Hi Girls and guys. I'm trying to be sentimental and put this last chapter on the 2-year anniversary of the story (it's like a day later). It's late and I should be going to sleep. I have to go to my internship early tomorrow, but I wanted to make sure I did this. I didn't really proof read. Hopefully, this doesn't suck.

~Kurenai Cakes

Inspirational Music: Ocean- Jacob Lee, I was made for loving you- Tori Kelly feat. Ed Sheeran, I'm not okay- My Chemical Romance

Beginning Quote of the Day: It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept. ~Bill Watterson

An Aside: How Fury met Carlisle

It was 1975 and something was killing hoard people in Oregon. Bodies drained of blood. The SHIELD and the World Council took interest because something similar happened in Germany and Egypt. It was peculiar and who did they send to investigate the bullshit…none other than Nicholas Fury. Turns out Carlisle was tracking whatever it was too for some reason that Nick didn't understand. They ran into each other. Nick found out that vampires were real and those motherfuckers sparkled under sunlight. He was ill-equipped for this indestructible, walking dead shit that was happening in his life. Carlisle (a fucking vegetarian vampire who was only invested because the vampire was killing a little too close to home at the time) helped Nick kill the rogue vampire.

When they parted each other's company, Nick owed Carlisle some favors. And they had a symbiotic relationship of sorts. The human kept his knowledge about the Carlisle Cullen, and by extension his family—and by extension's extension the knowledge of vampires—an out of the sights of the Council and the world. It was some shit that no a lot of people could fathom let alone handle. And when Nick called for help, something that rarely happened, Carlisle had promised to give any information and assist if he could.

And that's how Nickolas Fury, the previous head of SHIELD ended up being called into some melodrama between a werewolf (he'd found out about them on his own) and HYDRA's Ex- Winter Soldier and having to bring her to some dreary town in Washington State, where Carlisle had laid roots. Fucking symbiotic relationships.

Chapter 10: Tough Conversations, Denial and Getting Better

With James

New York: The Stark Tower (Immediately after Leah leaves)

He watches the Quinjet leave with a piece of his heart. Knowing that he won't be waking up next to her is something that he doesn't believe that he'll be able to get over any time soon.

That night, he lies in a bed in a guest room on Steve's floor. He stares at the ceiling, willing himself to sleep. It doesn't happen right away since she's not beside him. Eventually, though, his body gives into its exhaustion and he just succumbs to darkness.

They're walking down an alley near the apartment holding hands. She has a smile on her face and she's beautiful.

"I love you, Jamie."

"I love you too." He smiles back, feeling immense happiness.

He pulls away from beside her to stand in front of her. He leans down to give her a kiss and she leans up. The kiss is soft and loving. And when they pull away to breathe, he sees red staining her lips. She wasn't wearing lipstick.

Bringing his hand to his lips, he sees red staining his too. He doesn't feel any pain though. Her eyes widen and her body bows forward, back arching. He leans forward to catch her, a hand at her back only to find a knife protruding from it. Quickly he scans the area behind them to find the culprit. There are soulless blue eyes looking back at him; it's like he's looking in a mirror. Somehow, the world swirls and his perception shifts. He's behind her, a bloody knife in his hand. Instead of being in his arms, she is on the cold concrete on her back, eyes open and lifeless. His hand begins to shake when he realizes that he'd done this.

And he breaks.

"Leah."

"LEAH!"

When he comes too, Steve is standing above him. All James see is blue eyes—and they remind him so much of his cold eyes when he held the knife—he's terrified, so he swings catching the blond in the nose.

.

They're in the kitchen now. Steve has a bag of frozen peas on his nose; James insisted despite Steve's protest. "I'm sorry."

"No, it was my fault for trying to wake you up like that." The blond pauses for a second. "What did you dream about?"

"I don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry"

.

.

.

With Leah

Forks: At the Cullen Home (After She Lands)

Carlisle goes to talk to the Fury guy, while Seth and Jacob huddle around her and walk her straight into the acridly, sweet smelling house to a random room with medical equipment. They sit down on the bed that's there. About five minutes later, Carlisle walks in.

"Ms. Clearwater, I heard that you've had a nasty run in with some danger."

"yeah, I guess."

"Is it okay if I check some things out?"

She takes one look to her left and right where her brother and Alpha are both sitting, tense as if waiting for her to tell the vampire no and to fight her on it. "I guess, I have no choice with these two lugs around."

"No, I don't believe so. Gentlemen, please go into the hall way so that I can give your sister a checkup."

Jacob and Seth begrudgingly leave her to Carlisle's capable hands and medical expertise. Even though, she's healed, he goes through the motions. Checking her eyes and reflexes and all the rest of that bullshit.

