AN: This is a completely pointless fanfiction written solely for stress relief, because god damn it I've got finals and diploma's and shit and I need the uncomplicated beauty of a bunch of vigilante teenagers getting Denny's at 2 AM.

The premise of this series is that Connor, M'gann and Kaldur are all very new to this whole 'living on Earth's surface' thing, and Robin, Wally and Artemis are the kind of people that are going to do the right thing and introduce their friends to the necessary parts of life. This going to be a nice, uncomplicated fanfiction that will update any time I'm especially stressed and need something to unwind with. Roy will absolutely be dragged into it.

And no I didn't have to go rewatch an episode to remind myself what each of the character sounded like shut up I've been watching a lot of Teen Titans lately.

Don't expect any semblance of explanation, the openers are all noodle incident to give me an excuse for these plots. Just assume they were all ridiculous battles that were frustrating, kind of funny in hindsight, carried no angst, and dragged on entirely too long for anybody's tastes.

Enjoy!

In Which The Team Goes To Denny's At 2 AM, Artemis Has Hair Problems And No Chill, And Robin Should Probably Not Be Allowed On Social Media

"So. That was a thing. And it sure happened."

"Thank you Robin, that was an accurate summary of our situation." Artemis deadpanned, clearly unimpressed. This was fairly understandable, as Artemis had reached the point where the only emotions she was willing to express were variations of either deeply irritated, or contemplating murder. Both were perfectly valid emotions, and would normally earn Artemis plenty of space to express them, hopefully without stabbing a teammate. Unfortunately for her, it was slightly difficult to find her frightening in her current state. At some point in the battle, her ponytail had managed to come loose, and she was very quickly educated in why having long hair as a superhero was an unfortunate aesthetic choice. Hence the fact that her entire bow had somehow gotten snarled in her blonde locks, and showed no signs of coming loose anytime soon.

Nothing killed an intimidation factor quite like having your weapon incapacitated by hanging from your hair.

"…How long did that fight go on for?" Connor asked, speaking to nobody in particular and squinting suspiciously at the moon. He was fairly certain it had changed halves of the sky during the ungodly long battle. Or it was entirely possible he had taken some unpleasant hits to the head and gotten disoriented. That was always out there.

"Not too long, I think. Only about- Good lord, it's two in the morning, we were fighting for hours. I hate supervillains. Especially the ones that aren't good enough to beat us, but are too tricky to actually catch without a lot of work. I didn't even see news crews. I'm offended. And hungry. Did you know I stopped for a snack break mid battle?" Wally complained, although the tone to his voice threatened to devolve into a whine.

"You sat on a roof and critiqued our form while you ate." Kaldur pointed out, a slight bite to his tone.

"Yeah, and gave you a nine. Ungrateful, that's what you are. And hungry, that's what I am. Can we stop for a late night snack? ….Early morning snack? Do they have a word for this? Midnight meal? Whatever the meal is called, my phone says there's a Denny's two blocks over, and yes I have an app for that don't judge me."

"Oh, I'm judging." Artemis muttered, although she seemed slightly preoccupied with trying to get the bow out of her hair. It didn't seem to be working.

"What is… Denny's?" M'gann interrupted, floating over to join the rest of them, and looking confused. As well as tired.

"Sacred North American ritual performed late at night after great triumphs, crushing defeats, or generally confusing things. And I think we just experienced at least one of those, so let's go. …If everyone's on board for this expedition." Robin said with slightly forced cheer, looking around at the four who had not expressed enthusiasm for a Denny's trip.

"…Sure, I guess. If they have food." Connor said, shrugging slightly, before going back to his contemplation of the moon. Had it changed size as well? Maybe he should start keeping a closer eye on it.

"I'm always ready to try Earth things!" M'gann said, now slightly perkier at the idea.

Kaldur gave a long, tired sigh, aiming a resigned stare at Robin and Wally.

"I'm fairly certain you're pulling something, but it's easier just to go with it. And, I suppose, this can be put down as team bonding."

"Hell no. Absolutely not, I am tired, and broke, and I'm not going to sit in a goddamn Denny's at two in the morning in the middle of assfuck nowhere, I'm going home and pulling my bow out of my hair-"

"I'm paying." Robin interrupted.

"I am eating every pancake in that restaurant and you can't stop me."

The waitresses reaction to six disheveled teenage superhero's staggering in had been… flat. To say the least.

This had been enough to get M'gann and Kaldur trading concerned looks at the girl, and at each other, before Artemis noticed and put an end to that shit.

