Zo needs to join a psychological research study in order to pass his class and graduate, and he's not above using blackmail to find himself a partner. Whether said partner lets him survive to graduation is another matter.

PAIRING: Riario/Zo

WARNINGS: Modern AU, Fluff, Humor, Crack, Trope fic, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fake Dating Trope, Very slow build, No drama or anything deep. This was based on a Tumblr post that I can't link to here, I'm sorry.

Part 1/2

PAID RESEARCH OPPORTUNITY
Romantic Couples Study
You and your partner are eligible to participate if you:
Are in a committed, monogamous romantic relationship
Have been dating for at least six months
Are currently living together
Are both over the age of 18

Zo stared at the flyer his professor handed out. He'd seen them posted around campus the past few days as the spring semester began. Although the large, bolded PAID RESEARCH OPPORTUNITY first grabbed his attention, he'd quickly ignored the notice. While he could always use cash, he was not in a relationship, and frankly, none of his romantic liaisons had lasted anywhere near six months.

But now, his psych professor was complaining that his department could not find enough volunteers to fulfill a very important study that had already received funding.

"I am not bribing students to participate in my study," Dr. Al-Rahim said. "But I am saying that if any of you meet the study requirements and sign up now, I am sure it will be worth some kind of extra credit since you will be displaying initiative and demonstrating your keen interest in psychology. And since my reputation as a professor is well known, I can only tell you that it is also well deserved and will be reflected in your final grades."

Zo knew he needed the credits to graduate; he had no choice. He'd already tried to transfer into any other psych class that would meet his requirements, but they were all full. He knew Al-Rahim's reputation and knew he would need all the help he could get just to pass the class. Flipping through the syllabus and trying to calculate exactly how many papers he would have to write along with the weekly quizzes and major exams, not to mention the group oral presentation before the final, Zo knew he was fucked.

Before he could think twice, he raised his hand and put on his most winning smile. "Professor, yes, I'd be happy to volunteer."

Zo knew his best friends would help him. They would understand his dire need. They were always there for him.

Nico said, "No way."

Zo had figured Nico would be the easiest to convince, and he had sprung it on him over lunch. "What? Why?" Zo spluttered after the flat-out denial.

"I've heard about Dr. Al-Rahim, and I've heard stories about the psych studies. There's no way I'm getting involved in any of that. First off, he'd know we were lying. Second, a guy in my English lit class said his roommate's cousin's brother volunteered for a study once and ended up getting shock therapy. I don't want them messing with my brain!"

"Nico, Nico," Zo reached across the table and grabbed his wrist. "There are always horror stories about these kinds of things. But there are rules in place and laws and such." Zo was sure there must be, somewhere. If animal testing was frowned upon then surely students couldn't be used as guinea pigs either. "It's perfectly safe. And think of the cash. And my passing grade so I can finally graduate."

"It's not my fault you're a fifth-year senior just now taking some of the freshmen gen ed requirements."

"No, it's mine. And partly Leo's. But in order to prevent me being a sixth-year senior, can't you help me out? Come on, you know it would be fun," Zo tried to wheedle, but Nico was clearly having none of it.

"Even if it weren't a huge lie that could get me expelled, Dr. Al-Rahim scares me," Nico squirmed a little and pulled his wrist free. "I ran into him coming across the quad one day when I was running late to class, and I bumped his coffee over. His eyes," Nico shuddered and Zo swore it was authentic fear. "It was like he could see into my soul. He'll know right away that we're lying."

"Nico, my boy, have I ever let you down?"

"Yes."

Zo held up a hand. "I mean when it's important."

"Yes."

"I mean when—"

"Zo, I'm serious. I'm not playing at a fake relationship with you. And if you're smart and serious about graduating, you won't either. If you get caught, it'll be worse than failing one class." Nico sipped at his soda while Zo rubbed his beard in frustration. "And besides, who in their right mind would ever think that I would stoop so low as to date you?"

Zo should have known better than to try and trust the kid. When it came down to it, and the shit hit the fan, the only person he could always count on was his best friend, his best friend forever, Leo. And he was ready to lay that on nice and thick to press his point.