"Why did you give me the money?" It's the question that she had meant to ask him when he first had sent her money when she called him to ask him to stop Jacob and Seth from coming after her.

"Why did you call me instead of Billy, your Mom or someone on the Council?"

She thinks for a moment. There were a lot of people she could've called. But she knows that they would've agreed that she needed to be home, that whatever was happening could be worked out surrounded by the family, the pack, the Rez. But Leah knew the truth. She would've been forced to come back home. She knew that Carlisle drifted, had heard stories of his travels when he was first turned. She had hoped that he would understand. Luckily, he did. "They're here more than they're on the Rez. And they respect you and I knew that you'd respect my privacy and my decision to stay away. Billy, my Mom and the Council they all would've ignored what I wanted because I'd run away from the family, the pack."

"I'm glad that you hold me in such high regard."

"It's just how it is." She shrugs then stays silent for a moment when he moves a stethoscope to her chest and has her breathe. When the cold metal is removed from her chest, she blurts, "Why did you give me the money?"

"You needed it" His golden eyes are looking straight into her eyes, something that her dad used to do when he tried to make her see reason. The intensity, the fatherly sincerity behind the gold eyes forces her to avert her eyes.

"That's not really answering my question."

"You reminded me of myself, of how I was when I first changed. I was listless, unhinged and depressed. I tried to kill myself, and I hoped that by helping you out in New York you could find some meaning in your life."

"I tried."

"I know."

"No, I mean, I tried to kill myself."

"I that too know."

"Jacob and Seth talk too much. I didn't want to be saved. Someone saved me."

"Yeah, they do. But to be fair, there was an empath and a telepath that were in their vicinities when they found out. Meeting my family saved me."

"Turns out he was running too and it came to bite us both in the ass."

"I'm sorry."

"No need…I'll pay you back. You wasted your money."

A cold, sugary sweet hand touches her chin, lifting it upwards. Her eyes meet his once again. "I'm over 500 years old and have more money than I actually need since I could honestly live naked in the forest and never mingle with society if I want. And, I really didn't waste it."

"You're a little funnier than I remember." She laughs at his little quip. "Yeah, you did. I never really found meaning. My wolf is back too." She wants to look away, but she can't. it feels so nice to have someone else to understand.

"You did; you're just hurt right now."

"How much do you know?"

"Your brother and Jake were very vocal about you having a boyfriend…This thing it was a start. We all have setbacks…Just say thank you."

"Whatever…Thank you."

He finishes her check-up.

.

.

.

A few days later

With James in New York

He'd had the same dream as he did before. He's had it multiple nights in a row. Instead of Steve standing over him when her awoke, the blond wisely called him from beside the bed. After breakfast, Stark barges in, saying that he'd sent a crew to check out Leah and James' apartment to check for bugs and that the apartment was ready for James to go in and see what of hers he could salvage. The alternative was having a cleanup crew do it for them. James, of course goes to their home. Steve followed him like a puppy, eyes filled with worry; James knows that the blond thinks that he'll break more than he has already. But Steve is an idiot because he promised her that he'd get better. That includes getting up every day and trying to move on with his life past HYDRA. That meant that he'd have to meet with Sam soon.

James goes through the clothes, throwing to the ones that have been completely shredded and putting the stuff that is still good in carboard boxes. When he asked about her car (they'd left in such a hurry during their run in with HYDRA that she'd left her keys hanging up on the key rack), which he knows was outside when they'd arrived and isn't in the complex's parking lot anymore, Steve says that Stark made it a pet project to fix it because the eccentric brunet had a problem with what he saw when he'd taken a look under th hood, that he was personally affront that such a classic car had such subpar maintenance. To be fair, though, she barely drove it because of the copious amount of traffic in the city.

A few days later and its been about a week since she left, Steve flies the Quinjet so that James can return the car and the clothes. Steve parks a little way away from where he found out her family lived, courtesy of Stark. James drives the car the rest of the way. He pulls into the reservation; it's the middle of the day, and he doesn't see anyone outside. Its good since he doesn't want to run the risk of running into Leah, who he feels deserves to be free of him and his drama.

He parks the car in the drive way, pausing to look at the box that he'd set in the seat next to him. On top is his favorite black hoody, something that he'd worn often around the apartment. It's selfish, but he wants her to have something to remember him by. He'd stolen one of her oversized T-Shirt of her for the same reason. After about fifteen minutes, the door to the house next to where Leah's is supposedly opens and an older woman with gray hair steps out.

