Disclaimer: See Chapter 3.

Special thanks to my beta, Devon!

Prisoner

An Avatar: The Last Airbender oneshot (in four parts)

Part 4

Iroh knew it would be hard to convince his Water Tribe hosts to let Zuko stay with them. He had built up a lot of good will with them over the years, but what to do with the Firelord's son was almost as important as what to do with the Avatar, and they wouldn't let him decide it all by himself.

Or at least, that's what he assumed.

But everyone knew Ozai had done everything short of disowning the boy, and certainly had no intention of letting him succeed the throne. Even Zuko knew that. Had known that. He just only recently was willing to admit it.

Hama still wanted to kill him, of course, but Hakoda and Kanna were willing to listen to Iroh. So he told them his plan.

After they defeat Ozai, someone would have to take the throne or the Fire Nation would fall into anarchy. Azula couldn't do it: she was the Avatar, and the Avatar could not directly involve themselves in politics like that. Iroh himself refused to do it. He didn't want the job, and he didn't want the war to appear like a palace coup. Besides, he probably wouldn't be accepted anyway; most still respected his father's supposed last wishes.

They could install someone unrelated to Ozai. However, the Fire Nation royal bloodline was unbroken since the country's founding; the general populace would not be willing to bow to someone who was not descended from the sun spirit Amaterasu.

Which left Zuko.

Kanna and Hakoda agreed to let Iroh try his hand at taking care of the boy. Hama bit her lip and went along.

Aang shrugged helplessly. "I don't know what to tell you, Azula."

Azula looked down at her body. Looking at her body from the outside like this had disturbed her originally. Now, though, she didn't really feel anything.

"I'm really sorry," Aang went on. "I don't know why it's not working."

Originally she had been really annoyed by Aang. Now, though, looking at him, she didn't really feel anything.

"All I can say is keep trying," he finished.

Sure, she had been failing for almost two years. But keep trying. Maybe it'll work this time.

"If that's all you have to say," Azula said, speaking slowly, "then I suppose there's no reason for me to come back here until I start bending air."

"...If that's what you think is best, Azula."

But it doesn't really matter what I think, does it?

As usual, Kalu was humming as he checked Azula's condition. Even now, years later, Iroh still insisted on giving her regular check-ups.

And Kalu still insisted on engaging her in pointless conversation.

"You've been withdrawing yourself even more lately, little Avatar."

Like that.

"I can't airbend yet, in case you haven't noticed. Chatting isn't going to help with that."

"You sure? I don't think the Air Nomads were all shut-ins."

"Shows what you know. They lived in those temples in order to escape from the world."

Kalu started humming again. "I suppose I'll have to defer to your expertise, little Avatar."

Azula grunted. Despite his words, Kalu spoke up again soon.

"Your brother's an interesting fellow. He barely talks, like you, but it seems to be for a different reason. Do you have any insights on this matter?"

Azula snorted. "Zuko's always been a loser. Don't expect me to understand the way his brain works."

Kalu's humming somehow got even louder. "I'm not sure you understand how anyone's brain works, little Avatar."

"Wait, what's that supposed to mean?"

The half-breed laughed and ruffled her hair. Azula grabbed his wrist, and he said amicably, "Just that you have trouble looking at the world through other people's eyes."

"Why should I?"

"Exactly! Just like that. Well, check-up over. Your body is fine." He hummed loudly, not letting her get another word in, and left the igloo.

For some reason Azula was even more intensely irritated than she usually was after interacting with the bastard. She went off to practice airbending. Unsurprisingly, it didn't help.

After that brutal raid the tribe was forced to move, as the Fire Nation soldiers that escaped would surely relate their location. Ever pragmatic, the tribe left the bodies of their slain comrades behind. They merely held one grand ceremony honoring all the fallen equally, and as before, left one single stone a few hundred shaku from camp to represent all who died.

Whenever Zuko disappeared, Iroh knew he would always be there.

"I wish you would tell me when you want to come here," Iroh said, standing behind Zuko as his nephew sat staring at the stone.

He didn't respond.

"Zuko," Iroh said. "You can't keep torturing yourself over this. It wasn't your fault. You didn't kill any innocents."

"I helped, though," Zuko said softly.

"You—"

"I defeated five waterbenders by myself." His nephew finally turned around. His eyes were watery, his lips trembling. "At the time I was proud of it. But if it hadn't been for me, less soldiers would've made it to the tribe. Less civilians would've died."

"You can't know that."

"I do." Zuko looked down.

