Five days later...

Matteson leaned back and stretched in her desk chair, the muscles in her back protesting at their extended time in the same position.

For the first time in her life, she felt as if she needed a vacation - and working 12-hour days at a conference off-world wasn't exactly her definition of fun. Glancing around her lab for the first time in hours, she breathed out deeply as she realized she was alone.

Her lab had once been her solace, but now it was Grand Central Station as Pike paraded through it, digging through her work every day during "training", and Sivok hovering around glowering at Pike, and Tilk and Chambal following Sivok, and everybody and their dog showed up looking for Pike, Tilk, or Chambal.

She had taken to hiding in the back corner as she buried herself in the pile of paperwork she was dealing with for coordinating logistics for Progress Conference.

Matteson jolted from her thoughts as she realized Sivok was hovering behind her, looking over her with a slightly concerned expression.

"You are hungry."

She smiled. "Oh am I?"

"Yes. It is 2000."

She sighed. "You're right. Let's go home."

"Cecilia, can you look over this?" Pike burst through the door for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, and Sivok sprang into action.

"Ensign, it is late. The Lieutenant must eat and sleep."

Pike crossed his arms and scowled. "Since when do you decide when Cecelia eats and sleeps?!"

Matteson sighed. She and Pike had known each other for so long she let him get away with using her name, but even that was getting old. He was clearly trying to goad Sivok into a reaction - specifically in relation to her.

Matteson watched silently as Pike and Sivok launched into their normal tirade, the same routine she had been listening to for five days. Because Pike was training with her full-time now, Sivok had basically moved into her office as well - claiming he had thought of some of other things for the POD.

But actually, he was just doing his normal work, and had taken over her work table to do it. She knew this beyond any doubt because he kept his PADDs open to various non-logistics subjects, and left them out for anyone to see - including, and probably for, Pike.

The ensign had made a habit of intruding on their lunches, and they were always working late,which had severely reduced any time she and Sivok had in private, something that was clearly making Sivok crazy. She smiled lightly at the thought of their time together being so important to him.

But it also meant she had been given little opportunity to further clarify her many outstanding questions,even though she had already committed to Sivok and submitted her VSA application.

She groaned as they branched into a new argument.

"Additionally, I forbid your use of the primary feeds."

"Forbid?! This has nothing to do with you, Doctor. You don't get to allow or forbid anything in this are-"

"Alright, alright you two!" She exclaimed. "Ensign, it's late. Get some rest. Sivok, let's go."

Sivok smirked ever-so-slightly at Pike, and the human narrowed his eyes in reply. He was clearly getting better at reading Sivok's subtle reactions, which probably wasn't a good thing,considering Pike's comments on Sivok's emotions or lack of them had been the fodder for many of their arguments over the last five days.

Baiting Vulcans on their emotional status - bad idea. Boy did she ever know that.

Hopefully while she was gone they would go back to ignoring each other, and when she returned, training would be over and she and Sivok could go back to their normal routine.

She wrapped her arm around Sivok's and he glanced down to it quickly, before quickly glaring back at Pike, who frowned.

"Goodnight Cecelia," Pike paused, "And you too, Doctor."

She nodded and pulled Sivok along before anything else could begin, and shivered slightly as they stepped out of the building and into the cool San Francisco air.

"Are you cold?" Sivok asked as he looked down at their still linked arms, looking contemplative.

"Yeah, but I'm fine. Are you cold?"

He looked around the dark intersections, as if checking to see if anyone was watching, then relaxed and started walking, towing her along as he went - but not breaking the connection of their arms.

"The hoverbus should arrive in 3.23 minutes. It is climate controlled. We will take it instead."

They stepped over to the station, and she leaned her head against his shoulder. He didn't react or even look at her, but he also didn't step away.

She smiled and snuggled in closer to his ever-hot frame, "I'm going to miss you while I'm gone. I've spent every day with you for all these months; it'll be weird not having you correcting everything I do."

He glanced down at her quickly and she looked into his narrowed eyes, but then his features shifted.

"Your absence will be keenly noted as well. However, it will probably be...beneficial for you to have time to center yourself without my intrusion."

She frowned slightly and breathed into the fabric of his sleeve. Did he consider her presence an...intrusion ...on his emotional controls? "You're no intrusion, Sivok. Besides, I'm going to be working virtually around the clock at a useless conference, not reflecting or relaxing."

He frowned slightly, and looked down and away. He started to shift but she held onto his arm tighter. "I...apologize. I was the intended presenter, but when I continuously refused Admiral Jeffeston's requests he assigned maintenance duties to you."

She laughed. "That's not your fault. Admirals shouldn't act like children."

He nodded. "Starfleet's operational inefficiencies will no longer affect you soon," he paused, "have you turned in your letter of resignation?"

