A.N. – I wasn't going to continue this. However I watched the episode again (Thank you youtube) and the look of anger on Athos' face when he talks to Marsac is what inspired this chapter. True Athos' hatred could have stemmed from the fact that Marsac deserted the regiment; however I wanted a more personal angle for it. Masterful acting from the cast btw. Even the supporting cast. I don't think I have loved a series more than this one in a long time…

"He left you alone in the cold and the snow to die", the words were so softly spoken that it would not have been a surprise if the man who it was addressed to did not hear them. "When we found you", Athos continued in the same tone, "You were almost dead. For a moment Porthos and I, we feared you dead". The older Musketeer stopped to regain his composure. But before he could go on another voice picked up the tale.

"Wen we brought you back you were unconscious. We were told we were wastin' our time. That you'd never get better. And you know what the worst part was", here Porthos stopped as well and Aramis finally raised his eyes from the desk he had been staring at, however he still didn't say a word or acknowledge them. For a moment Porthos just stared at him before continuing. "The doctor tol' us it was the damned cold and the head wound allowed to feste' untreated. That you'd 'ave been ok if that man", he almost bit the word off, "had warmed you up, had taken care o' you instead of runnin' away", the big man finished closing his eyes as if to ward off the memories.

"For days Porthos and I stayed by your side, hoping, praying almost, that the doctors were wrong".

Despite himself a chuckle escaped Aramis. "You prayed", he asked Athos his eyebrows raised. Athos felt the almost unbearable tension in him dissipate just a little at this positive sign from his old friend. He smiled slightly and was rewarded with a more genuine one in return. "When you woke, the first words out of you were about Marsac", Athos resumed turning away from the other man and staring at a spot on the wall, lost in the memories. "And when you heard what happened…" he trailed off here not having to recount what Aramis had said

"I know. I remember. I refused to believe you when you told me he had deserted me", Aramis responded looking at his leader and friend. "Did I ever apologise for that?" he wondered drawing a weary smile from the older man.

It had been two days since Marsac had died. Two days since any of them had seen Aramis. Now Athos had never been accused of being a hypocrite and he of all people knew that sometimes one needed solitude to work through issues of the heart and mind, however two days of self imposed seclusion from the normally outgoing man had been all he had been able to handle and he knew he had to find him and make whatever was wrong between them right before he lost one of his oldest friends forever.

And now here they were at Aramis' lodgings doing, he acknowledged to himself what he should have done two days ago. Talk to his friend, explain his actions, apologise. And hopefully the other man would forgive him. For the alternative did not bear thinking about.

Aramis finally stood and walked towards the others, coming to a stop right in front of Athos. "I never blamed you for not being his friend", he began only to be stopped when Athos looked up at him with such coldness in his eyes. "Friend", he interrupted almost seething. "I hated him. He left you and I hated him", he stated in a whisper literally shaking with unrestrained anger.

Aramis was startled. As a man Athos was almost impassive in most situations, rarely given to displays of emotion. Aramis had not had much occasion to see him give vent to the anger and pain that must surely exist inside him evidenced by the amount of drinking he did to try and forget whatever it was in his past.

For a moment nobody said anything and the tension in the room rose back. Athos and Aramis just stared each other in the eye, one man seething with rage, the other feeling both surprise and gratitude at the same time. In the end gratitude won out and Aramis felt tears well up in his eyes. Not only was Athos not given to fits of anger, he wasn't prone to displays of affection either. Aramis had never had any reason to doubt that Athos cared about him, loved him like a brother even, no matter that he had never voiced it, but it was still nice to see it in evidence once in a while. Still saying nothing he just grasped the other man's forearm tightly before nodding once and letting go.

"Aramis we are genuinely sorry he's dead mate", Porthos continued once more. "I know you cared about him an' he shoulda neve'", Porthos stopped again before clearing his throat and continuing in a slightly rough voice, "It shoulda neve' been you who had to pull the trigger",

At this Aramis started. He could see it clearly as if it had happened moments ago instead of days ago. The look of disbelief on Marsac's face when he had defended Treville's actions. Then the look of resignation, realising that the one man he had hoped would understand had betrayed him. And maybe, just maybe he was seeing it only now or maybe it was just wishful thinking but Porthos' words seemed to have brought to the forefront of his mind the actions of his old friend. Marsac had shot at the desk. He had never meant to kill anyone. He had missed – on purpose - while Aramis' own aim had been true. Marsac had missed both times on purpose while Aramis…

He shuddered, trying to take a deep breath, trying to bring his emotions back on an even keel but no matter how much effort he expended, he could neither stop his body from shaking, nor the tears from falling. Marsac was dead. He was dead and Aramis had killed him. The sudden realisation caused Aramis' legs to buckle and he would have fallen if Athos' strong hands had not grasped his arm in a bruising grip. Athos was holding him up much like he had held Marsac up for a moment, just for a moment before he had fallen. Never to get up again.

