Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

NoDrogs created Kasy and Sheki. I gave them a different origin and a younger sister. This chapter was drafted years ago. It could go different ways. Chapter two is new, and the direction I chose among the options.

Chapter title is a print by Goya.

The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters

"I thought I might just stay out here for a couple days before I fly over to the Hague," Kim told Shego over the phone.

"You're not telling the truth," came the accusation.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean this is not just a whim."

"What makes you say that?"

"Villains' Guild forums."

"I wish you'd stop–"

"So I would have believed you when you lied to me?"

Kim sighed, "I don't want to risk you or the girls."

"I'm not sure what the actual risk level is, but I want you to come back to Middleton until you give testimony."

"What did people say on the villains' forum? I can't believe anyone would take the offer seriously."

"No one with even half a brain is. Any bank accounts warlord what's-his-name has are frozen, his former backers are claiming they didn't know – and aren't responsible for – his actions, and his former lieutenants are either in hiding or negotiating for amnesty if they testify against him. So his claim he'll pay a million dollars a head for the assassination of any of the witnesses... Why is he even putting five hundred grand on you? You were just arresting officer."

"He must carry a grudge."

"Guess so. Anyway, the guy doesn't have two dimes to rub together, so no one who can walk and chew gum at the same time is going to try anything. It is such a cliché idea anyway."

"He was probably watching old movie DVDs while he was in hiding. But I think I'll stay over here until after I give my deposition. There might be someone who can't figure out how to walk and chew gum at the same time who might try something. And I don't want any idiots putting you or the girls in harm's way."

"No you are coming home."

"Why?"

"First, you've got a lot more idiots over there than back here in Middleton. I'll bet your brothers can hack the airlines for anyone flying into Middleton and do a fast background check on anyone who looks suspicious."

"That's illegal."

"It never bothered you when you were a teen hero."

"I work for Global Justice now."

"Just trying to keep you safe."

"But you've already admitted no one with even half a brain would try anything!"

"Kim... Who does the greatest swordsman in the world fear?"

"What does this have to–"

"Who does the greatest swordsman in the world fear?"

"Second greatest swordsman in the world?"

"Nope. 'Cause the greatest swordsman knows exactly what number two might try. The greatest swordsman fears the complete novice, because there is no way of telling what the total beginner might try. Probably won't work, but it may be so stupid the expert isn't prepared to deal with it. There's an old saying that you can't make anything foolproof... You recognize that one, don't you?"

"Because fools are so ingenious."

"Exactly. So get your cute little butt on the next flight back to Middleton."

"Ah, Eemah," Kim giggled in her best imitation of Kasy, "do I hafta?"

"You come home immediately, young lady, or no ice cream for a week!"

Kim was surprised in New York by a familiar blue face as she waited at the gate for the plane taking her on the next leg of the flight home. Bego and Kim gave each other a fast hug of greeting.

"I suspect it isn't a coincidence we're on the same flight," Kim commented.

"Nope," agreed Joss's metal twin.

"You think I have anything to worry about?"

"No, but Shego offered to pay for the flight if I agreed to come, and I don't see Sis and her family enough."

"Job situation improving?"

"No. A degree in philosophy and six-fifty will still get you a cup of coffee. I'll tell you about it on the flight, I think Shego bribed someone so we'll be sitting together."

"So, you're going to be my bodyguard?"

"No... That isn't what Shego told me."

"I've been on the plane so I was out of the loop. What is she planning? I'm assuming it's not supposed to be a secret from me."

"Not that I know of. She– Do you really think you're in any danger?"

"No. I think she's wildly over-reacting."

"Maybe," Bego shrugged. "Try to see it as saying she loves you."

"I know, and I do. But she feels like there might be some crazy willing to try and hurt me."

"There are a lot of crazies in the world."

"I know. I'm married to one of them. So what is her plan to keep me safe, and how do you fit into the scheme?"

"Her fear is someone going after the girls to draw you out. I'm going to take Jane over to Joss and Wade's and stay with them. Meanwhile you'll be disguised as Shego and keeping an eye on Kasy and Sheki, and Shego will be disguised as you and staying in the open so there will be no need to draw you out."

"That's stupid."