"Guys. The waitress is normal. I'd be suspicious if she was happy right now."

"But not reacting to us is… kind of weird. Is she okay?" M'gann asked, clearly worried.

"She's working the 2 AM shift at Denny's. There is no possible way for okay to enter this equation." Robin muttered, from where he was slumped into the corner of their booth and tapping on his phone.

"What are you hacking right now?" Kaldur asked, giving Robin a suspicious look, and proving himself to be the genre savvy member of the team.

"Nothing. Texting Batman that we're going for awesome victory food after an awesome victory. Also, the drunk college students at the table over there just tweeted a picture of us, so I gave them a re-tweet. It's a good picture, look at Artemis's hair." Robin said cheerfully, showing the picture around the table.

"Oh Jesus, is that how it's tangled in? I don't even think that's possible. That's going to be just so much fun to get out later. Do you think sleeping with it in would make it worse, or could it possibly make it better?" Artemis asked, feeling around the area with a worried scowl. Robin leaned over, and shrugged.

"Dunno. I'd recommend conditioner, and lots of it. I have the good stuff, if you want me to spot you a bottle. You'll definitely need to replace your bow string after but it'll get the bow itself out. Maybe start with cutting the string? It'll be ruined either way." Robin said, examining the tangled bow.

"Dude, you use conditioner?" Wally interrupted, wrinkling his nose slightly.

"Well yeah, I'm not a savage. Why do you think my hair's so nice and silky? Feel it, it's great."

"…Oh my god your hair is so soft."

Needless to say, the entire team was touching Robin's hair soon after.

"Oh look, a new picture up on twitter. "Entire Young Justice team petting Robin's hair in a Denny's at 2 AM, hashtag dream six way." Would it be unfortunate implications to re-tweet this? Because I'm doing it anyways and you can't stop me."

"I don't know why they call it a grand slam, but this is the best thing I've ever put in my mouth." Connor said, completely serious.

"There's a magic to having pancakes at 2 AM that can't be replicated." Robin replied in an absent tone, concentration completely focused on the dick he was drawing on his pancakes in syrup and whipped cream.

"Do you have to do that in public?" Kaldur asked, sounding slightly pained.

"Yes. Yes we do. Robins looks better, but mines bigger so I win. That's how that works, right?" Artemis asked, looking around at the table of people who really didn't give a damn, a rough outline of a dick done in syrup across the top of her pancakes. Beside her, Robin began shading via syrup pointillism.

They ate in silence for a while, with Wally obviously finishing first, leaning back with a happy sigh. This held his attention for about a minute, before something else caught his eye. Something green. Something bow shaped. Something right beside him.

"Ow! What the hell? Don't pull my hair!" Artemis snapped, turning to glare at him. Wally pulled an offended face.

"I didn't pull your hair, I pulled your bow! …It just so happened to be stuck in your hair at the time. Nothing I can do about that."

"Yes. You can. Don't pull my bow."

The table resumed eating.

The bow was bouncing slightly as Artemis ate. It was just… so damn tempting.

"Kid Flash, if you pull my bow one more time, I'm going to end you." Artemis snapped, slamming her fork down and shooting a glare at the speedster in question, who quickly pulled his hand back, faking an innocent smile.

Kaldur muttered something in Atlantean, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose in tired frustration. The Atlantean words in question were probably either a prayer for patience, a round of irritated swearing, or some combination of the two. It was probably both.

"Is this… a normal part of going to Denny's?" Conner asked, looking slightly baffled.

"It really depends on who you go to Denny's with." Robin sighed, wondering if it was possible to pretend not to know the people who he had been sitting with for the last half hour.

Wally looked around at his tired and irritated teammates, and spent a long minute contemplating his life and life choices. And then his sleep deprived and exhausted brain reached the conclusion that Artemis was too tired to follow through on her threat, and probably bluffing.

So he tugged the bow again.

He was the only one surprised when Artemis grabbed him by the collar, murder in her eyes.

"That's it!" She yelled, clearly intending to follow through with her earlier death threat.

"Hey! Take it outside! The waitress snapped, glaring at the two.

Fortunately for the interior of the Denny's, Artemis was no stranger to minimum wage jobs. The memories of the soul crushing awful of them was enough to convince her to take pity on the waitress, and drag Wally outside for the ass kicking she intended to deliver, the others trailing after.

"Really? We're doing this? Fist fight in a Denny's parking lot at two AM?" Robin asked. It was completely rhetorical, due to that being exactly what they were doing. His tone of exasperation and despair was somewhat undermined by the fact that he was getting his phone out, clearly intending to film.