"I haven't been accepted yet, Sivok."

"You have."

She looked up in surprise, and he used the opportunity to escape her grasp and move back a foot.

"Since when?!"

"Twenty-three minutes ago I received their decision along with my standard transmission from Vulcan. They have accepted you into their offworld extension program."

She laughed. "So the stupid school, I'm assuming."

He scoffed. "The academy hardly has such a branch. Additionally, you will have access to most of the Adaptable Compounds Research Program."

"Most?"

"All, through me."

She looked around, bewildered. "I can't believe they accepted my application so fast! No tests or anything?!"

"As I informed you, the program is by recommendation."

Matteson squinted her eyes at Sivok. It seemed insane she would be accepted into the Federation's top academic institution less than a week after submitting the basic paperwork. If he had been human, she would have thought it was a prank.

"Huh. I guess you have a lot weight with admissions."

He nodded and looked to the ground, and she furrowed her eyebrows at his behavior. Where was the detailed explanation and exaltation of Vulcan efficiency she had been sure was coming?

"Will you now turn in your letter of resignation?"

"Resignation? You mean leave of absence."

Sivok narrowed his eyes. "You intend on returning to Starfleet?"

She sighed, "Sivok, I don't know what's going to happen, and let's be honest - neither do you. You don't even know what planet you'll be ordered to set up the next system on."

"It will not be through Starfleet."

She rubbed her temples. It was cute in an odd sort of way he was so confident she would never come back, but she had worked hard for what she had and wasn't about to give it up permanently on his unclear offer.

"There's no real difference between the two. If I never come back, then it's like a letter of resignation and my commission will be terminated when the period ends."

He didn't argue further, but also didn't seem wholly satisfied. "You will submit it tonight?"

She closed her eyes and focused.

She was about to turn in an extended leave of absence.

So that she could go back to school, with the plan of moving to Vulcan by the end of the year. Vulcan, of all the places.

Her hours would begin to be cut back immediately to begin training preparations, which Starfleet would accept as part of her duties due to the training's relevance to her field and the standing of the VSA.

But within 60 days, she would be fully removed from active duty and have no real place within Starfleet until her leave was completed, and she would focus on her subspace-based preparatory studies full-time.

Then when she was finished with school, she could either go with Sivok's plan and go into research full-time or apply for a higher level position within Starfleet, or go back to where she was now - though probably within a different logistics department.

Matteson breathed in deeply. "Sivok, I hope you realize the gravity of this."

He tilted his head in question, and she continued. "Once I turn this in there's no going back. They'll order my replacement in to be trained, and that'll be it until the leave absence is completed. I can't just back out. Are you sure you want this?"

He looked slightly affronted. "I would not have offered it, and, as you said, used my weight within the Academy if I did not."

She smiled. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply otherwise. It's just...humans get cold feet sometimes."

"Perhaps you will find Vulcan footwear more efficient."

She laughed, and they boarded the hoverbus. They followed their usual routine, making a quick meal and eating together.

He was silent throughout the process, and when they finished dinner she went to change into her civilian clothes. When she returned, he was cleaning the dishes with more force than necessary.

"You okay, Sivok? Did the dishes say something to offend you?"

He glanced up at her, and quickly looked over her attire, as he always did. Since the fateful night he had let himself into her apartment and she had basically walked out in her underwear the next morning, Matteson had always taken careful measures to ensure he wasn't uncomfortable with her appearance.

But he always checked anyway. Or maybe he was looking for other reasons?

Doubtful, no matter how much she believed he was interested romantically.

"Of course," he replied and noticeably slowed his scrubbing. "I am simply...disturbed you are being punished in my place."

She smiled softly. "Oh Sivok, it's part of my job. I was ordered to run logistics for plenty of conferences before you came."

He nodded stiffly and put the board in the cabinet, and she sighed. He had always seemed to take her problems personally, and it was touching - one of the biggest signs he was more emotionally attached than he let on.

They finished their cleaning and ordered the kitchen lights off, and she glanced over at her plant collection on the table pressed to the bay windows.

"Ready for feeding training?"

He stiffened at the sight of the plants; she laughed. Sure, they were carnivorous and Vulcans weren't, but the "bugs" were nothing more than replicated pellets. It was illogical to be so prudish about feeding some plants.

"Or would you rather begin with the fish?"

He nodded quickly and she followed him into his room. She smiled as he leaned over the tank and peered in.

Sivok had always shown a surprising level of interest in both the philosophy behind the rescue program and the fish themselves, and she had caught him sitting on the couch late in the evening reading her literature on saltwater fish care the week before. He had also made a few trips back to the aquarium they had visited together, though for what reason she wasn't sure.

Then again, there probably weren't many fish tanks or aquariums on Vulcan.