He takes that as his que to leave. He takes the note that he'd written before leaving New York from his pocket and places it on the dashboard. With that, he gets up to leave and walk back to where he knows Steve is. During the walk, James' mind is working a mile a minute.

He remembers things. He remembers how she smiled at him; he remembers how warm it was to sleep next to her; he remembers everything. 'I miss her so much.'

Steve was waiting in the same place where he'd left him. "Buck—James you're crying."

He touches his face and pulls it away to see moisture on the tip of his metallic hand. 'I don't remember…I can't do this right now~'

Hastily wiping his eyes, he shakes his head at Steve and boards the jet.

With Leah at the Rez

It's been about a week since the 'Incident', what she named the near-death experience that destroyed what little threads that she and Jamie, no James, had weaved together, she, Jacob and Seth—the loveable idiots had decided that her getting out of the house and going to the Port was good for her— had just come from hanging out in town only to find her car, her Dad's old car in the drive way. It's filled with boxes, everything that she was forced to leave behind. There is a note on the on the dashboard that reads: "I know that having all of your things back was important to you. Tony Stark fixed your car. I couldn't save everything, but a lot of it is still useable. I'm sorry, so sorry about how my life came back to destroy the life that we built. I'm sorry, Leah. Please just don't forget our promise. If you ever need anything, just call me at XXX-XXX-XXXX~ Love, your Jamie."

Even though, she knows who sent it they ask the neighbor who just happens to be outside where the car came from. The woman is nosey and a tattletale. She says that a tall man with shoulder length hair came through driving it. He parked it and then walked away.

'He's so fucking considerate' She cries for two hours after that. When she's done Jacob and Seth help her take everything in her house and amongst everything there is a dark hoodie that Jamie was always wearing when they were together. It still smells like him. She takes a shower and puts it on to sleep in. With her wolf being back in her head in her, it's hot and uncomfortable but she manages. Her wolf never complains though.

She ignores the pain as she tries to get better. That includes going to therapy—turns out her Doctor's ex is a psychiatrist who lives and works in Seattle (it's a fucking drive to meet her once a week but Leah doesn't mind since she can take the time clear her mind on the drive); they didn't work out but he gave her rave reviews and recommended her to Leah—and talking.

A week later at the Clearwater House (It's been two weeks since the breakup)

One day she's sitting with Seth watching Star Wars. Her younger brother had decided that they would spend quality time together, which meant that that he had basically enacted suicide watch. He made her call him every 20 minutes when she drove to and from her appointments. There were suspiciously no super sharp knives in the kitchen and forks always came up missing. When he was on patrol, Jake, Quil or Embry took his place. She wants to yell that she promised Jamie that should would get better and that meant that she had to live, but she knows that he's doing it out of love so she just ignores how he or the guys hover when she eats makes sandwiches or uses a fork. This particular day though, halfway through the movie, her younger brother tilts his head to the side for a second before turning to her fully and sniffing the air.

Leah tenses, hoping that he wouldn't say anything. But he does, "Do you hear or smell that?"

Yeah, she had noticed that something was off with her two weeks ago when she had gotten her car back. She had had begun to hear the beating in her ears. Of course, her mind goes there, she and Jamie…they'd been no barriers between them ever.

"Probably has something to do with me getting my wolf back. Just ignore it." Is the only reply that she has; it's what she had told herself. There's no way that her life could've taken that turn. Hell, during the time she was without her wolf, her period didn't even come back. So that nipped the whole idea that shan't be named in the bud. It wasn't possible. 'It can't be possible.'

Her little brother stares for a second and doesn't say anything else. The beating in her ears doesn't stop; loving Jamie doesn't stop. Neither does the pain. But she ignores it. She tries to keep getting better.

She continues therapy with Dr. Andrews' ex-wife—the lady is as good as he says. And on the plus side, she kept his last name, so Leah could call her Dr. Andrews too. She gets a job at the diner in Forks.

.

.

.

Two weeks later (It's been about a month)

With James

The nightmare plagues him again. He wakes up in a haze with Steve nowhere to be found since he forbade the blond from trying to coax him out of his nightmare since it usually meant that Steve usually ended up with a bloody nose more often than not; her blood on his hands feels so real. He falls out of bed, stumbling to the bathroom. With shaking fingers, he turns on the hot water to rinse off his hands.

When the phantom feeling of her blood goes away, James pulls his hands from underneath the water and slides to the cold tile floor. reaching into his pocket for the phone that Steve gave him, James pulls up a random playlist that he'd made of the songs that she'd played him during their time together.

He presses play. "I was made for loving you…"

It's a song she played in the beginning. It was a song of love and finding a soulmate. It makes him cry. Steve eventually finds him a few hours later. "Rough night?"

"No more than its always been."