"He was a Musketeer", he stated shaking the lapels of Athos' doublet which he seemed to have grasped though he had no memory of doing so. "He was a Musketeer", he repeated, "and he died a Musketeer. He died a Musketeer…" he repeated before giving way to the tears and crying openly, allowing himself to mourn his friend.

Athos gently guided the younger man to the ground and almost gathered him on his lap. For a few moments the only sound in the room were Aramis' painful sobs and Athos whispering words of nonsense to try and bring some comfort to the grieving man. When the tears subsided, Aramis stayed for a moment in his friend's embrace, before gently pulling away. "I'm sorry", he stated and before the others could protest or ask for an explanation he held up a hand. Slowly pulling himself to his feet he walked over to a table in the room, poured himself a glass of ale and downed it in one go.

"I…" he trailed off then began once more glad his friends hadn't interrupted him. "I hold no blame against either of you for walking away, for you were right to do so".

"No we were not", despite telling himself that he would respect Aramis' wishes and not interrupt him Athos hadn't been able to help himself. He heard Aramis' words but the younger man's eyes told an entirely different story. His friends walking away had hurt. When he wanted to continue however Aramis shook his head stopping with a very small smile. "You were right to walk away", he stated, "You were right to ask me to consider my actions before I went down the path of no return, however at that time I was too blinded by anger and grief to see it".

"You had every right to be angry. You watched your comrades die in front of your eyes", Athos stated flatly.

"Athos please", Aramis interrupted once more tone slightly exasperated, the fond smile on his lips reflected in his eyes and Athos felt himself relax again.

Aramis took a deep breath before continuing this time including both Athos and Porthos in his gaze. "The moment I heard that man say Treville's name, a part of me never stopped doubting him, even if I did not want to. Believe me I have the utmost regard and respect for our captain but our orders did go into enemy hands, we were betrayed, and despite the fact that I never wanted to believe it a part of me always knew he had done it". He seemed to be mostly holding Porthos' eyes now willing the bigger man to understand his reasoning.

Porthos sighed before he walked towards Aramis and grasped his shoulder in a gesture of understanding. "I…" Aramis trailed off again looking down before he met his friend's eyes again. "I know you both now know the truth. And no matter how much I may not like", he closed his eyes pulling away from his friend. "No matter how much…. He had no choice. He had his orders. And so do we. We're all soldiers my friends and we all do things we do not like. So did the captain. I hold nothing against him either". He finished.

For a moment nobody spoke as Athos and Porthos silently exchanged glances before the older man nodded and spoke, "In my eyes Marsac was a deserter", he began ignoring the look of reproach from Porthos or the hurt in Aramis' eyes though that was hard. He knew if they had to move on from this he had to be honest and this needed to be said. "I will say it again. He left you alone in the cold and snow to die", he continued holding up a hand to stem both his friends' protests. "So yes a part of me will always hate him and I will not apologise for that. But he also saved your life. And hopefully his quest for the truth will bring you some form of acceptance if not peace. But you Aramis, you are our brother and friend. My brother", he almost whispered. "And I apologise for not watching your back when I should have. For letting you fight this battle alone. I promise you on my honour that I will never deliberately walk away from you again".

Once again Aramis felt tears well up in his eyes. Athos had in making this speech hit the nail on the head. For this was what had hurt the worst. He could even accept the fact that Treville had betrayed their position. He was a soldier and soldiers followed orders. What he hadn't expected was his brothers' walking away. For a moment the only emotion he felt was anger. He was so angry he wanted to rail against the two of them. Shake them both and ask why. Why had they left him alone when he had needed them to stand by him. Needed them the most. Looking up he almost yelled at them to walk away now as well, to leave him alone now as they had earlier, but Athos' eyes stopped him. The older man was looking at him with so much anguish, so much pain Aramis realised he truly regretted what happened and blamed himself. And Aramis was unwilling to add more guilt on the shoulders of a man who had already absorbed so much of it like a sponge.

His anger deflating Aramis once more turned towards his friends with understanding in his eyes. "It hurt", he stated simply, not needing to expand, knowing they knew what he was talking about. "No one however is infallible and we all make mistakes. And I forgive you. Both of you", he finished gently.

Nothing else needed to be said.