"It's really simple," she began, "I've already got the tank all setup and it'll be fine for the duration of my trip. All you have to do is drop the replicated food pellets in and make sure everything is on."

She pointed at the screen on the side of the control unit affixed to the top of the tank, and he nodded.

"Would you like me to correct the substrate levels?"

She tilted her head. "Huh?"

"The substrate is insufficiently built. My research indicates there should be 5.25cm of pure living sand. The tank currently has 5.15cm."

She deadpanned. Looks like he's been doing more reading than he let on. "Sivok, it doesn't matter."

He looked genuine surprised. "It is a significant difference, something you are aware of and capable of rectifying. I know this from your work."

She barked out a laugh. "This isn't a misaligned particle beam, it's a tiny amount of sand in the bottom of a fish tank in my guest bedroom. And the height isn't even consistent, it varies based on rock placement."

"I calculated the average."

She laughed again. "Sivok, have you ever even been to an ocean?"

He narrowed his eyes slightly. "My lack of exposure to dangerous bodies of water is hardly relevant to my understanding of basic mathematics."

She rubbed her temples. "Fine, fix that gaping discrepancy in the substrate."

He nodded in satisfaction. "I also have other concerns, notably about the bacterial health in the seed sand. I tested a sample and it did not appear to be within the standard thresholds for optimal perform-"

"It's genetically modified," she interrupted, "Most of the real living sand was all killed by radiation that washed up on beaches in the last world war. I'm not important enough to get any of what's left."

He quickly glanced up at his Vulcan plaque, still hanging on the wall. His eyes hovered over the alien script for a few moments before he looked back to the tank, and then to her. "Understood."

What about genetically modified sand reminded him of his Vulcan artwork?

She glanced over the alien artwork as well, the meaning of it still a mystery to her, and Sivok didn't seem eager to discuss it. In any case, she had other issues right now.

"Are there any other microscopic problems that need to be addressed right now that can't wait until I get back?"

He raised an eyebrow momentarily. She sighed, instantly knowing he had a whole list in his head.

The PH is probably off by 0.00085. What was she getting herself into?

She forced a smile on her face. "Ready to move to the plants?"

He remained silent, and she glanced back towards the living room. "Alright, let's get this done."

Sivok didn't respond and walked as slowly as possible as they shuffled into the living room, and then stood as far as possible from the table covered in Darlingtonia californica and Brocchinia reducta.

She pointed at the former. "Okay, this is a pitcher plant. Normally, they capture prey through here," she ran her finger along the edge of the balloon-like orifice and he looked away uncomfortably.

"Sivok, I know Vulcans don't eat animals, but I'm sure your planet has some carnivorous creatures."

"Naturally."

"Okay, well this is a carnivorous plant. But they're basically vegan plants. I feed them replicated protein pellets and manually stimulate the tendrils."

He paused to give her a disturbed look and then glanced back at the floor.

"Really Sivok?! It's no different than you and I eating plant protein. Watch."

She opened up a small tube and pulled out a pellet, and dropped it in the spout, which instantly sealed.

"That's it. No big deal. You'll need to feed three heads per day."

He said nothing and stared at the now mid-digestion pitcher plant, and she groaned and pushed the jar of pellets towards him.

"Your turn."

He slowly looked at the fly trap but made no movement towards the pellets. She sighed.

Be patient. Be patient. Be patient. He's just mad about the conference, Pike, and carnivorous plants. And even though he lives here for free, he's still doing this as a favor.

She glanced towards their PADDs, which always sat on the couch's arms as they ate dinner, since she was forbidden from keeping anything on the table. She thought back to his questions on her request for leave of absence at the hoverbus stop.

Maybe he needs some encouragement.

"If I submit my leave of absence, will you feed the venus fly trap?"

He quickly looked towards the PADDs as well, and then seemed extremely conflicted.

"I-" he paused, "Very well." He stepped over to the couch and picked up her PADD, and she smiled slightly at his comfort with digging through just about anything she owned, the result of living together for weeks no doubt.

She sat down with him on the couch and he handed her the PADD, the paperwork already pulled up on the screen.

He picked up his own PADD and opened the VSA acceptance letter, also swiping open pages from the Starfleet regulation manual. "I took the liberty to research Starfleet resignations and absences."

She chuckled lightly. "Oh, did you?"

They sat and looked at the forms, finally reaching the last page.

"Are you absolutely one hundred percent positive about this, Sivok?"

He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. "As I have repeatedly informed you, I would not have offered if I were not."

Matteson slowly studied his face. By human standards, his expression was practically blank. But she could still read his exact emotional state it, no doubt a product of their extensive exposure to each other.

Maybe Vulcans really do show their emotions to each other, it's just too subtle for most humans to notice.