"You need to talk to Sam, James."

Steve is looming over him, and he doesn't like it. He gets defensive on instinct, "I do. I have."

"Not about this. You go to the sessions, but they're not helping like they were before. You're just going through the motions. Leah wouldn't want—"

"Shut up, Steve!"

Steve sighs and slides beside him on the floor, "No. She wouldn't want this for you. She'd want you to pull yourself together."

"I'm trying."

"I know, but you're not trying as hard as you were before."

" I don't remember much before HYDRA, my childhood, you. I'm not the man that I used to be, Bucky. I do know that with her, I wasn't the HYDRA weapon or Bucky, a man lost in time. I was James, Jamie." By the end of it, he's choked up and tears are burning his eyes.

"It's okay...it'll be okay James."

"Will it? How can you say that? You don't know me, Steve. I'm not the man I used to be."

"It's called having blind faith."

The answer is just so simple and James wishes that it was possible. There was no use arguing though, so he just says, "I miss her so much."

Steve knock his knee into James's. " I know buddy. Give it time. If it's meant to be...you'll find your way back to each other. What are you listening to?"

James plays a song called, "I'll be good " for him.

"I thought I saw the devil, this morning..."

With Leah

She's in a flower filled meadow. It's beautiful. The grass is soft underneath her fingers and toes. The Sun is shining. She smiles.

'You look so beautiful,' says a very familiar voice says. A hand touches her stomach, and she looks down. Her stomach is round and its extended…She's pregnant.

Turning towards where the voice and the hand are coming from, she sees Jamie. He's smiling at her, his eyes filled with love and awe.

'Our baby is going to be beautiful'

She's dreaming. She knows that she is. Having a child inside her and having Jamie so close after their breakup was all an illusion; it had to be.

But she enjoys it. Reaching down, she puts her hand on top of his.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees her wolf standing there. Its grey fur is blowing in the wind. They lock eyes and the sky darkens, and the feeling of his hand disappears. The extended stomach doesn't. Her wolf tilts its head back and howls.

.

.

Her wolf has been restless; she's been having the dream for a few days. It's fucking annoying because it's like an itch that she can't scratch. Instead, her wolf is clawing at her subconscious, trying to force her to acknowledge it.

She's in therapy when the subject of denial comes up, namely how she was dealing with coming back home and having another love falling apart.

"Sometimes we feel that denial is a good thing. It keeps the darkness at bay. It can help save you for a while but there is an old saying that says that 'Nothing stays buried forever."

"What am I supposed to do, Doc? Am I supposed to just accept that once again my life is imploding, that every time I dream of something better I fail and something blows up in my face."

"Leah, you must understand that not all relationships fall apart based because of one person. Relationships, all relationships, involve two or more people. We can't always control what happens to us. How are we supposed to control what happens? Denial gives an illusion of control. It's like a wall, something holding the truth back. But there are other ways that walls can be passed. The truth can climb the wall, break it down or go around. The truth always finds a way to come forward. It's best to let it be free so that you can learn to deal and accept it. It takes time, of course, but you must understand that you can't outrun the truth forever. Its unhealthy to try to do so."

Leah sits and processes the information, and for some reason the more she thinks about what the words mean, the more terrified/hopeful she gets. Thinking back to the dream, back to the morning when she'd puked up her guts—it wasn't the first time as it had happened pretty much every morning for the last week—Leah's hand finds its way to her stomach.

'I think I'm preg-' as soon as the thought flashes, she cuts if off by taking out her anger at the person in front of her. It's her usual MO.

"What am I supposed to do. How am I supposed to accept this? How am I supposed to face this truth and live with being alone again…He said he loved me? Like Sam did before him, and then I find out that were not meant to be in the worst way possible. How am I just supposed to accept and understand that the bullshit is happening again!"

"I can't tell you how to find acceptance. That is always up to you, but you must understand that the road to acceptance is something that is travelled over time. There is no quick fix to find it. You know that. You've been doing that; my ex-husband sent me your files and has told me so. Don't let a setback destroy all of the progress that you have made."

The truth bubbles up and she blurts out to Dr. Andrews, "I haven't seen my mom since I've moved back to the West Cost, and I think I may be pregnant."

"You need to find out. Unlike other truths, this one has a timeline."

After this particular therapy visit she drives to a random Walgreens and picks up about five tests and two gallons of water. On her way home from, Seattle, she guzzles the water. When she finally makes it home, she has to pee like nobodies' business and pushes past Sam who was waiting on her porch for her apparently. She makes it to the bathroom and pees on one test, then another until all five sticks have been used. She does so hoping that the beating will be proven once and for all to be a figment of her imagination. She's washing her hands when she hears the front door close. Sam's scent wafts through the house.