"Nephew, if you keep doing this to yourself—"

"Stop lying to me, Uncle!" Zuko yelled, springing to his feet. Tears were flowing down his cheeks now. "I was proud! I was proud of our victories! I was proud of your victories! But in the end, they were just about...about this!" He gestured at the stone.

Iroh approached and gently put his hands on Zuko's shoulders. The boy flinched but didn't resist. "As a nation, we have done unforgivable things," he said gently. "But as individuals, we fulfilled our duties with honor. There is pride in that, my nephew."

Zuko didn't meet Iroh's eyes. "I wish I could believe that."

And as much as he tried to resist it, Iroh couldn't help but remember Lu Ten, the first night his son had killed. Indeed, Iroh had told Lu Ten much the same thing he just told Zuko.

He looked beyond his nephew, to the single stone that stood for so much.

"It's kind of amazing, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" Azula grumbled.

"Well," Katara enthused, combing Azula's hair, "after all this time, for you to meet your brother again…it's just really touching, you know?"

"Yup, I'm so incredibly happy that my brother's back."

Naturally, Katara missed her sarcasm and continued rattling on. "He's a lot different from you, though. I mean, you're always so composed and in control, while he's..."

"An idiot?"

Katara giggled. "That's one way to put it, I guess."

Azula's stomach throbbed. Zuko had kicked her there. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Sure. Um…how's airbending—"

Azula clenched her fist. "Not that."

There was a pause. "Well. Um. Do you want to go somewhere today?"

Azula smiled. "Sure. Let's see. We can walk around the snow, or wander the ice, or, ooh, I know! We can freeze our butts off in a blizzard!" She raised her voice to a high pitch. "Hm, they're all such good ideas, I just can't decide!"

Katara harrumphed. "You don't have to be so pissy about it, Azula."

It was funny. Azula was perfectly aware her self-control was slipping, but that didn't stop it from happening. If her mind was a castle, every shitty thing that happened to her was a trebuchet bolt slamming into it. She had been on the verge of collapse for a while. Katara's irritating, ignorant, insipid inanity finally made it all give way. "What do you know about anything, you naïve little wench!?" she yelled, kicking Katara away.

Some part of her registered that her leg had been wreathed in flames, and another noted that Katara was gasping and groaning in pain, but Azula was far past caring. "For the past two years, I've had to listen to your pointless whining about nothing," she growled. "Let me teach you a little something about the world, girl. I am the princess of the Fire Nation, not to mention the Avatar, and you are the spawn of some pissant savage with delusions of grandeur. In a just world you'd be groveling at my feet, not torturing me with brainless blather. From now on, don't talk to me unless you have something of value to say. Then again, you wouldn't know value if it pissed in your mouth, so just stay away from me and we'll both be much happier."

She gauged where the girl was by her crying, stepped over her, and stomped out of the igloo.

Later that day, Iroh found her while she was failing to airbend.

"I know what you're going to say, so shut it, old man," Azula said. "You droning on about friendship and kindness would make me want to kill myself."

After a few seconds, Iroh said, "These people are your only allies, Azula."

"They're not my allies!" Azula screamed, blasting a fireball into the sky. "They're the Avatar's allies!" Azula raised her other fist to unleash another fireball, but Iroh grabbed her wrist before she could.

"You are the Avatar, Azula," he said, his tone brooking no argument.

Azula argued anyway. "I am not! The Avatar is an immortal spirit from Agni-knows-where that infects people whenever its previous host dies and wants balance, whatever that means. I'm an evil bitch who used to be princess of the evil Fire Nation, all I want is to rule the world, and everybody here would kill me if I didn't happen to be carting around the glorious perfect Avatar spirit!" She turned in the general direction of Iroh and filled her face with as much hatred as she physically could. "And you'd be the first in line, wouldn't you? Dear Uncle."

Neither of them spoke.

Eventually Iroh let go of her wrist and walked off. Azula bent over and dry sobbed, hating her body for not being able to cry, hating herself for being such a failure, in so many ways.

Zuko looked down, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

There was no answer. After a few seconds, he shrugged and opened it.

Azula was lying on her bed, as she was doing more and more these days. He briefly wondered what she thought about there, all alone.

"Hey," he said hesitantly.

No response.

"So," Zuko said. He gulped. "How's, um, life going?"

Silence.

"Well, I just came here 'cause I thought, well… Sokka and I are going hunting today. Would you like to, maybe, come with?"

Haltingly, almost like a doll, Azula raised her head and turned toward him, giving him a nice look at those empty eye sockets. He involuntarily flinched back, and felt some guilty gratitude that she couldn't see him do it.