"I'm just telling you what she told me."

"I won't do it. If there is any danger... You remember she took a bullet for me once?"

"I remember."

"I don't think there is any danger, but if there is I won't let her face it for me."

"I told you, it isn't my plan. You don't need to convince me."

"I know, I know. But let me practice my arguments for a minute or two. Shego can be very persuasive and stubborn."

"As contrasted with you?"

"Hey, I'm just stubborn. She's better at persuasive. And, uh, can you help me with an argument for hypocrisy?"

"For hypocrisy? You mean against? How is Shego being hypocritical?"

"Defending hypocrisy. It was me. I was going to stay in Europe, in case any crazy tried anything. Now I'm trying to tell her she's too worried about some crazy trying something."

The blue woman shook her head sadly, "Oh, you're going to have real trouble defending... Matter of degree! You had a very low level of concern, but she is blowing it out of all proportion."

"Oh, that's good! Think she'll buy it?"

"No way. She'll definitely charge you with hypocrisy. But that's probably the best defense you have."

They chatted on the flight about Bego's search for work. Apparently some employers thought she was simply a robot and a different language DVD could be inserted somewhere inside her to give her the ability to speak any language. "They just don't get I have a human brain, it just works electrically. Heck, I had to pass exams in French and German for the degree – but I couldn't speak them to save my neck."

"Although as I recall you and Joss know a little Spanish... At least enough to curse. Am I ever going to hear how you picked that up?"

"Not if Joss or I can help it."

"Any good job prospects. The Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense made you an offer didn't they?"

"Yeah, for my vision. I may just need to accept the philosophy degree makes me a better person, but won't get me a job. Part of me thinks working for the BPRD would get me labeled a freak, but then I probably get labeled as a freak anyway. And the people I know from the BPRD are nice... There're days I wake up and think I'll give them a call."

"I, uh, I'm not sure how to ask... Forgive me if this sounds rude. If you don't want to be labeled a freak, have you considered changing your skin color?"

Bego shrugged, "Sometimes," she admitted. "All my Joss memories are with that color. But I've been blue as long as I have independent memory and I think asking for a different color would just be caving in to other people's prejudices. I'm not the color of my skin, it's the people we are inside that matters."

"I know... Sorry if that was rude."

"No problem. You've already been hypocritical today, why not add–"

"So you and Shego will both be giving me grief forever?"

"Just today," promised Bego with a laugh. "But that's me. It'll probably be forever with Shego."

Shego and Jane were waiting in the terminal. The toddler seemed shy around the relative stranger, which only got worse when Shego reminded her, "She'll be watching you for a few days. She's the sister of cousin Joss, remember?"

"And we'll be staying with Joss," promised Bego. "You like Junior, right?"

The small girl nodded enthusiastically."

"Not so happy, Squirt," warned Shego, "or your mom and I will think you don't love us." She looked at Bego, "Got a suitcase in the car with her stuff packed. Of course you can always come over for anything I forgot... But I didn't forget anything."

"How big is the suitcase?"

"You're strong."

"I don't want to start a fight in front of Jane," Kim began as they drove into town from the airport.

"Then don't say anything," suggested Shego.

"I'm telling you I don't want this to be a fight, I'm trying for clarification–"

"And then you'll fight?"

"Could you let me ask my questions first? Bego explained what she thought your plans were. Maybe she didn't understand what you told her. Maybe I didn't understand what she told me. Maybe your plans changed. But she did say you asked her to watch Jane over with Wade and Joss, and that part is true. So I want to check on the rest."

"What's the question?"

"Are you really planning to have me in disguise as you, and you're going to disguise yourself as me?"

"That's my idea."

"That's–"

"If you're not going to finish that statement with 'fucking brilliant' I need to remind you that you claimed you weren't interested in starting a fight in front of the midget in the car seat."

"You know I don't use that word in conversation."

"Brilliant? You should add it to your vocabulary. Particularly when agreeing with my ideas."

"I wasn't going to call your idea brilliant!"

"Bego," called Shego, "have you noticed how you can't trust Kim? She says she doesn't want to start a fight, and then she tries to start one. It's almost like the fact she told me she wasn't in any danger, and then was worried about possible danger to the family."

