Written for a Hopscotch challenge by wannabewyler with 2 dialogue prompts "Heavenly goodness" and "Look at his little tootsies!"

Word count: 1,681

Minerva was very stiff and cold. Life as a tabby cat, contrary to popular belief, is not all cream and mice brought to you complete with silver platter and loads of cushions. No, cats have a very hard life.

"Believe it or not, Albus," Minerva lectured, "cats are not any more comfortable than us humans."

Albus looked at Minerva with his twinkling blue eyes peeking out over his half-moon glasses.

Minerva glared back in response as she took a cuppa and added several sugar cubes to make up for the disastrous day.

"I don't think there's anything funny, Albus," she reprimanded lightly.

Albus, being a gentleman, had the grace to blush. "Right, my dear," he replied, gently patting her knee.

Minerva had the odd sensation that Albus was treating her like a twelve-year old again.

"So, as I was reporting, the Muggles you have chosen are absolutely dreadful. Are you *SURE* you want poor little baby Harry going to live with them? They are gross and - just UNBELIEVABLE!" Minerva's lioness pride came out in strong colours as she slammed her teacup on the marble table. Getting up, she paced the room anxiously. "And, you wouldn't understand, Albus, but they have a toddler. A terror of a baby. He's all big and fat now. Just wait until he gets older!"

Albus smiled at Fawkes, his phoenix companion, and at Hagrid, the other occupant in the room. Minerva had half forgotten about Hagrid until now, when he coughed lightly. Which means, for a half-giant, he rocked the room.

Jumping, Minerva exclaimed, "Heavenly goodness, Hagrid, are you alright? You don't have a cold or an infection, do you? Shall we take you to Madam Pomfrey?"

Hagrid blushed at the sudden attention. "Erm, no, thank ye, Professor. I'm alright. Jus' a bit o' coughin' 's all. Don't ye worry 'bout me, now." Clearly touched, he completely forgot what he was going to say about the Hideously Obtuse Muggles that were the present topic of the meeting.

Albus cleared his throat. "Ahem, Minerva, I understand your concerns. But, well, there is no way around it. For the Fidelius Charm to work, he must stay there. It is the same as when a former student stayed at an orphanage. As unfortunate as the place was, it was for his own protection. As I told Armando then, I tell you now. It is imperative that this boy has a safe place to go."

Minerva snorted, throwing her head back with a laugh. "'Safe place?' Albus, since when have abusive guardians ever been considered 'safe'? Please, I'd say even Hagrid is more capable of taking care of a wizarding baby than that Muggle couple. You don't understand human nature. Petunia has always resented her sister Lily for being the favourite. Who's to say she won't take it out on Harry? And besides, he needs the Magical world. Even if you don't want to admit it, he's bound to return here sooner or later. You know, ten years isn't a lot of time," Minerva reminded him kindly.

Albus sighed and rubbed his temples. "Minerva, it's the principal of the thing."

Hagrid sipped his tea as daintily as a half-giant could. He had no intention of getting on Minerva's bad side (could she hold a grudge!), but he also didn't want to interfere. Dumbledore's plan was going right on schedule, and Hagrid had the nagging sensation that sometimes, he burst to conclusions Dumbledore didn't want him to have. He was simply to stay here and put in his two sickles about Sirius Black's motorcycle when the time was right. Or not.

Finally, after another half hour of bickering, Minerva's lips set into a thin line.

"Fine, Albus, I shall go watch the house on the day of delivery. But, I warn you, this is going to be the start of a struggle. Mark my words." With a flap of robes, the tabby cat reappeared and scampered away.

Albus sighed and waited until Fawkes landed on his shoulder.

"What have I done, Fawkes?" He stroked his beard, attempting to look like a prim scholar, but really coming off as an arrogant bastard who knew he had achieved victory.

Hagrid stood up, reminding Albus he was still there. Oh damn! Albus thought, I almost forgot Rubeus! Grinning, Albus had the grace to look - well, like nothing out of the ordinary had occurred, damnable man.

"Right, Rubeus. Very good. Thank you for being here as a representative of the Order. I know it's broken up (or breaking up), but this is not the end. Mark my words," he mimicked Minerva good-naturedly. "Now, if you would be so kind, I believe dear Minerva, bless her soul, will not want to see my mug, as the young kids say, today. Please take this letter to her?"