"What are you doing?" she asked, very slowly.

Zuko blinked. "Huh?"

"You hate me," she said, still speaking slowly. "So why are you here?"

Zuko blinked again, going over what she said in his head. "Well," he said as a placeholder, trying to think, "I don't hate you, and, I'm worried about you?"

Azula started giggling. Zuko gaped at her, and didn't react as she said, through the giggles, "You are such a liar. Of course you hate me; I've made your life hell for the past seven years. You tried to bring me in chains to Ozai just a few months ago. Damn, Zuzu, did you really think I'd fall for that?" Suddenly she stopped giggling, and her tone turned dark and hateful. "What are you after?"

Zuko gulped again, looked to the side, and tried to mentally steady himself. "Look," he said, "we've never had a good relationship. But I've never hated you. And yes, I did try to capture you, but that was when..." pause, breath, "...when I still wanted Father to accept me."

There was a long silence after that. Zuko dared a glance at Azula, but she was still in the same position, eyes…or where her eyes should have been…fixed directly on him. After a while, she finally responded.

"You really are stupid. You still want Ozai to accept you, you know. It's just you want Iroh to accept you too, and he happens to be closer right now. All you care about is how others perceive you."

"That's not true!" Zuko shouted, all hesitation forgotten. "I heard things, and saw things, when I was with the army for two years! I know the kinds of things the Fire Nation does—my father does—to those he conquers! And…" He looked down again. "I know what it's like to be the center of Father's attention. It…it wasn't what I thought it would be. It was like he was trying to make me into someone I'm not."

"Can't blame him," Azula snorted.

Zuko flushed with anger. "You're one to talk! I used to be these people's enemy, but you know what? It's only been a few months, but I'm already friends with their chief's son, and they let me wander their grounds with barely a second glance! Do you know what they say about you? You've been here two years, and you're the Avatar, but you managed to chase away the one person who was willing to put up with you! So who are you to talk about me like that?"

This silence was much shorter.

"Get out," Azula said, her voice low.

Zuko complied.

Roku had been alive (in a manner of speaking) for a very long time. When he first died, he spent twelve years wandering the Spirit World, looking for answers nobody held. Then Aang showed up, spirits came with news about the genocide of the Air Nomads, and he practically drowned in guilt for more than a decade. When Hatsuna first contacted him he was overjoyed. He eventually came to see her as his daughter, which crushed him all the more when she was killed—killed by Sozin, no less. Their relationship was never the same, and after decades of daily arguments about Shen they could barely stand each other anymore.

But nothing he had gone through had quite prepared him for this, this aimless waiting, worried not that his protege would fail but that she wouldn't even begin, to the extent that for the first time he started wondering if the Avatar Spirit had simply made a mistake. When Azula showed up again, riding with Aang on Appa, Roku felt so much hope he could barely breathe.

Then he looked at Aang's expression, and his hope was immediately snuffed out.

After Appa landed, Azula hopped off and immediately stalked toward Roku until she was staring directly at him with that eyeless face.

"I just have one question," she said. "Is it possible to remove the Avatar spirit from my body?"

Roku looked at Aang, who shrugged helplessly. I suppose she asked him first, Roku thought. Ignoring Hatsuna's snort, he turned to Azula and did his best to make his face and voice grandfatherly.

"Azula," he said. "The Avatar spirit isn't in you. It is you. There is no way to remove it. Even if there were, it would result in your death."

They looked at each other for several long seconds. Then, for a brief flash, he thought the girl was about to attack him. But just as quickly that feeling passed, and she just nodded. "Understood." Azula turned around and walked back to Aang. "Take me back to my body, Aang." With one last sad look at Roku, Aang nodded and took off with the young Avatar on Appa.

"She's insane."

Roku looked over at Hatsuna, who was lying down on her back. "Why do you say that?" he asked evenly.

"Because it's true," Hatsuna said, with the air of explaining something to a particularly slow child.

Roku kept his manner calm. "You don't know that—"

"Sure I do, and you do too. If we don't do something, she really is going to destroy the world." Hastuna looked at him, and her face was dead serious.

"What do you suggest we do?" Roku asked, choosing his words carefully.

Hatsuna let out a deep, long sigh. "I have no clue," she grumbled.

Roku turned back, looking at the spot where Appa had been. He wasn't going to say it in front of her, but in truth, he agreed with Hatsuna.

And like her, he had no idea what to do.

It happened on an especially cold morning.

Azula didn't know why it happened. Nothing notable had occurred for at least a week. Sure, she was failing to airbend, but she had been failing to airbend for two years and three months. There really was no reason for it to happen after that failed attempt, on that particular morning. But it did anyway.

