Hey guys, I just wanted to apologize for the trend of there being a long gap between chapters. A lot has been happening in my life lately, so I haven't as much time to write as I'd like. But I'm trying to get things organized, so hopefully I'll get better about it in the future.

Sakura strolled through the library, looking at the various titles. She noticed one that piqued her interest, and took it out to read the description. Then, a familiar voice came from behind her. "Hello there." She looked behind her to see Artoria. "Oh, hi. How have you been?" "Pretty good, I was just looking for a certain book. Actually, if you'll excuse me, I think it's on the shelf behind you." "Oh?" Sakura stepped aside and the blonde pulled the tome out of the shelf. "Here we are." Sakura looked over her shoulders. "Ex…cali…bur? What's that?" "It is a holy sword, and is said to be the most powerful weapon in the world. Any who wield it will gain the ability to fly and cut through the air! It was once wielded by King Arthur, my ancestor. As a member of house Pendragon, I feel honor-bound to obtain it." She opened the book and flipped through its pages until she got to a map. "Yes, this is its location." She glanced to the girl behind her. "Would you like to come with me?" "Well, your description sounded pretty interesting and I'm not doing much right now so…" She grabbed Sakura by the wrist, her eyes practically glittering. "Wonderful! Let's head out then, shall we?" "Uhm, right."

After several hours of traveling, they finally reached the supposed location of the holy sword. As they stared into the dank cave entrance, Sakura looked to the blonde beside her. "You're sure this is the place, right?" "Yes, I'm certain." She then marched into the cave, making loud splashes as she walked through the ankle-high water. "Come, we haven't time to lose!" She called, like a military captain leading an expedition. Sakura sighed as she went to catch up with her. "I haven't seen her this excited about something since I met her." She thought. "Excalibur must be something incredible is she's this passionate about it."

Walking further into the cave, both girls perked up with they saw a fairy. "Oh my," Artoria observed. "I wasn't aware fairies had occupied this place." The small spirit flew up to the pair, greeting them with a kind smile. "hello, miss fairy." The blonde greeted. "Do you happen to know if Excalibur is here?" In response, the fairies face contorted into an expression of absolute distain and disgust. She then proceeded to flutter off without saying a single word. Sakura looked at Artoria. "What was that about, I wonder?" In response, she crossed her arms. "I don't know. It was rather rude either way." She shook her head and continued on. "No matter. Let's carry on, shall we?"

The cave opened up to a larger room, and there the sword rested. "There it is!" Artoria's eyes lit up with wonder as she gazed upon the holy sword. The blade's shape, perfectly symmetrical, shone brightly in the beams of sunlight. She folded her hands. "Arthur…I shall wield this sword just as you did." She slowly and dramatically grabbed it by the hilt; only to then pull it out like it was nothing. "Wha," She looked a little disappointed. "Is that it? Is it mine now? That was almost too easy…" Then, the sword spoke. "Behold, young ladies! Allow me to introduce myself: I am Excalibur!" He shined brightly, as he slowly morphed into normal form. The girls spoke in unison, as they witnessed the glorious and triumphant introduction before them. "How…incredibly…" Despite the initial glamour, what stood before them was not majestic in the slightest. Instead of a dashing knight like they expected, he looked more like a 4-foot-tall manic deranged penguin with no pants. "lame." At this point, the wonder in Artoria's eyes was gone, and instead was replaced with confusion and disappointment; her ahoge gone from a wag to a sag. Sakura, on the other hand, looked like she wanted to say something but couldn't.

The weapon pointed his staff at the pair. "Tell me, where are the two of you from?" Artoria put a hand to her chest. "We are from Death's Wea," "Fool!" "Beg your pardon?" "My legend began in the 12'th century, you see. Would you like to hear it?" "Well, I've already read it many times but I suppose I could listen again." "Very well. It began on a cold November morning. It was a tough time, just as it always was in those hot August days. I was a rough and tumble sort of fellow. I was lowly, at the bottom bin of society. Nothing like the glamorous individual you see before you now. I was always picking fights back in those cool February streets. Indeed, I a thug of sorts; a ruffian, if you will." He began twirling his cane as he rambled endlessly. "Those around me said as much. Some said I was rough, others said I was tumble. I have no proof that anyone said that I was rough and tumble, but you see: I was so sharp that I was almost certain they thought of me as such. Even if I didn't hear them, that is what they said. I am sure of it! Of course, how could one blame me for being so rambunctious? Everyone gets a little rowdy during July, the time when my legend began."

"Enough!" Artoria cried. "You don't need to tell me your legend, then. Just…can you please become my weapon?" "You wish to wield me? Very well," He plopped two heavy stacks of paper in front of them. "I expect you to observe each of the 1,000 provisions laid out here. I particularly look forward to your participation in the 5-hour story telling party." Both girls gawked at the extensive list. "Even the backs have writing on them…" Sakura looked to Artoria, and she just nodded in response as her mouth gaped open.