Hagrid took the letter, oblivious to Albus' jokes and quirks. "Righ' ye are, Professor Dumbledore, sir. If there's nothin' else?"

Albus waved his hand imperially.

"Very well, sir. Good day," Hagrid did his best attempt at a half-bow and walked, or rather, stomped, out of the office.

Albus shook his head. Rubeus was a good man. He could trust him, albeit the motorcycle belonging to Black was questionable. Hopefully, Rubeus would have the sense to use magic to enlarge it. Of course, Albus knew about Hagrid's wand. Why else would Hagrid still be allowed to stay on near the Forbidden Forest? Albus had a chuckle at the expense of Cornelius Fudge and all the other Ministry officials who had inspected Hagrid's case and his cottage. No one had bothered to check a rather conspicuous pink umbrella. That was thanks to yours truly. Albus gave a slight nod of the head as his mental fantasies continued.

Minerva set out the next day very early in the morning. She Apparated to London. Exiting from the Leaky Cauldron, she studied her maps. Finding her way, she finally arrived in Surrey, a county right outside of London city proper. Finding a deserted park, Minerva checked her bearings and turned into her Animagus form. Running primly down the various streets, alleyways and across several gardens, the tabby came at last to Privet Drive.

Number 4 was a sturdy-looking brick house. Large and spacious, it had a very nice driveway in front and a suitable garden in the back. She spied Petunia Dursley in the kitchen with her odious son, Drumley, or Dudley - some absurd name like that. Had Minerva been human, she would have laughed. As it was, she was lucky no one had seen her yet.

Setting the map down with her mouth, Minerva studied the various ways Hagrid might come by to meet them there later that night. It was possible that there were several ways as Godric's Hollow was quite far away from where Minerva currently perched herself. Following the map, Minerva found her way to Scotland and pinpointed exactly where Hogwarts should be. On this Muggle map, it was just a vast forest designated as a private land area. Minerva sighed and found it highly irritating how little imagination some Muggles have.

Around noontime, Minerva felt drowsy. Putting the map down, she stretched and tried to look like a normal cat. As her normal expression was not suited to cat features, she succeeded in her goal. However, her eyes gave her away as they fought against sleep.

Through the open window, she heard Petunia cooing over her little son.

"Oh, how is Dudders? Is Dudders hungry? Here comes the airplane!" Petunia cooed inane babble to her son.

"NO!" Dudley screamed, throwing his food against the wall. When he ran out of food, he took his socks off and threw them at the wall as well. There, they stuck to the food. One of the socks started to slide down the wall.

Petunia stood next to him, shaking her head in excitement.

"Oh, Dudley! You've said your first word! 'NO!' How exciting! We'll have to tell Daddy later tonight when he gets home!" Petunia pet her baby affectionately as if it was some pet.

Minerva turned her head in disgust, her cat body visibly vibrating in distaste. Trying to still her movements, she licked her fur, an action she normally detested but thought necessary in this case. While it was true that Arabella Figg knew about her, you never knew who else was looking in this gossip-ridden town.

An hour later, Petunia Dursley was still struggling to wash and dress her son.

Minerva's consciousness of time decreased as the afternoon wore on. Sometime between four and six Vernon Dursley returned home. She was unaware of his arrival until a loud car rumbled down the street. Looking up from her perusal of an ABC railroad map, she caught sight of the pig-like man whose purple face she loathed more than the sight of greasy hair. Staring in disgust, she watched amused as the man braked, checked his rear-view mirror, frowned, and slowly continued driving.

Chuckling to herself, Minerva continued her perusal of the map until she was sure Vernon was inside Number 4. Luckily, (or not), the window was still open, so Minerva could hear what went on.

Petunia was explaining Dudley's first word, as Dudley himself was showing his father how well he could put on his socks. Which really meant, he had no socks on and instead had thrown them against the wall.

"Look at his little tootsies!" Vernon cooed, patting Dudley's little baby feet. "I'm proud of my Dudders! Your first word was 'No!' Mummy says. There you go, Dudley, that's my boy!" Smiling a grin that would scare most babies, Vernon sat his large body down at the table and opened the daily newspaper.

And with such nonsense, Petunia got dinner ready and Minerva's sensitive ears were saved when Petunia closed up the house.