The last string holding Azula up finally snapped.

She curled up into a ball. She felt again that overpowering desire to cry, more intense than ever, and without a release it just kept multiplying, roaring through her body like wildfire.

Dammit, dammit, dammit, she cursed, punching the snow-packed ground. My life is destroyed, my father betrays me, everything I ever wanted goes up in smoke, and I can't even do what every other Avatar managed to do. Her mouth moaned in pain. What the hell does it even mean anyway, "the essence of airbending is freedom"? You keep telling me that, but you never tell me just how I'm supposed to—

And then it hit her. A stupid, crazy idea that was likely to get her killed.

But she didn't really care about that last part.

Azula stood up, waited for the shaking to quell, and began to run.

Of all people, Sokka was the one who first noticed Azula was missing.

After a while, the cold had seeped into her legs so much that Azula had to stop running. But she was still a firebender, even if she wasn't anything else, and it would take a long time for the freezing temperature to cause serious problems as long as she was careful.

So she trudged along the wilderness, wind blowing around and against her, heading in the direction of that frozen forest she had visited so long ago.

Honestly, she wasn't sure exactly why she was doing this. It probably came from all those stupid Air Nomad beliefs Aang had talked about—the essence of airbending is freedom, the Air Nomads separated themselves from the world of desires, in order to airbend you have to give yourself up to the world, all that crap. They had rolled around in Azula's head, and ultimately her brain spat up "isolate yourself and battle nature." There was also some half-formed idea that the frozen forest place the old lady had said was really spiritual might help.

Or maybe she just wanted a clear goal again, with the means of accomplishment open to her.

Either way, she was far from any semblance of civilization by the time her rational mind re-asserted itself.

Right when Azula found herself in the middle of a blizzard.

At which point she became very, very afraid.

Hakoda was still traveling among the tribe's roving bands to make sure they were in good shape and doing what they were supposed to be doing. So without him, the emergency meeting was left with only Iroh, Zuko, and Kanna—as well as Sokka, who insisted on attending, Kya, who heard about it from Sokka and was apparently quite worried, and Katara, who Iroh didn't know why she showed up.

Zuko and Sokka quickly volunteered that they had investigated and there were clear footprints showing that Azula had left the camp, apparently willingly. The problem was that the tracks soon led straight into a blizzard, which erased any hopes of tracking her.

"I have no idea why she did this," Zuko muttered, shaking his head.

"Because she's crazy," someone said.

Everyone turned to Katara.

"What?" she said, arms crossed. "She is."

Kya seemed disturbed. "Katara, I know you two had a falling out—"

"She attacked me! For no reason!" Katara yelled. "And that's not all—she made it quite clear that she was only pretending to be my friend for two years! And of course she wasn't punished, because she's the Avatar. If she wasn't the Avatar, she'd have been exiled long ago!"

Kya looked even more uncomfortable, and Iroh was forcibly reminded of a conversation he had had with Azula that he'd just as soon forget. Luckily, Sokka decided to take up the rebuttal role. "Look Katara," he said, "I'm no fan of Azula, especially after she attacked you, and even Zuko's told me more than a few horror stories about her. But…we kind of need her. She is the Avatar, you know?"

"Until she dies," Katara countered.

A sharp sound echoed throughout the igloo and the girl recoiled in shock, a bruise starting to form on her cheek.

It took a second for Iroh to realize that he was the one who slapped her.

Azula did several deep breathing meditation exercises to try to calm herself down. Either they worked, or she convinced herself they worked, and she started to ascertain her situation.

She was somewhere in the South Pole. Not far from Hakoda's current camp, but she had been running for a good long while, so it wasn't a short distance either. And she had no idea about her exact location.

Oh yeah, and she was inside a blizzard with no supplies.

She was finding it very hard to hold onto her rationality. But she managed it, barely, picked up her feet, and starting moving in the direction where she guessed she had come from.

Zuko had no idea what he should think after Uncle slapped Katara. Glancing around, he noticed that Sokka was (unsurprisingly) pissed off; his mother was barely managing to withhold him from moving in on Uncle. On the other hand Sokka's grandmother was silent, staring intently at the scene in front of her.

Katara, after a moment of shock, rounded on Uncle in force.

"What was that!?"

Uncle himself seemed in shock, staring at his hand.