With a sigh, she leaves to tests on the sink and makes her way back to the front of the house where her ex is standing in the living room.

"Hi."

"Hey Sam. What are you doing here?"

"You've been back for a few weeks. No one outside of your pack has really seen you. I just want to make sure you are alright"

"I'm good."

"Did you have a good time in New York?

She considers lying to him, but emotion bubbles up. "Kinda-ish." Is the only thing she can croak out before her eyes are welling up with tears? "I got hopeful towards then end, only for everything to blow up in my face."

Sam pulls her close and hugs her. She lets him. There aren't a lot of options for hugs at the moment and she's in desperate need of one, so she leans into his touch, clutching on to him. He leads her to the couch where they separate. "What's his name?"

"Jamie"

"What happened"

"He's an international criminal who turned out to be a brainwashed POW from the fucking '40s. He grew up with Captain America for God's sake!"

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. I sure know how to pick them, huh. First, you and now him."

They sit in silence for a few seconds before he says, "This is awkward"

"Yeah, but it's what you always wanted. For me to be cordial with you. I'm doing it"

"You're only doing it because you were a wreck before I got here." He pauses for a beat. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know. The spirits had other plans. I get it; Emily is better for you. I suck."

"You don't. That doesn't make it right. It never was fair to any of us, especially you. That doesn't make what happened between us or between you and him okay. You deserve to be happy."

Like always, when she's around her ex, she starts spouting bullshit. But to be honest, this bullshit it what she's starting to believe. "Maybe, I'm destined to be alone. I don't know if that's possible. If everyone was happy, it wouldn't mean anything. Happiness would be just life. So maybe some of us are supposed to be unhappy. Maybe everyone in the packs are supposed to be happy except me."

"You can't believe that."

"I have to…maybe if I do, life won't hurt as bad if I just accept it."

They sit in silence for a few more minutes before it hits her that she is hugged up on the couch with her shirtless (when did the guys ever wear shirts anymore) ex-boyfriend who is now with her cousin/ ex-best friend. It's fucking awkward and honestly idiocy to take comfort in him when she's mourning another lost love. Leaning away from the warmth that he provided, she says "Alright, thank you for this. But this shit feels awkward and just plain wrong. Get out."

Instead of getting a smart retort, she gets a sigh of "yeah, alright"

He unwraps his arms and slides off the couch to stand facing her. "I'm sorry again about your Jamie. Give it some time, everything will work out and you'll find your way"

"Whatever, I don't need your philosophical advice"

He sighs again, hopefully resigned to his fate that their little moment is over. "Okay, okay. I'll go. But before I do, you should know that you smell different."

'I know,' she thinks with an attitude. 'I'm getting to the bottom of it now.' Her actual words don't reflect her thoughts though, when do they ever? "Ignore it. Shut up and get out."

With that smart-ass retort, he shakes his head and turns around while muttering quietly to himself in a volume that she couldn't hear. He walks to the door and just before he turns the knob to leave. With his back to her, she feels confident enough to say, "Thank you"

He nods his head in acknowledgement before he leaves. Once he is finally gone, she sits on the couch, heart pounding and sweat forming on her brow. She's terrified of getting back up to see what those tests say. She doesn't want to be pregnant because she was actually trying to let Jamie go, but at the same time she kind of did want it. She wanted to be a mom so bad, but she hoped and dreamed that a child could possibly come later. With her wolf, she'd never known it was a possibility. But for it to happen now by Jamie with her have her wolf back… It takes her about ten minutes before she gets up on shaky legs to walk to the rest room.

She picks all five of them up. She takes one look at them and her eyes fill with tears. The thudding wasn't her broken heart…it was the sound of her baby, their baby's heart beating. She falls to her knees with the pregnancy tests in her hand. Leave it to her to somehow get pregnant when she thought she was infertile because of her wolf, who was now back in her life, when the man that she loves is an ex-brainwashed assassin who is still technically an international fugitive who's wanted bey the good and bad guys. Of all the times for her dreams to come true…it has to be when her world, her love life was once again falling apart. Honestly, she was over this shit-show that was her life. To be honest, she can't handle this reality. She just can't.

'I can't deal with this right now. I can't. Just keep ignoring it' is what her mind says.

She takes the tests and trashes them all. She could feel tears running down her face, so she quickly wipes them away with a furious wipe of her hand. She'd push this to the back of her mind and decides to forget what her Dr. says. She decides that she'll continue to live in denial and focus on getting better. She's ignoring everyone's advice to do so, but that's okay. Getting better is the key.