"Remember: every morning I have a cup of coffee with cream. Do you want to know why?" Sakura raised her hand. "Because it helps you wake up?" He pointed his cane at her, barely missing her nose in the process. "Fool! Do not interrupt me as I explain myself!" He then looked off into the distance, as if there were some vision that the two girls could not see. "Uh…hello?" He then turned to them. "Nothing bests the bitter yet simple taste of green tea." "And?" "And that is why I always start my mornings with a cup of coffee cream! Please take great care to remember this important provision!" Sakura nodded, acting like she understood when really, she had no idea what he was talking about. "I…see…" He threw his cane up, then balanced on his nose…mouth…whatever it was. "In the afternoon, I always have afternoon tea. And in the evening, I" "Do you have herbal tea?" Excalibur paused. "What? It's what I always drink in the evening." "Fool! In the evening I put on my pajamas." "What's that got to do with what you drink?" He bounced the cane off his "nose" and caught it. "This schedule is a very important part of the 1,000 provisions." He explained, ignoring her inquiry. "Not as important as the 5-hour story telling party, of course, but still important nonetheless!"

Artoria lowered her gaze. "Arthur, just how did you put up with this man?" Excalibur turned his gaze to her. "What did you just say?" "Oh, I was just wondering what your relationship with Arthur was like." "I see. As a reward for your interest in my past, I shall sing you a song!" "How is that going to answer my question?" "Fool! You haven't the slightest idea of just how important music has been to mankind! My legend began in the 12'th century, when did yours begin?" "In the 21'st century, I guess." "Then you've no right to deprive this singer of his song! Do you understand?" "I…guess so?" "Very well, then I shall begin!" He began dancing around. "Excalibur! Excalibur! Excalibur! Excalibur! From the United K, I'm looking for heaven, I'm going to California! Excalibur! Excalibur! Excalibur!"

Meanwhile, back at the academy, Rider was looking around the library. She noticed Shirou reading something at one of the tables. "Pardon me," She said, walking up to him. "have you seen Sakura around? She said she was coming here, but I haven't seen her." "I'm pretty sure I saw her heading off with Artoria somewhere. I think they were searching for Excalibur or something; Artoria was getting excited about it earlier today." "Excalibur? I'm not sure seeing him would be wise." "What do you mean?" "I've read about him before and…well…" She lowered her gaze and ran a hand through her hair. "let's just say there's a reason few can wield him." Shirou blinked in confusion. "So, you don't think they're worthy?" "No, technically anyone can use him. But the thing is: no one can fully match soul wavelengths with him. He's…hm, how should I put it" She thought about it for a second, then gave her answer. "his personality is intolerable."

"Excalibur! Excalibur! Excalibur! Excalibur! From the United K, I'm looking for heaven, I'm going to California! Excalibur! Excalibur! Excalibur!" With a final spin, he pointed his cane upwards. "Excalibur!" They both looked up, weary from the prolonged song. "…are you done?" "Yes! And with that," He turned into weapon form and moved to Artoria's hand. "you may carry on your legacy!" He exclaimed, as he shined brightly with holy light and grew angelic wings out of his blade. "Together we shall forge a path of peace and justice!" In response, Artoria immediately placed the sword back into the stone. "Uhm, excuse me what is this about?" "I'm afraid I haven't the patience to deal with you. Simply put, you're mental and are also much lamer than the legends described." As she walked off, she had a final remark. "Arthur was an even greater hero than I imagined if he could put up with you." He called to Sakura. "What about you, young lady? Tell you what: I'll cut the provisions in half, just so long as you attend the 5-hour story telling party." "Me? Oh, no. I just tagged along because I was curious; I already have a weapon partner. Besides," She gave a sweet smile which hid a deep anger and annoyance. "if I spent too much time with you I'd probably do something drastic…" "What's that supposed to mean? No, wait! Come back! Fine, I'll make it 400 provisions but you absolutely must attend the 5-hour story telling party!" His offer went ignored.

As they walked towards the cave exit, the same fairy flew up to them. "So, did you meet Excalibur?" In response, the two made an expression exactly like the one the fairy had made beforehand. "Yep…you met him."

The next day, Artoria and Sakura bumped into each other again, now in the company of their respective weapons. "So," Sakura started. "decided to give up on your quest for the holy sword?" Artoria sighed in response, an accepting smile of her face. "Yes, I have. I do not need Excalibur when I already have a perfectly good sword right here." Both weapons chuckled, silently acknowledging what they were talking about.

"Come to think of it," Shirou said. "weren't you writing a report on him?" Artoria nodded, a weary look on her face. "Yes, but I've decided to revise it. Now it's condensed to just one word." "One word for a report? Seriously? What even is the word?" She cleared her throat, then gave her answer. "Fool!"