"I used to be terrified of you," she said, her voice quiet. "The Dragon of the West. The man who led the most successful raids since Hatsuna." Zuko thought of the stone, and the children he saw his former comrades slaughter that terrible afternoon. "I didn't understand why we let you into the tribe. My parents told me you changed. Eventually I believed them." She raised a hand to her cheek. "But maybe you're the same as Azula after all."

Katara's mother gasped; Sokka stopped struggling and looked at Katara with his eyes wide. The grandmother and Uncle stayed silent. Nobody was saying anything, actually.

Zuko gulped and summoned his courage. "Katara," he said, and her head whipped around. "You said Azula wouldn't be the Avatar anymore if she died. What did you mean?"

She gazed at him for a second, looked at her family, then turned back to him. She removed her hand from her cheek. There was a dark red spot where Uncle slapped her. "You're a good guy, Zuko, unlike the rest of your family. I appreciate that. But if you had grown up here, knowing that you have to fight to survive, you'd know you have to balance that with pragmatism. Azula can't save the world, and she doesn't want to save the world. She walked into a blizzard without telling anyone—it's pretty obvious what she wants to do. Why should we risk ourlives to stop her?"

The contrast between the current Katara and the bubbly, cheerful girl that reminded him of Ty Lee was so extreme Zuko almost felt dazed. He couldn't think of anything to say. Luckily, Katara and Sokka's mom did. "Katara!" she said sternly. "What Azula did to you was horrible, but you're going way too far."

"I spent years being nice," Katara said, voice low. Streams of water started to rise up and float around her. "I hid my frustration, anger, fear, all to make her feel better. And this is how she repaid me." She grabbed her coat and pulled it up, revealing a large bruise on her stomach covered with burn scars. Zuko glanced away, and couldn't help but think of Azula's empty eye sockets. "I'm done being nice," Katara went on. "Not to her."

Zuko looked at everyone else in the igloo again. Uncle still seemed to be in shock; Sokka was dumbfounded; his mother was crying; his grandmother was inscrutable like always.

He knew they couldn't afford to have this argument now. They had to get out and save Azula soon. Katara didn't have to come with. So why wasn't anyone leaving?

Why wasn't he leaving?

For some reason his eyes lingered on the grandmother, the only person here he hadn't spoken to once. She returned his gaze and mouthed something. What was she trying to tell him?

Maybe it was please understand.

He looked back at Katara. Waves of water were rotating around her. Her eyes locked with his, almost like she was challenging him, and before he knew it, before he could think about it, he said, "If we just let her die, we'll be as bad as her."

All of a sudden, he heard a noise so loud it almost hurt his ears. Startled, he turned to his uncle, who was almost doubled over laughing so hard he was almost roaring. Like a dragon, Zuko thought. When he stopped laughing Uncle stood up, wiped tears from his eyes, and walked over to him, putting his arm around Zuko's shoulders.

"I apologize for striking you," he said to Katara. "Much of what you say is justified." Uncle smiled. "But Azula is still my niece. She is my blood. And I would want to save her even if she weren't the Avatar."

He looked at Zuko with an expectant expression. Zuko nodded.

Sokka pointed his finger at Uncle. "For the record, I'm still pissed off at you for hitting my sister," he said. Then he sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "But for now, let's go save the savior of the world."

All eyes turned to Katara. She hung her head and closed her eyes, and the roiling mass of water around her crashed to the ground. "I went overboard," she said. "Sorry."

Her mother and grandmother approached and hugged her from behind. A second later, everyone—Katara included—ran out of the igloo.

They didn't alert the tribe at large. Most of them were young, old, or infirm, and so entering the blizzard would be too dangerous for them. Besides, it was probably a bad idea to let Azula's wild trek be widely known. So they only picked up Kalu, and the seven of them alone headed out to look for Zuko's sister.

It was cold. Really cold. So cold that Azula's firebending wasn't close to being enough to fight it off. So cold that she even got tired of shivering.

As she placed one foot in front of the other, for whatever twisted reason, her brain started spitting up memories.

"Airbending is a defensive art," Aang said as they practiced a kata that would, supposedly, blow an enemy away. "The Air Nomads practiced nonviolence—they refused to harm anything, even insects. That was how they achieved happiness."

Happiness? If you refuse to harm anything, you'll just be trampled by everything. No wonder the Air Nomads were wiped out; they probably gave the Fire Nation soldiers lotuses when they were mowed down.

Then Father's fist met her face, and her world

No!

"How are you, Azula?" she heard Iroh ask.

She let some time pass. Then she said, "Leave me alone."

After a second, she heard Iroh stand up and walk out of the room.

