/TWO FUCKING THINGS FIRST UP IN THIS BITCH, READ IF YOU GIVE A SHIT, SKIP IF YOU'RE JUST HERE TO READ ABOUT EATING ASS:

1. I know that I have an unfinished story about MHA, but I'm too much of a faggot to actually sit down and write that. Every day I don't update it, I'm like "Oh SHIT, I should have updated it.", but then I realize that it's 2 AM and I'm too tired to do it, so I'm like "Fuck it, another time." And then I wake up and play games morning to midnight, and then I'm like "OH SHIT" again, and the circle never fucking breaks, and now I just checked that it's been over two weeks without an update. I'm fucking furious at myself, and I swear on my uncle's ballsack that the story about My Hero Academia WILL BE FINISHED, sooner or later. You lil weenies.

2. This story is actually a filler before I update the aforementioned MHA fanfic. It's much easier for me to just write whatever bullshit I come up with than actually thinking about character interactions and story that doesn't just revolve around ass, dicks, frying 255 kg/h of salt per hour (don't ask) and ur mom jokes.

/

So this faggot Ichigo Kurosaki, let's call him Ichigo Kurosaki from now on, really wanted to become the Number One ass-eater in the entire fucking Nippon. Ever since he saw an ad for the Annual Ass Eating Contest, which was conveniently taking place in his home town, Ichigo has been training hard.

It all started on April 2, 9:32 PM…

*knock knock*

"JESUS CHRIST!" Ichigo shouted, not expecting anyone to knock on his door while he was in the middle of his fapping session, "Who's there?"

"It's me, Karin. May I come in?"

"How about, no?!"

"Are you fapping again?"

"…"

"What, are you?"

"WHY DID YOU…"

"Lol we all knew for the past two years."

"I didn't have to know that you know, you little fucking piece of shit."

"Stop being such a faggot and let me in!" Karin said, "I can't open the door, there's some garbage blocking it."

Ichigo sighed, "Aight, wait a second."

He switched the browser tab from One Piece hentai to another one and moved his 1:2137 model of your mom's ass that was blocking the door aside, and let Karin in.

"You know, brother, you're the most retarded person I've ever met in my entire life." Karin said while looking at the aforementioned model of your mom's giant ass, "With that fucking thing blocking the door, the browser tab switched to a PDF file with thermonuclear physics things in it, as if you're actually being taught that in school, and the fact that this is the same fucking PDF file that you've had open for eight months now, just so that it seems that you're studying in case someone came here, and the fact that the sound of your hand clapping against your balls can be heard throughout this entire house, and with all those tissues covered in cum that you've been stockpiling behind your desk, and the stench of semen hitting the face of anyone who enters this room… How could you expect us not to notice anything?"

Ichigo listened carefully what his little sister had to say.

"Well, Karin." Ichigo said and made a short pause, "Now you've just given me another reason to kill myself. I need to add that to my List of Reasons to End It All"

"So there's been more things?"

"Yup, and this right here might just be that one final push, thanks."

Suddenly, an alarm clock rang.

"Oh SHIT!" Ichigo shouted.

"Why do you have an alarm set to 9:37 PM?" Karin asked.

"Today is the anniversary of John Paul II's death, and he died at exactly 9:37 PM. Come on, everyone knows that."

Karin was surprised, because she didn't know anything about that.

"Right…." She said slowly, "But enough of this bullshit already, I came here to… why are you standing like this?"

Ichigo was standing straight, head down, hands folded in front of him, in complete silence, for twenty seconds or so.

"Hey, Ichigo, you're scaring the fuck out of me."

"Hm?" Ichigo woke up from his trance, "Oh, I'm sorry. I just had to pay my respects to JP2, u know."

"Okay, this is weird, and you're a creep." Karin stated, "I thought we would have a nice conversation, but I can't take your bullshit anymore. Here, take this."

Karin handed Ichigo a leaflet.