She looked over his body, which was casually leaning towards her. Their legs were only a few inches apart and she briefly imagined his hand resting on her knee.

"Then I'm excited as well." She pressed the submit button and his features went completely blank for a moment and he closed his eyes. When he opened them, his previously subtle emotions were now extremely obvious, at least to Matteson.

He looked...happy.

She smiled broadly and ran her fingers through his hair, and he quickly looked away. "Are you ready to feed the plants? You promised…"

He looked over her for a moment, and then slowly nodded and stood.

She picked up a pellet. "Okay, you're going to drop it directly in this head."

He didn't move, and she groaned. "Come on Sivok, talk to me."

"I would prefer not to touch it." With that, he disappeared into his room, and came back in with a pair of scientific tongs that were at least 30cm long. "I brought these from the lab as a precaution for this activity."

An ancient Christmas cartoon sprang into her mind as she watched him try to grasp the tiny pellet with a giant pair of surgical pliers, and the pellet broke into pieces and fell to the floor as he attempted to move it. Matteson threw her hand over her mouth to keep herself from breaking into laughter.

"Yeah, that's not going to work."

He stared at the broken pellet on the floor. "What would you recommend?"

"Well, some people do it with chopsticks."

He tilted his head, and she walked over to the kitchen and came back with the pair of wooden sticks.

"They are for eating?"

"Yeah, but I've never used them. They came in something."

He nodded slowly and took the sticks from her and she laughed as he struggled to grasp them properly.

"Here, let me show you." She grabbed the sticks and positioned them in-between her fingers, demonstrating their use and then handing them back.

He nodded and attempted the same, but couldn't hold them in place and the pellet dropped to the floor again.

She laughed boldly. "Boy, my plants are getting dinner and a show tonight!"

He narrowed his eyes and attempted it again, but still couldn't get the chopsticks to hold.

"If you'll let me touch your hand, I can help you."

At the mention of touching his hand, he quickly threw the chopsticks on the table and looked to the ground.

She blinked rapidly. "Okay. Or not."

"I will...perform the task manually. It is...not actually food."

He hesitantly reached into the tube and pulled out a pellet, hovering it over the fly trap, and dropping it in from a distance.

Nothing happened.

"Is it not supposed to close and begin digestion?"

"Movement triggers the processes. You'll need to stimulate it."

Sivok looked exasperated and she laughed. "Just rub the fuzzy part."

He slowly reached towards the tips on the edge, and the moment he touched the edge it shut around his finger, causing him to freeze.

"Wait, wait - don't move! You'll break it!"

He narrowed his eyes. "Do you recommend I simply allow it to digest my finger?"

She slowly reached towards the plant, and his already stiff frame became statue-esque.

"Calm down, I'm just going to let you free."

He watched her with wide eyes as she reached to the head and pulled the plant open slightly, but the surface of the head was too small and their fingers touched for a split second in the process, sending electric waves up her arms.

"Woah-" she stepped forward as he jerked his arm out from the plant's vicinity, gripping onto him.

Time seemed to slow as she leaned onto his arm and looked up into his eyes. The emotion she had seen when she submitted her leave of absence was back. She had thought it intense then, but it paled into comparison to what she saw now.

She leaned in closer, and he matched her movement.

Was he going to kiss her?

He stayed still for a moment longer, and then the giddy expression in his eyes disappeared, replaced by a wild panic. He jerked his arm away from her and fled, disappearing into his room and shutting the door behind him.

"Sivok!?"

No reply.

She walked over to his door and rapidly knocked. "Please talk to me."

She heard the manual lock click, meaning he was standing right on the other side. Then the lights shining under the door turned off, and deafening silence swept through her apartment.

After a while, she walked back to the living room and dropped to the couch, cradling her head in her hands. She glanced over to the PADDs sitting on the couch, the submitted letter of resignation on top.

This couldn't be happening.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Matteson picked up and stacked each PADD, organizing them and then placing them into the bag. She wasn't leaving until that evening, but she had spent the entire morning getting everything in order.

Of course, she would have rather clarified things with Sivok, made sure everything was okay with him, with them. But he had been gone when she woke up, her morning soup sitting in the stasis.

That was bad enough, but he had gone so far as to skip their lunch! She glanced back over at the PADD.

I have been unexpectedly detained, I will not be able to attend our usual midday meal.

She breathed out deeply.

In the many months they had known each other, he had only missed their lunch one time, and had seemed extremely regretful of it. The fact that he had done so again right before she left for ten days was shocking, especially after she had done everything he had asked.

Turned in a multi-year extended leave of absence from her job.

Formally agreed to move to an alien planet, full of undoubtedly hostile residents in a hellish environment.

Signed up for one of the most intensive training and education programs in the quadrant.

Matteson slumped down into her chair and rested her head on her desk, wondering what she had gotten herself into once again.