Who did Iroh think he was fooling? Did he really think I would fall for the replacement father act? Did he think I wouldn't notice he hated me? He spent years treating me like a leper, then I'm the Avatar, and suddenly I'm the most important thing in the world. Gee, I wonder what caused that change? Because people go from hate to love all the time, I'm sure.

"You're one to talk!" Zuko shouted. "I used to be these peoples' enemy, but you know what? It's only been a few months, but I'm already friends with their chief's son, and they let me wander their grounds with barely a second glance! Do you know what they say about you?"

Well, I suppose there are some people stupid enough to fall for Iroh's fairy tales. "Friends"? Does he honestly think any of the Water Tribesmen want him there? He's only there because Iroh wants him there, and none of the others have the guts to oppose him. Zuko was always utterly dependent on others though, this is just a disgustingly extreme example.

"A master airbender matches his movements to his opponent's. Ultimately, you have to realize that everything is one and give yourself up to the world. By doing that, you gain enlightenment."

Speaking of dependence, Aang elevates it to some kind of philosophical ideal. Giving yourself up is "enlightenment"? What are you enlightened to, your own stupidity and powerlessness? It's a shock the Air Nomads weren't all killed sooner, honestly; you have to be a real coward to sacrifice your own self-respect and self-worth like that.

"Are you saying I should just give up?" Azula pouted.

Father laughed. "If I thought that, would I be giving you this special training?"

Azula scuffed the ground with her foot. Her frustration started to fade, replaced by a warm feeling that

I said no!

"And stop defending him, you fire asshole!" Hatsuna roared. "No matter what he said, he was a coward, and you know it! The fact that he didn't stay here is proof enough!"

Now that Hatsuna woman, she at least knows the way the world works. A battle of all against all, the stakes the ability to do what you want. Hatsuna knew what she wanted and was willing to fight and die for it. Unfortunately for her, it ended up being the latter, and even now she's reaping the consequences of her failure. I will not repeat her mistake.

"That was amazing, Azula! You're making great progress."

On the other hand, there's Katara. I only kept the water floating for a second; who in their right mind would call that "amazing"? The answer is someone who's face to face with the Avatar and wants to keep on their good side. She really is a born follower, just like Ty Lee. But at least Ty Lee knew she was a follower, or let me teach her she was. Near as I can tell, Katara spent hours a day for months changing my clothes, carrying me around, and cleaning my ass because she liked doing it. It's baffling. She's the most irritating person I've ever met.

The half-breed laughed and ruffled her hair. Azula grabbed his wrist, and he said amicably, "Just that you have trouble looking at the world through other people's eyes."

Kalu is a close second on the irritation scale, but I thought he was somewhat rational at least. Not anymore. I don't know how other people's minds work? I know that perfectly well: they always do whatever they can to accrue benefit for themselves, unless they're stupid naïve chattel. Which, admittedly, much of the world is. Why should I look at the world through other people's eyes when other people are so idiotic?

"I've arranged things so you'll be sitting near Zuko. Could you keep an eye on him? I want to know exactly what his face looks like when I win."

The two of them stared at each other for a few seconds. "Of course, Princess," Mai said, as deadpan and emotionless as ever.

Poor Mai. I feel bad for her, really. She's not idiotic, I'll give her that; indeed, in many ways she's quite similar to me. She just can't play the game as well. Not to mention she's just a noble, while I am—was—the princess. That's just the way the world works, though. Some people are born as the cat and some as the mouse. Nobody can change that.

"So who's the brave prince, here to rescue the beautiful princess? Although I suppose I'm not so beautiful anymore."

"It's Iroh."

I guess some cats aren't willing to fight for their rights, though. I assumed, reasonably, that Iroh was helping me and trying to overthrow Ozai as revenge and to become Firelord himself. He was born the cat but was overthrown by the mouse, to use my earlier metaphor; normally the cat would be trying to get back on top. But it doesn't seem that way. It's like Iroh risked his life and abandoned his status out of some ethical belief that Ozai should be defeated, giving allegiance to a principle of all things. And then there's taking Zuko—his rival for the throne!—under his wing, which I try to avoid thinking about for fear it would rot my brain. He may actually have gone senile, seriously.

Azula smiled. "Tell me, Zuzu. How does it feel to be such a coward?" she asked his retreating figure.

Normally Zuko became completely sulky and introverted after she beat him, so after the question she sat up, thinking about what she wanted to do for the rest of the night.

"Better than being you," she heard behind her.

Who the hell was he to say something like that? At the time, I was better than him in every way. How could he possibly want to be himself and not me? How could anyone want that? I was on track to become the most powerful

"At this rate, you'll even surpass me one day," Father said. "You may very well become the savior of the Fire

Stop it! No!

