Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story and make no money from this obsession.

N.B. The first part of this story can be found under the NCIS category and it needs to be read before Part 2 to understand this story. The easiest way to find it is t click on my profile and access it on my stories.

A/N: Thank-you to everyone for supporting this story. I really appreciate those people who've taken the time to review.

So here we are at the parody/satire part of the story. There are two enormous elephants in the room concerning DiNozzo's back story and I've found a way to explain them both. It only required me to adopt OTT explanations with a crossover but I'm not responsible for the retconning and continuity errors that caused the problem – I'm just fixing it! So now I have to confession to make – I'm really, really nervous since, this isn't logical crossover like using another police procedural would be. I've never actually written a crossover fic before (borrowed a character or two) but not like this. The truth is I'm dabbling in the largest fandom and feeling very much out of my depth. I hope fans will go easy on me and not be too outraged if I make a hash of this. Remember – I did say parody. :-D

This story isn't beta'ed and I haven't had the luxury of doing innumerable drafts like I would normally do before posting this unfortunately, so apologies in advance for errors. If there is something huge I'd appreciate a heads up so I can fix it.

Serieux Part 2

Previously:

Her beautiful brown eyes exuded warmth and intelligence as well as an unspeakable depths of pain which stared at him, hungrily. Searchingly.

Then she smiled brilliantly, showing perfectly straight white teeth before she ran towards him, arms outstretched as she seized him in a bearlike hug that took his breath away. It was fierce. It was desperate and there was no physical distance between them as she plastered her body up against him and refused to let go.

She gave a half sob, half titter before sighing deeply as she admonished him gently.

"It's been a long time, Anthony DiNozzo Junior. Far too long or perhaps you'd prefer it if I call you by your real name…"

And now:

Chapter 1 Distantly Related

Tony registered her words in a haze as he felt her hug him tighter, instead of releasing him. He glanced over at Fornell who was watching the exchange with an unreadable expression on his worn face.

Gently trying to extract himself from the strangely familiar young woman, he tried to place where he knew her from. Clearly she was someone he encountered during an undercover operation since she had called him out on his identity and he'd done a lot of ops over the years. But Tony felt like this beautiful woman wasn't military and she definitely was one of the countless working girls he'd encountered, either as a homicide detective or when working narcotics in Baltimore. Or Peoria PD or Philly PD as a humble unie either. Granted the pain he saw in her eyes, the eyes of an old soul, could be explained by her living on the streets or owned by some lowlife pimp. Yet she had an innocence, a freshness about her that made him certain she'd never been a working girl.

Perhaps she was someone he'd encountered when he spent a year undercover with the Macalusos, although she didn't look or sound Italian. Actually she didn't even sound American; actually she sounded very British. Searching his memory for someone he had encounter who was British and coming up empty, he decided that being able to fully expand his lungs was something he aspired to do.

Finally extracting himself from the limpet-like grip, he observed her carefully.

She watched him too, noting the lack of recognition in his eyes. "You really don't recognise me, do you Snuffles. We thought you were dead…" She watched in horror as the man in front of her finally figured out who she was and ended up in a full blown panic attack.

Moaning as he started to hyperventilate, "But you can't. I can't. This cannot be happening. I've been so careful; I followed the rules... nooooo you weren't supposed to find me."

Watching Tony decompensate before their eyes, as lack of oxygen started to affect not just his emotional state but his consciousness, Tobias decided his premonition was coming true. It took a hell of a lot to scare the shit out of DiNotzo and for him to panic like that it had to be bad. Grabbing the semiconscious man between them and guiding him into the living room, they steered him towards the sofa. Lowering him down onto the cushions just in time it would seem, as he finally lost consciousness.

His house guest disappeared into the guest bedroom which she'd been using and reappeared momentarily with several vials clutched tightly in her hand, her expression puzzled and concerned. Fornell started at the vials - remedies he assumed and at Tony and then something clicked. This morning – the hangover cure.

"That's it! The DiNozzo Defibrillator!" he exclaimed triumphantly

"The what?"

"That hangover remedy you gave me this morning. I've seen it before – Tony calls it the DiNozzo Defibrillator."

"It's magic."

"I know. Nothing works that well." Fornell stated emphatically.

She smiled as she attempted to get the contents of the vials past his lips. "I can't believe after all this time that it's him. I mean, I told myself it was him but until I set eyes on him, I wasn't totally positive…you know? Harry will be absolutely beside himself when he finds out. She shook her head bemusedly.