She sits in her room with the music blaring and loud to try to cover the sound of the beating in her ears. The beating is still there, actually when she thinks about it, she realizes that the beating is now a louder, an unignorably loud thud.

"But you really need to listen to me. Because I'm telling you the truth….Well, I'm not okay. I'm not o-fucking-kay."

She's not okay.

.

.

One Month Later

With James

Life was difficult after the separation. Separation, like they'd been married or something. He'd wished that they were. She was the first thing that made sense since he'd left HYDRA. He doesn't have to follow orders. He could be organic and make all of his own choices and smile, laugh, live and love next to her. He loves her with all of his heart and knowing that she was terrified of his past when they parted company didn't hurt. Who'd want guns pointed at them every five minutes or want to look over their shoulder for the rest of whatever life was left. It was no life and he couldn't deny her wish for normal. He just wished that they could be normal together. He longed to be with her, craved the warmth that being with her for all of those months. And he hated their world… the world where they lived, loved and worked on getting better together was shattered because of him.

He has no purpose now besides fulfilling her last wish…keep getting better, which meant to keep going to therapy with Sam, to keep getting out of bed in the morning, to keep trying to atone for his sins as a brainwashed slave by providing the Avengers with any information that he could about HYDRA, to keep trying to get to know Steve and show him that the James standing in front of him was not the Bucky from WWII, though the latter was taking a while to do and he wasn't making much progress.

.

.

He is sitting on the couch in the living room on Steve's floor. Sam is sitting in the armchair. They're having a session.

"How have you been since Leah left?"

"I'm living."

"That's not really an answer, but I'll let that slide. You've been having nightmares. You rarely leave the floor."

"Steve is a tattletale. Besides there's nothing more to do. I'm still an international criminal, so it's not like I'm supposed to parade up and down the street in broad daylight. Steve said that they're working on it though."

"Fair enough. What do you do, then?"

"Listen to music."

"What type of songs?"

"When we were together, sometimes we wouldn't be able to talk to each other. Words were hard, so we'd just listen to music. Sometimes she'd know them and sing or hum to them. Her voice was so beautiful. And now that it's over…I love to listen to the songs that she played for me. They make me feel…" James trails off as he thinks about the music and the feeling that they give him.

"They make you feel what?"

"Nostalgic. Happy." James smiles. " I can play one for you."

Sam nods and James plays a song.

"Could you tell me what your nightmares are about?"

James tells him about the nightmare where he's the Winter Soldier and he kills the love of his life.

"You've been repressing the bad memories and your past again. Remember what I said. He's a part of you whether you want him to be or not. Loving her won't change that. You can't keep ignoring your past. That gives it power over you and cheapens everything you ever had with her."

"What are you saying Sam?"

"I'm saying that you can call her if you want."

James puts off calling her for a few days. The day he finally goes to call her, Steve come in and tell him that he's been cleared. Somehow in the celebration, James puts off calling Leah, knowing that by accepting the mantle and joining the Avengers goes against the life that she wanted.

'It's better if I stay away.'

With Leah

She's been pushing through life, despite ignoring a large part of it. She keeps going to therapy, dodges the questions about if she's taken a test or if she's seen a doctor, if she's talked to her mother (Leah had actually tried on that front, but every time she went to visit Sue was never at home), and works hard at the diner. She keeps shutting people out, ignoring invites to hang out with Seth, Jacob, Embry, and Quil; she avoids the Cullen household. The thudding in her ears never goes away. Her shirts and jeans get a little tighter, so she takes to sweatshirts and jogging pants; she wears Jamie's sweatshirt more often than not.

One day after work, she walks into the house where Jacob, Seth, Carlisle, Embry, Quil, and her mom sitting there. She'd smelled them before she got there, but her dumbass still went into house anyway. Talk about scary movie idiocy. She takes one look around the room of solemn, determined faces and promptly spins on her heel to leave. She has no time to want to sit through an intervention.

A hand on her shoulder stops her from leaving. "Leah," It's Seth, his voice watery like he's about to cry and she wilts. She lets him turn her around and lead her to the couch.

She can't face them, so she looks down at her lap where her hands are very interesting. "What do you want?"

"You're not going to find a way to tell him?" Jacob says as if it would change something.

"There's nothing to tell. I'm ignoring this for a while."

"Leah, you can't," Seth chimes in.

"Yes, I can. It's happening."

"No. It's not just you that it's happening to." Seth replies.

"So, you're saying that the only way that you'll deal is when the baby is popping out of you? That's some backwards thinking, honey." That's her mom, and hearing the woman speak to her after avoiding her for so long pisses her off.