When Zo walked into their shared apartment, he knew he'd find Leo was in one of his two usual places. If Leo were home, he would be found working at his huge messy table strewn with everything from art supplies to computer guts or he would be in his room sucking face with his current paramour Lucrezia. Judging by the sounds coming from behind Leo's door, it was the second.

Zo fixed himself a snack and settled in front of the TV, cranking the volume high to drown out the noise. He had often wondered if Leo knew just how thin the walls of their apartment were, or if he didn't care that poor Zo always knew which cute boy he had brought home from the engineering department or whatever girl he'd picked up in an art class. Lucrezia had been a nude model; Zo knew she'd been around since the fall and whatever Leo saw in her, it appeared he was willing to make an exception and give monogamy a try.

Zo knew Leo would help him out, and it wouldn't even be as big a lie. They had lived together since the second semester of their freshmen year when they'd struck up a friendship and neither of their respective roommates had worked out. Leo understood him. Leo would go to hell and back for him because he knew Zo would always do the same for him.

"I'm sorry, man, but I just can't," Leo told him fifteen minutes later when he and Lucrezia had finally stumbled out of his room and Leo had collapsed onto the couch next to him.

"Why not?" Zo whined. "You know some of the shit I've done for you. You owe me."

"I totally do, Zo, and I swear I'll make it up to you. But right now is not good." Leo opened his arm and Lucrezia settled onto his lap with a giggle, giving him a drink of the water she'd gotten and following it with a kiss.

Zo almost gagged. "Leo, I'm telling you, this is a matter of life or death. My life as a college graduate or the death of all my dreams. I have got to pass this class, and the only way that's going to be possible is if I volunteer for this stupid-ass research project."

"Who's the prof?" Lucrezia asked, sharing one of the grapes she'd brought from the kitchen.

"Dr. Al-Rahim."

"Ooo, he's tough," Lucrezia said. "My sophomore roommate's sister's ex-boyfriend knew a guy who signed up for one of his studies and had to fight a monkey."

"What?! That's the most asinine thing I've ever heard," Zo rolled his eyes.

"I'm serious," Lucrezia's eyes grew round and she clung tighter to Leo. "They were doing some kind of test about human versus animal intelligence and the guy had to arm wrestle a monkey to qualify. I heard he lost and Al-Rahim failed him and he had to leave school, all because he couldn't beat a monkey."

Zo opened his mouth to make the obvious spank the monkey joke, but Lucrezia looked genuinely unnerved so he declined. It did make Leo look at him in concern. "Zo, buddy, I wish I could help you, but everyone knows that Lucrezia and I are dating. And I'm super-busy with my newest drone. If I can get the clearance, I think I can have it flight-worthy in less than a month. If I pull a lot of all-nighters."

"Oh, Leo, you work too hard," Lucrezia murmured and kissed him. Leo muttered something to her and kissed her harder.

Zo turned away from the display and sighed. Leo probably hadn't been the best choice anyway. He could and would get lost in his research and usually didn't even know what day it was. Realistically, Zo knew Leo could never sustain the lie because he'd forget halfway through and probably show up at the psych evaluations with Lucrezia instead of Zo and blow the whole deal.

Zo mused that it was a good thing he was so popular that his list of friends and loved ones was happy and extensive.

Vanessa held up her hand and forestalled him as soon as he entered the coffee house.

"I am not leaving Giuliano for you," she said firmly. "Besides, everyone all over campus knows we've been together since freshmen year."

"Vanessa," Zo turned on the biggest, saddest eyes he had in his arsenal. But Vanessa was made of sterner stuff.

"Zo, I wish you all the best in your sham relationship, but no one would believe that I dumped Giuliano six months ago to start dating you." Vanessa finished off his usual order and slid it across the counter. "And I'm pretty sure that it was Dr. Al-Rahim who caught us last week having a private moment in Giuliano's car in one of the campus parking lots. I've never had class with him, but the lot was right beside the psych building and, well, we couldn't wait."

"Would you consider welcoming me into a fake polyamorous relationship? Please? I really need this."