As they watched Tony gradually come around, Tobias looked at his dinner guest appraisingly. I hope we won't end up regretting this. He hardly seemed thrilled to see you."

"How can you even think it. For almost twenty years we thought he was dead and now here he is alive and living here for all those years. It's a miracle!"

Fornell shook his head, "Granted it sounds like it but Tony must have a have had a damned good reason to pretend to be dead all this time. Enough to cause him to pass out in a genuine old fashion faint."

"DiNozzo's don't faint," a familiar voice replied irritably.

"Perhaps… but you aren't a DiNozzo. You're a Black…Sirius Orion Black to be precise," his female companion retorted, as Tony noted automatically that she was holding his hand in a fierce grip. Like she was afraid he might disappear into thin air. Which right about now sounded like a very good idea.

Sighing in defeat, he looked at her, seeing her keen intelligence and recognising that the dye was already cast. "Hermione Granger… is that really you?"

"Yes Padfoot, it's really me…although technically it's Hermione Wealsey now."

Tony/Sirius eyed her with frank admiration. "You were a pretty young teenager, but Merlin's beard, you're a stunningly gorgeous woman, Hermione. Yet I can't believe you didn't marry my god-son. You two were made for each other."

She snorted, "Why does everyone say that?" she asked aggrievedly.

"Because you two were like ying and yang, I would imagine. So why didn't you…wait! Is he…tell me he's not dead?" he demanded in a strangled tone, turning pale and sweaty, starting to panic all over again.

Throwing her arms around the distraught man, she gave him another bear hug. "He's fine, Sirius although he's going to completely freak out when he learns you're alive."

"So Hermione Weasley… you married Bill or Charley, I presume. Can't imagine you marrying that prat Percy, or Fred or George for that matter." Tony declared.

"No Sirius, I married Ron."

"You're joking, I trust."

Hermione looked angry. "No I'm serious and don't say it, Snuffles." She warned tartly, arms folded in a don't mess with me stance.

Holding up his hands, palms facing forward in submission, he protested. "I wasn't planning on it. I'm Anthony DiNozzo now, Hermione. Sirius is dead," he declared with finality.

And before she could reply he continued. "So all due respect to Ron but you were the smartest witch of your age. Ambitious, driven to succeed and Ron… well let's just say he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box or the most ambitious of wizards. Hell Hermione, a sloth has more ambition.

"But, more importantly, from what I observed and Harry said, you two used to fight like cat and dog. Plus Ron used to make you cry on a regular basis. Forgive me but those minor details are not the most promising indicators for relationship success." Tony shook his head in amazement at he stared at the gorgeous woman before him.

"I'm sorry but I just never saw you two as being compatible. You were too good for him back then and you are definitely waaaay out of his league now, my dear girl. I hope he realises that!"

He noticed her flushing with embarrassment, so he filled in the silence like he usually did. "So is your lesser half here too, or is he holding down the fort at home?" he enquired curiously.

Fornell choked on his beer and Hermione just looked sad. "No, he's dead."

Tony/Sirius sat up, extracted his foot from his mouth and drew the younger witch into his arms. "I'm so sorry, Hermione. What happened to him."

"A bludger hit him in the heart during a quidditch match and he went into cardiac arrest. He was the goal keeper for the Chudley Cannons, his life's ambition. If I'd been there at the match I could have tried CPR and in all probability, saved his life.

"I'm sure you'll agree that while the magical world might be superior in healing many illnesses and injuries, non-magical medicine is far superior is way ahead in some crucial areas and cardiac resuscitation is one of them. They still believe that once the heart stops beating there is nothing to be done." She explained, disconsolately.

"And you're right, Sirius. We weren't a good match… our marriage was as tumultuous as our friendship. I spent much of it in tears, but we were young and foolish when we got together and married. I'm not sure why, with the extended lifespan of witches and wizards that we're encouraged to pair off and marry so early on in life."

"To make babies because of how many squibs the purebloods produce due to their inbreeding. Plus, witches are less choosy when they are young, easier to manipulate." Tony/Sirius retorted cynically.

If I'd been a few years older and wiser, I'd have realised that we were too different, too incompatible for a relationship to work long term. But that's all academic now." She sighed, her mood suddenly melancholy.

Changing the subject adroitly, Tony/Sirius patted the pensive witch on the back awkwardly. "And what brings you to the US Hermione?"

"You, Sirius. I came to find you."

"Tony…not Sirius," he corrected her again. "How? Why?"

Fornell looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Ah…well that would be Emily, I'm afraid," he apologised.