"Oh, she told me about that. She said you'd charge her with hypocrisy."

"There is a dirty word. I'd hate to use the term to describe the behavior of anyone I loved... Unless she deserved it, of course."

"It's a matter of degree!" interrupted Kim. "Any danger is very, very low! It's more dangerous driving home from the airport! So I thought I'd just stay in Europe a couple more days. But you're turning it into a circus!"

"And now you insult my driving," Shego commented.

Bego laughed, "I gave her the matter of degree argument. What do you think? I figured it was the best defense she had. You got one better?"

Shego thought I minute. "No, I think you nailed it, at least as far as that being the best defense available. And now I can list plagiarism to the charges against her. She should have put you in a footnote acknowledging her source."

"It's a little hard to put a footnote in your conversation," protested Kim.

"You could have tried," Shego reminded her. "And how about we finish this after we drop Bego and short stuff off with Joss?"

"I really don't want a fight," Kim reminded Shego after their stop at Wade's home. "We agreed there is virtually no danger. The odds of slipping and hurting yourself in the shower are infinitely higher. But, even with the infinitesimal chance I don't want to risk you getting hurt in my place. I'd feel guilty for the rest of my life."

"So, it's about you is it? Wanting to avoid any feeling of guilt."

"You are exasperating, you know that? I'm saying I don't want you hurt. I am an active, and highly trained, agent for Global Justice. While you exercise and we spar I am more capable of defending myself – at the present time – than you are."

"What you were trying to say, in a delicate manner, is that I'm out of shape. I'm not. And I am more qualified to deal with crazies than you are."

"Hello? Drakken? Monkey Fist? Duff Killigan? Dementor? Any of those sound familiar?"

"I don't make the list?"

"You're not crazy... Well, crazy hot, but–"

"Thank you. And except for Drakken you could usually figure what the others were doing. They weren't crazy. Now, it so happens I spent a lot more time with Drakken than you did fighting him. More crazy experience. And the Team Go villains I faced with my brothers? You've met some of them, I've told you about others. Which of us, on either a day-to-day basis or in fights, has more contact with crazies?"

"Which of us, in the last ten years, has had more contact with crazies?"

"Ha! You fell into my trap, Cupcake! I'm a lawyer! Sixty-one point three percent of my clients are nut jobs."

"Sixty-one point three? You have uncanny precision about the mental state of your clients."

"Fine. I lied. It's only sixty-one percent. I rounded up for emphasis. Don't change the subject. The subject is keeping you safe. And I say we take the case of Shego versus Pumpkin to the wisest man in Middleton for adjudication."

"One of your lawyer or judge friends?"

"No."

"The DA?"

"He doesn't mind if you call him Steve. He's a friend. And, no."

"Wade?"

"Colder. You're getting colder."

"Please tell me you aren't talking about Drakken. We agreed he was crazy."

"So did the courts. Although we prefer the phrase incompetent to stand trial. Kim, I'm disappointed in you. I suggest taking the discussion to the wisest man in Middleton for his opinion, and you suggest Doctor D before your own father? We may need to call a psychologist to evaluate you. Of course I meant your father."

"Dad? We'll take it to my dad?"

"You don't trust your own father?"

"Of course I do... Is this a trick? Has he already signed onto your plan?"

"Hypocrisy, plagiarism, and now paranoia. You're not having a good day. I've mentioned my concern to your mom and dad. I've said nothing about my plan."

Kim sighed, "You can add rude to the list. But, in my own defense, I'm going to argue that it all comes from the fact I love you and want you to be safe. Love of family is a very strong argument before Judge Possible."

"Oh, I'm counting on that," Shego agreed cryptically.

"Now, I'm not saying Shego is out of shape, or incompetent, in any way," Kim assured her father as she presented closing arguments. "I'm saying I love her very much and don't want her hurt. The actual chance of anyone trying to hurt me are so small we need to treat it as not going to happen. But, in that very, very, very improbable maybe it could happen, I have more experience in the last ten years defending myself. I'm a highly trained Global Justice agent and better able to handle a threat. I love Shego very much. I don't want her risking her own safety for me, even if the chance of her being harmed is almost zero."