How could she have been so stupid? She had always been so proud of her independence, had she become the quintessential human woman who gave into a man's every pressure?

Her hands wandered to the collar of her uniform, pulling out the IDIC pendant that was hidden underneath. She traced her finger around the shapes, ultimately ending up at the jewel, just as Sivok had done repeatedly.

"Our individualities combine as two disparate variables into a greater conclusion, with infinite possibilities in result."

She thought back to every tender moment in the past two weeks, every gesture he had made to try to impress her - as if she weren't already enamoured enough.

Maybe she had pushed him too far. She had committed to being tolerant of his culture, to not pushing her own standards on him. Had she already rolled back on that commitment?

She closed her eyes, but then opened them and retraced the lines on the IDIC again.

Maybe she should just trust that it would all work out in the end.

"Cecelia?"

Matteson barely resisted the urge to scream as she heard Pike's voice behind her, but instead of his usual commanding tone, he sounded more sincere.

"Sorry to bother you, but I noticed neither you nor Doctor Sivok were eating up on the roof."

She rolled her eyes as the ensign referenced his intrusion on her and Sivok's lunch, but didn't say anything as the reminder of Sivok's sudden cancellation opened the wound afresh.

She spun around in her chair. "I apologize ensign, but the doctor and I are both too busy today. As you know, I leave tonight."

Pike scratched the back of his head and looked sheepishly at his feet, "I know. I figured you and Doctor Sivok would want to eat alone, so I was eating with the ladies in the open area. I just thought it was odd that neither of you showed up."

Matteson softened slightly at his admission, turning back towards her stack of PADDs. "That's thoughtful ensign, thank you."

"Well, do you want to eat lunch with me then?"

She gave him a look over her shoulder and he laughed. "Come on, you need to eat something before you leave. You know you'll be swamped at that conference, and the replicated food on the transport shuttles is awful. Eat some real food while you're still on Earth."

She chuckled. "You're right, but I'll admit I was...busy this morning and didn't bring any cooked food for lunch. So it's replicators no matter how you spin it."

"Awww, well we can split my lunch." Pike smiled and held up the container, and Matteson grimaced in her mind.

Imagine if Sivok caught her sharing a meal with Pike. Ha!

"I still have to decline."

Pike groaned playfully and walked over to her desk, switching the monitor off from behind the screen.

"Hey! Ensign!"

"You need to eat something. I'll make you a deal: I'll program my mother's best replicator recipe, and then I'll leave you alone for the rest of the day. This'll be the last time you see me until you land back on Earth eleven days from now."

She tilted her head, and then smiled. "Perhaps you should have gone into the diplomatic track. For all of your faults, you sure know how to negotiate."

Pike smiled. "I fully intend on making admiral by forty-five."

Matteson smiled wider and stood, stretching. "Very well. As long as you promise to leave me alone after that."

Pike flashed her a thumbs up and they strode down the corridors to the mess hall. Matteson winced at the extreme noise level as she walked in. Living with a Vulcan had clearly made her more sensitive to sound.

They walked over to the replicators and she stood awkwardly near the system as Pike plugged in a program, using his override badge to unlock the full controls. After a few moments, he stood back and watched the program load.

"So, where is the good doctor today?" Matteson breathed in as Pike slurred the word good in reference to Sivok, and shifted as she tried to think of an explanation.

"He's very busy."

Pike snorted. "Really? Because he always seems to be available for you, and it's sure odd he suddenly isn't when you're about to be gone for over a week."

She frowned, disliking his probing into her personal life, but loathing Pike's accuracy on it all the more. "Well, he'll also have increased work while I'm gone."

"He seemed to have plenty of time this last week to hang around your lab not doing much."

Matteson crossed her arms, desperately wanting to end the discussion. "Which you're only aware of due to your constant presence. And he works far more than either of us."

"Fair enough, but I still think it's odd today's the day of all days he decides to go AWOL."

Pike paused as the replicator finished and he picked up the dish, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. "Besides, if I were him, I wouldn't send my girlfriend off on a trip to another planet without me in the middle of a big fight. But I guess Vulcans don't think that way."

Matteson gaped in shock, but then shut her mouth and scowled, crossing her arms and glaring down Pike.

"Excuse me, ensign?! Did you hear what you just said!? Vulcans don't think that way? You just psychologically degraded a species with billions of unique individuals, that is not how a Starfleet officer talks!"

"You're right, totally right. My deepest apologies. Billions of Vulcans have exemplary behavior… but Sivok isn't one of them, and you know it. What did he do this time?"

"He hasn't done anything." She crossed her arms defiantly, trying not to think of his fish tank argument, his resistance to feeding the plants, his disappearing act and then subsequent silence on her last day in town.