"I don't understand."

"Emily posted the photo's she took at Thanksgiving when I dragged you home with me for dinner on her Facebook page and Instagram and Twitter accounts."

"Okaaaay," Tony/Sirius drawled. "So how did Hermione find out about it in Britain?"

Hermione laughed, "Did you forget that I'm a muggle born witch, Padfoot?"

"I prefer to use the term non-magical these days, kiddo seeing as how this is the world I live in now, and no, I didn't forget. But since when do witches use social media, cell phones or computers?"

"Well, my kids have grown up around them, thanks to my parents. They are equally at home in both worlds, which I am eternally grateful for. I even sent them to regular school when they were little and they have trust funds for when they go to University."

"Wow, I bet Molly had something to say about that!" the NCIS agent quipped sarcastically.

Shrugging Hermione "Let's just say that there was some animated discussion." She said diplomatically, describing the stoush with her mother-in-law, who was something of a dragon and used to getting her own way.

Tony looked at her admiringly. Ever since the witch had helped to save his life as a 15-year-old, he'd respected her courage, fire and intelligence. No doubt the Weasley matriarch wouldn't have known what hit her when Hermione dug her heels in.

"I still don't understand why you would see photos posted by Emily Fornell." He stared at Tobias, horrified by a sudden thought. "Please don't tell me you're a wizard, Tobias."

Fornell gave a bark of laughter. "No DiNotzo, I'm not, however Emily is a witch. Diane, contrary to popular opinion, Jethro's included, wasn't a witch…but her mother was. And she was also from Britain and related to the Weasleys somehow…"

DiNozzo cursed his terrible misfortune, whilst connecting the red hair and realising that Emily bore more than a passing resemblance to little Ginerva Weasley, now that he thought about it.

"So we," Tobias indicated himself and Hermione, "Are distantly related by marriage, and our kids are friends on Facebook."

"Damn it, I can't believe my bad luck," Tony groaned dejectedly.

Hermione punched his arm, palpably hurt by his attitude. "Why wouldn't you want us to know that you aren't dead? It just about destroyed Harry when you died at the Ministry that terrible night. How could you put us through that, Sirius?" She demanded, her fiery temperament manifesting itself as her eyes flashed dangerously.

Tobias held up his hands. "Let's get something to eat before we get into it. I didn't eat anything today and I'd be surprised if DiNotzo had time to eat either. Don't want him passing out again."

"DiNozzo's don't pass out, Fornell."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. What evva, as Emily would say." The FBI agent rolled his eyes theatrically in a half decent imitation of a teenage girl.

Hermione shrugged, whipped out her wand and voila, there was a delicious looking meal of veal marsala and a green salad on the dining table. Pointing at Tony/Sirius she growled, "Sit. Eat. Spill it!"

As they sat down and Tobias poured red wine, Tony regarded his plate, before beginning. "Hermione, I'm sorry for what happened that night at the ministry. I let my crazy-assed cousin get to me. Truth to tell, I was going bat-shit crazy being cooped up inside that hell hole that was the Black ancestral home. Someone should have taken a wrecking ball to that place a long time ago…or better yet, lit a stack of dynamite under it.

"You know what a dive that place was but you have no idea how unhappy I was growing up there as a kid, and then suddenly I had to stay hidden there 24/7. I'd escaped one horrific prison only to be locked up in another and I was climbing the walls. I wasn't kidding either…being there was sending me insane… well more than I already was after escaping from Azkaban."

Hermione nodded. "Yeah, I know. You never really had a chance to recover from 12 years of false imprisonment and exposed to shocking privation. Your brain chemistry was most likely all out of whack and you probably had PTSD."

"Probably," he conceded. "And Bellatrix might have been mad as a hatter but we grew up together and she knew every one of my weak spots better than most. I let her get to me. When she pushed me through the veil of death, I really did die and a part of me was just so damned relieved. Because if I was dead then Dumbledore couldn't force me to go back to that house I hated with every fibre of my being.

"I thought I'd finally find peace and much as I felt guilty about leaving my god-son alone, Merlin help me, I was euphoric to finally be free. Then Destiny met me and stopped me going on and told me that I wasn't dead yet…well I was dead. Technically, but I wasn't meant to be dead – it wasn't my time and I still had things to do."

Hermione was listening raptly, her attention focused on his face, her dinner forgotten as she watched him speak.

