Lovecraft

"Sakura-chan."

Naruto looked uncharacteristically serious.

"I've a problem."

Sakura's shoulders tensed up.

"What is it? Did Kushina-bachan have a relapse?"

"No no. Mom's fine. It's just that..."

Naruto's voice trailed off.

Sakura mock-glared.

"You scared me, you idiot. Now then, out with it."

Naruto looked straight into her eyes, a sombre expression on his face.

"I'm in love with my best friend. The till-death-do-us-apart kind."

Sakura nodded, a pensive look on her face.

"I can't say I haven't suspected it for a while. But I'm not really sure if it's mutual, Naruto. It certainly feels sometimes like that, but Sasuke-kun isn't easy to figure out, you know."

Naruto was aghast.

"I wasn't talking about Teme!"

"Oh really?"

Sakura's tone was one of disbelief.

"Of course not! If I ever show signs of attraction towards that emo-bastard, consider it certain that I'm being impersonated by an alien."

"Alright. Alright. No need to get so worked up. Who is it th- wait a second! You don't mean it's--"

Naruto let out a sigh of relief.

"--it's Gaara?"

"Ye-- what? Hell no! Why would you possibly think that?"

"Hey! It's not my fault you have a ridiculous number of best friends."

Naruto looked exasperated.

"He's a great friend. Not best friend."

"My bad."

Sakura raised her hands in a placatory gesture.

Naruto pouted.

"Then it can only be one person. Of course." Sakura clicked her fingers. "You've always had a thing for sadists. But really, Naruto? Kabuto?"

Naruto's eyes looked ready to pop out of their sockets.

"I mean your names rhyme and all but he's too weird. And not at all in an endearing way. AND he worships that lecherous snake-hugger. I know many people love snakes and it's perfectly fine but that man has a fetish! For snakes. And tongues. And pretty boys with gorgeous hair. And..."

By this point Sakura had morphed into a disembodied voice for Naruto.

She thought he loved Kabuto.

Kabuto.

Bespectacled sociopath Kabuto.

Madly morbid Kabuto who he was forced to associate with on a regular basis because he was the protege of his grandparents' longtime friend (their sanity was questionable even if those disturbing rumours of them being a menage-a-trois during their youth were false).

He decided he was hallucinating.

Sakura's monologue was still going full throttle.

"--but I guess it's true what they say. The heart has reasons that reason can't understa--"

"Sakura-chan?"

His voice was piteously imploring.

"This is a joke, right?"

As Sakura stared uncomprehendingly, Naruto hung his head in despair.

"Naruto? Naruto?"

Sakura was looking at him with bleary eyes, her hair a bird's nest.

They were...on his couch.

Take-out boxes and empty beer bottles littered the floor. Ominous music rolled out from the TV screen.

Naruto could have danced with joy.

It had been, quite literally, a nightmare.

Sakura was surprised by the abrupt bear hug. When Naruto showed no signs of releasing her anytime soon, she slowly disentangled herself.

"What is it?"

"You are my best friend. And I'm not in love with Sasuke."

The words rushed out of his mouth as if on autopilot.

Sakura was thoroughly amused.

"Is that so? Could've fooled me."

Grinning wickedly at Naruto's panicked expression, she tapped his nose.

"I know, baka. Love you too."