Garrus sat quietly gazing out the window of their citadel apartment, a cup of kavah steaming on the table. Calm mornings had become a ritual for them both since the war ended. He preferred Shepard at his side, smiling and blowing cool air into her own hot mug, but today he had let her sleep in. Garrus knew she was still healing after the fall of the crucible, but she kept on working with the rebuilding of earth even confined to a home office, as he did for Palaven. Letting her have a few late mornings was no more than she deserved, and far to little in his opinion. Lately the feeling of having the weight of the world on their shoulders had started to subside, and these moments early in the morning had provided a safe haven for both of them. Finally the world could start to normalize and he could spend his days with his work and his mate, without the constant feel of an oncoming emergency. He sighed happily.

Then the omni-tool pinged. He ignored it. The reapers were gone, and he would damn well have his kavah before letting the world intrude in his affairs.
The omni-tool pinged again. Garrus continued his willful ignorance, closed his eyes and felt all right with the world.

After five minutes the omni-tool gave an angry buzz, alerting an emergency call. He felt himself crash down from his euphoria, and gave it an annoyed glance. It was Joker. Damn. Garrus rubbed his crest before he tapped accept call. On the screen Joker's grinning face appeared.

"Hey man, how about reading and answering your messages like normal people?"

"It's not Office hours yet, and I prefer to have my private time to myself."

Joker chuckled. "Apparently, you have been a little too preoccupied with yourself, neglecting the important things in life."

"What?"

"If you ignore what's right in front of you, can you truly blame it for seeking solace elsewhere?"

"You are in front of me, and I would actually prefer it if you sought your pleasures elsewhere instead of bothering my morning kavah."

The pilot couldn't hold back a snicker, and in the background Garrus heard more of the same.

"Oh, you'll regret that comment later."

Usually he liked bantering with the helmsman, but now he merely felt his ire rise.

"Joker, if you have no life threatening situation over there, why are you disturbing me this early?"

"Have you seen the neewsfeed today?"

"No, as I said..."

"Well, you do that now, and then tell me whose life is in danger."

Now the people in the background were laughing, and Jokers smile suddenly seemed unnerving.

"I'll.. do that." Garrus gave him a confused look.

"Great, we can't wait for your official statement," the pilot grinned and hung up.

Garrus cued up the latest news feed, and the top the headline screamed in his eyes: Latest book release; Commander Shepard's Secret lover, by Conrad Verner.

Garrus read the headline. Then he read it again. And again. His first reaction was a flash of anger at the betrayal, before the more rational parts of his brain gave another flash; the image of Conrad Verner himself, practically humping Shepard's leg in a bid for attention. There was no way in the humans darkest hell that Shepard would have bedded her own personal stalker.

The morning calm had completely evaporated, and he began pacing around in the kitchen spewing silent turian curses on the man, wishing against all science that Verner's plates would wither and his talons fall off. The nerve of that man! How dared he tell the entire galaxy that he had slept with his bond mate? Frequently as well?! He opened an interview with Verner and scanned the highlights. Shepard had been under tremendous pressure, looking for comfort, forced cooperation with the turians, especially the ghastly, scarred reaper adviser Vakarian, tried her best, unsatisfied, ignored, turian needs not compatible with humans, looking for solace, finding desperate happiness in the arms of the only man that had supported her all the way..

Garrus remembered Jokers words on solace and not seeing whats in front of you, and considered sabotaging the pilots damned chair. Preferably with explosives. He fumed. He raged. And then he cleared his schedule, downloaded the spiritsdamned book and started reading.

Verner's book was exactly the complete and utter dreck Garrus had suspected it to be. It was in diary form, dated and filled with the kind of observations on Shepard's actions that could only be construed by someone who had no intimate knowledge of her in any form. Aside from the fact that no aliens had forced Shepard to work with them, quite the contrary, Verner imagined that she only got along with the aliens on her crew because duty demanded it. His description of Wrex had been one of the few things that made Garrus chuckle; "The beastly visage of the krogan made the commander wince.." Shepard and that particular krogan had got on like the human idiom of burning buildings, each trying to best the other on how much wanton destruction they could wreak on a mission, with him trailing behind picking off stragglers and doing his best to keep both of them alive. When his omni-tool buzzed again, it was therefore no surprise that it was the leader of Tuchanka making his presence known. Garrus accepted the call.

"Wrex."

"Vakarian."

The krogans red eyes glinted with cruel mirth. "I told Shepard about turian nuts, but she just had to try it for herself. Apparently turians can't fight, and now we learn they can't fuck either. Perhaps it would be better if she became ambassador to the krogans, so that she can finally get the satisfaction she needs."

Garrus forced a smile, knowing that he was being baited.

"I didn't know you could read, Wrex. And don't you think your beastly face would deter Shepard from ever setting foot on your planet again?"

"You're one to talk. Did you get to the part where she is startled by strange turian mating squawks, and have to close her eyes and think of earth?"

Garrus felt a blue flush working its way up his neck. "No, I haven't. You, however, should have better things to do than read that slanderous rag of a book. Rebuilding that radioactive rock you live on, for example."

Wrex's grin was now showing all of his teeth, and Garrus couldn't help agreeing with Verner, he did look like a beast.

"We have everything well in hand here, don't concern yourself with that, turian. Now, back to your little problem.."

"I don't have a little problem, in fact there is no problem at all. Except for when I murder Conrad Verner and need a place to hide."

The krogans smile became unnaturally wide. "Well, I just wanted to show some moral support for my former comrades."

"Sure you did," Garrus dryly replied.

"What does the great commander herself say about this?"

"I haven't woken her up yet, she's still not fully healed from her injuries."

"Are you sure about that? She could have escaped out the window and currently be snuggled against-" here Wrex held up a data pad and read carefully: " a red-blooded virile human male, the only true comfort for a passionate woman of the Alliance."

Garrus recognized the clunky wording of chapter 3, As Nature Intended, and glared at Wrex.

"I'm sure you're busy, and won't detain you a moment longer."

Wrex laughed again. "Wait, Vakarian, I have another one. The intimate caress of tender human lips versus the chafing mouth plates of a-"

"Goodbye Wrex," Garrus interjected, and cut the link. He groaned when he saw three other missed calls appear on the screen, one from a certain admiral of the Flotilla, one from Liara and of course, his father. It was going to be a long day.