"They told me I could make a real difference. They explained that there was a Tony DiNozzo – a distant relative of mine on my grandmother Potter's side of the family – who was related to an important muggle family called the Paddingtons, who'd died. Seems a dirty cop had sold him out while he was undercover in Philadelphia. Anthony DiNozzo wasn't supposed to die either – he was predestined to save a lot of lives. Destiny explained that as a non-magical human, even though he wasn't supposed to die, TPTB would not permit him to return.

Fornell looked outraged and Tony nodded imperceptibly. He got it – it was a cop thing. When a cop was killed on the job it struck at the heart of everyone in law enforcement, when it was murder, it was all hands on deck to try to bring the killer to justice. A dirty cop though – was the most complete and utter betrayal. There was nothing worse in most cops' minds and their reaction was visceral and ruthless.

"Normally I wouldn't be permitted to return either after passing through the veil, but because of my twelve years of hell in Azkaban without trial, and plus I was trying to save you kids from Tommy-boy and his murderous minions, an exception was being made. That and the fact that DiNozzo was betrayed too and the impact that his death would have had on many hundreds, perhaps thousands of individual lives he was supposed to save was significant. So Destiny had a proposition for me."

"What was the proposition," Hermione asked him, ever curious.

"That I could come back and take up Anthony DiNozzo's life and mission, since we'd both worked in law enforcement and I could finish what he was supposed to achieve. His body hadn't been found yet, so there was only a couple of people who knew he'd died. The catch was that he was a non-magical and I had to agree to live in the non-magical world too. I was still a wizard but obviously had to maintain secrecy when it came to magic. The other deal breaker was that I was expressly forbidden to make contact with anyone from my former life – that I couldn't interfere in any way, not even sending a message." His expression was bleak.

"On pain of death!"

Fornell realised the cause of his panic before. "You didn't make contact, Tony. You got found out through no fault of your own. I'm sure that TPTB that made the deal with you won't hold our meddling against you." He figured that he was worried about the people DiNotzo was supposed to save, not his own death per say.

"Don't know, Tobe. Guess we'll soon find out if that is the case."

Hermione was frowning, the multiple crinkles in her forehead and her chewing of her bottom lip was so familiar to Tony/Sirius, even if it had been almost two decades since he'd seen her. "Did Destiny tell you why you weren't allowed to make contact with us?"

"Yeah, she said that if witches and wizards ever thought that there was a way to cheat death after passing through the Veil it would threaten the fabric of society. As you know, there isn't a lot that magical folk fear, apart from the finality of death."

"Okay, that makes a certain amount of sense, especially when you think of Tommy-boy and what he did. Few people knew the truth because of the threat that the knowledge posed for the next mass murdering megalomaniac to come along. I'm sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion about you earlier, Sirius."

"I'm sorry too, Hermione. It wasn't that I wanted you all to suffer when I fell through the Veil. It killed me over the years not being able to contact Harry. I immersed myself in popular culture and learnt about technology, pretty much cut myself off from magic, avoided the magical world completely…or so I thought," he looked at Tobias wryly.

"Never knowing what happened to any of you…it killed me. Sometimes I'd wish I'd never agreed to come back again. I've missed you guys so much, so if I'm going to land in the shit with Destiny, you might as well tell me what's been happening in the last 18 years. Is the war still ongoing? How is Remus – did he get the girl in the end?"

Hermione, who'd been furious with him before she'd listened to his explanation, had become plaintive as his story unfolded. When he asked about the outcome of the war it reinforced how cut off, how alone he had been since being given a second chance at life. Now she needed to tell him about the terrible toll that had been paid for victory against Tom Riddle aka Voldemort - the deluded megalomaniac that twice brought magical Britain to the brink of destruction.

Most of the so called pure blood families had been effectively destroyed by death, incarceration and good old fashioned inbreeding. Glancing at his untouched meal gone cold as he recounted his story and the dark shadows under his incredibly expressive eyes, she cast a spell to replace his meal with a fresh one.

"Why don't we save that discussion until after you eat, Sirius? Eat," she scolded him maternally, laying a gentle hand on his arm.

"Tony," he corrected gently.

"Eat, Tony," Hermione acknowledged.

Sighing, Tony did as he was told. Remembering that she was incredibly overbearing when her mind was set on a particular goal, he knew that there would be no arguing with her. Indeed, the quickest way to find out what had happened to his friends and loved ones was to eat. Taking the first bite, he realised that the food was delicious and he was starving.

Tony couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten a proper meal. Still it was almost impossible to quell his irrepressible curiosity. Deciding that deflection might help, he paused between bites.