"What is this crap?"

"One of your retarded classroom friends gave it to me earlier today and told me to pass it to you. I gotta admit, you and your friends are fucking retarded."

Ichigo looked at the leaflet.

GRAND ASS EATING CONTEST

Do you like eating ass? Do you like to smoke some weed from time to time? Are you perhaps a ginger retard who also happens to be living in *insert the name of the city in Bleach here, I'm too lazy to use Google* and jacks off to drawings of cute anime girls having sexual intercourse with at least two men at the same time?

On May 11, everyone can come to the local stadium and eat ass. The one who eats the most ass, will receive a giant fucking John Paul II statue.

There was some other info below, but, to be honest, the most important thing was already mentioned.

"Giant… Pope statue…?!" Ichigo started shaking.

"Hey, why are you shivering?" Karin asked, "Isn't this just a prank?"

Ichigo was lost in his own thoughts, though.

"So if I eat enough ass, I will get… a statue of the one and only…"

"If you seriously fell for this prank, then I'm sorry, but you're an idiot."

Karin was spouting some stuff about common decency and how Ichigo was a gay retard, but the only thing Ichigo had on his mind right now was the statue of JP2.

Karin already left his room without him noticing, but he was still standing there like a total faggot that he is.

April 3, 9:11 AM

Ichigo woke up early to come up with a plan. He simply HAD to obtain that statue. No matter what it takes.

"How the fuck am I supposed to eat so much ass?!" he thought, while fidgeting on his chair, "The competition is going to be huge, obviously. And I've never eaten any ass before! How am I supposed to prepare for this contest?"

He then came up with the most brilliant idea ever.

"Hello, who's there?"

"Hi Rukia!" Ichigo said, full of enthusiasm, "I'm calling you to ask if, perhaps, you'd be interested in this one contest that takes place in my town next month.

"Next month? Isn't it a little bit early to plan something like that?"

"Oh, no. You see, I'm the one who's going to participate, and I need you to help me prepare for it."

"Ooh!" Rukia moaned, "You really wanna win, huh? Alright, I can help you out."

"Splendid!"

"Nobody uses that word, Ichigo." Rukia said, "Also, you haven't even told me what I'm supposed to do."

"It's pretty simple, actually." Ichigo claimed, "You just need to let me eat your ass every now and then. Let's say, once a day, for now. Starting from the next week, we will move to two times a day, and then quickly raise it to at least twenty times a day. After that, I need to be able to eat your ass twenty times within TEN MINUTES, and even that might not be enough. We'll see how much training I need."

Ichigo finished his explanation, and he could hear Rukia struggling to find words for what he just said. That fucking ginger retard.

"Umm…" Rukia muttered, "Did you just… say something about 'eating ass'? And you wanna eat my ass? And how many times a day you said you need to do that? Did I mishear something or were you actually being serious right now?"

"I'm dead serious." Ichigo replied, "We're talking about the Grand Ass Eating Contest here. I need to eat the most ass among the competitors, and if I win, I will get a giant fucking statue of our holy pope John Paul II. I can't wait to put it in my backyard and pray to it every night."

After a short while, Rukia laughed uncontrollably.

"I see, I see. You got me there for a moment. Good one, Ichigo, that one was actually funny. Well, gotta go, cya."

Rukia hung up, and Ichigo realized that it's not gonna be a cakewalk.

"… Well shit."

He threw the phone on the bed, and the phone bounced off the bed and fell on the floor. Every. Fucking. Time.

To be continued

Sorry that there wasn't really any ass eating in this bitch, but this is the first chapter, so like, calm your tits.

Also I get a feeling that I'm actually doing myself more harm than good by starting another multi-chapter fanfic, but I don't give a shit, and I know that you also don't give a shit, so let's just leave it at that.

Have a nice day and great fapping, in case you haven't fapped today yet, and if you haven't, what the fuck are you waiting for?