Pardon My French

Chapter 3

…

A few weeks had passed since the Weasley family picnic and Harry barely had time to think about Fleur, especially since Percy owled him on a regular basis about his condition. Percy had sent numerous memos full of lectures on why floo powder abuse was dangerous and had continually asked Harry when he was going to tell Ginny about his problem. Ginny was getting a little suspicious about the constant stream of letters, but Harry told her that it was work related and that there was nothing to worry about.

But the fact that he and Percy both worked at the Ministry of Magic made it hard, and Harry couldn't sit down at his desk for an hour without receiving some letter from Percy that was full of pretentious advice that should be punishable by law. Harry was starting to think that Darl Magic was involved somehow. A humorous idea had entered Harry's head about locking Percy up for a few days on suspicion of Dark Magic. It was probably an abuse of power, but it would be very amusing. Ron would certainly get a laugh out of it.

Harry was sitting at his desk eating his lunch, trying not to stare at a pretty young secretary who had pale blonde hair that gave her a passing resemblance to Fleur, when who should show up in front of his desk was Percy sodding Weasley. Percy cleared his throat in a way that made Harry inwardly shiver, only one person could clear their throat in such an awkward manner that made one shudder at the sound. Ron had noticed Percy as well and said to his older brother, "Sod off, Percy! If this is another lecture about the safety of Auror equipment, we don't wanna hear it!" he snapped.

"It was about the safety and regulation of Auror equipment," Percy corrected. "And no, this is not about that I wish to discuss. This is something Harry and I need to discuss."

Harry inwardly groaned in frustration. Did Percy wake up every morning thinking Hmm, have I come up with a new way to make Harry's miserable? I'm sure he'll appreciate it immensely. "What is it, Percy?" Harry asked dully.

"Have you read the memo I sent you named Twelve reasons why floo powder abusers endanger the workplace? I thoroughly enjoyed writing that one and I even sent a copy to Minister Shacklebolt," Percy said proudly.

Harry was relieved that Ron had chosen to put on some magical earmuffs the moment Percy began talking. "I did," Harry lied. "Very, uh, informative," he added.

"Why, thank you!" Percy puffed up like some proud ginger peacock. "One of my finest works, if I do say so myself. But as much as I enjoyed writing about the dangers of your habit, Harry, I believe it is time to make an assertive action," he said.

Harry's eyes had strayed the blond secretary who was quietly talking with her co-worker, when Percy's word distracted him. "Assertive action?" he repeated. "What does that mean?" he asked.

"Assertive is an adjective that describes confident and positive behavior…" Percy began when Harry cut him off.

"No, I know what the word means, I just meant what assertive action are you talking about?"

"I'm glad you asked," said Percy. "I have scheduled for you an appointment with Senior Healer Stokeworth at St Mungo's. He expects you at five-fifteen precisely," he declared.

Precisely. Harry wondered if anyone under the age of sixty, aside from Percy, used the word precisely in their everyday speech. Even Hermione didn't use that word. But that was the least of Harry's worries when he was now doomed to the Most Awkward Appointment in history in just a few short hours.

"Don't you think that's a little unnecessary?" Harry asked tiredly.

Percy glared at him sternly through his horn-rimmed glasses, his face saying Push-me-any-further-and-you-will-be-submitted-to-an-hour-long-lecture-of-your-wrongdoings. "Of course, it's necessary," he snapped. "You did read that memo I sent you, didn't you?" he demanded.

"I did," Harry lied.

"Then you understand the utmost importance of seeking medical care for your addiction. In case you have forgotten, you are engaged to my sister, Harry, and you are responsible for the safety of the wizarding community of Britain. I will be escorting you to the Healer's office to ensure your attendance."

Harry had stopped listening at the words "utmost importance." The pretty Fleur-like secretary had started laughing at something her co-worker had said, throwing her head back as she did, making her pale blonde hair dance around her shoulders. Harry realized he couldn't up this act any longer; he was going to have to tell Percy the truth about what happened at the picnic.

Ron was still wearing his earmuffs, but Harry lowered his voice anyway. "Percy, I haven't been entirely honest with you," he said quietly.

Percy twitched uncomfortably at that. He hated dishonesty as much as rule-breaking, insubordination and wrinkles in his perfectly smooth robes and he stared at Harry sternly.

"I'm not actually addicted to Floo Powder," Harry began. "I've never touched the stuff at all," he added.

"Denial is a step in the wrong direction, Harry, and…" Percy began to say but Harry continued on.

"I was cheating on Ginny with Fleur," Harry interrupted. "I was kissing her while everyone was outside at the picnic, and I was about to kiss her again when you walked in," he said.

Percy blinked. He coughed and blinked again, before adjusting his glasses and cracked the most awkward smile on his face. "Oh, Harry, that is the most preposterous cover-story I've ever heard in my life," he said. "Do you honestly expect me to believe that you engaging in inappropriate, extra-marital behaviour with your future sister-in-law?" he asked.

Harry just looked at Percy in disbelief and he remembered an old saying, Sometimes the truth is the hardest to believe. And that saying appeared to be true in this case.