"Should- should we let them fight each other?" M'gann asked, floating slightly in anxiety.

"No, no, let them do this. Some of the guys at school were talking about this, you just need to fight it out sometimes to be good again." Conner said, sounding strangely wise for a guy paraphrasing high school football players.

"None of the girls have talked about that…" M'gann said, clearly doubting on some level.

"You just don't hang out with the right girls." Robin deadpanned. "There's been research on it. Teenage guys fighting is mostly posturing, they'll stop as soon as you break eye contact. Teenage girls fighting is always done with the intent to kill a bitch, and anyone who gets in their way. Much more entertaining, guy fights are all just dick waving, girl fights actually get something done. And if there's non binary people fighting, then everyone's just fucked. Probably. Science keeps forgetting to account for them. Now everyone hush up, and don't drop any civvie names for a while, I'm about to livestream this. And people wonder why my hero identity has an internet presence, this is going to be gold..."

Artemis dropped Wally on the pavement of the parking lot, the lights from the restaurant casting a slightly dramatic shadow. Behind them, the small group of drunk college students had also followed them out, and were filling out the audience somewhat.

"Okay, we're about to start livestreaming, so if everyone could chant when they start swinging, I'd appreciate it." Robin instructed, speaking to both his team and their wasted audience.

"What do we chant?" Conner asked, giving Robin an alarmed look.

"Thanks Superboy, that question went live to the hundred odd people who are awake right now and in on this stream. It's a fight, you figure out what to chant. KF, get off the ground and take your asskicking like a superhero."

"No! I didn't think she was actually going to fight me!" Wally cried out, sulking slightly on the pavement.

"You've got five seconds to get up, or I'm kicking you when you're down." Artemis threatened. "Robin, count it."

"One! Two! Three! Four! Five! FIGHT!"

Fortunately for Wally, he scrambled to his feet just in time, moving so Artemis's first punch clipped his shoulder, instead of nailing him in the face. The watching college students and Robin started yelling, jeers and encouragements filling the air.

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

"Thanks guys, that was a great fight. Don't worry about KF, he's okay. Probably. Maybe. We'll find out. Shout out to Artemis for being a short tempered badass, shout out to these random guys for helping me provide a proper fight atmosphere - awesome cheering my dudes. Shout out to Miss Martian and Aqualad for just standing there looking concerned, that was super helpful, and shout out to Superboy for joining the yelling despite not knowing what was going on. You're the real MVP. And finally, shout out to Batman who's been sending me increasingly threatening texts about this, and wow maybe livestreaming it was a bad idea. Live and learn." Robin said, shrugging slightly before ending the livestream.

Wally was passed out on the cement. Artemis was being carried around the parking lot for a victory lap on the shoulders of the college kids, who seemed ready to adopt her as one of their own."

Robin surveyed the chaos. On the shoulders of her new minions, Artemis was examining the blood on her knuckles with a pleased grin. Somehow during the fight, her hair had gotten an arrow from her quiver stuck in on top of the bow, as well as a few sticks. And a rock. Despite this, she was glowing with tired triumph, and clearly having the time of her life. M'gann was picking up Wally, whose eyes were already opening, the scrape on his head scabbing over. Connor was quietly fixing the dent in the hood of a car, which Artemis had slammed Wally into during the fight. Super strength had benefits, and those benefits was fixing the damage your friends caused. Kaldur was sitting on a low wall with the college students designated driver, and seemed to be bonding over being the sole voice of reason with a band of merry lunatics.

And Robin's follower count was steadily ticking up again, as it always did after he posted a stream.

Yeah, going to Denny's had been a good idea.

His phone buzzed in his hand, signalling another text, which he checked automatically.

Message from: Red Arrow

Red Arrow: Why do you do these things.

Robin: You're invited to our next bonding session if you want. How'd you like the livestream?

Red Arrow: I will admit, the angles were pretty good.

Robin: =D

AN: Okay, so that was a thing and it certainly happened. Go team.

I'll admit, I didn't go into this expecting it to finish with Robin livestreaming Artemis and Wally fistfighting in a Denny's parking lot while a crowd of drunk college students cheered them on, but it's where we ended up. Sometimes these things just escalate.

So this is definitely going to be a multi-chapter fic of loosely connected nonsense like this. No promises on update times. Eating at Denny's at unholy hours is probably going to be a recurring theme, although obviously not every chapter.

Anyways. Leave reviews to give the author validation and make them less sad inside.