"So I get that you saw photos of me from Thanksgiving – knew I should have spent it alone when Zoe ditched me to go back home for the holiday. But it's almost two decades since you saw me, and I've changed my appearance, lightened my hair colour obviously.

"My eyes are more green-grey than grey now since I had to look like Anthony DiNozzo – although there were similarities to start with. As far as you knew, I was dead so why would you think that an American federal agent was me and not someone who looked like me?"

Fornell and the witch exchanged guilty glances before silently coming to an agreement. Hermione looked at him compassionately. "That's all true as far as it goes. But there were three things that convinced me. Yes, it was a long time ago, and you have done a good job of subtly changing your appearance. Nothing too drastic, just enough that under normal circumstances I'd probably have believed the doppelganger excuse.

"But when I looked into your eyes, I saw so much pain and suffering. I'll never forget those incredible expressive eyes of yours, Padfoot. Poets claim that the eyes are the windows to our souls and I'll never forget yours that night when we escaped from the Dementors on Buckbeak."

Tony nodded, relieved in one sense that he hadn't made it too easy to be found, yet uncomfortable that she could see into his soul so easily. He'd spent a lifetime trying to hide his flawed personality – well two lifetimes really. For Hermione to have been able to see beyond the smoke and mirrors he projected, it made him feel naked and vulnerable.

"And the second thing," Tony/Sirius prompted, eager to not dwell on such an uncomfortable topic. What was it with women who always fixated on his eyes, going on about how wounded and vulnerable he was? As far as he could see, they were just eyes – admittedly DiNozzo had excellent eyesight but they were still just eyes. Now Hermione saying she was able to recognise him because of them. It was more than he could handle at the moment.

Fornell looked guilty and apologetic. "Um that was me, DiNotzo. Hermione emailed me to ask me about you. I realised that you were an enigma and I recalled how there was that discrepancy between your real age…um DiNotzo's age and the one that NCIS thinks you… um DiNotzo is." He burbled confusedly.

"DiNotzo was born in 1973, went straight to the Police Academy after graduating from college and spent two years as an officer with the Peoria Police Department, 18 months spent in Philadelphia PD and almost two years at Baltimore PD making you 27. When I investigated you for murder the first time, your DOB was 1973 but now it's in your jacket as 1968 being you DOB."

Tony looked pained. That was such a fuckup…sorry Hermione. Tony's father turned up on a case out of the blue. Drunken bastard ignored his son for years after summarily disowning him when he was twelve, after abusing him mentally and physically. Threw me for a loop when he appeared uninvited and unexpected but luckily the man is a drunk and he, unlike Hermione never realised the substitution.

"The pathetic piece of shit muddled up Tony's birthday – told everyone he was born in 68, waxed lyrical about a bottle of wine bottled the year his son was born that he purchased to commemorate his birth. The alcoholic tool confused Tony with the first son that was born with a congenital heart defect who died five days after his birth.

Tony/Sirius shrugged, slightly remorseful. "Since he told everyone I was five years older than Tony and that was closer to my own biological, age I decided to let it lie and altered my records on the sly. I didn't think anyone would notice."

"Probably wouldn't have either, if not for Hermione wanting me to investigate you plus the fact I had done so in the past. And one more anomaly that was the real clincher." Fornell revealed reluctantly.

"Which was?" Tony/Sirius interrogated the FBI agent sharply.

"Well, I mentioned that in your jacket you were supposed to have worked at Baltimore for almost two years before leaving to join NCIS when Gibbs recruited you."

"Yeah…so?"

"So when I put together some of the snippets you shared with colleagues over the years, it just didn't add up. The two years you told Ziva David you worked in the Transit Authority in Baltimore when you were investigating the gypsy cab murder, which was true. And you also told Metro Detective Sparr that you spent two years working Narcotics in Baltimore. Again when I checked with the department, that was true too.

"But you also spent a year undercover bringing down the Macaluso family. Plus, you worked as a beat cop AND a homicide detective. That adds up to a lot more than six years of working for Baltimore in various jobs, yet chronologically, you only worked from 1999 to 2001 as a Baltimore cop. Plus, Gibbs was under the impression you'd never worked Narcotics which contradicts the facts since you did spend two years there."

Fornell threw his hands up in the air. "What am I saying? The whole damned thing is contradictory…totally crazy. None of it makes any sense whatsoever.

Hermione leaned close to him, looking directly into his eyes. "Where did you get the Time-Turner, Sirius?"