Father hugged her tight and whispered in her ear. "Don't worry, I'll make sure you're the one who succeeds me. You're the best daughter anyone could

What part of 'no' don't you understand?! Stop! I command you to

It was long after midnight. All lights were off. Azula crept along the hallway, lighting her way with a small flame she kept flickering in her hand. Normally there was a guard here, but he had left to relieve himself. This did mean she had to move quickly, though, before he came back.

When she reached the door she paused, took a deep breath, and used the lockpicking technique she had spent the last few months practicing. The door opened.

Slowly, carefully, making sure not to make a noise, she opened it and entered the room. Her flame only lit a small area, and she didn't know the layout since she rarely entered this room, so she had to be careful not to bang into something. Each step was slow and agonizing.

She stopped when she saw a bedpost. Moving next to it, she tiptoed carefully, making as little noise as she could. She stopped when the light revealed her mother's face.

Mother was sleeping. Azula almost exhaled in relief, but caught herself just in time. Mother was a heavy sleeper—the only reason Azula decided to go through with this plan—but still, she needed to be totally silent. Next was the hard part.

She walked forward until she reached the nightstand. She bent down and opened the bottom drawer, always with one eye on Mother, ready to stop if her face so much as twitched. It never did.

When the drawer was open enough she reached into it and felt around. Azula saw Mother put it in here half a year ago, so she didn't quite remember how this worked. Her heart was beating so loud and fast she was terrified it would wake up Mother by itself, so half her attention was locked on Mother's face. She had spent hours practicing an excuse to use if she got caught, but…

Mother stayed asleep, though, and eventually Azula found it: a small indent at the front of the drawer. Hooking a finger under it, she lifted it up. Then she realized that she would need to use her other hand to bring it out. Which meant she would have to put the flame out first.

With one last look at Mother, she closed her hand. The flame went out and darkness consumed the world. She put her hand in the secret compartment and felt around. For one terrible second she thought it wasn't there and this had all been for nothing—but then she felt it. And slowly, slowly, she drew it out. She was so slow it must have taken minutes. Her heart was beating so fast she felt faint. But she managed it in the end.

She held the object in one hand and firebent another flame with the other. She was already looking at Mother when light returned, ready again to make her excuse, but thankfully she was still asleep. Azula looked back to the object.

It was a small black book with no label. But Azula knew what it was. She had seen Mother write in it before hiding it in this compartment, so there was only one thing it could be.

A diary.

Azula's hands were trembling so hard she was afraid she'd drop the diary. She willed them to stop, but they didn't obey. Her heart was hammering against her ribs and sweat was dripping off her body. She wanted to confirm Mother was still asleep, but her eyes were locked on the book and refused to move.

She opened it with one hand, held the flame close with the other, and felt such an overwhelming desire to know that it stilled her hand, allowing her to read the characters. She used her thumb to flip through the pages, scanning each entry for her name. Nothing, nothing, Zuko's birth, nothing, her birth, nothing useful, nothing—

And there it was.

Her reaction was interesting. A chill spread through her body until it froze all the blood in her veins. Which was actually a good thing, because it meant she didn't make a noise or drop the book. She just looked at the entry in silence.

It said: "I feel horrible writing this, much less thinking it, but honestly, I'm afraid of Azula. I think she might be becoming a monster."

No! No! Fuck you! How dare you do this to me! Why would you do this to me? Stop showing me these memories already! Have you forgotten I'm in a blizzard right now? I need to get out of here. I can't let my life end here. There's still so much I want to do.

"Freedom isn't about following your desires. It's the opposite. It's resisting your desires, separating yourself from the natural world to escape the cycle of reincarnation."

Is this your idea of a joke? Shutting yourself up in a monastery and following an insanely strict set of rules in order to please abstract principles that don't actually exist is freedom? What impinges on my freedom isn't my desires, that's absurd; other people infringe on your freedom by trying to control you. To stop that from happening, you have to control them. To be truly and completely free, you have to control everything.

That's right, Azula thought. I have to control everything. I need to...

Her legs stopped moving. Her mind ground to a halt.

I need to control everything?

Need?

It was like her brain was bashed to pieces and reassembled. It was like heaven and earth swapped places. It was like the entire world, the whole of existence, had burned to ash and birthed itself anew.

So all this time, I've just been controlled by my desires? My desire for control…controlled me? The more I fed it, the deeper I fell into its prison?