James Possible turned to Shego, "Well, counselor?"

"Thank you, Your Honor. Now in your infinite wisdom I–"

"Objection! You're flattering the judge!"

Shego grinned, "You object to me saying your Dad is wise?"

"Objection denied," he agreed. "Do you really think I'd let that change my mind, Kimmie-cub?"

"Fine," grumbled Kim.

"Now, as I was saying to this wise and honorable man, this prince among–"

"Objection," interrupted James Possible.

"You can't object! You're the judge in this case!"

"This is an informal hearing and you're laying it on way too thick. Flattery won't work, and you're doing it just to annoy Kim. Cut to the chase. Is she right that there is almost no chance of anything happening? And, if that's true, why go through all this disguise stuff? It seems like a lot of work if there is no real danger."

"Oh, but all the more reason to go with my plan, if there is no real danger."

"Pardon?"

"I spend far more time with the girls than Kim, while she is off on Global Justice assignments to the far corners of the earth – away from family and those she claims to hold dear for weeks at a time. She–"

"I'm almost never gone for weeks!"

"But you're gone a lot. Too much. Here is a chance to spend quality time with the twins." She turned to James, "Your beautiful oldest grandchildren. The girls who adore their absentee mother and would cherish the chance to spend a few precious days with her. But, does she want to spend time with these delightful children? No, she spurns the opportunity! She–"

"I don't spurn spending time with them! I don't want you hurt!"

"But you said there was virtually no chance of my getting hurt. According to you this is all unnecessary because there is no danger."

James repeated, "I still say the disguises sound like a lot of work if there is no danger."

"Virtually no chance," Shego assured him. "Kim herself said the drive from the airport into town probably had a higher level of danger. Realistically the chance of trouble is almost zero. But there is still an infinitesimal chance. At that point, with it being so small, I'm willing to take the tiny, tiny risk and allow Kim the chance to spend time with Kasy and Sheki. That is, of course, if she wants to spend time with them."

"Of course I want to spend time with them! I–"

"Exactly. So, I'm dressed as you, and safer than driving a car around Middleton. You're dressed as me and enjoy time with the twins. Bego gets quality time with Joss, and Jane gets to spend time with Junior. Other than me having to dress like you it's a win, win, win, win situation."

"But–" protested Kim.

"Sorry, Kimmie-cub. This court rules in Shego's favor."

"Dad! How–"

"You agreed to take your argument before this wise and intelligent man for a fair assessment of–"

"Can the flattery," sighed James, "I've already agreed with you. Kim, it is a chance for time with family. Enjoy it. Trust Shego to stay out of... Well, enjoy your time with the girls. And–"

"What was that crack?" demanded Shego. "I've stayed out of trouble..." She glanced at her watch, "for almost forty-one hours."

"And here's your chance for a new personal best," James said in an encouraging voice. "With Bego in town I think we ought to try to get everyone together for a big dinner."

"And I have one question," demanded Kim, "why you have no trouble with Jane and Junior being together for days. I mean, she is just a toddler, but the first words I can remember you saying to me were 'no boys'. That doesn't apply to second cousins?"

"I'm not worried about Jane and Junior. I predict they will grow up as very close friends."

Shego narrowed her eyes, "Is this another of those times where you seem to know more about the future than anyone deserves to know?"

"No idea what you're talking about," he shrugged. "It stands to reason. You two came to me because you thought I was a reasonable man. It is the reasoned opinion of this reasonable man that they'll be like Ron and Kim and always have each others back."

"Predictions on any other grandkids?"

"Not if you're going to accuse me of using voodoo or witchcraft so I can see the future." He kissed Kim on the forehead, "Enjoy time with family. Children grow up too quickly. You've admitted there's almost no chance of danger. Shego will be fine."

Kim accepted with, "Okay," and smiled, "it will be nice to spend time with them." Then she looked over at Shego, "You were kidding about being in trouble forty-one hours ago, right?"

"Of course. And what I said was I've been clean for forty-one hours. I was just kidding about trouble before that."

"You got rid of yesterday's newspaper, right?" James Possible whispered loudly.

"Of course," replied Shego in her own stage whisper. "You and Anne got rid of yours too?"

"Absolutely."