Betty thinks about her love for Jughead and what she has done by cheating on him.

Betty POV.

I couldn't help myself. It was like a few years ago when I pushed Chuck into that hottub. I just had to do it. Something took me over. Something dark. It was like when I saw Mom and Polly sacrifice the twins. Right before my seizure. I didn't have a choice. But this time I did. This time I picked it. This time I wanted to be with Archie.

Oh god. How could I do that to him?

He is so loyal to me. He is everything that I could ever want. He found my darkness and instead of putting me down for it, instead of telling me it was wrong, he harvested that darkness. He saw that it was something that he and I shared. He could have turned me down when he knew just how dark that evil could get, but he didn't. He tried to help me. And I hurt him.

Then he came in and he kissed me and I couldn't tell him.

He apologized to me.

And I am the one that wrecked everything. Why did I do that?

Because I wanted to.

That is the real problem, isn't it? The back to school dance was supposed to change everything. Archie was supposed to ask me out. He and I were supposed to be together after that. But he told me that I was too good for him, that he would never good enough for me. The reality was that he was too good for me. He might have had some dark moments, but his intentions were always good.

Sometimes I don't even have intentions.

I broke up with Jughead because I was too weak to tell him about the Black Hood's calls. But then I told Veronica before him? And Archie? How could I trust them and not my own boyfriend? Was I really that afraid of the Black Hood or was I afraid that Jughead wouldn't forgive me?

I lied to Jughead about college until someone else figured it out. Of course I was jealous that he got to go to Yale and I didn't. I wanted to be happy for him but really I was just unhappy for me.

Jughead's birthday party. I know that he doesn't like parties. I have known him since we were kids. I wanted to throw that party because I thought that proving to him that I would go out of my way to do something special for him would make him love me? I don't know. But I do know that I hurt him that night by doing something that wasn't what he wanted.

Why can't I just pay attention to him?

Why can't I just do things for Jughead?

He is the one that has always protected me.

He made me the Serpent Queen, even if that meant losing more than half of the Southside Serpents because Toni left. He saw my darkness. He let me use it to lead the Serpents, to be a part of a group. They mattered to me. But lately I have let them slide. Sweet Pea was nowhere to be found for months and I let it slide because I was too worried about the stupid StoneWall Prep freaks. I should have been worried about my gang. I should have cared about the people that cared about me. They let me rule them when they didn't trust me. I made them trust me and now? Now that I have betrayed their leader? They will never forgive me.

I'll never forgive myself.

I invested everything in the relationship with Jughead and I just threw it away for a moment with Archie.

Was it just a moment? I don't know. Maybe it was more than that. Maybe it was more than just a kiss. After all, I kissed Archie before and it did not feel like the kiss that we felt just now. That kiss was so much deeper. That kiss was so much more.

When I saw him looking at me from his room, I thought my heart was going to melt. I thought one very clear thing: everything is different. I love Jughead for what he has done for me, for what we have together. I love him for who he is, for what he gives up for me. But there is something more. There is something different.

There is a darkness that I have that Juggie can overcome. He can understand it in ways that Archie will never be able to.

But there is a dark Archie now. Archie and I have felt a lot of losses these past few months but we have had each other. With Jughead gone and us pretending to be together, we unlocked something that we never thought we would have to go back to. We thought it was gone forever, that we might never feel those feelings again. But then I was singing with him and I saw that perfect face and there was a moment where I was at the back to school dance sophomore year and I was looking into his eyes and I knew that everything was going to be fine.

But then everything blew up in my face. That is why I am not sure why I thought it was going to work out for me this time around.

In the midst of my thoughts, Jughead comes in. He walks into the room in quiet and takes off his shoes and jeans. Since the room is dark, he has no idea that I am awake. I turn over on my side and look out the window, wondering what Archie is doing or thinking. I wonder if he feels as bad as I do. I wonder if he is longing for me as much as I am for him.

What a horrible thought.

Then Jughead scoots into bed with me. I feel his shirtless body curve against my back. He pulls me toward him, wrapping his bare arm around my waist.

"Sorry it's late, Bets," he whispers. "I was working hard for you."

For me.

I believe that. He was working hard because he wanted to make me happy. He wanted me to be proud of him, to be comfortable with the fact that we are going to go to college together next year.

I was the one who worried about that so much and now…I think it is going to be my fault if we are not together.

"It's okay," I say.

"I love you," he says. I feel his body relaxing against our bed beside me. He squeezes me a little bit before his lips brush against my shoulder blade and I am sure that he is falling asleep.

Falling asleep holding onto me as he does nearly every night because no matter what I do, he still loves me.

"I love you too," I say because I know that to be true. But I know something else is true too and it's terrifying.

Archie Andrews, I think I love you and I have no idea what to do about it.