"Didn't you read the memo I sent you yesterday? The one titled The Seven Most Successful Steps For Recovery For An Addict Who Lacks Clear Initiative? Admitting you have a problem is the first step, Harry. Ever since I caught you at the Burrow, you've failed to take heed of my advice and you've deluded yourself into believe that you're having an affair with my brother's wife, hence why you're reluctant to see someone about your real problem."

Merlin's Beard! What was it going to take for Percy to understand the truth? Was he going to have to summon Fleur and snog her right in front of Percy?

On second thought, that didn't sound too bad. Except it was bad, it was a horrible idea and he should not be thinking about it, or Fleur at all! Fleur was partially the reason Harry was in this mess with Percy right now.

"Alright… fine…" Harry said in mock defeat, although Percy would never pick up on that tone of voice. "I admit I have a problem," he conceded.

"Excellent! Remember, five-fifteen precisely," Percy said before turning around and walking out of the Auror Office with the gait of someone extremely pleased with himself.

Ron had finally removed his earmuffs. "Finally! I thought he was never gonna leave," he muttered. "What did he talk about anyway? Safety of Auror equipment?" he asked Harry.

"Something like that," Harry replied.

Five-fifteen, precisely, of course, rolled around sooner than Harry would've liked and Percy was waiting outside the office to escort Harry to the office of Senior Healer Stokeworth, lecturing Harry all the while in his most boring sleep-inducing tone as he did so. Harry nearly fell asleep as he did so, but they soon reached Healer Stokeworth's office, just in time for Harry to wipe the glazed look on his face, only to then stare like an idiot.

Merlin's eyebrows.

Merlin's great buggering eyebrows!

Seated in the office of Healer Stokeworth, an old man with bushy grey eyebrows and pursed up lips worthy of Aunt Petunia, was Fleur in all her silvery-haired and tantalizing glory. Harry didn't know if he should hex Percy, tear his hair out, or grab Fleur and run off into the sunset with her like a maniac.

Harry settled for looking uncomfortable and unsettled and asked Percy, "Uh, Percy? Why is, er, Fleur here?"

"Percy invited me," Fleur said with a smile that made Harry feel faint.

"Since Fleur is the only person, besides myself and Healer Stokeworth, who knows of your addiction, I thought it best if she were here," Percy said. "George and Angelina agreed to watch Victoire," he added.

"Oh," Harry grunted. He was now convinced this was all some plot by the universe to ruin his life.

"So, Mr Potter, how long have you been using?" Healer Stokeworth asked sounding like an older version of Percy.

"Using what?" Harry asked dumbly.

"The Floo Powder, young man, how long have you been using Floo Powder?" Stokeworth asked.

"His mind has been addled, Healer Stokeworth," Percy said quickly with a shake of his head. "My deepest apologies," he added. Harry wondered if he would get into trouble putting a silencing charm on Percy. Probably.

"Only a few weeks," Fleur said answering/lying for Harry. "it is not a serious case," she added giving Harry a look saying that she knew how he felt about this.

"Every case is a serious one, Mrs Weasley," Stokeworth said sternly. "This is not a matter to treat lightly," he added. "Now, Mr Potter, what have you been doing to try and curb your addiction?" he asked.

"Erm… I've been flying around on my broomstick a lot," Harry said making something up on the spot. "And drinking butterbeer," he added.

Stokeworth's bushy eyebrows raised in alarm. "I hope you haven't been drinking and flying, Mr Potter! Although Butterbeer is non-alcoholic, it has been proven to cause broomstick crashes if consumed in large quantities!" he said.

"Indeed!" Percy quickly agreed. "I've been trying to get the international Quidditch teams to ban Butterbeer consumption among players, but it remains an uphill battle, I'm sad to say."

"Mon dieu," Fleur said under her breath, rolling her eyes.

The rest of the appointment was even more excruciating than an OWL exam as Stokeworth tutted and made rapid movements with his eyebrows as he questioned/interrogated Harry on his addiction in great detail. Luckily Harry had spent years making up fake predictions in Trelawney's classes and Fleur put her occasional input in when Harry couldn't think of something. Stokeworth then examined Harry physically, which was even more awkward with Fleur in the room, but Harry knew some handy non-verbal spells to cheat at the physical examination.

"Well, Mr Potter," Stokeworth finally said after raising his eyebrows for the hundredth time. "Based on this appointment, I'm giving you this prescription of medicinal potion and an appointment card for the support group which meets every Sunday evenings at six o'clock."

"Thanks," Harry muttered taking the prescription from Stokeworth.

Percy smoothed out his robes and said, "If you need an escort back home," he began to say to Harry when Fleur jumped in.

"There is no need, I will take Harry home myself," she said quickly. Harry had opened his mouth to protest but no words came out.

"Very well," Percy said stiffly. "If anything happens, I want you to contact me immediately," he added before turning and leaving.

Harry was then left all alone with Fleur, which could be a good thing, or a bad thing. Or both. As they reached the apartment Harry shared with Ginny, they found the place was empty with a note on the kitchen bench from Ginny saying that she had gone off to do some shopping.