"Honestly, Mom, why are you here? You haven't been here since I've been back. Every time I tried to see you at Charlie's he said you weren't there. I don't see why you're here now."

Her mom shrinks back, tears filling her eyes. Leah has the decency to feel a little bad. They sit in silence for a second before Embry speaks up. "You have to take care of yourself. It's not just about you know. It's your baby. You have to find a way to pull yourself together."

"You've dreamed about having a mini-me for ages. Here's your chance, dude" Quil adds with a smile.

"I'm making it. I've always just been making it. I've been eating good and drinking plenty of water. What do you want me to do? If I think about what's happening…I'll lose my mind. Isn't that worse? What do you want from me Embry? What do you guys want from me?"

Carlisle finally jumps in, "You need to know what vitamins you need. You need an ultrasound. You need to know whether you're going to keep the baby. Depending on how far along you are…there are op—"

"No" Leah finds herself growling at the idea of either option where her baby didn't end up with her.

He just smiles gently at her outburst. "Let's go to my house and do an ultrasound then."

She does. Turns out, she's a little over three months; the baby looks healthy. She cries on Seth shoulder for about an hour. When she's done, her brother drives her back home. All of the pack is crowded in her car. They're all idiots, her idiots. Her mom, who decided to stay back at the house, is on the porch when they arrive. The guys hesitantly walk in and she decided to sit down on the cold concrete of the porch with her mother.

Its silent for a while, and Leah decides to start the awkward conversation off by speaking first. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier."

"You shouldn't be. You we're right, Leah. I've been avoiding you."

"I'm not a very good daughter. I've been being difficult. I understand and I'm sorry."

"You were always a Daddy's girl."

Leah smiles ruefully, "He always understood me; he never judged either."

"And I don't. I never have, understood you, have I?" her mom says. "And I knew that I couldn't help you. I didn't help you when I called you when you first left. I can't help you now. I'm glad that you're seeing someone about these things."

"I'm pregnant, Mom"

"I know, honey."

"I have no idea why now or how it's possible. But I'm pregnant. I'm so happy and terrified."

"This baby is a miracle, Leah."

"I hope so"

"I'm sorry that I wasn't the mother that you needed." Sue has tears in her eyes. "Charlie was never a substitute for your dad."

Leah looks up at the sky. It's long past sunset now and the dark purple sky is alit with millions of stars. They're beautiful. Leah slides a little closer to her mom and grabs her hand. Their fingers are laced together.

Her mom's wide tear filled brown eyes find hers.

"Could we just start over?" Leah asks.

"Yeah, I'd love that."

"You're going to be a grandma."

"I know."

Leah slides a little closer and puts her head on her mom's shoulder. She pulls the ultrasound picture of her child out of the black hoody that she has on and shows it to her mom "Do you think I'll be a good mother?"

"I know you will be."

.

Three months later

She's about six months now. She still works and goes to therapy. She's yet to tell her Dr. that she's pregnant, but it's no secret. She's rounder, and waddles a bit. But outside of her family and Carlisle and by extension, the Cullens, she's yet to tell anyone else.

"Hello, Ms. Clearwater."

Leah doesn't greet her. Instead, Leah just says, "I'm pregnant and I can't ignore it anymore."

"Remember what I said a few months ago. Dealing with the truth is hard. Sometimes we can't control everything that's happening around us. We can only control how we react to it. Change is hard; denial is easy."

"Do you think he'll be upset with me?"

"You won't know until you call him."

"Okay."

She leaves the appointment, and when she makes it home, goes to call him. She never gets the chance. Breaking news hits. A portal opened in New York. The Avengers are called in. She watches the news. Jamie is out there fighting, and she's terrified for him.

The Avengers win and she's relieved. She doesn't call him, though. She cries guilty but feels that it's better that way. Jamie looked so happy, so alive when he was out there protecting people. That night, when she and the guys make a pile on the floor to sleep, she dreams that she is in the meadow with a baby swaddled in a white blanket pulled close to her chest.

.

Two and half months after that

Leah delivers a healthy baby boy. That makes it sounds simple. She was in labor for thirty-six hours. Her voice is hoarse and she names him Harrison James. She cries hard when Seth tells her that she just essentially named her son the same thing as Harry Potter.

.

.

.

Three years later

With James

There is something called Thanos coming. It has everyone spooked because he's behind every weird piece of alien bullshit that's been happening in the world. Its terrifying because shit was hitting the West Coast first. That's where she lived.

When Steve said that a portal opened there, James made sure that he was the first person on the Quinjet to go out there and fight. They made it to Washington, he split away from the team to find her. She sort of lived in the middle of nowhere, and there wasn't really anywhere for them to evacuate. So, the people apparently went to the woods to something called the Cullen house.