Tony/Sirius chuckled nervously. "Not absolutely sure, Kiddo. When I was sent back again I had it on my person. I think it must have ended up inside my clothes somehow during the battle at the Ministry. I don't consciously recall taking it though. So I think it was an accident.

"I also had my wand as well as the Time-Turner. I know it was stupid but I figured why not use the Time-Turner? I wasn't forbidden to practise magic, just as long as I didn't reveal myself to non-magical people and I doctored my official file. No one ever cottoned on or if they did they thought it was a clerical error." He looked chagrined.

Fornell chuckled apologetically. "I went back to the source, talked to people who had actually worked with you. Otherwise it probably wouldn't have come to light – would have put it down to a clerical error too. But along with the business about your DOB and the fact that no one seemed to have a clue, I figured you did some sort of spell thingy and it was pretty suspicious."

Hermione grabbed his hand and squeezed it comfortingly. "Why use the Time-Turner like that, Sirius um Tony?"

Tony/Sirius pushed his plate, only half eaten away. His eyes telegraphing his feelings of conflict and emotional pain. "I couldn't sleep when I was sent back. When I wasn't suffering from insomnia, I was having terrible nightmares. Not just my own stuff, which was bad enough but for some reason I was given Anthony DiNozzo's memories too." He shrugged.

"I guess so I could fit into his life – recognise people in his life from before. Like Zoe Keates, Tony's partner when he was in Philadelphia," he observed wistfully. He missed her and wondered if they might have still been able to fix things if he hadn't run into Jeanne again.

"He didn't spend 12 years in Azkaban but he had a really shitty life too, for all that people saw him as a spoilt entitled rich kid. Plus, seeing all the crap that cops see, so combined, it was pretty bad. And I was going crazy, worrying about what I'd left behind in Britain." He was silent for a while, staring broodingly into the middle distance.

"DiNozzo and me…we have a lot of similarities. He feels guilty about everything. Things he couldn't control, people that got hurt that weren't his fault and I feel guilty about rushing off to try to get revenge when Lily and James died. It's my fault that Harry grew up in an abusive home instead of with me like he was supposed to – and with DiNozzo's memories of just how bad it was to grow up being abused and neglected…well it made me crazy, knowing it was all my fault.

"If I'd been more mature and hadn't let my desire for revenge against Bellatrix goad me into acting like a fool, this would never have happened. I was a trained Auror, once upon a time. I let her psych me out and got myself killed, just when I was finally able to begin to be a godfather for Harry. I finally had an opportunity to make amends to him for all the damage I'd caused and I blew it."

Tobias looked like he'd just figured something out. "That's why you refuse to let revenge dictate your actions, isn't it?"

"The price is always too high Tobias and innocent people end up getting hurt. It cost me 12 years of my life for something I didn't do, and it prevented me doing what I should have done. Harry paid the price for it - an enormous amount of damage that I can never undo or fix, all caused because I wanted revenge. So when I returned, I vowed not to let my heart rule my head."

They were all silent, lost in their own thoughts until finally Tony/Sirius continued.

"Um anyway… I decided to keep busy, that way I wouldn't be tempted to try to make contact with anyone from my old life. And trust me, the temptation was horrendous. Decided to take a leaf out of DiNozzo book. He was a born cop, who lived to make a difference. To serve others.

"It was the way he dealt with all his own demons and I figured that since I had the Time-Turner, it was a sign that I was meant to put it to good use. I guess I did go a little nuts with it but those first couple of months after I woke up as Anthony DiNozzo with his memories as well as my own, I was out of control. I wasn't exactly in a good place, mentally, even before I fell through the Veil."

He looked at Fornell. "PTSD from that hell hole, plus a mountain load of guilt doesn't add up to mental health." He fell silent, staring into space.

Fornell stood up finally, clearing the table. "How about we take the rest of this discussion into the living room where we can be more comfortable. I'll get the coffee brewing and DiNotzo, you get the booze."

Tony nodded, "Gotcha, but no bourbon, Tobias. I'm not drinking that rotgut tonight."

"Agreed. I've got a good single malt or if you prefer it, a fine cognac. I only keep that cheap bourbon crap for when Gibbs is here, not that I've seen him since Diane was murdered. He has no palate to speak of, so I absolutely refuse to drink whiskey, port or cognac with such a philistine."

They were finally settled in the living room with glasses of whiskey, Tobias in one of the leather wingback armchairs that Diane had purchased not long before her death. Cattycorner to them were Tony/Sirius and Hermione on the matching chesterfield lounge. Rather to Tobias's surprise and DiNotzo's obvious discomfiture, despite there being plenty of room, the gorgeous brunette had chosen to curl up close to the NCIS agent.