"What a horrible old healer," Fleur complained as Harry read the note. "Or a horrible old codger, as you English say," she said. "And Percy will be exactly like in thirty years. Or twenty," she added.

"More like five years at this rate," Harry said with a laugh. It was a pity that Fleur and Ginny disliked each other so much, when they had a knack for describing people in unflattering terms.

Fleur was laughing now as well. "Yes, probably five years at this rate," she said with a giggle.

Then they both stared at each other awkwardly. "I suppose this is where we start kissing each other uncontrollably, apologise afterwards and not see each other for days after?" Harry asked.

"Don't be silly," Fleur said softly. "I love Bill," she whispered quietly.

"And I love Ginny, but I also like to snog you and I don't know why," Harry said.

"I don't know why either," Fleur said. "I have kissed you on the cheek many times and felt nothing, but it is different when we snog." She frowned and started chuckling. "What an ugly, terrible word," she giggled.

"But you like snogging. And you like snogging me too, don't you?" Harry asked.

"Then what do we do?"

"Well, we could either talk this out like reasonable adults, or find a nice sofa."

They succeeded in acting like reasonable adults for a moment, before they crashed together on the couch, snogging each other like they hadn't seen each other in years. And to Harry, who missed the feeling of Fleur's lips on his own, it felt like it had been years. He enjoyed kissing Fleur for five minutes, before realising that he was in his own home, on his own sofa, where he had kissed Ginny just this morning.

And he didn't feel guilty. Not exactly. But it was definitely unsettling to know he had lost his self-control so quickly in his own home. But that loss of self-control felt wonderful and he would like to lose it again.

"I don't want to wait days before I see you again," Harry said to Fleur. "Let's meet somewhere tomorrow, it'll be Saturday," he whispered.

"Bring little Teddy over tomorrow," Fleur replied as she kissed Harry feverishly. "He can play with Victoire," she said.

"That's a great…"

"Harry? Are you home?" came Ginny's voice from the front door.

Bollocking banshees! Ginny had come back! Fleur apparated so fast, Harry didn't have time to kiss her goodbye. But he supposed that was for the best, so he just lay on the couch, waiting for Ginny to appear.

"I'm in the living room," Harry called out. "Tired. Rough day at work," he quickly said.

Ginny walked in carrying some bags of Quidditch supplies and kissed Harry on the forehead. For one terrifying moment, Harry wondered if Ginny had somehow sensed Fleur's former presence, and if she did she would hex Harry within an inch of his life. He wouldn't be able to walk for days.

But that was too kind. If Ginny had found out that Fleur had been on her sofa just moments before, kissing her fiancé, she would castrate Harry. And then Harry would never be able to father any children and name them after the dead people in his life like he had dreamed for years. Albus-Severus had a nice ring to it, but Ginny said it was awful, which would give her even more reason to castrate Harry.

"Have you had dinner yet?" Ginny asked Harry, smiling brightly as she did.

"Erm, no," replied Harry. Perhaps Albus-Severus would exist after all, he thought. "Have you?" he asked.

"No, but I'll prepare something soon, after I put my quidditch stuff away," Ginny said. "You'll help me train this weekend, won't you? I've got a big game coming up," she added.

"Sure," Harry said instantly as he watched Ginny walk away and he wondered if he had hurried into his engagement a little too soon. He didn't want to end up like Remus and marry a little too late, but he wondered if he and Ginny shouldn't have waited another year before getting married. Or two years. Or three.

Or maybe Harry should get his head checked because snogging Fleur so many times had clearly scrambled his brains. He didn't need to snort floo powder when snogging Fleur was equally as addictive and dangerous, but Harry had a feeling that quitting Fleur would be a lot harder than quitting Floo Powder.

If he had know that snogging Fleur would lead to this, he would never have gone to Victoire's birthday party.

TO BE CONTINUED…

A/N: there, after a long time and making everyone wait, I've finally gotten the third chapter of this story up and I deeply apologise that I made everyone wait on this, I've been busy with a lot of things and real life has gotten in the way of things, as it usually does. But, at least I got something out for you all to read.

To answer a review from a guest about the original story this is based on, I did copy and change some bits, and I'm completely honest about that, so I apologise if my copying of the original story has upset anyone. But I can freely tell you that I got permission from the original author to copy this story, so I can safely say that I am not like that plagiarist troll on this site with the finger puppet accounts and who shamelessly copies and pastes other people's hard work and tries to take credit for it. Seriously, what is that guy's problem? Can he not come up with anything of his own to post? And if you could all warn me if the guy copies and pastes this story here, it would be much appreciated. The only way we can beat this guy, is if we all band together to take him down.

In other news, I've recently publish a Game of Thrones/Kingdom Hearts story titled Kingdom Hearts: Fire & Blood and I've set up a voting poll of a list of potential romance options for the character I'm using in the story, Aegon VI Targaryen/Young Griff. So, feel free to vote on the poll and read the story if you have the time, I'd greatly appreciate some reviews on it, as well as on this one.

That's about it from me, so leave a review if you like what you saw and if there's anything you want to see in future chapters, but let's keep it reasonable, okay?

Be kind to one another,

Angry lil' elf.