So, I recently began re-watching Hey, Arnold! and fell in love with it again - I mean, the complexity, the characters, the mature themes, the adults jokes - GAH! It's so much for my little heart to handle. And, of course, fucking Arnold/Helga as a couple is actually my dreams, ohmygosh. I've loved them ever since I was a kid and still do, except probably moreso.

So, yeah, you know, disclaimer, disclaimer - I don't own Hey, Arnold!, I'm not making money from this, blah blah blah bleigh! Anyway, on with the show!

I was perfectly content living an average life.

Sure, it got a bit boring ever once in a while. And, hell, it even was depressing on more than one occasion. But average was always there—it was reliable, it was nice—it was safe.

"Helga—what on earth are you doing?!"

Now this, on the other hand? Yeah, this was so not. This was not average. It was not reliable, or nice, and it most certainly was not safe.

This being me hiding behind a bush, squeezed tight into a ball, in an attempt to escape the sight of a huge, eight foot tall fucking monster currently searching for me. Said monster was on its hands and knees, peering under a park bench for any signs of the dumb human girl dressed like she was a fucking Victoria's secret model.

Now, this may not be the scariest image in your minds but trust me on this one—this thing was hideous. It made Link from that Monsters vs. Alien's movie look like a puppy dog. (Although to be fair, I kinda had always held a secret torch for him).

Anyway, thanks to Nel, the monster's glowing eyes shot up to her. The damned coward was safely hidden away in a bushy tree branch, and following her line of vision, the monster quickly located my form. It let out a hoarse growl and its eyes narrowed into a glare.

I gulped—uh oh.

The monster—thing—hadn't even stood from its knees before I had leapt to my feet and bounded off. I tried to hold back the extremely embarrassing scream bubbling in my throat, but upon hearing the fast, thundering footsteps that approached me, I couldn't help letting loose the most pathetic, high–pitched shriek in existence—

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Yeah, I didn't need my enhanced hearing to know Nel was smacking her forehead at that. It quite frankly would've been a sight to behold. You know, Nel being a cat and all . . . not that a cat face–palming was really the most shocking thing I'd witnessed today.

I was, after all, running from an eight–foot tall alien, dressed in nothing but a leotard and heels.

. . . Huh.

This perhaps wasn't the best place to begin my story, this picture isn't making much sense. Forgive me, this is my first try at an actual prologue, I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to be writing. I mean, sure, I've read books aplenty, but I could never really figure out what a prologue's purpose was. Couldn't their information just be integrated into the rest of the book? And shouldn't the hook be in the summary on the back? Really, what was the point of a stupid thing like a prologue, when any possible justification it had was—

Ahem.

Right, so anyway, no matter, I'll just restart from the actual beginning this time.

So, let's see, it all began—