Vanessa shook her head. "It just wouldn't work out between us, Zo." She patted his hand when he slumped. "Look on the bright side. If you can't convince someone to lie with you, you won't have to take part in the experiment. I've heard some strange things about Dr. Al-Rahim. Giuliano said his one frat brother's sister's roommate's friend once volunteered for a study and—"

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard. She probably had to fight monkey," he said sarcastically.

"Actually, she had to finish a maze before a rat, and whoever won got a piece of cheese while the loser got shocked!"

"I am more and more terrified by this professor," Zo said. "If I didn't need this class to graduate, Vanessa, I wouldn't have taken it."

"I know. But maybe if you apply yourself, you could actually pass without the extra credit?"

They shared a long look and both burst out laughing. "Thanks, I needed that," Zo said, wiping his eyes when their laughs slowed down.

"You'll find a way, Zo. You always do."

Down, but not out, Zo started the next morning at the cafeteria where his stoner friend Amerigo worked. One look at him and even Zo's enthusiasm flagged and he couldn't bring himself to mention it.

It all came down to the last name in his mental Rolodex of possible acquaintances who might be persuaded to help him out. Even if the persuasion was more of the blackmailing kind.

Zo double-checked the off-campus address again. The apartment was actually a duplex of a very nice house in a residential neighborhood that didn't scream student housing. It belonged to Riario, the weird friend of Leo and cousin of Lucrezia, who showed up as the fifth wheel or seventh wheel when the friends went out as a group occasionally. If asked to describe him in detail, Zo would only be able to say that he was dark, quiet, intense and glowered at most of them, including his own cousin.

He rang the doorbell and waited, wondering if Riario would even know who he was. He heard footsteps stop and figured Riario was probably looking through the peephole so he put on his most ingratiating smile.

The door opened only as wide as the security chain would allow. "What do you want?" Riario's voice was as quiet and stern as he'd remembered.

"I've come to talk to you about a business opportunity," Zo said brightly.

"I am not interested in purchasing anything that fell off a truck and into your hands."

"What? No, it's not like that. I'm looking for someone to join me in a study."

"We're not in the same major."

"Not that kind of study." Zo breathed out and reached for more patience. "I need a partner for a research study. To pass my psych class, I had to sign up for a study. And I need you."

Riario was even quieter then said, "Ask one of your friends."

"I did. They all have excuses."

"So you turned to me? I can't say I'm touched." Riario tried to slam door in his face.

Zo gritted his teeth against the pain in his foot where he'd shoved his boot in the open door. "If you don't help me, I'll tell Lucrezia."

Riario stopped idly bouncing the door against Zo's foot. "Tell Lucrezia what?"

"I know what happened after the Halloween party."

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." Riario's voice was ice, but Zo figured he might as well push his luck as he always did.

"I'm sure you do. You and Leo didn't hear me come in that night. I didn't get lucky but you sure did."

Riario froze as well as his voice. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know that Leo went to a costume party with your cousin, but he brought you home, and the two of you did all kinds of things that had both of you screaming—long and loud—most of the night. And I saw your walk of shame out of his room. So, unless you want your cousin to know that you two shared her boyfriend, I suggest you join me in this study."

Riario's eyes narrowed, and Zo figured he was probably calculating whether it was easier to kill Zo and hide the body or give in or call Zo's bluff. Only Zo wasn't bluffing. He would tell Lucrezia if he had to. He loved Leo like a brother, but he didn't think Lucrezia was necessarily the best choice for him. Zo might feel bad momentarily because it would hurt Lucrezia, but word had it she'd been seeing Giuliano's brother off and on for years so he had a bad feeling her infatuation with Leo had an expiration date anyway.

Riario was still silent so Zo tried some persuasion. "Just come in and go through the vetting process with me," he said. "If we're not accepted, you can go free and I'll keep your dirty little secret." He wasn't about to say how desperate the psych department was so they were virtually guaranteed a place in the study.

"But what if we are accepted?"

Zo shrugged. "Then we have to act like we're a couple who's been in love and co-habitating for six months."

