darling, I'm losing you by heartbeats

Characters: clara oswald/danny pink, the Doctor

Warnings: K+, warnings for discussion of death

one

Clara Oswald really did love Danny Pink and he loved her. They just weren't very good at it.

He laughs. His laugh is hesitant and shy something inside her releases. She feels something like peace.

He brushes his teeth. He brushes methodically, standing side by side with her in her bathroom. His tie hangs over the sink, ready to be put on. It's blue. She teases him that he should always wear a pink tie.

He hugs her. It's The Anniversary and Clara has been looking through 100 Place to See. If she closes her eyes, she can see her mother's face. When Danny sees her, he wraps his arms around and kisses her forehead. "I would've loved to meet her," he whispers into her hair.

two

He wakes, sweating, in the middle of the night. It's the same dream again. She's dead, dead from some alien thing, and he doesn't know. She dies somewhere up there on a planet light years away and the Doctor never tells him.

In each dream she dies differently. Sometimes it's a monster, metal and cold like the one at the school. Sometimes it's those Daleks she mentioned; she describes them as similar to vacuum cleaners, trying to brush way their threat with the joke. When he sleeps his visualizes them as spinning vacuum cleaners, but he still wakes up gasping. However ridiculous they look like, she always dies.

three

She sits in the door of the TARDIS, her feet hanging off of it, into open space. Behind her, up the stairs, in the library, the Doctor is scribbling on the blackboard. The TARDIS hums. Around her stars and nebulas swirl past her. Brilliant blues and pinks, striking purples glow. She can feel the energy of a thousands planets, of billions of lives. I see wonders.

She can't understand why Danny doesn't want this.

four

"Yep. Mission accomplished" she says.

When she stops traveling with the Doctor, he breathes a sigh of relief and says his thank yous. He thinks how nice it'll be to not worry his girlfriend won't show up for work because she has died light years away. He thinks how much he'll like being able to forget this whole thing and move. That's what he's done. They can do it together. They'll build a life, they'll take walks in the park in the evenings, run in the mornings. Maybe have a couple of children, eventually. They'll teach and the school children the will tease them, scribble 'Ozzie loves the Squaddie' on the windows. They'll get an apartment together and Danny will stop dreaming, because she'll be there, next to him.

five

You shouldn't lie to the person you love. Clara feels like this is common advice, but hasn't taken it. To hell with the last hurrah indeed.

As much as she loves Danny, it's surprisingly easy to lie. Every so often she'll think 'I'll tell him, I'll tell him' but then she sees the stars again, she runs again, she saves a planet again and she forgets. She feels the starlight and adrenaline in her limbs, she feels the gratefulness of the planet's citizens and she places that part of her life away from Danny.

Now, she paces. There are scraps of paper on her wall, notes, apologies. Love. She loves Danny. She loves him so much that makes her laugh and it makes her hurt.

Clara Oswald knows she has to stop lying.

She picks up the phone.

She dials.