All her memories flowed into each other and blazed her mind clean. The ground under her feet and the sky over her head melted together. She would've cried, except her tears were gone, and she would've laughed, except her voice was a faint whisper.

I can't even control my own needs, she thought, spasms of mirth rocking her exhausted body. All this time, I've…I've…

She turned her head skyward and let out a scream filled with more emotions than she could name.

They had split up, with instructions to return to camp if they felt they wouldn't be able to go on much longer. So technically, Iroh had no idea whether or not someone had found Azula by now. But they probably hadn't. The South Pole was large, huge swaths were uninhabited, and the blizzards were raging.

Ice slowly sank into Iroh's joints and hopes. He fought it off as much as he could. Azula had to be here somewhere, and there was no way he could live with himself if—

The earth moved under him and he almost fell over. He stood up, and his mind went blank at what he saw.

A huge pillar of brilliant light, shooting straight up into the heavens.

Before he knew it Iroh ran toward that light, all exhaustion forgotten. When he got close he slowed down, then stopped, gazing up in awe.

Azula was floating in the middle of that pillar, arms outstretched, the same brilliant light shining out of her eye sockets.

Then she looked down, and Iroh could swear she saw him.

The pillar disappeared with a flash and Azula flew down, throwing up enough wind and snow to knock Iroh off his feet, landing down hard. When he sat up he was staring right up at her, at those brilliant beams of light that used to be her eyes.

And he finally believed, truly believed, that she was the Avatar.

Then she pointed at him, and for a blink Iroh thought she was about to kill him.

The light faded abruptly and Azula started falling. Iroh moved just fast enough to catch her.

Iroh was at her bedside when she awoke several days later, as was Kalu.

"How are you doing?" Kalu asked, all trace of amusement gone from his voice.

"I feel all right," Azula responded after a few seconds.

Kalu nodded. "That's good. You had almost frozen to death. Normally you'd be almost immobile for a couple of weeks, but since you're a firebender you'll probably be up and about again soon enough. Still, just to be safe, I'd suggest staying in bed for at least three days."

Azula made no response.

Kalu looked at Iroh with a pleading expression. Iroh gave him a tight nod. Apparently satisfied, Kalu stood up.

"Well, I think I'll leave you alone with your uncle. See you soon, little Avatar."

After he left, Iroh spent a few minutes just looking at Azula. Then he said, "Can I trust you not to do anything strenuous if I'm not here?"

"How much of an idiot do you think I am?" she said in a flat voice.

Iroh shook his head, uncaring that she couldn't see it. "In that case, would you prefer I left you alone?"

She was silent for a few seconds, but as expected, she said, "Yeah."

Iroh nodded, again uncaring that she couldn't see it. "Very well. I'll see you later." He stood up and started walking out of the igloo. Then he felt it.

A gust of wind brushed the hair on the back of his head.

He turned around in shock, which only deepened when he saw what his niece was doing.

She was laughing. Not a displeased snort, an ironic snicker, or even a pleased chuckle. She guffawed, leaning over so much she almost fell out of the bed, hands clutched to her sides. He had never seen her so happy in his life.

He stood there in shock for several minutes, staring at her, unable to understand what had just happened.

Eventually Azula's laughter subsided, and she said, "We need to make new plans soon."

It wasn't easy. Worldviews don't change overnight, even after you realize they're fundamentally flawed.

She didn't immediately reconcile with Katara or Zuko. She didn't start making overtures of friendship to Sokka. She definitely didn't start thinking of Iroh as some kind of substitute father figure, or even really treat him with any more respect.

She still really wanted to kill Ozai, even after realizing that it was probably just to confirm she wasn't dependent on him.

But she was, at least, starting to rebel against her own wishes and desires.

Besides, the other important things would come in time.

After all, she was the Avatar.

END

Author's Notes: And so the rewrite is done. I think it's significantly better than the original, and I hope you agree.

As I said in the first chapter, I will also be rewriting this fic's "sequel," The Adventures of Avatar Azula, and this time I intend to complete it. I will take a week break but plan to post the first chapter the following week (i.e. on February 10), and I intend to keep the same schedule (Saturdays at around 4pm EST).

A few other things. First, while I don't like begging for reviews, I would like to state that I highly appreciate all the reviews I get. But I appreciate even more the ones that contain constructive criticism. So if you didn't like some portions of this fic, please do tell me—we learn more from our failures than our successes, as they say.

Second, if you would be interested in being a beta for the sequel fic to take some of the load off my RL friend, please PM me. I would be willing to look over your stories in return.

Thanks to everyone who read this far, and I hope you also check out the sequel! Its title will be The Right to Rule.