Fornell wondered if it was just that she was elated at finding an old friend was still alive or if her feelings ran deeper. He rather suspected the latter alternative was the more likely. She had been a teenager when he'd died – could she have had a crush on her friend's godfather. A wizard, falsely imprisoned for 12 years could have seemed a highly romantic figure to an impressionable and idealistic teenager.

Hermione squeezed his hand, her eyes filled with tears. It must have been a terrible time for you." She remembered how in her third year of Hogwarts she'd been allowed to use a Time-Turner to allow her to attend classes that conflicted with her already bursting timetable because she was such a driven, Type A personality. Plus, as a muggle, she had constantly felt like she had to prove herself, thought she had to be twice as smart as everyone else, just to fit in.

He screwed up his face and it was obvious to both of them he was trying not to break down. "Things settled down a bit by the time I got to NCIS. Finally, thanks to me learning occlumency growing up, I was able to organise Tony's memories into a semblance of order and keep them relatively separate from mine.

"Yet I'm not always able to maintain that degree of control, especially when I'm sleeping, exhausted or get injured. When I had the plague it was all so confusing, it was lucky I couldn't speak, since I might have spilled my guts and ended being committed to a mental health facility for Multiple Personality Disorder."

"It must have been difficult, keeping such a huge secret for all those years; not having anyone to confide in." Fornell observed sympathetically. Sure DiNotzo excelled at undercover gigs but it was one thing to go undercover, even deep undercover for several years but there was also someone, a handler at the least who knew the score.

"It was. I don't think I'd have made it without Padfoot. He kept me sane when I was sure I'd go crazy."

Fornell looked puzzled at the smirk that the wizard and the witch shared.

"I thought you were Padfoot. Hermione calls you Padfoot."

"I am." He laughed uncomfortably and looked at Hermione. "I guess there's no harm introducing him to Snuffles."

She chuckled. "Yep. Kitty is well and truly out of the bag now,' she teased playfully.

Fornell scowled, knowing that he was out of the loop and not appreciating it. So he nearly face-planted out of his chair as before his eyes DiNotzo transformed into the most ginormous, fierce looking black canid. He wasn't sure if it was a dog or a wolf but it looked lethal, whatever the hell it was. On second thoughts, it looked like something that crawled out of the maws of Hell. And then the brunette witch gave a squeal like a fangirl, as Emily would say, and wrapped herself around the ferocious looking beast. She was wrestling with it in a hug that would have put Abby Sciuto to shame in its bone-crushing intensity.

DiNotzo rematerialized, looking rather flustered as he managed to extricate himself from the embrace of the beautiful witch since she'd ended up with her hands in some fairly intimate places. And while Tony looked highly disconcerted, Hermione looked perfectly cool, calm and collected.

Fornell was concerned. He was increasingly convinced that Hermione had feelings for DiNotzo um Black, even though there was a considerable age difference. Of course she wasn't a starry eyed teenager any more. The young woman was a widow, a mother with two children at Hogwarts and a challenging and important job in charge of education in their ministry of magic. Plus, she was about to accept an important promotion within weeks.

She was a beautiful young woman and clearly could have found another man to marry, yet had so far decided to remain single. She definitely seemed to be putting the moves on DiNotzo/Black and not, he suspected for his bloodline. Was it his bloodline…it was all way too confusing for a simple cop to figure out?

Most men would give their eye teeth to have her attention and affection but DiNotzo was in a bad place right now. Breaking up with Zoe, running into Jeanne Benoit again…twice and Gibbs with all his bastardry had left him in a very precarious state emotionally. He was going to have a long talk with Hermione to make sure she wasn't toying with him, looking for a brief affair, to scratch an itch or fulfil some girlish fantasy. He had no doubt that in his current condition she could easily break him if she wanted to, because she was as good as family to the man who had lost everything and everyone.

As the silence mounted with Tony looking increasing ill at ease, Tobias asked what should have been his immediate question if he hadn't been deep in thought.

"Ah excuse me but what the CRAP was that?"

"That was Padfoot." Hermione responded, her smile equal parts amusement and pride. Sirius is an animagus; able to transform into a Grim like dog at will. Which is a difficult feat and only a small percentage of witches or wizards are ever able to achieve."

"I guess that might have come in handy once or twice on the job," the FBI agent observed drolly.

Tony/Sirius shrugged. "So, Hermione…tell me about magical Britain and what happened to everyone. How is Remus?"

