pool now. Boy's in the swim team, fast as a shark, his coach once said. I knew then that I had to get him a private trainer, my boy has god given skill!"

Something about their tone was deeply annoying, and felt directed at Shizuo for some reason, even though he couldn't really catch what they were saying. It was like they wanted the scary Japanese guy standing alone to know he was rich enough to afford his family's luxury.

Shizuo was relieved when the doors finally opened and he stepped into the six-by-six elevator, feeling tired, it felt it took twice as long to travel every time he ascended a level. That was how Shizuo felt this whole trip. The intervals seeming to span different times, and he was stuck between dreams, trying to wake up but falling deeper asleep. As he thought that, he can't help but think it sounds like one of those annoying Japanese proverbs that he always felt meant absolutely nothing.

"It's the foreign tongue, I think it makes her feel exotic and charmed."

They left their items in the room to collect the kids. Shizuo felt like an old creep being near the section with all the younger people. There, they saw Hana chatting with an enthusiastic young boy, who stood too close for Shizuo's liking.

"God, don't say that about her. And she's too young to have a boyfriend!"

"…Hm, you know I think Freud had a point."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"…Well, I mean the little American is blond isn't he, and he's a bit reminiscent of you – "

"Stop."

Izaya beckoned to Hana then, urging her to finish her conversation. Since it was Izaya, he also had to add to her embarrassment by making overly pronounced and goofy hearts with his hands, causing them both to blush.

Shizuo exited the scene to get Haru and Itsuki, who were fooling around with some of the water guns. Itsuki wanted to go upstairs, having gotten bored, but Haru wanted to stay longer, so he accompanied him up before heading back down to the lobby to look for Izaya, Haru and Hana. While doing so, he heard a familiar, grating voice. He grew even more annoyed when he saw why he was here.

"See, Dad told you that this place is quite big right?Though, not as big as one of the lodges we have in - where was it, Canada?" The fucking dick said to his kid. Loudly. "Is it bigger? I mean, even so we still got the nicer view, I think."

"What the fuck is that fucking fucker's problem?" Shizuo asked, sending the guy a dirty look. He either didn't notice or was too much of a chickenshit to send one back.

"What - who?" Izaya asked. "Don't cause a scene, there are children around. Or do, actually."

"I'm talking about the kid's father. You know, the little boy who likes Hana."

"Huh? Jacob?" How the fuck was Izaya already on a first name basis with the kid? "You mean the man who looks like the most exercise he does is a round of golf? What did he do?"

"Nothing - I mean, not directly. He's just a douchebag who has nothing better to do than brag about his stuff like - who is he trying to impress? The kid? Pisses me off."

The guy looked in Shizuo's direction, and Shizuo gave him an unflinching stare, to which he smiled nervously at.

"Shizu-chan!" Izaya whispered, though he was grinning. "What – are you trying to pick a fight in the lobby? Next to Mickey?"

"Maybe," Shizuo said, turning his dangerous look on Izaya. He smirked when Izaya's eyes widened. "I just hate guys like that, like he's tryna' make me feel ashamed just because I don't own two houses or something." He said. "You know – you know how I am."

"Shizu-chan," he said suddenly very serious. "You could have definitely sent him flying back to his lodge. And you do own two houses, technically."

"I know." Shizuo said. "And those houses were yours before they were ours, so they don't count. Also, I don't think it would be nice to punch a kid's dad in front of him."

He saw the man making his way over. Shizuo felt himself instinctively moving between Izaya and the girls.

"So, um, nice to meet you, Mr…?" He reached out a hand, surprising Shizuo by speaking in slightly broken Japanese.

"Heiwajima." Shizuo did not take it.

"Ah, yes. Oh, is that your husband over there?"

He was taken aback for a bit. Shizuo expected a man of his calibre to be snobby and disapproving, but this man didn't even sound shocked at all.

"Ah, yeah."

"You've got a lovely family," He smiled, and it didn't seem as to be that fake-sweetness that he sometimes got, either. "I think Jacob has a bit of a crush on your daughter, ey?" He nudges, chuckling slightly.

"Dad!" His kid shouted.

"Still feel like punching him?" Izaya muttered against his ear after they've talked for a bit. Shizuo rolled his eyes. Fine, maybe, he was a bit quick to judge others.