Pike rolled his eyes. "Oh, sure he hasn't. He's always doing something, and you're always forgiving him immediately."

She frowned harder, but quickly glanced around as she noticed the attention their public argument was attracting. "There's nothing to forgive, as I actually respect his culture," she hissed in a low voice.

"This isn't about his culture, it's about him." Pike glanced towards the door, "I'd bet if you went over there and asked Chambal if Tilk had ever done anything along the lines of Sivok's antics, she'd laugh."

"You don't know him to make such a judgement."

"Nor do I wish to, to be honest. But I do know this," Pike paused, and then dropped his eyes towards the ground, "He's a lucky bastard to have a girlfriend who's so dedicated."

Matteson flinched slightly at the comment on their unclear romantic-ish relationship. "He's not my boyfriend. Our relationship isn't like that."

Pike stayed silent for a moment, and then threw his head back, laughing loudly, and more people turned to watch them.

He leaned in towards her, waving his arms as he spoke. "How stupid do you think we all are? You do everything together, you even live together! Your relationship is the worst kept secret in Starfleet. Everybody knows! Literally! Everyone!"

She glanced around at the increasing number of eyes that turned at Pike's exclamation, but froze as one pair in particular caught hers.

Sivok was stomping towards them through the mess hall.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The evening before….

It took all the control Sivok had left not to slam the door behind him, and he immediately pressed his back against the plank and leaned into it, closing his eyes and ignoring the sound of her calling out his name.

What had he almost just done?

It was similar to what had happened at museum - when their fingers touched, he had been able to block the transference of both their emotions, but had been nearly overwhelmed by the desire to telepathically connect with her.

But this time, the crime at been much worse: at the museum he had only wanted to read her emotions and get a gist of her thoughts in regards to him, this time he had wanted to meld with her.

He had wanted to press his fingers to her face and remove any hesitation from her mind on moving to Vulcan, to replay their every interaction from her perspective until he fully understood how she viewed him.

Despite clearly hearing her approach, Sivok still startled as he felt the vibration of her knocking on the composite material of the door behind his back, and he reached down and activated the lock, stretching out his arm and deactivating the lights on the panel manually.

"Please talk to me!"

Talk to her? How could he possibly go talk her? He shouldn't even look at her, or be within five hundred meters of her, not with his worthless emotional controls.

He shut his eyes tighter as she called through the door behind him, continuing to knock. He stood completely still, even shallowing out his breathing to be totally silent. Eventually she left, but he didn't hear her door close, implying she didn't go into her room, but rather back out into the main area.

Which unfortunately prevented him from leaving, considering getting to the only door involved walking right past her.

When all was quiet, but she was still in the living room, Sivok finally took a deep breath. He solemnly mulled over the situation.

His father, Sarvok - they had been right all along.

No matter what he accomplished professionally, he was a failure as a Vulcan.

And it was putting her in great danger. She touched him so casually, trusted him so readily - did she not realize the great peril she put herself in? The extreme risk of associating so closely with such an unstable Vulcan, such as he clearly was?

Sivok stretched out his hand and it began to shake, and he quickly clamped it back shut. Logically, he needed to meditate. But practically, Sivok was well aware such a task would result in nothing.

He could repress his emotions in everything else, could control his thoughts as he worked in relation to others, but not in regards to Matteson. He hadn't been able to since the night he arrived, and he certainly couldn't now as far as they'd come.

He had no willpower to separate . Quite the opposite, he had consistently gone to great extents to secure her attention permanently - and had been ultimately successful.

He thought back to his PADD on the couch, her submitted request for an extended leave of absence still on its screen.

Sivok dropped to the floor and stared at the meditation candle, not even bothering to light it.

How could this be happening?

An hour passed of being totally unable to enter a meditative state, and finally he heard Matteson shuffle down the hallway and into her room, the door closing behind her. Sivok waited a while longer until she was sound asleep, and then rose from the floor.

His behavior was unpredictable towards her. Therefore, she was in danger - he was much stronger than her, and had telepathic abilities she had no defenses against.

He needed to leave, at least for tonight.

He went towards the door, but then paused. She would need to eat in the morning, and in her distress of his absence she probably wouldn't. She already wouldn't have enough sleep for such a journey - if he was really protecting her, he couldn't allow her to go without food as well.

He quickly turned and walked into the kitchen, thawing the frozen bases he had made and pouring them into a bowl. With her breakfast in the stasis unit, he nodded in satisfaction and slipped out the door, the cold of the late hour hitting him.

He didn't know where to go, as Tilk and Chambal had been working late on various projects in the lab, and at the end of such a traumatic day, he couldn't bear to see their bizarre working dynamic that confounded all logic at the end.