Out front were about twenty giant wolves. Instantly, he knows that they're like her. There were six super pale, yet oddly beautiful people standing out too, like statues. They all looked ready to pounce when he and the rest of the Avengers arrived.

"We're not here to fight you." Steve says only to be cut off by Iron Man's metallic voice.

"They know that idiot. You're Captain America. Where's the brooding brunet's hot ex?"

The door to the massive house opens and out runs a little boy with a head full of coal black hair. He has light caramel colored skin.

"Harrison James!" A voice screams as a woman with long black hair and bangs runs after him. Except she isn't just a random woman. It's Leah and she's a beautiful as she was when he saw her last.

She catches up with child before he makes it past the circle of protection that the wolves provide and

"It's Iron Man, mommy."

"I know, baby. But you can't just run outside whenever you want. You suck at babysitting Nessie!"

A teenaged girl brunette steps outside "He can be a little monster when he wants to be, Leah. You should know that since you're his mom"

The largest wolf, a russet brown wolf huffs and turns to nudge Leah's leg. She sticks her tongue out at it.

"Shut up, Nessie. You remind me of why we're enemies."

Harrison repeats excitedly, "Enemies!"

The rest of the wolves sort of huff in what seems like laughter. The statue people laugh too. When they stop, it's silent and James can't take his eyes off the kid. It's like looking at a miniature, more caramel version of himself only with brown eyes, her brown eyes.

And of course, Tony, "So are we just gonna ignore that her kid looks exactly like the Winter Soldier?"

"Monkey, will you with your uncle Jacob and Nessie? Esme and my mom made lunch. And with that, baby wolves, lunch time."

Harrison goes to protest before she looks at him pointedly and he stops quickly. She sets the little boy onto the large russet wolf. He, the young brunette and the 'baby wolves' all go into the house.

James, who's just been staring at her and his son, just stands there dumbly. She walks up to him, grabs his hand, and pulls him away from the onlookers. She drags him into the house, up the stairs and into a random room. They make it to the room and she lets his wrist go.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry that I found out that he existed or that you hid him from me?"

"The first one… the latter…Both? I'm so sorry Jamie." She says a little breathlessly before she opens her mouth, speaking a mile a minute. "I was a wreck after we broke up. I was all over the place. I was in denial and it took me so long to even accept that I was having a baby. I know that that's no excuse. And I'm sorry, so fucking sorry Jamie. I was gonna tell you and then the portal happened and you were saving the world. Then Harrison was here and I was so fucking happy. I've kept going to therapy and I was learning to get better and accept life. And you were so happy saving the world. Knowing about him would've made you feel obligated to him, to me. How could I have made you give up saving people. It was my burden to bare not yours."

"Our kid isn't a burden. And that was my choice to make."

"He's not. He's beautiful. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that! It doesn't change anything!" She flinches at his outburst, and he internally cringes. He steps closer to her and puts his hand on her face. "I've missed so much…God, I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too. Please don't hate me. I was so selfish and I was so stupid. Please don't hate me."

He wants to tell and scream. He wants to punch the wall, but he doesn't. How they left things before the kid was born, they would be been a train wreck together. And knowing how far they both have come since then, he can see it in her face and his own when he looks in the mirror, they're ready for what the world has to throw at them now. "I don't."

"I love you so much, Jamie."

"I love you too."

"When this is over, I'm staying here."

"What?"

"I'm better now. I've been going to therapy. The Soldier is hardly in my head anymore. And seeing you and my son together; I'm upset that we lost so much time and I don't want to lose anymore. I don't know how this end, but I want to spend my life with you and him. Or at least try."

"I'd like that."

"You do realize that you kind of named him after Harry Potter, right?"

"I was trying to be sentimental. Harrison for my dad and James for you. Shut up!"

He kisses her.

.

He goes into the fight ruthlessly. Surprisingly, they don't lose anyone.

The Avengers who stayed there, there had been portals all over the world that they had to separate and respond to, plan to head back to New York. He doesn't leave. He stays back with her and their son. They both keep going to therapy and they enjoy continually getting better together. They grow, they laugh, and they enjoy life with their son. Together.

Ending Quote of the Day: The battle of getting better is never ending. ~Antonio Brown

This is the end guys. Sorry I went kind of sappy and cliché, but it was sort of my plan for them to have a kid. But I also realize that the ending is very similar to something else I wrote, so I may do an alternate ending. Hopefully it didn't suck.

Let me know if the mistakes are too plentiful to bear. Let me know if I should rewrite.

Thank you for reading, following, favoriting, reviewing and coming on this emotional journey with me.

~Kurenai Cakes