"No." He admitted apologetically. "By the way, I'm heading up, can we order room service again tonight? I don't really feel like eating out."

"Sure, sure." Izaya said then shooed him away, going back to chatting up Jacob's dad.

When he was back in the room, he was greeted with his second shock of the day, as he saw Itsuki pulling the edges of their bedsheets so that they would look crisp and clean. As soon as he heard the door open, he jumped away from the bed, like he'd been caught red-handed doing something terrible.

"Otouchan! You should knock!" He shrieked.

"Where's Otousan? I thought you guys were downstairs…Stop looking like that!" His face was so red. Shizuo hadn't even realised he had a dopey grin across his face and wiped it off quickly so that Itsuki wouldn't feel embarrassed and run away.

"He's still downstairs trying to get your sisters away from the pool." Shizuo said, tilting his head towards the balcony. "So I came back to accompany you. Did Izaya tell you to do this?"

"No." Itsuki said, looking fixedly at the sliding doors.

"Has it been you this whole time?" Shizuo recalls the sheets at the beach house being arranged neatly, but didn't think too much of it at the time. He shifted his gaze to meet Shizuo's.

"Me – what? Tidying?"

"Yeah." He finger-gunned the hotel bed, which looked a bit sloppy with untidied wrinkles and folds, but lovingly arranged with three pillows at the head instead of two.

Itsuki shrugged, which meant yes, and Shizuo slid his arm around Itsuki's shoulders as he sat down comfortably next to him. He didn't shrug Shizuo off, maybe just because he didn't want Shizuo to feel as sad as he had when they were at Disney.

"Well, thanks," Shizuo said. "I didn't know. I thought maybe it was just, um, room service." Shizuo is glad he had the foresight to dump their soiled sheets in the bathroom, at least.

"I just don't like messes."

"Yeah?" Shizuo said, voice wobbling with happiness.

"Arrggh – This is why I didn't want you to know," Itsuki said, mumbling.

"How come?"

"Because then you'd make it into a big deal." He buried his eyes in his palms, voice muffled with self-conscious embarrassment, ears flaming red. Shizuo appreciated this change of pace though – there was always a certain air of smugness and indifference around him. A family trait, Shizuo decided.

"It's fine if you think it's bad room service or whatever, I make my bed at home and then I do Ha-ni's. It's not a big deal."

Shizuo nodded, still grinning. He could remember that feeling, when his parents thinking something was significant or worthy of discussion was a sign that it should be minimized and avoided as much as possible. Similar to how Izaya always wanted even the nice things about himself to fly under the radar and avoid too much attention. So he didn't fall all over Itsuki with weepy gratitude for making their beds and doing something kind and responsible without being asked to, though he really did want to.

Itsuki was fiddling with his thumbs while he tried to keep his expression hard, but he was still red-faced. He didn't really seem angry, not yet. He just seemed like he was trying to be grown-up, which meant he had to keep pace ahead of whatever he was actually feeling, something Shizuo never managed to quite do. Shizuo thinks Itsuki would keep trying to be grown-up until suddenly, he was.

For now, though, Shizuo was happy that he could be embarrassed and sheepish like a child.

They were a bit extra with the room service for dinner, the food was lavish but their seating wasn't. They were on the floor, reminding Shizuo of the day before their departure, luggage strewn around them. Back then, Izaya was urgent, now he seemed more carefree. And he could appreciate the rowdiness of a family dinner, loud and everyone talking at the same time. At one point, Haru and Itsuki were relentlessly teasing Hana about Jacob until she was shockingly red and Shizuo told them to stop.

"I'm thinking of inviting Mairu and Kururi for Haru's birthday." Izaya brings up casually when the kids are crowding outside on the balcony, trying to catch a glimpse of the distant fireworks from the Night Shows in Disneyland. The ones right now were purple and flower shaped.

"Oh. I mean, that's great! Why now though?"

"I think she misses them."

"Ah." Shizuo stares at him longer.

"I sent them a picture earlier."

"Of what?"

Izaya smirked knowingly. "Secret."

Shizuo sighs, irked. He takes another bite of his expensive beef burger, which Izaya says should be eaten properly with a fork and knife, so of course Shizuo would eat it with his hands. "Why didn't you tell them that time anyway?"

