Title: Schisms
Author: Singing Violin (Pearl on Ephemeral/Gossamer)
Rating: G/K
Category: X-Files VHRA
Summary: What could possibly cause these two to break up? A series of short stories explaining the reported status of Mulder and Scully's relationship upon the revival miniseries.
Disclaimer: The X-Files characters and universe are not mine.
Archiving: Anywhere, as long as you let me know. I put stuff on AO3, ffnet, and Ephemeral/Gossamer.

Chapter 1: Mojo

"God, Melvin, I wish you were really here."

Sitting on the desk, hands folded, Frohike chuckled.

"You look like hell, Mulder," he said. "What's wrong?"

The former FBI agent shook his head. "Scully's finally come to her senses and abandoned me."

Frohike raised an eyebrow. "Now I wish I were really here too... I mean, if she's available."

"Hey, cool it, ghostie boy," Mulder responded, popping a sunflower seed into his mouth. "After all, you don't want to be a rebound."

"Doesn't matter," the ex-gunman reminded him. "I'm not really here, remember? Anyway, what happened?"

Mulder sighed and put his head in his hands for a moment. "I called her bluff. Only she wasn't bluffing."

"Go on," Frohike prompted.

"She told me it was her or the beard," he explained, looking back up, relieved to see the continued presence of the apparition. "I refused to shave."

"Geez, Mulder. You've done a lot of boneheaded things, but that's just...and that beard does look awful on you," he pointed out. "Why not just shave it?"

He sighed. "It's a mojo thing. Sports-related. Red Sox refused to shave their beards all season."

"But you're not a Red Sox fan," Frohike pointed out. "You root for the enemy." All of a sudden, the smaller man was wearing a Yankees cap.

"I know," said Mulder, "but I am from Massachusetts, and they did win the World Series with that shtick."

Melvin nodded knowingly. "Now I get it. You thought you'd employ the same mechanism to get what you want. Only you didn't get it."

"I still could," Mulder replied. "I'm waiting."

"But in the meantime, you've lost Scully."

Mulder spat out a sunflower shell. "Yep."

"She's stubborn," Frohike reminded him, "and isn't likely to back down of her own volition. But if I know you two, she'll be back the moment you need her. Though just to be safe, maybe you ought to marquisotte."

"I can't do that," the taller man replied, his voice almost breaking.

"What can possibly be that important, dude?" Frohike asked him.

Mulder chuckled and shook his head, popping another sunflower seed into his mouth. "Wouldn't you like to know."

Realization dawned on Melvin's face. "Please don't tell me this is a test of her loyalty or something. Or worse, to prove to yourself that you're not her whipping boy. A little act of rebellion that could get you in a whole lot of trouble, brother. My advice: just let her have what she wants."

"If only it were that simple," the former G-man mumbled contemplatively.

"Things can be as simple as you want them to be," Frohike said distantly.

"Easy for a dead man to say," Mulder called after the apparition as it faded.

With that, he stroked his beard. "Maybe it's time to say goodbye."

Frohike reappeared for a moment. "To her, or to that...thing on your face?"

Mulder glared at him. "Shut up, Frohike."