Most businesses were closed or closing soon, and Sivok realized he had never been in the city alone except to go to the Vulcan embassy, his old apartment, her apartment, the aquarium, or the warehouse.

So he picked a random direction and started walking.

The temperature continued to drop and the looks random humans gave him continued to get odder as he walked without direction, letting the cold and damp air sting his skin as a sort of punishment for his misdeeds.

Eventually he realized the air was getting significantly more humid, and he stopped and breathed in deeply. It smelled like….salt.

Just a few hours before, Matteson has asked him if had ever been to an ocean. He had told her that it didn't affect his scientific judgement that he hadn't, and she had seemed annoyed by his comments.

Did she see that he was attempting to participate in her hobbies? He had painstakingly researched oceanographic reef growth in artificial environments, something that was hardly his speciality or primary scope of interest.

But she cared about it, and the mission of oceanic recovery was a noble one, so he had done so anyhow. Sivok narrowed his eyes and followed the smell of the salt until his hearing began to detect the sound of subtle waves crashing on the shore.

He increased his walking pace and eventually spotted a large wooden dock, set high above the water. Sivok knew the body was called San Francisco Bay, and that it was supplied by Earth's Pacific ocean.

He finally arrived at the dock, and walked down along stretch as he approached the wooden bars that faced the water. He glanced at their low height. An unsafe design, as someone could easily tumble over.

Sivok leaned slightly over the railing as he peered into the depths of the water.

He knew he was standing over the rocky areas near the shore, and there was sand all around him - much like the sands of his homeworld, but these led to a deep and dark body of blue, instead of the familiar heat and intricate caverns. The lights from the surrounding buildings reflected on the water, and Sivok's acute hearing could pick up the faint sounds of chatter and laughing from humans coming out of the bars up another dock on his left.

He watched the ripples of the water, and closed his eyes as he heard the gentle waves crash into the shore and bump into the support beams of the deck. He placed his hands on the wooden posts in front of him and could feel the slight shift in vibration as each wave hit the pole, the cool San Francisco night air wrapping around him and the smell of salt overwhelming his senses.

He breathed in deeply and focused on the waves, and the hours passed as he watched the water fall in and out. He felt surprise move through him as realized he was able to achieve a meditative state standing over a dangerous body of water easier than he could with Vulcan incense.

Earth had always been wet, cold, loud, and dangerous - but tonight he found a semblance of peace he hadn't experienced before as he watched the unfamiliar waters.

He had carried low expectations when coming to Earth. He had always been told that humans were illogical, emotional, volatile - and they had been exactly that. However, he had suffered very few true problems at the hands of humans.

No, his problems stemmed from himself. His haphazard and obsessive behavior towards Matteson, his inexplicable hate for Ensign Pike, his jealousy towards Tilk and Chambal. Sivok sighed, audibly and obviously, though nobody was around to see it.

He had decided many times he would reform his behavior towards Matteson, but this time would have to be different. He needed to understand what was causing him to act as he did, even if it meant opening up parts of his mind and emotions he normally kept deeply buried, analyzing the emotions that threatened to overtake him when he was with her that he always repressed without consideration.

Despite all this, he was more thankful than ever they were moving to Vulcan, where such pressures would be lessened. It was also clear that when they arrived, he would need to assist Matteson in establishing herself but then visit a Vulcan monastery for at least a few weeks to attempt to fully suppress his emotions in regards to her.

But in the year before they actually relocated, he would need to develop ways of coping with his lapses in control, and the key was clearly in understanding his dynamic with her.

Fortunately, her ten day absence was the perfect opportunity to do so. He had been extremely frustrated that she was being punished in his place earlier, but now he was actually relieved she was leaving for a period.

It was 0300 when Sivok took one more glance at the water and started to head back towards the lab, confident that Tilk and Chambal were gone.

He worked for a few hours, not realizing how cold he had been, before his internal chronometer alerted him it was 0500. Matteson would awaken soon and notice his absence, and he strove to suppress the pain that spread across his chest as he realized he would miss their last morning routine together. They could clearly no longer cohabitate.

He briefly considered going back simply to do so with her one more time, but decided it was logical they avoid contact entirely until he could crack the code to their dynamic while she was away. The pain in his chest increased as he picked up his PADD and penned a message to her.

I have been unexpectedly detained, I will not be able to attend our usual midday meal.

The hours passed as he worked, and Sivok struggled to stay intently focused as his internal chronometer constantly reminded him it was time for his lunch with Matteson, but he continued steadfast in his suffering.

"Osu, are you well?"

Sivok quickly turned around to see Tilk standing behind him, and Chambal hiding mostly behind Tilk, not making eye contact as usual. Sivok raised an eyebrow.

"Quite."

Tilk titled his head in a way that signified disbelief for their kind. "Are you sure? Would you like me to fetch you a meal from the mess hall?"