Izaya shrugs. "It just seemed like they were asking a lot at the time. I just didn't know how to deliver, so I didn't."

"For two years?"

"Why are we talking about this now?"

"Because, it's good. And you brought it up."

"Whatever," Izaya dismissed. "Our lovely children are right out there, having adorable discussions about flowers and fireworks!" And Shizuo was touched.

Later that night, Izaya is doing another round of check through of their luggages. Shizuo is lying on his side on the edge of the bed, not yet wanting to ruin Itsuki's hard work. His attention is drawn to Izaya's hands, that are fiddling with the locks on the luggages. The exposed nape of his neck is facing towards him, Shizuo gets bold and brushes his lips against it, causing Izaya to shiver.

"I don't know if I told you this before but your hands are amazing."

"My hands?" Izaya gasps when Shizuo licks up his neck. Shizuo reaches around and grabs them both in his hands.

"Yeah, maybe I didn't notice before cause - yeah. But they're soft and thin, but they've got a bit of strain in them. Feels good. Have I not told you this before?"

"Shizu-chan, I think it's a bit late to be revealing your hand fetish to me now. You should have done that in your prime."

"Why do you keep bringing this up?" Shizuo grips Izaya's hands tighter, biting his ear. "You said you'd talk about this today, so talk."

"It's – nothing really."

"That has to be the worst lie you've ever told."

Izaya snaps finally. "You, all throughout everything made it seem like I forced you into going on this or something! You look so – dejected, sometimes. And I don't know what you want. It's like you're unhappy with this, with me – "

Shizuo wraps his hands around Izaya and turns him around so that they're facing each other. "Izaya, do I look unhappy now?"

Izaya surges upward, pushing Shizuo back against the bed eagerly. Sorry, Suki. Was what Shizuo thought before he flipped their positions around, tongues battling for dominance.

"I'm truly am glad you're able to enjoy yourself in the midst of your mid-life crisis." Izaya says amidst kisses. His face has started to gain colour now.

"It's not a goddamned mid-life crisis." Shizuo said. "Everything's just - changing."

"'Change is the only constant', and praise Heraclitus for that one, otherwise I don't know how else you could be with me."

"Nah," Shizuo pressed his face into Izaya's neck. "You've been the only thing that has stayed the same throughout my life, for better for worse – "

"For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part?" Izaya glows. "'For better, for worse', what an odd saying to include in one's marriage vows. As if the notion that the two of them together would incite terror, though perhaps it's realistic? Ah, but despite all, so many people fail to make good on that promise, don't they?"

Izaya drags Shizuo down then, whispering sinisterly in his ear. "You know, if you ever did leave me, I'd have you killed. I don't care if it's our daughter's birthday, I have connections. I can get the job done quickly."

"Kill me yourself, coward."

"Oh! That's right, how could I forget? I'll make sure they only knock you out then." He giggled.

Shizuo's nose wrinkles, phlegmatic. "Shut up, or I'll crush your neck."

"Oh come on, you can do better than that."

"Look, I don't spend every waking minute of my life thinking of gruesome ways to murder you anymore. Isn't that good? Tch, fucked up flea."

"Yes, yes, but the way you put it – it's so boring." He whined. "You've always been a bit lacking in creativity. It's not romantic at all."

And Izaya's fantasies were supposed to be?

"Fine."

Shizuo sees Izaya's eyes widen in shock and anticipation before he finds himself pinned on his stomach, hands held in a tight-fisted grip behind his back, his ass up high. Shizuo grinded his hips down to nestle his cock between Izaya's bottom, his breath coming down hot and hard.

"Is this better?"

And oh god, his voice was so warm and husky right next to Izaya's ear. He never thought he would wish for humanity to forego clothing and live out like cavemen, for right now they were a bother.

Izaya pushed his hips back for more friction.

"You want me to fuck you so hard, you're be a whining, moaning mess afterwards, don't you? Pound you into a bloodied flea paste. You're such a slut for me, always taking me in so well, you'll even beg for it." Izaya likes dirty talk and taking it rough, Shizuo's gotten better at both of them over the years, and appreciates a bit of it sometimes, but only if Izaya allows him to shower him with kisses and care afterwards.