"How are you going to explain that no one has seen us together in six months of dating?"

"We're going to say that we're private. That you were ashamed of me and didn't want to move in together and make it public until you were sure. Which you were. Last fall. And we're madly, deeply in love now and willing to shout it to the world for the sake of the psychology department."

Riario's eyes narrowed and Zo just knew he'd already worked out at least five ways to murder him and get away with it.

"So, either you agree to be my live-in boyfriend until I get my extra credit for the class, or I tell your cousin that you hooked up with the love of her life. And you might still be doing it for all I know." Zo tried to free his foot from the door because Riario's look got exponentially more dangerous.

"If I agree to this nonsense, you will not breathe a word about that slip of my good judgment. Ever."

"Never," Zo promised, fingers crossed behind his back. "I'll even split the cash from the study with you. Not that you'll need it. This place looks pretty sweet. When can I move in?"

Riario took a deep breath and Zo pulled his foot free. But Riario only took another steadying breath and opened his eyes to stare at Zo. "You can move in only after we have gone through the preliminary testing. If we are officially accepted into the study, then and only then, will we discuss living arrangements."

"Great. I'll email you the details when I get our appointment. And I'll email you our backstory, how we got together, that kind of thing."

Riario looked askance but rattled off his email address, and Zo waved as he left before Riario slammed the door. He had some creative writing to get to and he thought he could at least sucker Nico into coming up with a properly romantic story for him and the bastard.

They were obviously going to need some work.

Zo found out that Al-Rahim's reputation as a hardass was definitely deserved when he got back his first assignment marked with a big red F. It only soothed him a little when the professor announced that no one had gotten over a C, and they were all doomed to failure.

When Al-Rahim's eyes cut to him, Zo would have sworn the man knew exactly what he was thinking at that moment.

Al-Rahim stopped him after class with the news that Zo and his partner were to meet in the testing lab of the psychology department the next afternoon. Zo gave him his most charming smile, the one Leo had said made him look the least dishonest, but Al-Rahim did not seem impressed.

Zo emailed Riario and only got back an "OK." It was exactly the same response he'd gotten to the other emails he'd sent the man. Zo had been particularly proud of the relationship details he and Nico had thought up and written as sappy as a lurid romance novel, detailing their meet-cute, their first date, first kiss and first sex. Zo had really pulled out the stops with that one, sending Nico away to bed claiming he was too young to read the filth. Then he'd gotten drunk and typed out some details of their first supposed hook-up.

And he'd still only gotten back an "OK."

It made him a little disappointed that Riario was being so passive. Based on what he'd heard from Leo's room on Halloween, Riario had it in him to be very passionate. Zo cut short his ponderings on what it would take to bring that kind of response out of him.

He paced in front of the psych lab ten minutes before the appointment time. He knew Riario would be early, and he was, but he slowed when he saw Zo. Zo took the opportunity to really size him up.

Zo tended to rate everyone he met, no matter how casually, on a scale of Fuck Yeah to Fuck No. He had placed Riario firmly in the Fuck Yeah I'd Do You Right Now category based on his looks alone, but after five minutes of sullen and scowling silence, he'd downgraded him a little. Riario just didn't have the personality to keep Zo interested. He was too tight-laced, too buttoned-up, too haughty. Just the way he was looking down his nose at Zo right now—metaphorically—put him firmly into Zo's Eh I'd Fuck Them If I Had Nothing Better To Do category.

"Did you memorize the stuff I sent you?"

"Are they really going to question where you took me for dinner on our one-month anniversary?" Riario sighed.

"They might. I have no idea where this is going, but I thought I'd better cover all our bases."

"Yes, you explained all about the bases in your email and when we scored them all."

Zo brightened. "So you did read the notes."

"Can we just please get this over with?" Riario opened the door and held it for him.

As Zo brushed past him, Zo whispered, "What is your first name anyway?"

"This endeavor is not doomed to failure in any way," Riario said, sarcasm dripping so heavily Zo was surprised it didn't coat the floor. "Just remember: if I become embroiled in your scheme and am punished by the school, I will make your life a living hell."