At the reminder of his missed lunch with Matteson, Sivok quickly looked back towards his work.

"I am fine. And did you not just finish your midday meal?"

Tilk nodded. "We did. However, I noticed Lieutenant Matteson and Ensign Pike enter the mess hall as we left, and I deduced that between your lack of departure when we left and their arrival you had not eaten."

Sivok froze and narrowed his eyes. "She has not eaten yet?"

"I cannot say for certain, but Ensign Pike appeared to be replicating her a meal."

Sivok breathed in deeply, trying to control his violent reaction to the premise. "I appreciate your concern, but I am well."

Tilk raised an eyebrow and nodded, and Sivok watched them sit down at their workbenches and begin to chat about their current assignments. Sivok focused on keeping his fists from clenching and stood, suddenly not wanting to be in the same room as his overly friendly lab techs. Just as he had last night, he walked down the hall and into the lift without direction, but found himself ordering it to the mess hall.

"Computer, pause."

Sivok breathed in deeply. He was supposed to be avoiding her, but if the meddlesome and obnoxious ensign was attempting to influence her eating, it was logical to ensure she was properly fed for her journey, even if he only confirmed it from afar.

Afterall, she needed her strength for the interstellar flight and subsequent set up, moderation, and tear down of progress conference.

And that Ensign Pike was not causing her distress.

"Resume."

Within minutes Sivok strode into the mess hall and quickly scanned for Matteson's light reddish hair, but froze and tried to suppress his sudden anger at what he saw.

She and Pike were clearly arguing and her body language indicated she was extremely upset.

Suddenly, Pike leaned in towards her, waving his arms. The humans in the area looked towards him at the movement, and Sivok's muscles lurched as Pike leaned in closer to Matteson.

Already on edge from the events of the day, his instincts overrode his disciplines as he quickly moved towards them through the deafeningly loud and crowded room full of eating aliens.

How dare that human harass his mate?

Just as the thought slipped through the cracks of his already battered consciousness, Matteson turned and caught his eyes. Sivok stopped in his tracks, so quickly and with such force he almost lost his balance.

His mate? She was his friend and trusted colleague. A close friend perhaps, but nothing...sexual.

They held each other's gaze, oblivious to the show it created, and Sivok rapidly reviewed their every interaction in his mind.

He had known for months that she was the source of his lapses in control, but had only discovered the evening before just how serious the problem was when, even for a split second, he genuinely intended on forcing a meld on her.

He considered his terror at the premise of being permanently separated, his difficulty with even ]ten days of distance.

His extreme relief at her agreement to relocate to Vulcan and then travel with him and research alongside him.

His loathing for Pike, his extreme pleasure at any circumstance where she made her preference against the human boy clear.

He replayed the scene in his mind of giving her the IDIC.

He had no logical reason to do so, besides encouraging her to accept, and his father would be horrified at the thought of a human now owning his prized pendant that epitomized Vulcan culture, but he had been sure it was the right thing to do when he did so, and was still at peace with that decision.

Sivok thought of his seeming inability to deny her anything, his compulsive desire to care for her and ensure her safety.

His nearly overwhelming desire to meld with her, to sense her emotions.

His willingness to touch her and be touched by her.

In the middle of the mess hall, Sivok finally realized what was causing his problems, the root of his inexplicable behavior towards her, and with it the slight glimmer of hope that he wasn't actually insane, that his behavior had a logical explanation, despite the insanity the explanation itself carried.

Sivok breathed out heavily. How had he been such a fool? He had been so eager to deny the truth, he had preferred diagnosing himself to be mentally unstable than admitting the reality of his situation.

He desired Matteson: mentally, physically, and...emotionally.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Hello my friends. It's been a long time. I appreciate all of your PMs and favorites and follows, I apologize for not replying to most of them.

I re-read my own story and enjoyed some parts and cringed at others. I thought about changing them but have decided to leave it. I read over my old summary and was surprised how much this had deviated, but I suppose these characters took on a life of their own.

Thank you to Elovie, Yuuki no Yuki, Mme Fish, Drusilla Maxima, AmandaBaker852, Cathy Kley, Mich, tanseynz, LORIOVER50, Nyotarules, Texas Cowgirl, Love Fiction 2019, a Fan, akagami hime chan, Aimzus, Oankali, S-Star, carriemcmvintage, decisiveorigin, Currently Elsewhere, DefenestratedCountess, Rivy, Uhura the 9th, Treknut, Harleypumpkin, 2redbird, JeanB, Zoey93, cataloo456, Yuraflia, hentai18ancilla, Alaya Karangalan, lillalil, Wildblume, Yami No Megami. And of course, RemusJ and TomFoolery for their skillful work and support years ago.

If anyone is still around...I'll try to finish the next chapter soon.