By the time she was finished her account of everything that had occurred since he fell through the Veil, the NCIS agent was utterly devastated by the loss of life it had cost to win the war. When he learnt that Remus and his cousin Tonks had left their son Teddy an orphan, he stood, told them he needed to be alone and disappeared out the front door. Fornell was expecting him to drive off home but his car remained in the drive.

The British witch, guessing his thoughts, observed quietly. "He'll probably find somewhere dark so he can transform into Padfoot and go for a run."

Fornell snorted. "I pity anyone that see's that monster. He's as big as a bear. He's not like a werewolf is he – likely to attack someone?"

Glaring at him in exasperation, "Did you honestly think I'd hug a werewolf, Toby?"

Tobias recalled her enthusiastic welcome for Padfoot's emergence with some embarrassment. "I guess not," he admitted with a weak chuckle, although he realised that it also gave him the perfect opening to discuss her intentions regarding DiNotzo. Who'd have ever thought that he'd be trying to protect Tony from a gorgeous young woman, but even without his revelations tonight, Tobias had been concerned for the NCIS agent's welfare.

End Notes:

So I bet you didn't see that one coming? Next chapter there will be more exploration of the two characters' commonalities. I admit initially, it was the aspect of the Time-Turner that occurred to me when I was trying to figure out how to explain away the comedy of errors that have been made of Tony's time in Baltimore. In case you are interested:

- In Designated Target 5.08 Tony tells Ziva he spent 2 years in Baltimore at the Transit Authority.

- In Stakeout 5.12 he told Detective Sparr from Metro PD that he worked in Baltimore Narcotics for 2 years.

- In Baltimore 8.22 DiNozzo was a homicide detective (the elite of detectives) and his behaviour certainly didn't suggest that he was a newbie or junior to Danny Price, his partner, so make of that what you will.

- In Framed 3.09 Tony and Gibbs reveal that he spent a year undercover to bring Mike Macaluso, Mafia boss down at – yep you guessed it - at Baltimore.

- In Once a Crook 11.05 DiNozzo is a beat cop working on a case 15 years ago.

- In The Good Wives Club 3.02 there is somewhat contradictory evidence. They find a hydroponic drug crop and Tony estimates that the PO's claim that the dope is for personal use is highly suspect but that his estimate that the crop is 3 months is correct. When Todd questions his opinion he mentions the Baltimore PD's Drug Task Force. Gibbs replies that he was never on the task force and he replies that he had friends on it.

So there is clearly a huge continuity faux pas, especially in season five where in the space of four episodes they have him working 2/yrs in TA and then 2/yrs in Narcotics - it seems like pretty sloppy writing imho. Now you could argue, that Tony was lying in both cases but Gibbs seems to defer to his knowledge right from when they arrive at the crime scene in Designated Target which is uncharacteristic for Gibbs. That's highly suggestive that Tony has specialised knowledge from working TA and he continues to demonstrate that knowledge throughout the case. Then there is the 2/yrs with Narcotics although the evidence is less clear. Tony does seem to have knowledge of the drug trade. While in The Good Wives Club, Gibbs deliberately asks for his opinion about the amount of drugs found in the raid, implying he had specialised knowledge on the subject. Plus, in High Seas 1.06 DiNozzo is testing the evidence for meth-amphetamines and seems to be the resident drug expert for the team.

Neither of which is conclusive but it is suggestive and so it leaves more questions than answers.

Then there's the second elephant in the room – Tony DiNozzo's age. So what do we know? He went to OSU on a sports scholarship because his father disowned him age 12. We know he has a Phys. Ed degree and his opportunity to pursue a professional career in basketball/football fell through when he broke his leg. After graduating at 21 or 22 y/o he attended police academy – between 3 – 6 months so let's go with six months. He was with Peoria PD for 2 yrs, Philadelphia PD for 18 months and Baltimore almost two yrs. That adds up to six years max. There's never been any suggestion in 13 years of canon that he did anything between graduation and attending the police academy, so fair assumption that he was either 21 or 22 when he attended the academy.

That would make him 27 or 28 of age when hired by NCIS…so 29 or 30 y/o in season 1 but. Cate says in season one that he is 32. Based on this timeline that's out by 2 or 3 years. Let's ignore my timeline for a moment say he was 32 y/o in 2003, then at most that would make TD 45 y/o now, yet according to retconning he is 48 (i.e. born in 1968). So between 3 - 6 years went where exactly, depending on either my timeline or their original one? That's a significant amount of time to just ignore.