Shizuo tightened his hold on Izaya's arms, sure to leave a bruise later, he winced slightly at that thought. Nevertheless, he used his other arm to roll Izaya over. Izaya slammed into the pillows with a wheeze, struggling half-heartedly as Shizuo settled atop him, keeping a restrain on Izaya's hands which he placed over his head.

"Well, maybe I will."

"Ahn, Shi – Shizu-chan!" Izaya gasped when Shizuo pushed one knee in between his legs to rub against his straining erection. "See? You just need a little push. That's much better."

"I always give my one hundred percent with you. And you, for me, right?" Shizuo groaned, he keeps thinking about ripping off Izaya's pants right then and there, but considers the trouble they would have to go to buy a new one and decides against it. Shizuo curses Izaya's expensive clothing and spending habits but loves it all the same.

Izaya gives him his very kindest smile.

"Only the best for you, Shizu-chan."

And that line makes everything worth it.

…

At some point during the elevator ride down the next morning, Hana and Itsuki have wound themselves around each of Izaya's legs. Besides the fact that it was still early and he was tired, his agility and balance were not quite as sharp as they once had been, leading him to stumble slightly while he tries to navigate himself to the breakfast buffet. Izaya feels weirdly comforted with the warmth there, the familiar feeling of two small, warm bodies hanging onto him that he had forgotten for far too long. And when Shizuo comes down minutes later with a stumbling Haru in tow to greet him with a drowsy peck on the cheek, he finds himself not caring about the dozens of people staring – in disbelief, in contempt, in whatever he could imagine – he'd always liked guessing. Now, however, it wasn't about that. It was about something so much smaller, but much more fulfilling than he ever thought it could be. That this small idea he humoured once only to be quashed relentlessly to the back of his mind years ago could arise again despite all.

On the plane ride home, Itsuki hijacks the window seat again, and pulls Shizuo along to sit next to him. Haru looks over Hana's phone and tells Izaya about how she's texting Jacob, and Shizuo feels slightly bad for leaving her defenceless with those two.

It wasn't perfect but perfect was never what he wanted.

Maybe that old friend was long gone, and that sentimental feeling of regret mixed with nostalgia would always linger, but there was always going to be new feelings and faces he would meet to make that gap grow smaller, the bigger things in his life making it less significant by the day. Big enough so that he could appreciate the void being there, but small enough so that it would not consume him. Looking at the life he's built, something that seemed so distant and foreign to him years ago, Shizuo feels like his search for lost time was actually found years ago. It was present in the way Haru would clamber to him for a hug, in the strong way in which Hana held herself, in the way Itsuki would curl up against him for protection, in Izaya's unexpectedly delicate hands that always fit right against him and, most importantly, in his place in all of that. He thinks, if he could meet Nao, he would tell her all about his raison d'être.

He looked to his right, where he saw Izaya smiling gently at his screen.

"What's up?"

"Hm?" Izaya looked oddly dreamy. "Here, read it. You'll love it."

And he does.

Ahhh lucky! ~ Shizu-nii looks so kakkoi koi with them around his arms like that! Ahhhhh! We're sososososo jealous! We've always wanted to go visit America, especially after Kasuka's filming of 'Angel, fall in love! Love! Love!' You really don't deserve it for being such a horrible big brother, but we'll be sure to scold you terribly when we come visit! ٩(╬ఠ༬ఠ)و You better watch your back – Mairu can still kick, you know.

And you better tell us everything this time!

P.S. She has a girlfriend now. We didn't tell you, but we'll take that as revenge for last time. Ah, but it's not like you didn't already know, isn't that right dear brother?

See you soon,

Your loving family

Author's Note [End]: That stupid movie btw, it's an actual thing. It's called Mom & Dad and the star actor is...Nicholas Cage! Now you know it should be taken seriously.

And the book mentioned, A Tale For The Time Being, it's a lovely and bittersweet read, and if you can pick it up please do. Probably one of my favourite books of all time and influenced the style and themes of this story.

Get Bigger! Mola - A very cute, very stupid mobile game that I spent too much of my time on.

Thank you for all of you who have followed this story! It was my first attempt at a multi-chaptered story and boy did it take long. However, this is just a preview, and it was always intended to be a preview (a very long one, mind you), to something bigger that I'm planning on, of which there is a very, very, veery tiny hint - pretty much non-existent, blink-and-you-miss-it kinda thing, so I hope you look forward to more of this in the future! I have big plans for it.